Bitter Taste

I added this item to my shop this morning.  I've been busy making other baby items too of which I'll be listing soon.  I'll have to get back to making more booties while I'm at the hook.

So for the title.  It's for three reasons. 

First I'd have to say the bitter taste is from the dental work yesterday.  This temporary cap tastes a bit bitter with all the adhesives they used on it.  Plus it is a bit high.  But I was warned that it would start off a bit high then shrink down so I guess all is okay or will be soon enough.  Had a bit of fun with my heart during the septocaine administration yesterday.  Heart slowed down but pounded really hard each slow beat.  The dentist was a bit concerned when I told her about the arrhythmia related to my breathing and the left atrium.  She said the epinephrine from the anesthetic might cause me some shaking and chest pains but she was ready to handle it.

Next the bitter taste is from a former infertile.  Oh that was real fun yesterday.  I think I'll start calling FB Fertile Book like a few others.  Seriously all I did was congratulate one of my husband's former co-workers on her pregnancy.  Doubt she knows the word viability.  She was never that infertile to even have a worry about that bit.  She is now at the end of her second trimester.

So back to where I was.  I congratulated her.  I stated that I was envious too.  Then we started PMing each other.  She gives me AssVice. 

I spoke with a friend on fertile book as this person was giving me the assvice.  T thanks for being there.  Really now if praying did the job the world's population would not be only 7 billion, most likely double and for that fact which god do we pray to so that we get knocked up easily?  There are a lot of religions out there with a lot of babies being born.  If follistim did it alone for all of us infertiles we wouldn't need IVF or IUI.  And if you are going to tell me that just because you are a year younger than me that it "can happen to you" I'm going to get livid and stop talking to you.  Oh and definitely don't be telling me that I need to exercise more during pregnancy.  First off the problem for me is in getting pregnant.  Secondly my doctors, because of my heart, like me to take it easy!

Sheesh for a so called infertile she sure did get amnesia as soon as she got pregnant.  Why do they do that?  Is it so hard to not go out there and give assvice?  Just because you are pregnant it doesn't mean I'll get pregnant too on the first try with your method that your doctor prescribed for you.

I think that after trying for 17 years I can honestly say that if I can't go through with donor eggs my journey will stop.  There will be no going forward.  I will just veer off in the direction of living childless.  I want to say that I'm okay with that but right now I'm not.  I will be some day but for now it's going to take some time to adjust.

No, having children in my future does not look promising.  J's career with the Army looks like it's drawing to a close.  Even if this CO does decide to have a change of heart it still has to go through two other higher ranking individuals for him to get approved. 

Thanks for the budget cuts Prez.  You want our soldiers to be knowledgeable about their jobs and have the experience for war fighting but yet you want to cut back on the good soldiers and let the slackers that can't be touched stay in.  Yes, there are some that can't be touched because they are on disciplinary actions.  They will some day get booted out but until then they are taking up spaces for soldiers that are willing to do their jobs but instead the good ones are shown the door.

There are the three reasons why I have a bitter taste in my mouth today.  Dental, infertile assvice, and military stupidity.

ETSY Shop Open

My shop is now open and I've been busy adding items.  Only four today but I have plenty more to add.  Here is an example of one item I have for sale in my shop

3-6 months size hat hand crocheted by me.

Tomorrow I'll be uploading more items, probably some of the jewelry I've been busy making.  Currently I have about 8 pairs of baby booties so I'll get to listing those soon.

So yes, I did it!  I finally re-opened my shop!  YAY for me!

I'll be making more hats in various sizes and colors once I find a bit more time in my schedule. For now I'll list almost daily what I have in stock in the jewelry and crochet.  I do have a lot of jewelry I've been making.  When I first opened my shop in 2006 my main category was jewelry.  I work in hemp, wire, gems, and yes clay.  I sometimes make my own beads too.

I am hoping that with the making of baby items I'll build up some good Karma.  Most of you can understand how badly I want a child as many of you have also suffered along the same journey of infertility.

Okay well I need to get back to the salt mines, err...I mean work.  Have a good holiday weekend.

Odd Dreams

Every night I dream.  Every time I close my eyes to nap I dream.  I always remember my dreams at first until they fad away.  But there are times that the dreams stay with me for years.  Its as though someone or someones are trying to send me a message.

Now I'll share a dream from last night's sleep.

I was in a run down trailer in its little attached porch and it was Christmas season.  I know this trailer well as my ex in-laws, who are now deceased, lived there once upon a time and on the enclosed porch they'd put their Christmas tree each year.  All their kith and kin were gathered there, including the broken family ties and the new ones which made for an odd gathering.  I was there and my ex and his new family was there.  My infertile ex with his new wife and baby were present.  He made sure I saw the baby.  But I knew it was her ex-husband's child and not that of my ex's.  Long story there but he was in real life sleeping with another man's wife that was pregnant, the SOD!  Still he had the family he always wanted now.

I had come by to return to him an item he had left behind.  This is a non-existent item and just something symbolic that my dream state made up mind you.  I was returning a large glass paperweight, similar to my actual life real one which is way smaller, that was made of Murano (Italian) glass.  But this one was gaudy, flashy and had no real substance except to be what someone of  trashy taste would want.  We all know the type and I'd rather not hurt my reader's feelings by going too deep.

I had a second Italian glass ball in my other hand.  Inside it was a simple piece of genuine white coral.  Captured when it was full of life and potential but this one belonged to J.

To me this is stating that my first husband had no substance and was what you see is what you get type and that meant slob, fat, lazy, and well trash. 

J's is the untapped potential that I know he has.  The quiet dignity, the protection like the coral protects the fish, and the grace of giving.

I think that my dream is of letting go of that which never really pleased me and finding what I really need and want that is with me now in my J.  I love my husband.  Whether or not we have children together I know that he will always do his best to provide for me and protect me.  He is willing to correct things that go awry; to fix the balance.  Marriage is a balancing act especially when married to a soldier.