January First

While I read this true story I felt conflicted.  I knew how it felt to be labeled.  I am not schizophrenic, however I do have borderline personality disorder.  Twelve years ago I was misdiagnosed as Bipolar NOS.  I have been put on various cocktails of drugs of which never seemed to work.  They have upped my dosages to the point that I would fall down while trying to walk.  I was even put on Geodon, an anti-psychotic, at one point because my ex husband convinced my psychiatrist that I was hearing things.  It took a divorce to show the doctors it wasn't me and I wasn't having mental issues other than the borderline personality disorder brought on by the years of abuse.

No, I wasn't hearing things.  I heard him talking in low volumes on his cell phone to his mistress, now his second wife.  The problem wasn't with me, the problem was with my first marriage.  There is only just so much mental and physical abuse a person can take before they snap.  I snapped in the wrong direction.  I felt worthless and wanted the world to stop so I tried to take my life.  See, wrong direction.

I can only describe the feeling like I was in a bird  eggshell.  I was closed in and trying to drown out the problems around me but my shell was still to fragile to protect me and I cracked.

Finally I found the right direction.  No medication could fix the issues for me.  Talk therapy helped immensely.  DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) group sessions helped me find the good in my life and the good in me.  I got out of the bad marriage.  The old me just wouldn't work in the new world that I had to create for myself.  I learned to cope with the environmental factors and radically accept that which I could not change.

Unfortunately for people like Jani with schizophrenia, January, talk therapy alone doesn't normally work like it did for people like me with lesser disorders.  Like many of my schizophrenic friends ( I met quite a few in the psych ward while I was being held), they need to find an equilibrium between the medications, their variation of reality, and the talk therapy of which for some can help immensely.

Though I do not have schizophrenia I do understand how it feels be held against one's will in a psych ward.  I also know how it feels to not want to leave the psych ward since it can be quite a safe environment where friendships that you wouldn't have on the outside are formed with people that do understand.

How far would you go to advocate for your child? In January First, father Michael Shofield and his family struggle to find the right treatment for his daughter Jani, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia at six years old. Join From Left to Write on September as we discuss the Shofield's memoir January First. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.