My WTF Appointment

0920 hrs I was seen at my REI clinic at Madigan with my spouse.  We sat down with Dr. C. to discuss what went wrong with the last IVF cycle.  J was really tired from his CQ duty last night so I wonder just how much he comprehended from the meeting.

Dr. C. explained everything to us but I still don't know the reason why it failed.

On day 3 we had a 8 cell, 0 fragment, Good quality egg, Perfect embryo.  The abbreviations and number were explained to us from the chart.  So if it was a perfect embryo why did it chose to not stick around?  I know I was pregnant because of the two home pregnancy tests.  I told Dr.C. at this appointment that I took them.  I guess it changed the picture a bit.

Now the focus is on the fact that my eggs are my age and not so much what could possibly be wrong with me but with the eggs themselves.  If we used donor eggs he said we'd have a 65% success rate.  I have only 40% with my own eggs.  But it was perfect I'm yelling in my head.  I must have done something wrong.

I asked about the hypertension issue since I'm always on medications.  Its not that.  I asked about being put on restricted weight limit for lifting  he said even if I moved furniture it wouldn't be the problem.

So why?

He said it could look perfect at day 3 but there are sometimes issues with implantation, yes even with the Assisted Hatching we had done on the embryo.

I then asked if it was the endometriosis. He said that could be a factor but that most likely it was still with the age of my egg.  Dr. C. said one of the larger follicles he drained in his egg quest was filled with blood so he knows that I have issues with endometriosis.

To be quite franks he was genuinely surprised to get the 8 cell with zero fragmentation and a perfect embryo considering I'm 42.  He said its rare.  So we still don't know the exact reason why it didn't chose to stick around.

Looks like I'll be doing a late January embryo transfer if all goes well.  If I don't have enough follicles we'll commute to an IUI and hope for the best.

J's morphology issue is no longer an issue and that is good to know.  Now if only his sperm will stay that good for the next round.  We are still going with the ICSI for the January IVF.  We have to.  Dr.C. says it will again increase our odds of a better embryo.

This time I hope we get four follicles for retrieval day, we had four the first day but Dr.C. wanted to wait leaving it at only 2 follicles left by retrieval day.  Dr.C. just didn't want us to do too early of an egg retrieval.  But now that he knows my ovary reserve is declining we might end up doing an early retrieval in January.

I'm also hoping for two perfect embryos to transfer this time around.  I can hope right?

I can also hope that I'm pregnant now, right?  I mean I am in the two week wait right now after ovulating on my own.  But yes, I know that at my age its rare.  My maternal grandmother had my mom at 42 so there is always a chance. 

IVF Preparation, The Worries Begin

As most of my readers know I'm preparing for my first round of IVF.  No one said creating a baby was going to be easy when you are my age, 42.  We've been trying around his military schedule for the past 4.5 years with no luck.  We tried clomiphene citrate and sure I produced up to 6 follicles a month on the lowest dosage but still no luck.  Now its time for IVF.  Yup time to fork out the big bucks with no real idea if its going to work or not.

My first stage of IVF is the Saline Infusion Sonogram while I'm on the Levlen.  So far I'm not too pleased with the Levlen, it has extended my normal bleed time by four days.  Its been years since I've been on any form of birth control and I really can't remember it actually doing that to me but who knows, hormone levels in the body do change.  I'm also not liking the weight gain side effect.  For three days now I've been struggling to keep my weight off and its been staying the same for most of it, today I finally dropped 0.2 lbs.  Mind you I've been exercising and eating healthy because I want to get some of this tonnage off before I get pregnant.

Now back to the SIS, saline infusion sonogram, I'm not really looking forward to this test.  Oh sure it would mean I'm just that much closer to getting pregnant but really folks having my female reproductive parts probed isn't comfortable.  I have what is called a retroverted uterus.  This means that I have to go to this test with a full bladder.  Yes, a full bladder and lie on my back with my feet in the stirrups to have tubes stuck up in me.  I say tubes because as soon as this particular test is completed they are going to do the mock embryo transfer.

Right now I'm so wishing it were November and I have in my hand a stick with a positive result.  I'm not the first female to be wishing the hardest part, trying to conceive for an infertile female is the hardest part, were over.  Well maybe to some its not the hardest part but if you can't conceive then it is.  Once pregnant the new worries will kick in like; will I lose it since I'm so darn old and my risk of miscarriage is high, or will the baby be so deformed it won't live long enough to draw its first breath, or well you get the point the list goes on.  For now my main concern is getting pregnant.

Years ago, 15 to be exact, I was pregnant.  My former spouse was infertile with a low sperm count, low motility, and sperm deformity issues.  I got pregnant using clomiphene citrate but soon miscarried the twins.  We tried again and it just didn't work.  Now that egg quality is an issue I might have plenty of eggs but maybe none of them are good enough.  Its not like I can afford a donor.  An egg donor is no guarantee that the egg will hold up long enough to fertilized and survive in my uterus to full term.  I being the only biological child of my parents have no younger female sibling to beg an egg from.  Even if I did there is no guarantee she'd give me one either.

So this is how it stands for today.  I wait, I exercise, I eat healthy and keep hope that in a years time I will finally hold my baby in my arms and complain about a whole new set of issues like: breast feeding, teething, crying, and sleeping through the night.  I wouldn't mind complaining about those things, but, I just want to get that chance to complain.