Don't Ignore Your Own Strength

It is incredibly important that we realize that we can help fight the battle in our infertility journey.  If we let our guard down infertility will win.

I realize that my own infertility journey is shortly going to come to an end but I'm going to keep fighting my own battle until I reach menopause.  I'm counting on my own inner strength to get me through the worst of this as I learn what my body is doing to itself.

Today I woke up in more pain than yesterday.  I'm refusing to let the Endometriosis and Adenomyosis win today.  I'm up, washed, dressed, and I've eaten some snacks.  I'll eat more when I feel bit more able to later today.

I have things that need to get done.  Each day I'll make either a written list or a mental list of things that I want to accomplish.  These lists are what can actually distract me from the negative influence that being an infertile and dwelling on that particular issue can do to harm my psyche.

Today it was so far just helping out with the clear coat sealer on the dining room table.  Last week J and took upon us the task of striping, sanding and staining the dining room table.  I had started the stripping part and he finished it along with the sanding.  I got to do the staining last weekend.  This weekend that project will be finished and I'll have my dining room back.  If only I could tackle infertility problems the way we did that table.

However infertility struggles are much like the table.  First you have to identify the problem. Next you make a plan on how you are going to work to the end goal.  For us the goal is to have a child.  It might no longer be a child of my own DNA or of either of our DNA.  Much as I long for that genetic child my longing to just raise a child is stronger.  As my plans evolve the goals do to.  With the help of my spouse I find that even in my weakest moments I can still find the strength to go on.

I will find the strength to continue this infertility journey to the end whatever that end will bring.  We might not end up with a baby, or a child.  We might just learn to live our married life without children and find that okay too.

I'm glad that I have my network of blogger friends to lean on when I have questions and feel down.  Thanks for being there for me ladies.  You help give me the strength that I need in this fight.

Don't Ignore People With Infertility

Please stop and think about what you say to someone you know is infertile.  Don't ignore their feelings.  We are people too.

September 7, 1996  I had just been released from the hospital after my first miscarriage.  I had to have a D&C.  I get home and change into pajamas and relax on one of my couches when I get a knock at the door.  My friend, another infertile, from across the street is at the door.  I let her in.  She tells me how sorry she is that I lost my baby. She has lost several herself.  She gives me a miniature rose plant.  I weep a bit over her kindness as my own family has ignored my pain and loss.  However, she does something that I would never do.  She tells me she is pregnant.  Okay really?  You know I just lost my babies at 10 weeks 6 days and here you are telling me that you are pregnant?  Why?  I didn't say anything mean to her.  I congratulated her and she left.  I had my little tantrum about how life is unfair after she left.

I'm not sure why people can be so insensitive to someone that just lost a baby but they can be.  I think it hurts even more when its someone that should know what I'm feeling.  A spouse, parent, sibling, friend, who knows about the infertility shouldn't ignore the situation or person when the infertile really needs them to be there for support.

Now to update all of you that don't know all that much about me.  I'm infertile that much is obvious from the above.  I have Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, PCOS, Age related infertility (I'm 42), and a history of repeat miscarriages.

Often, because of pain I don't leave the house. 

Often, because of pain I can't do what everyone else can do. 

This doesn't mean I should be ignored.  It doesn't mean I am faking the pain either.  Infertility is not contagious.  If I'm sick and want to stay home it doesn't mean I should be ignored and treated as though I have a communicable disease.

Go educate yourself here: http://www.resolve.org/infertility-overview/what-is-infertility/
                                       http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html