It Has Been A Long Time

 It has been a few years since I last posted.  I guess an update is over due to say the least.

I've been in residence to our home, yes we bought a home, for upwards of six years.  While I'm still not an official resident of the state in which my home ownership is at least my spouse is currently.  Next year when my drivers' license expires I will change my state of residence.

My daughter has finally reached the age of twelve years. She has been acting the part of a teenage since she was eight.  The attitude from this one is strong.  If I'm not being told to not touch her with affection in public she is snarling at me in private or comically flipping me the bird.  One day dear child your time will come, with any luck, and you too shall be a parent with a child that shows you as much disdain.

I could go into the facts of how much of a mess she leaves her bedroom and bathroom.  Being an only child does comes with privileges.  But it also comes with responsibilities too.  I mean come on now the stench emanating from those two rooms can be unbearable.  Pick up the wet towels already will you.  Child you have a dirty clothes hamper so please use it daily.

My daughter has learned over the years to cook.  Cook and bake.  However, I think that she has forgotten how to clean up after herself.  The counters are left sticky along with most of the handles on the doors in the kitchen.  When I need to use the kitchen it is with a lot of mumbling about how I am the only one that knows how to put a dish in the dishwasher or load it properly.  I do keep a tub in one of the sinks for dishes that need to be soaked.  Hey we all make messes.  She isn't the only one that seems to have forgotten how to clean.  My husband is neglecting that responsibility too.  I'm going to hire a maid. I will but I'm embarrassed on the clutter from those two. 

Don't we all have the same twenty-four hours in a day?  Aren't we all told that if we make a mess we are the ones that need to clean it up.  I figure that if I can do it so can they.

As for my health and reasoning....

I was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver last year. I have about five more good years left, if I take care of just myself, before I will probably need a liver transplant. Could things go south really quickly?  Heck yes.  I had two, separate,  multi day stays in the hospital just last month.  I was diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension and a kidney stone.  Once one organ begins to fail it is only a matter of time before the others get pissed off I am learning. I think they are just jealous that my liver was getting all of the attention.

So it seems like I am complaining a lot in this blog post.  So I am.  But at least my complaints are valid.  I love my child and husband and want them not to live in poor conditions when they are quite capable of taking care of the house without me.  I am complaining about my poor health but with good reason.  I have other issues with my declining health that are related to multiple organ early stage failure.  I am doing the best that I can with what I have to work with.  Being a termagant is par for the course.  I believe it falls under the hepatic encephalopathy.  I take medicine for that as well.  I have had to give up driving for the time being.  Learning to be co-dependent sucks.  I always loved being able to go where and when I wanted within reason.  Now I have to wait.  I seem to only leave the house for doctors' appointments.  Trust me when I say that gets old quick.

Paradise it is NOT

Yesterday I found out I have PNEUMONIA,

I have had 2 broken bones.

Developed a severe dust mite allergy that I had the choice of weekly shots or sublingual tablet for treatment.

Am now on an Auto-PAP device since I can't breathe when sleeping.

Plus I've been told to not go outside because this place is too dusty.


SO what have I been doing?

I went to the beach yesterday after the dx of pneumonia.

Previous weekend I went to the Carnival and went on the biggest baddest ride I could find that flipped me upside down at about 100 feet in the air.  It was AWESOME.  I road in a MONSTER TRUCK.

I got my first TATTOO.

I've gotten Daith Piercings.

I plan on doing:

SKY DIVING
Zip lining
Shark Cage Diving    JUST WAITING ON LUNGS TO HEAL.

Tattoo on my right butt cheek.

I can moon the CNAs when I get old!!!!

MUHAHAHAHA!

Happy Thanksgiving

Island Life is good.  No complaints right now.  Husband is home for now.  The three of us just enjoy a nice meatloaf together.  Our dd does not like the "traditional" turkey dinner.

Speaking of E.  She can write her full first name.  She can read words like Oktoberfest and Mango.  Daddy is teaching her phonics.  Something of which I was never taught in school.

She is enjoying pre-K.  We did have a problem with bullying earlier this month.  We had to have one of her classmates removed from her class.  The boy kept hitting her in the face for no reason.  Three times in one month was overboard considering only one report was filed by the school.  Total neglect on their part.  We went to her school and by the second visit we climb their chain of command and had him removed from her environment.  The very first incident our daughter neglected to tell us about who hit her until the second occurrence.  Mind you I was livid that the school only saw one of these.  Three adults for 10 students?  Come on now.  What were they hiding?

Mother-in-law is coming for Christmas followed shortly thereafter by her friend for a long visit.  I'm looking forward to this visit.  I just hope that my husband can stand his month and that I don't have to stick my nose in again like I did last year.  Sure any parent that visits can drive their adult children nuts after a while but I hate being the bad guy.  He really needs to stand up for himself.  One of my friends caught him last year and he admitted to her that he was making me the bad guy in the situation with his mother.  I really hate.  I'm already sure she sees me as pushy enough but ugh really just tell her that you need a line and like duh I'm sure she is waiting to hear that her little boy has grown up!  What the heck is he afraid of?

My uncle is in the hospital with a broken hip.  Poor guy fell and broke it while trying to fill gas tanks of his snow blower and lawn mower before the snow hit.  Hopefully he'll be back home again soon.  Maybe before Christmas.

I guess I'll close this post for now.  I'm laundry load number two of six.  It might be a holiday but the laundry doesn't know that.  It still needs to be done.

Sending Warm Thoughts and Rainbows from Oahu.

New Tactic

Okay so some of what I tried on my daughter last month worked and some of it didn't.

Taking away television did work.

Time out on toys did work.

Smacking her butt when she hit me did work.

But she is continuing with her bad behavior when over tired.

She is still having troubles sleeping.  The melatonin did not work.

When over tired she acts out so bad that I have to put her into the approved hold where her back is to my belly and wrap my arms and legs around her.  She head buts me.  I took a head butt to the chin yesterday.  That hurt.

While trying to get her into pull ups for a naps she kicked me in the throat.  She was angry.  I had given her the option of wearing her pull ups for the nap or rubber pants over cotton training pants.  She wanted regular cotton panties.  I told her that wasn't an option.  She got violent.  She had a bar bottom and I didn't want her wetting the bed.  No nap.  She stayed up.  I had several hours before I got my voice back fully from the kick to my throat.

Last night I again tried the new tactic and this morning.  She is slowly getting the idea that she will be given only 2 options.  Like this morning for breakfast.  I gave her the options of waffles or cheerios.  She said she wanted french toast.  I said no that it wasn't an option.  She got upset.  I then told her she would have no breakfast if she didn't pick one of the two options.

I'm trying to be fair with her since she is so strong willed.  I really don't want to spank my child.  But I don't like being her punching bag either.  The smack I do occasionally give her is not bad.  It hurts her pride more than anything.

I told my mother about the kick to the throat I got and my mother said it is time to bring out the belt.  I had her on speaker.  My daughter didn't like hearing that while I was cooking her bacon and eggs that she had requested for dinner.  Mind you I can't eat bacon or eggs.

I'm trying the best that I can dear readers.

Toddler Tyranny

At wit's end I called in a life line.  My friend arrived.  She helped me control my toddler tyrant.  This time I'd had it with E.  After a week straight bout of her temper tantrums I just couldn't take a moment more.

So I cracked.  Yes. My friend brought over a bottle of wine and I cracked it open.  We tuned in the set to a channel E would detest and chatted it up over not one but two bottles of wine while discussing hair coloring and styles.

E still fought her bed time.  She fought the ritual of brushing and flossing.  She fought with door slamming, fake tears, screams and throwing things.  We won out.  She eventually did what she should and went to bed.

So the second month of the deployment hits the mid mark.  DH left me with his spoiled rotten princess to deal with.  The baby I once longed for, the child I would have died for, the one I thought about giving up for adopting at least once this past week when she drove me nuts.

I couldn't take one more kick to my chest, one more head butt to the face, one more bitting, or punch from her.

So the smacks to her butt didn't work.

The smack to her mouth didn't work when she bit me.

The soap in her mouth worked when she said, "Fuck you" to me when I said I wasn't going to get down on my knees to help with her puzzle after my knee popped out of socket.  I haven't heard a dirty word from her mouth since.  I say Farge not Fuck.

She is highly materialistic like her daddy.  So taking away toys after the count down worked.  If she behaves she gets a toy back.  However, her room is quite bare right now.  She has managed to earn two of her toys back.  She didn't lose the toys from the closet.

My child has way too much stuff.  She is spoiled rotten.  I refuse to raise a brat.  She is going to learn and learn now to not be an entitled, selfish person.  If this means I have to take things away from her, smack her butt, her mouth if needed (it is never a hard smack so don't even try to say I'm abusing her), and soap for her filthy mouth she is going to get it.  It worked on the children of my generation and we were the last generation to actually appreciate what we had.

We Americans have been coddling our children way too much.  If we continue to spoil them they won't want to work in those dirty jobs that actually pay well.  They won't give our generation respect like we gave our parents.  They won't do anything but continue to be a burden on society with their continued demands.

I'm going to raise a proper young lady not a brat!

While It Lasts...

Just a simple little post about the things I'm trying to cherish in my life.

While It Lasts...

• the genuine hugs from my daughter before she becomes the TEENAGER
• the giggles E has over the little things we often over look
• couple time, though there isn't much of it still, before a deployment
• the cool breezes here in Hawaii during the Winter season
• the newness of finding that "spot" you haven't traveled to yet on the Island
• enjoying a new craft before you find out the hard way it isn't for you after all
• the beautiful sunsets on the North Shore...oh my are they a sight to behold
• time with family before they get on your nerves...lol
• the favorite flavor bite of ice cream or savory snack you sneak into your gaping maw when your child isn't looking or begging your for a bite of it....I'm sure some of you know what I mean.  I did it to my parents with the big doe eyes of innocence too.
• sneaking into your child's room while they are sleeping to watch them sleep just because you can
• hearing my cat call me "maw-maw".  He just started to call me that this past week.  It is so heart warming.

Today it is Screaming and Crying

Grandma, Uncle and Girlfriend are all here visiting for the next week.  Grandma has been here since mid January.  Today Little E had had enough when the three of them wanted to go some place and she wasn't invited.

Yesterday Uncle and his girlfriend arrived on island.  Now that they are here Little E is now second fiddle and she detests it.  She was the spoiled one for a few weeks with Grandma.  She had all of Grandma's attention.  Of course the way in which Grandma told her know was not so nice either.  Heck even I would have had hurt feelings.  Come on now we all know there was room in the rental car for the car seat even Little E knows that.

They went to the BEACH.  You can't do that to a little kid.  NO not the BEACH.  That is the one place a 3.5 year old loves the most on an island.

So when it started to rain, and it came down hard I told Little E that it served them right to not take you.

See what happens when you piss off a little kid in Oahu!  Hopefully they don't piss of Pele next.  I'd rather not have a volcano erupt!

January in Hawaii

Island life is hard.  While the other people grew up with in my home town are freezing their butts off I'm here on the island of Oahu enjoying the rainy season.  It doesn't rain every day.  As a matter of fact we only had a light rain yesterday morning.

Currently I have my husband's family staying with us so we are trying to take a bit of a holiday around his daily work schedule.  This isn't easy with the Government pulling their shut down, now we are open but Let's schedule another shut down for February again; all while the family is here mind you.

We did visit the Dole plantation and watch the sunset on the North Shore yesterday.  All photos were taken on someone else's phone.  Sorry.

However, I do have one from the luau we went to two days before Christmas that I can share with you.

 I broke my L-4 vertebrae  in a fall from a step ladder.  I was about 4 feet up in the air on a 6 foot ladder hanging the Christmas lights when a gust of wind caught the ladder.  Down I landed.  I now wear a back brace until the surgeon tells me otherwise.  No surgery yet.  I hope to not have any on my spine.  I'll know more in a few days when the surgeon looks at the results of the MRI he requested.

Hard to believe that my little E will be starting Pre-K this year.  She'll be 4 in July.  She loves playing basketball, and with her Barbies too.  Her vocabulary is quite complicated and surprising.  There are days I never know what is going to come out of her mouth.  A week ago she used ridiculous in a compound sentence and it made complete sense.  Where did my baby go?  She doesn't like to be called a baby either.  Yikes!

As for that false alarm with the missile....Well I grew up next to a SAC base.  So ya know what?  It is not like I had much time back then to get anywhere before a missile would strike either.  Oh and the bomb shelters here on Oahu are not open.  They are considering re-opening them now that we are entering a new Cold War.  Okay You Think That Might Be A Good Idea?  

18 days and COUNTING

Other than the car falling apart slowly I think the rest is coming together quite nicely which scares the crap out of me.

So I'm thinking that something is going to go wrong.  I mean this is the military and there is Murphy's Law.

We booked the hotel in Hawaii.
We booked the plane tickets and upgraded out-of-pocket to first class....I mean why not?

We still need to book a rental car until our suv arrives.

The packing and moving crew arrives on the 21st and I'll be moving the unessential personnel to the hotel that day here on post.  Example: me, the cat and Eily.  This way we are out of the way and can go swimming with less stress.  Let Daddy handle the packers for a change.

I've taken a photo inventory of all of the items in the house to update what we had before.  But I'll take a few more photos again soon.

I've purchased a few Tuff Boxes for the more important odd sized items that we want to pack ourselves.

Fingers crossed all will go well.

Yes Bugsy is booked for the vet and the plane ride.  He is going with us to Hawai'i.

Counting Down to Graduation

Graduation is in just a few days.  There is just too many things that have to be done and not enough human adult force around the house to get them all done.

Before graduation is clearing.  This is stressful enough on my spouse with me adding in the reminders of, "hey remember that project you promised to help me finish before you MOM SHOWS UP?".  Well up that doesn't help one bit.

Plus add in one very active toddler.  Today this toddler, Eilonwy, wanted to learn to cook on the stovetop.  I caught my husband indulging her.  I said, "NO!".    I gave them both a fig newton calmed down her crying because I took her away from the frying pan.  I told him not until she is tall enough to reach the dials on the stove on her own without a chair.   Never leave the father alone with the child when it comes to cooking unless he knows what he is doing around a stove.  DH has told me he doesn't have common sense and this time he proved it.

I'm having some bad Fibromyalgia flare ups.  I'll fall asleep, while DH is home, for several hours while only hoping to take a 30 minute cat nap.  This doesn't ruin me for sleep at night as I'm still exhausted and need the sleep too.  I cannot fight the fatigue.  What is driving me nuts is that I'm loosing my precious computer time to continue the writing I had started earlier in the month.  I started a short novel.  It was going somewhere this time.  I plan on actually finishing one of my stories.

This week I accomplished cutting, and sewing the hem on a new pair of DH's dress blue pants.  They wouldn't have been ready in time for his graduation.  He forgot I knew how to sew.  I was aghast.  I've been sewing since I was 4 years old.  I made my first dress at age 8.  I know I told him that.  My mother was so proud of me.  I earned a badge in scouts for it too.

I finished the table I was making for outside for DH.  It was made using tanagram pieces.  Some of which had to be cut smaller.  All had to be glued in place.  Next step was using the spray exterior sealer so that it would be waterproof.  Good thing too.  We had a nasty rainstorm last night.  With the glass top that went over it last night none of the water that did get under the glass did any damage.

Yesterday DH and I worked on adding a piano hinge to the antique hope chest that I have.  It was my Grandmother's old hope chest that was created from the top half of an upright piano.  The last move did major damage to the lid.  I was able to straighten the hinges, glue the cracks, fix the deranged lock, and have DH help me add the strut support hinge.  Next  step is DH is going to build the tray with the legs so that the hope chest sits in the tray.  It will work as a proper coffee table.  It won't stop the movers from breaking it I'm sure.

Today I still have to dye my hair.  I'm waiting for DH to take our daughter Eilonwy with him to the hardware store.  Free time for mommy.

Life and Death

We lost a family member last week.

DH's family lost a family member.  His father died.  It was quite sudden.  DH had to fly home.  We waited for the Red Cross message to come in so that we could put in the paper work and book a flight home.  Okay so I booked the flight and his superiors did the paperwork for his release.  DH didn't have to do much but just pack up thankfully.

Due to storms his 7 hour flight took 22 hours to reach its destination.  That really was horrible.  His mother hired a car and driver to pick him up at the new location where the flight path went as the original one was no longer an option.

Three days later he was back home.

We celebrated my birthday this week.  My daughter designed my cake.  I might like chocolate but not as much as she does.  Thankfully DH stepped in and said we needed a white cake or else I'm sure she would have ordered a chocolate one too.

My daughter can now bake brownies from scratch.  We baked them from a recipe, a favorite of mine, the night DH had to fly out.  I handed her all the ingredients with the exception of the eggs.  She got the carton of eggs out of the fridge herself, cracked the two eggs, and put the egg carton back in the fridge.  She stirred the entire contents of the bowl and poured it into the greased pan.  All I had to do was set the oven and put the pan in to bake.  Not bad for a three year old.

I think most Americans baby their kids way too much and under estimate their abilities.  My daughter is a bit of a free spirit I guess and learns the same way.  She is smart I'll admit that but I'm sure if more parents paid as much attention to their children as I do to mine then they would have children just as bright.  Mind you...learning disabled is different and I'm not saying that more attention to your child would change that a bit.

Coming Down on Orders

It is that time again.  We are going to be moving. 

I know it feels like we just moved last year.  Um, we did.  We DID!

DH is about to graduate near the top of his class.

We no longer have to worry about this job being Class VII ultra sneaky sensitive ninja secret either.

That is a big relief.

The cat is now on his 120 day in house quarantine.  He had his FAVN test and we are waiting on those results.  Rabies shot was given last week.

Now it is all paperwork and more paperwork, and pictures and paperwork.

We are off to Paradise.

Yes we are going to do a PCS to Hawaii.

Three years in the beautiful Sandwich Islands.

I'll have my own car.  E will be in pre school. 

I'll have a liver transplant hospital on the Island too if I need it.

Yay!

Missing Days and now a Month

I've been a very bad blogger.  No I'm not going to shut down the blog.  I've just been very sick.

My liver of course is getting worse.  The itching is driving me nuts.  Itching is from the build up of bile salts.

Eily is growing like a weed.  She is already wearing 4 and 5 in clothing.  The rain coat I just bought her is a 5/6.  She won't even be 3 for a few more months.  How much taller is she going to get before she hits 3?

I'm so tired.  I fall asleep on the floor during play time with Eily.  Yes, even when she is bouncing on my back.  I'm just so exhausted that I don't even care that it hurts.  I just can't get up to push her off of me.

Exciting news is that we are getting ready for a move to Hawaii.  I can't wait for that.  There will be a good transplant hospital nearby.  But I still have to get even sicker before they can do the transplant.  This fatigue I feel is nothing.  I'm still only a MELD score of a 7 at 6 months ago.  I'll be getting a lab draw this coming week and my next Hep A shot by Friday.

Wish us luck.  I'll try to blog more often.  Just so tired.

Here is a picture of me with Eily.

I cut my hair really short so that I don't have to fight with the curly hair tangles.  Eily's hair is still long.

Now me with makeup where I try to hide the fatigue.

The lighting I used also helps make me look healthier too rather than the natural sun I was using in the first photo.  And I've lost almost 10 pounds from the first photo to this photo I took last week.  Took just 2 weeks to lose it and I didn't do anything differently in my food intake either.  Got to love being sick.

Frittering Away the Days

Time is slipping away.  I have a normal routine and it drags me out.  I'm gaining weight.  I've now gained about 20 pounds in bloat.  The whole IBS vicious cycle with the water pill, potassium and IBS meds is wrecking me.  I'm not really sure what real energy is.  I thought I had a bit of it last week only to plunge back into the funk once again.  Maybe I used up all the energy I had to spare last week?

DH is doing quite well in school.  He is still in the running for honor graduate.  Geez that thunderstorm sounds like it is going to blow the roof off.  Sorry for that bit of interruption.  Brain see or hears something it processes and off it goes on yet another path.  So yes DH is doing well.  Today he called me from the school house to help him fill out his dream sheet.  The dream sheet is where military personnel write down their list of dream assignments.  It doesn't mean they'll get it, but it is a dream sheet.  We put Hawaii at the top of the sheet.  Who wouldn't want to go there for a few years?  They have a good liver transplant hospital there too.

E is doing well.  I can't believe that in just a few months she'll be 3 years old.  Where did my baby go?  By the time we move to the next duty station we'll be able to enroll her in preschool.  She continues to spout off large words and long sentences.  Her math skills are improving too.  She has good manners and is rarely a bad child at restaurants.  She isn't perfect.  She is stubborn, and wants to do things her way.  She still has her daddy wrapped around her little finger too.

Liver Biopsy Results

Steatohepatitis mild.  It has improved since the very first diagnosis of moderate I'm pleased to say.

However the labs showed that my MELD score has gone up and I'm now at a 7.

I did bleed out during the procedure which rarely happens.

Such is life.  It is a see saw.  I improved but I didn't.  I'm okay with that.  I'm not going to die today unless something really bad happens like I trip over a match and impale and/or cut a major organ or artery.  Likelihood of that is 0.4%.

My Little Workshop

I've been keeping myself busy making jewelry.

Kyanite and White Sapphire set in sterling silver

cat's eye Moonstone, Peridot, and Alexandrite set in Sterling Silver

10kt Rose gold with diamond accent with 9x7mm Smokey Topaz

some of my gems and settings

a few of my tools

My mom sent me a nice Dremel set including butane torch and engraving tool.  She also sent along a Dremel stand so I can do more hand free work.  I have to admit for being untrained I think I'm doing pretty darn good on my jewel. 

The 30th of December I have a liver biopsy.  Wish me luck.

Merry Christmas

Our morning started off quite well.  Eily opened up her gifts and helped us open up our gifts.

J videoed a good portion of the morning.

J did all the cooking and all the clean up.  Yay!  Mommy got to take a much needed afternoon nap before the guests arrived.

Our neighbors came over.  Julia, Nick and little Greyson brought over some wonderful rolls.  Jesus arrived a little late but his place at the table was set.  Jesus stayed the longest with us since he no one to go home to today.  Julia had the day off from hard work of housework and loved it as much as I did.  We are making plans on doing more things together after the holidays.

Everything went fine until the late evening call.  Wishing I hadn't called now.  Turns out some of the family doesn't like finding out that our precious daughter was conceived using ART.  Noses got bent out of shape.  I said the f word quite a bit.  I feel as though we should educate the public more so that our child have a future just the same as any kid out there.  I mean it is going to come out that they are children of ART sooner or later.

I cried.  She is my baby.  I detest those that dare call her a "non human".  May they rot in whatever hell exists.  I can't believe I actually got a lecture from a family member tonight to basically not tell anyone about how she was created.   Why?  I'm not ashamed of my baby.  I'm not ashamed of the process.  If I can enlighted people to the truth I will.

It is so nice to find other parents that had infertility issues that used ART too.  It is a relief when I move to a new installation to find someone that is open like I am about the struggles we go through.  To hide it is to hide behind a veil of shame, to hide in a closet crying in pain while others have what we long for, what we would die for.

How can those people be a hypocrite on a day like today of all days.  A day where Christ our Saviour was born.  He who was born by the "grace of GOD" through the angel Gabriel much like an ART procedure.

So put that on your fork dear family and eat  it with whipped cream.

Searching for Doctors

I thought for sure that with the referral I received in the mail, from Tricare, yesterday that I had my appointment for the gastro doctor in the bag.  Nope! Not even close.  I mean the distance I had to drive to this place was nuts but it was in network so I had no choice, right?

I called the doctor's office.  Turns out she is no longer working at this particular office.  Oh jeez!  Great.  I asked the receptionist if the other two gastro docs would take the referral as it states that my referral is basically an open one as long as the provider is in my network.  Not only would she not take it, she made me go call my insurance office too.  Turns out the doctor she is the receptionst for does take my insurance.  Well they can bite my buttons.  I searched and found a different doctor closer.  The reason why Tricare didn't pick this doctor first is that this one is more costly.

I think I've complained before that Tricare is cheap!  Oh and that it doesn't attract quality doctors.  The first doctor they would have sent me to was only a 3 star rating.  Not very good for having practiced for 20 years.

I called the doctor that is closer.  I'm hoping that I'll hear back on Monday.  His office is only open M-Thursday.  He also only a 3 star rating.  My insurance is not going to attract the top doctors.  I'm not sure what insurance will.

Good news is that I have a lab draw on Monday.  Tuesday I have my contrast CT to see what is going on in the left side of my upper abdomen.  I have pain.  It hurts to the touch.  It is now making it difficult to eat.  I cannot get comfortable when I sleep.

So tired my brain is having difficulty typing.

Melting Things Down

It all come down to a puddle of melted mess at times or so I figured out last night.  It wsn't just because I was melting down Eily's crayons to make new ones but because really that is how life is. Messy!

DH was stressed about his position in his class.  He is worried because he is no longer in the top two of the class.  His last grade made him fall to third.  Now he is struggling to make it back to the top again among a class of nine.  Everyone seems to have grades in the ninetys.  He wants to make THE LIST for graduation not just graduate.  With another test coming up on Friday he is stressed.  His stress is causing me stress and Eily stress.  We all feel it in different ways.  I wonder if his stress is the reason why Eily can't poop no matter how much prune juice and metamucil we give her.  I wonder if his stress is the reason why my blood pressure is going back up.  So I spoke to him calmly last night.  It took a bit.  He didn't want to even sit down with me and discuss his issue.  He didn't want to talk about his attitude. Guys don't have problems.  Guys don't have attitudes.  Especially military ones.  I got the whole, "I don't want to talk about it.  End of story.  I'm leaving the room now.".  I was surprised I even got that much verbage.  I made him talk.  I have my ways.  It is a calming voice.  It is the voice of authority.  It is the mommy voice.  All rolled together it does work.

The mess of it is that I am dying.  Not today.  I'm alive today.  We are all dying from the day we are born is what I tell most folks.  Depressing?  Yes I guess.  But we have plenty of time in between the birth and death to make a difference in the lives of others usually.  For some it might just be a breath of air or a smile and they slip away.  For most of us we have more time.  I'm spending that time making a difference in any way I can.  Maybe I can only bake cookies for the soldiers at my husband's school for now.  Maybe after I get a new liver I'll be feeling better I can do more again like I used to?

I know I make a difference in my daughter's life every day.

So to melt the rest all down to facts of what I still am waiting on

• Gastroenterologist to call
• Hepatologist to call
• One of the above to put me on the Liver Donor list my MELD score already makes it so I'll be on it
• Contrast CT of Left Side Abdominal Cavitiy to rule out Splenomegaly
• More Labs for my Liver
• Hopefully a Live  A Positive Liver Donor Match

• 
  

Squeezing in a Doctor Visit

Today I was able to squeeze in a doctor visit at my clinic.  I did have to beg and use my condition.  After all I did need to get it on record with the paperwork I have on hand.  See the Primary card doctor they have me seeing isn't a doctor at all but a Nurse Practitioner.  They are good but I need to see a doctor.

Besides my PCM NP was busy today they told me.  Meanwhile I got the first of the Hep B shots done.  I'll need one or two more in the cycle.  I'll know more about that with each visit.  If you know more readers tell me.

So I got to see the doctor.  The actual doctor that I had my first appointment with at this clinic the first time I was here.  He admitted right off when he saw my spouse that he the doctor needed a haircut.  The Army has appearance standards.  I offered to shave his head for him.  Just a bit of laughter for all of us there.

The serious part now.  He is putting in a referral for me to see a hepatologist in St. Louis, MO as he cannot put me on the donor list even though he knows I need to be on one.  His nurse mentioned I need to have a case worker also.  He said they'll coordinate my care one I've seen the hepatologist in St. Louis.

Yes, I'll still be seeing the gastroenterologist off post.  I hope to here from them soon.  I hope to be able to coordinate all my appointments over Christmas so that my spouse can go with me.  It would just make things easier.  Otherwise I'll be dropping off the little one at a friend's house or daycare and driving alone to St. Louis.  Two hours there and Two hours back.  Yuck!

My doctor palpated my abdomen on the right side today to do the liver check.  It was really tender.  I had him check the left side too since I've been getting some odd pain there as well.  Not in the stomach either.  He got the spot easy enough.  It could be my spleen.  So to check it out he is scheduling a contrast CT, but not STAT.  So maybe that too can be done over Christmas?

Family was wondering if we were going to fly home.  Um, no.  I'm not well enough.  I'm hoping they eventually realize just how serious this situation is.


I'm a fighter I'm going to fight this.

If you would like to see if you could be a possible A Positive Live Liver Donor please contact me.