Cycle Off

Last week at the RE's office I was told to take the cycle off.  Oh sure like that is going to be easy with all these OPK's at home.  I started a new cycle on Friday and yesterday was only CD 4.  Believe it or not I had my LH surge.  I had started testing last week Wednesday after on Tuesday I was told I was recruiting follicles.  But because I've been in so much pain J and I took the rational approach and decided to stick to the doctor's orders.  I'm at high risk right now for ovarian torsion.  Do I really want to risk losing an ovary in my attempt to catch the egg?  No.  But I do want a baby so I keep sitting on the fence with this particular issue.

Logic and reasoning have kicked in.  Given my age of 42 I'm advanced maternal age.  My egg quality sucks.  Cycling out a new egg within a week of being told that I'm recruiting follicles means that most likely the egg released in the the next 24 hours won't be of high quality.

Still I keep thinking what if.  What if we don't try this cycle and we lose out on our last chance to make a baby?
What if we do try and I do conceive?  What if we do try and it causes ovarian torsion?

Much as I want a baby I don't want to risk body parts to do so.  Much as I really want sex right now I don't want it if its just going to cause more pain.  I'm taking my Oxycontin, one before bed and one at 0500 hrs.  The pain killer only takes the edge off and if my pelvic region is slightly brushed it hurts like hell.  I'm not sure I could within stand even a quicky for the sake of baby making.

Endometriosis has left me with so many problems.  While I bleed my best friends are my hot rice bag and the bathroom.  Each cycle means I again ask my husband to put me out of my misery the pain is that bad. I rarely have relief from the adenomyosis and endometriosis pain during any part of my cycle.

Oh and my newest oddity is that within 30 minutes of taking the codeine and acetaminophen combination pain killer (vicodin, oxycotin, T3, percocet,whatever you call it) I start to get the creepy crawly feeling on my limbs that moves inward to my torso.  I have to scratch the itchy spots because they are so intense.  Not fun.

Today is my last chance at catching the egg. If I feel up to it I'll give it a try but in all likelihood I'll be letting this cycle just roll on by.

LH Surge Has Arrived

YAY!  I can still ovulate. 

The top test is from three days ago, the middle from last night and the bottom one from this morning. 

Now for the fun part.  But I don't think I have to tell any of you what that entails.  I just need to get my soldier home for the perfect timing.

I guess the reason why I'm so excited is because it means my ovaries are still working well enough after the  miscarriage and that even if I can't get pregnant on my own this cycle I should probably start a fresh cycle in about two weeks.  That's means I'd be right on schedule for the birth control part of the next IVF cycle.

But I'm still hoping for a miracle that we can some how catch that elusive egg on our own even with my infertility issues and male factor infertility.  

I know dream on, right?