Prayers For The Stolen

What I'm about to write about is a touchy subject and not for those that would rather not think about what could happen to a child.  With that said I apologize if I trigger memories of anyone's prior abuse as a child.

Children are a blessing so I've been told but what happens when a child is born to a parent that would rather not have that child just because of their gender?  Oh I'm sure some would love to have a little girl, I know I would, but what if having that little girl meant that she would have a life of hardship?  A life where she might get raped?

Where I grew up girls were treated much like boys unless you had parents that decided one gender was better than the other just because it has genitals that are on the outside of the body.  At times I grew up wishing I were a boy just to please my parents.  Later when I was an adult I often wished I were a boy just because fewer boys get raped.

As a young girl I would dress in jeans and t-shirts just like my brother did and more often than not they were his hand-me-downs.  Why would I wear a dress to swing from a pine tree only to have it ruined by pine sap?  I wouldn't so I didn't care how I dressed when I went out to play with the boys in the neighborhood.

For me I didn't have to worry about making myself ugly as I was usually covered in dirt and smelled like one of the boys.  I was protected enough until I went to school and had to wash up and don a dress.  It was then that I became vulnerable to those that prey on children.

I was just four years old the first time I was molested.  Yes, I was wearing a dress.  No I didn't tell my parents for fear of being hurt by the much older teenage boys who attacked me.

The second incident was just three years later when I was seven years old.  I was playing outside with my brother and a babysitter's son.  I was dressed as a boy and we were throwing dirt and rocks in our little war.  I got hit in the chest.  At age seven I was already developing breasts.  The older boy told me to remove my shirt of which I didn't think anything of and he began to feel me up.  I was mortified.  I was upset.  Again I didn't tell my parents.  Later, many months later, the molestation culminated in me being forced to perform oral sex on the boy that had felt me up.

It didn't matter in the book and it sure as heck didn't matter in my real life how I dressed.  If someone wants to take something from you and is determined to do it at all costs it doesn't matter how it is dressed up.

This post was inspired by the novel Prayers for the Stolen by Jennifer Clement.  Ladydi was grew up in rural Mexico, where being a girl is a dangerous thing.She and other girls were “made ugly” to keep protect them from drug traffickers and criminal groups. Join From Left to Write on February 18 we discuss Prayers for the Stolen. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Milk and Cookies

Today I'm making a normal sized batch of oatmeal raisin cookies for J to take to work tomorrow to share with the other soldiers.

I broke down and decided to take a 16 week bump shot today.  Honestly there is just nothing to see because I had lost weight and finally gained only 0.6 lbs back.  However that roll of fat I used to have in front is no longer fat but a nice hard abdomen from the occupant.

Look away if you don't want to see the photo.

Even with putting my hand below the bump I have no real bump.  I blame the inherited wide hips I got from my mom.

But yes, I have plans tonight of cutting the tags off the maternity clothes.  First washing them and seeing how much they shrink before hemming the pants of course as I've made the mistake of hemming a garment first then washing it and well it was horrible.

Last night, the milk part of the title, J and I went to a breast feeding class.  I found that I do have one of the suggested manual pumps on my registry but I also added in the electric ones they suggested.  For those of you with experience with pumping what do you recommend?

Now for the real milk and cookies.  I have a recipe to share with the ladies that want to improve their milk production.  This is a recipe that a gal created to help with her lactation.

Lactation Cookies

makes 5 dozen.  suggested 4 cookies per day

1 cup butter

1 cup sugar

1 cup brown sugar

4 TBSP water

2 TBSP flaxseed meal (no substitutions)

2 large eggs

1 tsp. vanilla

2 cups flour

1 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. salt

3 cups thick cut oats

1 cup chocolate chips

2 TBSP brewers yeast (no substitutions)

Preheat oven to 375

Mix 2 TBSP of flaxseed meal and water, set aside 3-5 minutes.

Cream together butter and sugar.

Add eggs.

Stir flaxseed mix into butter mix and add vanilla.

Beat until well blended.

Sift: dry ingredients, except oats and chocolate chips.

Add butter mix to dry ingredients.

Stir in the oats and then the chocolate chips.

Drop on parchment paper on baking sheet.

Bake 8-12 minutes.

Try substituting white chocolate chips

May add 3/4 cup unsweetened coconut

I threatened to make these today for the soldiers where J works and he dared me.  Alas I'd rather not want to feel responsible for odd things happening to the guys.

16 week OB Appointment

No ultrasound was done today so no fear of me posting photos.

24 hour urine test was done to establish a baseline due to my blood pressure problem.  Test came back within normal limits.

Thyroid test was normal so the 75 mcg I'm on will continue to stay the same dose.  Next thyroid test is in two weeks when I see the OB again.

OB looked over my chart before seeing me.  He noticed that the ovarian cyst is to be watched but wasn't too concerned today.  No ultrasound was warranted.

I'm 16 weeks 2 day today according to the last period on 20 Oct.   New estimated due date the doctor put on the chart was 27 July.  Why the change from 30 July?

My fundal height is measuring 18 cm.   Maybe that is why there is a change in EDD?

Heart beat was 150

Blood pressure was 140/70

I have finally gained 0.6 pounds!  Doctor is pleased with my diet and told me to continue to eat a high protein diet.  He agreed with the 11-15 weight gain only.

Next OB appointment is scheduled for 2 weeks out.  Why so soon?  Well I am moving hopefully soon and the fact that I'm a complicated obstetrical patient.  They want to make sure the rise in bp from last time isn't indicative of placental issues since I am measuring ahead in fundal height.

Just feels weird to have my uterus at the naval already.  I now have no choice while sitting at the computer but to unbutton the top button on my jeans.  I guess I'll have to cut the tags off the maternity clothes this week, hem the dress pants and wash all the clothing.  I was hoping to put it off until 20 weeks but BH (baby hiccup) has other plans.

Bit of a Scare

Well this is pelvic news so if you don't want to read it I advise you to click away from the page now.

Some of you will recall that I have a 9 cm cyst on my left ovary.  I'm also pregnant.

I've been having a lot of cramping the last four days and I thought it was most likely just the uterus growing as I reached 16 weeks yesterday.

Well last night the pain was horrible.  It felt like I had a steel rod rammed up my bum and out through my pelvis on the left side.  I'm guessing the cyst is crabby.

This morning I passed some bloody tissue and had a minor amount of pink spotting.  Yes I freaked out a bit.  But I gave myself a pep talk because I wasn't gushing blood.

Tomorrow is my scheduled OB check up of which I will ask if they can ultrasound the pelvis to check on the status of the ovarian cyst.  Hoping they comply with my request.

I'll let all of you know how it goes after the appointment.

Homecoming

J came home yesterday.  So good to see him.  He didn't make me jump when I heard his voice behind me as I kind of felt his presence in the room.  I was restrained and dignified in my homecoming welcome to him with a brief kiss on the lips then it was back to work for me.

Work?  Three other spouses and I were busy at the food tables making sure the homecoming soldiers had hot food and coffee.  Most of us arrived at or before 0800 hrs to set up the food and drinks.  The first buses arrived around 0900 hrs and the one my husband was on arrived at 1000 hrs.

I believe that we did a wonderful job in welcoming home the nearly 200 soldiers to our unit.  We stayed quite busy plating danish and burritos, adding in chili to the crockpots and making fresh coffee.

The only draw back was that a few spouses with their passel of children decided to eat the food meant for the soldiers.  They heard that we were having food for the soldier's only but it didn't stop them.  It wasn't a family picnic!  I guess what was truly annoying is that they would make up plates of food for their kids and then the kids wouldn't eat it.  They only wanted the sweets!  Then the rude spouses wouldn't even trash their own plates or the plates of their children so I had to ask nicely if they were done and I'd take the plates the 20 feet to the garbage can for them.  It takes only a few spouses to ruin an event and give us all a bad name.  I put these few women in the bon bon dependapotamous category.  The ones that civilians often think most of us belong to but the majority of us aren't like them.

So yes the soldiers were kept for a long period of time even after weapons turn in for their debriefing and to check the hand receipts again.  I think we were all released by 1430 hrs.  Not really bad because we had plenty of time to clean up our tables.

My food contribution wasn't the initial 24 dozen cookies that I had thought to make as some spouses volunteered to make some and just drop them off.  I went with 8 dozen chocolate mint chip cookies instead.  As it was Thursday the soldiers were also wondering if I would have made cookies and were actually looking for them.  Since I had put my last name on the box the cookies went fast!  Thinking I'll make oatmeal raisin ones next week.

I did have to take a quick break to sit when I had a bad dizzy spell.  Luckily one of the spouse that was also helping out was there for me to latch on to when I felt like I was going to collapse.  It wasn't because of my sugar because I had brought with me and eaten two of my 10 gram protein bars.  I had also made sure I kept my 24 ounce water bottle latched to my belt loop as to remind myself to drink fluids often.  I think it was just because the uterus was having another growth spurt.

So quick update on the ute...I think it might be growing too fast.  It is less than an inch from my navel right now.  But I will be 16 weeks on Sunday and I have an anteverted uterus so maybe it is normal?  Any one have a clue?  I'm still wearing my normal clothes and wished I had a belt for my pants yesterday with all the squatting I did.

J took me out to burger king for a whopper yesterday.  I splurged and still didn't gain weight.  No I didn't eat but about 5 fries, I find them too salty.  I did however really splurge on a small chocolate shake. I paid for it later with a gas attack from the shake and the onions on the burger.  Oh man did my stomach swell!

When we got home from his work place yesterday I go in the house first and call to Bugsy.  The cat took his lazy time coming to the utility room area.  That is until J called him, then the cat ran to him and rubbed his legs all over.  J picked him up and the cat put one paw on either side of J's neck and hugged him while rubbing his face into J's.  True Love!!!  I think I actually saw a tear well up in J's eyes.  He thought for sure the cat wouldn't remember him.

Sleeping with J and Bugsy last night was rather interesting.  Bugsy had taken over J's pillow a few weeks back and decided that he might be willing to share it with J or might not if he couldn't have 3/4 of it.  J conceded, since he loves that cat, and rolled to his side to give Bugsy most of the pillow.

Pregnant Women Annoy Me

Yeah I know I'm pregnant but seriously pregnant women annoy the crap out of me.

1) if you are an infertile be nice and don't change your fb photo to the ultrasound photo.  I mean would you want to see an ultrasound still photo of say a hernia?  Remember you were once in the trenches too and posting those photos as your avatar will hurt others that are still trying.

2)  Don't go telling me what to eat because I'm fluffy in physique and then go stuff your pregnant face with junk food!  That is just mean especially after telling me every bite counts.

3)  Don't make every blog post about your baby's progress.  We all know you are pregnant because you made the big announcement already.  We know you still have a brain and have a life until the baby is born so what else have you been doing besides staring at your pelvic region?

4)  Just because you are pregnant it doesn't give you the right to park in handicapped parking unless you are in possession of a legal handicap tag prescribe to you by your doctor and certified by the state.

5)  If you made promises to friends you need to keep them or call them up and let them know you can't keep them.  I find it annoying to be sitting there all day waiting.

6)  Pregnancy is a temporary condition so the friends you have pissed off aren't necessarily going to forgive you for taking advantage of their good graces.  You aren't dying you are pregnant.  In the event that your pregnancy does kill you we will mourn your death of course.

7)  Bragging about your pregnancy isn't going to win you any favors and instead it might just get you the shit end of the stick from an infertile.  It is the same as bragging about all the money you have in the bank; someone is going to get pissed that you have something they want.

8) Other than in a blog meant to spill your guts we don't want to hear about your every gas attack, vomiting issue, leaking from orifices, and the fact you can't go poo.  Ladies it is TMI when in public!

9) You aren't the only female to ever get pregnant!

10) The world doesn't stop and listen every time you speak.  Not everyone wants to go to your shower.  Just like when you got married not everyone wanted to be there either.


I did write this because I don't want to become one of those annoying women and I'm afraid I'm already headed down that path.  Now that I've made my list of ten things I don't want done to me I hope that I remember to not do them to others during the duration of my pregnancy.

If you have anything you'd like to add to my list of "annoying things pregnant women do" please put it in the comments below.

15 weeks

I feel blah!  Maybe because I'm so tired?

Or possibly because I'm so darn bored with being alone.  I just have to remind myself not much longer until he gets home.

On the cookie front:  several other ladies have volunteered to make cookies at their respective homes so I won't have to make 24 dozen!  YAY!  I can get away with making my normal 5 dozen.

Not sure but I think I see the slightest of bumps starting to form.  I know that when I'm horizontal on the bed I can feel a huge lump where the baby is located...off to my right hip.  I wonder if the baby is situating itself to the right hip area because of the 9 cm cyst thingy on the left ovary area?  Any clue?

I think I've lost a few brain cells this week.  I cracked open a book I got as a gift for my last birthday, Fifty Shades of Grey, and well it just isn't quality reading.  After three days I'm still not to page 200.  First day I got to page 128 but now it is so trite that I'm tempted to just put it down.  I swear it is like Twilight but with sex and lots of it minus the vampires and wolves of course.  But the whole innocent female falling for the dangerous male and willingly is just so yucky!  My MIL said she read the first one then had to read all three to find out what happened to their relationship.  Since I'm the type that gets sucked into a series I can see it happening to me too.  UGH!

Still the same weight as last week.  No gain, no loss.  I'm hoping that by the third trimester I'll actually have a bump and maybe a few pounds gained.  But I'm not to worry because I am eating healthy.  Speaking of which I need to go make some lunch here soon.  Mostly I'll make an egg salad sandwich.