Just A Bundle Of Emotions

Its time to make cookies again.  Most of the ones that like to eat my weekly treats are back off of leave so I'll be baking sometime today to make sure they get their treats.  I know they'll be looking forward to it and it always makes me feel good to bring a bit of happiness to someone else.  They just love my cookies at the COF. 

My moods are a bit mixed up today.  I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.  Looks like I'm going to miss that coffee date with a few friends today due to the fact that I don't have transportation.  Won't be the first one I've missed since I'm without my own car.  So that bums me out a bit.

I have laundry still to do and I over slept.  Well I didn't really over sleep but the pain of my newest injury, I slightly sprained my ankle yesterday, yes the one I injured pretty darn bad a few years back.  Plus it seems that my ovulation is triggering a lot of pain on my left side again.  I'm guessing I'm growing another cyst as even a light pressing on my pelvis is causing me  a lot of pain.  Oh and trying to sleep on my back is also a treat since it feels like on the left side my back is being pushed inward with a metal pipe just where the ovary would sit.

Then just add in the wintery mix of weather we are having today.  So um, my arthritis is flaring up along with the fibromyalgia.  I'm just a really fun person to be around today.  I really could use a day with the girls to get away from home.

Tested again this A.M. to see if I'm still within the ovulation window.  Yup, but I can tell with the pain its going to make things uncomfortable if not down right interesting to create this baby we have hope for.  If it doesn't happen for us naturally this cycle there is always the IVF set for January.

I want a baby soon.  Its so depressing to see all my blogger friends getting their BFPs.  I want one too and not just on a stick.  I want it on a BETA!!!

So yeah I'm an emotional bit of fluff today.  Someone needs to come over and blow this mood away from me fast before I just decide to eat all the raw cookie dough before it gets to the oven.

Oh and this week its chocolate chip peanut butter swirl cookies I'll be making.

Embryo Count

While I was out at class today my doctor called me.  I knew he would even if it was to return my phone call from this morning.

I gained 3.8 pounds from yesterday's procedure.  Um, yeah that much.  I'm not supposed to gain that much either.  But of course my doctor knows nothing about that because that is not why he was calling me.

Dr. C. called to tell me that only one egg got fertilized.  Just one.  Now all our hopes rest on this particular embryo.  Dr. C. sounded really hopeful that we will be making a transfer soon.  I too have hope.

I realize that one embryo isn't a lot.  Its only one and our odds aren't all that great but it is still a chance.

I called my parents to tell them that they are grandparents to an embryo and my mom was so excited to hear that we made it this far.  I've been keeping her updated weekly on our progress.  J's parents haven't been kept all that much in the loop.  If we make it to a positive pregnancy test on 3 November we'll tell them then.

I've already promised my parents that I'd email them a copy of the embryo photo.  Mom told me to put it on my wall.  No, I'm going to put it in my file of receipts, hospital bracelets, and test results all for infertility.  Eventually they will go into a baby book if we make it that far.

Our child will know that we did everything possible to give him or her life.  We want our baby.

I'm now waiting to hear how my blog friend Alex is doing today.  She had her retrieval today at the same place I had mine.  I'm hoping for good news for her as she deserves some happiness in the baby making department.

In the meantime I'm baking cookies under the influence of Vicodin.  LOL.  Its okay they are tasty and no I'm not going to put any of my pills in the cookies...no way am I sharing my pain pills!  This week the cookies for the soldiers at the COF are chewy chocolate peanut butter chip and they are being made a day late.  I was in no condition to make cookies yesterday.

Military Spouse Appreciation Day

Today is Military Spouse Appreciation Day.  In 1984 President Ronald Reagan proclaimed that the Friday before Mother's Day  was to be designated at Military Spouse Appreciation Day.

In all the years that I've been married to soldier not once has this day been celebrated.  Why?  Well I guess its because my spouse never knew about it.  Or if he did he had no clue on how to show his appreciation of what I do for him and us. 

While my husband took his oath I did not.  I was inducted into the military through the backdoor. What do I do?  Well I support him.  I cook, bake, clean, manage finances, and when he is deployed I do everything else that I humanly can to make sure he will be able to keep his mind set on his mission.

So today all I'm asking for is some appreciation from him.  No I don't want a dinner out.  That would be for us.  I want something for me alone.  I'd like him to write me a letter or note telling me why he appreciates what I do for him.  It costs nothing but his time and it will mean the world to me.  Heck I might even frame it so I can see it daily as a reminder of why I do what I do for him.  Especially when things get tough and I'm not liking where our lives are going that letter would make me pause and re-evaluate my anger.

I love my husband.  I love him for all that he is and who he will become as we grow old together.  The rest is just stuff that I will accept as bumps in the road of our life path.

Will I be upset if he forgets this day?  Maybe.  But not for long.  I can't stay angry at him for long.  He has a demanding job.  He has forgotten to celebrate other dates like anniversaries and birthdays.   But there are always reasons why that happens.  Sometimes its because he is in another country and the time difference makes it so he doesn't realize when those special days have passed.  Easily enough forgiven.

For now I'll wait to see just how he is going to show his appreciation of me.

A Too White Military

It seems as though our military just can't please everyone.  Sometimes I think that it is just jealousy on the part of those not chosen as they like to claim they weren't picked because of gender or race.

Recently an article hit my email that made me stop and think about our officers in the US ARMY.  Are they mainly white males?  Of late I've seen a lot of female officers of various races.  I've seen plenty of non-white male officers as well.  Now I'm wondering if the news article was just biased bullshit.

Read for yourself the article that I read just this morning and tell me what you think.  http://www.military.com/news/article/report-too-white-too-male.html?wh=news.

I can't see where discrimination comes into play in choosing who will become an officer candidate.  Its not like the points system of the enlisted ranks where that could be considered biased if a particular NCO has a grudge.  It does happen.  Choosing who will become an officer and who won't is based upon their strength and knowledge.  These soldiers have to prove themselves with extensive testing.  Its far from the board of the enlisted.  I'm not being biased, I'm the wife of an enlisted soldier.

The promotion board for the enlisted means having to study from a generic study guide, proving that you are physically fit, can do your MOS, and that you can shoot for the main part.  Sure the soldiers also have to take some classes if they are to get points for education of which is divided into two categories with one being civilian and the other being military.  However it can come down to who you know in order to get promoted.  I've known soldiers that are still hoping to get promoted and have been in the military for up to seven years without going past the rank of Specialist.  If a soldier is in their primary or secondary zone they can be chosen to go to the board.  But if the points all of a sudden jacks skyward all the points awarded in the board still might not be enough to get them promoted.  Its different with being an officer.

An officer gets promoted not by who they know or a points system, from my understanding it is upon merit.  Feel free to correct me on this as I'm not a wife of an officer.  The first promotion from 2nd Lt. to 1st Lt. is an automatic one with enough time in rank.

Back to my thoughts on how some are claiming that the higher echelons of the military are primarily white males, as if that is a bad thing.  I'd rather it be all males if it means they are qualified.  Obviously they are qualified to hold their ranks as they were chosen to be there.

"Efforts over the years to develop a more equal opportunity military have increased the number of women and racial and ethnic minorities in the ranks of leadership. But, the report said, "despite undeniable successes ... the armed forces have not yet succeeded in developing a continuing stream of leaders who are as diverse as the nation they serve."

The military is all about Equal Opportunity.  Where else do you see a woman getting the same pay for doing a job that the male does?  You don't find that very often in the private sector.  That woman reached that rank because she earned it, not because the slot was being held open for a female.

We are a diverse military.  Considering the percentages of how many of each race and gender serve in the military the percentages in the higher ranks correspond quite well.  Remember all who enter into the military are given the chance to invest in the GI Bill so that they can go to college and get ahead within the military and eventually the civilian sector.  If they chose not to take the education benefits I see no reason as to why they should take a slot for a more qualified individual just because their race or sex dictates that they should be holding said position.  Take a look at these demographics: http://www.armyg1.army.mil/hr/docs/demographics/Changing%20Profile%20report%20December%202008.pdf

For a breakdown of statistics look to this website: http://www.2k.army.mil/faqs.htm#demo

Army PT Test Changes

Good and bad news for our Army.  They are changing the physical fitness test again.  In the past the changes have been so minor that most haven't noticed.  Guys were long required to have less time on their run than their female counterparts, more situps and more push ups.  While the run difference never changed the other two categories did slightly over the past twenty years.

Now things are about to get ugly.  For those of you on the Fat Boy program you now have no choice but to get into shape and stay in shape.  No more of the last week dieting before your scheduled APFT (Army Physical Fitness Training).  I think its about time.  A soldier, whether female or male, shouldn't be so fat as to have their uniform stretched to the limits showing their beer belly or rolls of flab.  Often I've been asked if I were an active duty soldier.  I always thought I was too fat to be even thought of as one.  However, since moving to this installation I've seen many a female that is my size or even larger and I wonder.  I wonder how the heck can they pass the APFT? 

There is no need for a soldier to be carrying around that extra weight.  You've got a job to do and you have to stay fit.  Put down that Jethro sized bowl of oreos and milk and grab a stick of celery soldiers because your days of over eating are over with.  There is no way you can possible do well on the new test system with your gut and flabby limbs.

The new APFT is now called an ACRT, Army Combat Readiness Test.  You will be having to do jumps, sprints, rows, slalom runs, balance beams, casualty drags, and ammo carries.

"The key difference is between ‘readiness' and fitness," said Lt. Gen. Mark Hertling, the Army's deputy commanding general for initial training.  "It's one thing to be fit … it's quite another thing to be ready for the things we are being asked to do. And in our case, it's becoming a ‘tactical athlete.' "  http://www.military.com/news/article/armys-big-pt-test-changes.html?ESRC=eb.nl 


"Soldiers will be required to hurdle over gates, negotiate barricades, drag a casualty, balance with weighted ammo cans, maneuver through a simulated shooting course, do 100 yards of wind sprints and weave through a slalom course.
And it's all timed."

Good luck to all of the soldiers out there.  Time for you to make healthy food decisions so that you'll be more able to pass this new test.

Three More Leave This Week

Well I guess its good bye times three this week.  Three more soldiers leave our network of friends.  One left the service on a pregnancy chapter.  One left the service because he couldn't make the weight and tape guidelines.  One PCS'd to a new duty station.

So this is my good bye to them.  I wish them well in their life journeys.  May they make only good choice and find life easier wherever they may go.

The pregnant one I knew but not all that well.  She has known my husband since AIT.  I guess she was an alright gal.  Little odd but then again we all have our quirks.

The guy who is leaving is a friend of my husband's but not really one of mine.  He is in our network of friends but to say something nice about the guy from my mouth would probably hurt my face.  Read He's Not My Friend and you'll understand why I'm not really going to miss him.  I do wish him well.  I hope he can find a job. 

Finally we get to a set of friends, had I more time, I would have liked to have gotten to know them better.  This family has seen the good and bad side of the Army community and the guy's unit.  Could they have treated him better, probably.  Will they in the future treat other soldier's in that unit better, I have my doubts.  See he isn't the only soldier that has left the military from this particular unit, I won't mention numbers and names, that have complained about its chain of command. I have two other friends from that particular unit that had nothing good to say about it.  They are happy to have it in their past now.  I'm just glad my husband doesn't work in this unit.

I count myself lucky enough to have known the above mentioned people.  I've learned from the experiences. 

PCS =Permanent Change of Station

AIT = Advanced Individual Training

DRASH Blunder

Please note this is not an actual photo from the training site, I'm not that stupid to post one.

Okay yesterday went well for the most part.  After my husband I finished our counseling with the Chaplain we were running short on time to get him back to the training site.  He and I both figured that driving right to the site would be a good idea.  I being handicapped, no cell phone, and without a camera am of little threat to a training site.

We arrive and I secure permission to enter the premises.  I did my part.  The DRASH was being taught by civilians and one of the instructors gave me the permission.  Not one NCO objected to my presence.  Or so I thought.

Today my husband gets chewed out by one of the NCO's for having me there.  He said I should have stayed out in the cold car and waited the 1.5 hours until the exercise had finished.  Well okay why didn't this particular NCO tell me to my face yesterday to leave the training area?  Better yet, why didn't he tell my spouse yesterday?  I would have had no problem in driving over to the mini mall and doing some shopping or browsing until I knew they'd be done.  I was already figuring on doing just that when I was allowed entry to the site.

Same NCO yesterday berated a male soldier for getting a cut and wanting to clean out the wound.  He called him several names corresponding to female body parts.  Is this what we are allowing in the military for NCO's?  Sure let the guy get an infection and it will come back to an Article15 for not taking care of military equipment, namely himself.  Yes they do give out Article 15s for getting a sunburn as you are damaging government property.

Yesterday I witnessed a different NCO not doing his job.  I could plainly see, past the two female soldiers who weren't helping out with the set-up but just standing around talking, that there was a trip hazard.  I told the two female enlisted soldiers about the trip hazard.  They told the NCO, who had put the beam directly behind my husband's heels, to let my husband know about it.  The NCO was told twice.  He finally responded when my husband did trip a bit on it.  Luckily the beam was moved and no one was hurt.

NCO are supposed to be professional, there is the NCO CREED, that they are supposed to follow.  I wonder if most of them can remember the words to the NCO Creed.

"No one is more professional than I. I am a Noncommissioned Officer, a leader of soldiers. As a Noncommissioned Officer, I realize that I am a member of a time honored corps, which is known as "The Backbone of the Army". I am proud of the Corps of Noncommissioned Officers and will at all times conduct myself so as to bring credit upon the Corps, the Military Service and my country regardless of the situation in which I find myself. I will not use my grade or position to attain pleasure, profit, or personal safety.
Competence is my watchword. My two basic responsibilities will always be uppermost in my mind -- accomplishment of my mission and the welfare of my soldiers. I will strive to remain tactically and technically proficient. I am aware of my role as a Noncommissioned Officer. I will fulfill my responsibilities inherent in that role. All soldiers are entitled to outstanding leadership; I will provide that leadership. I know my soldiers and I will always place their needs above my own. I will communicate consistently with my soldiers and never leave them uninformed. I will be fair and impartial when recommending both rewards and punishment.
Officers of my unit will have maximum time to accomplish their duties; they will not have to accomplish mine. I will earn their respect and confidence as well as that of my soldiers. I will be loyal to those with whom I serve; seniors, peers, and subordinates alike. I will exercise initiative by taking appropriate action in the absence of orders. I will not compromise my integrity, nor my moral courage. I will not forget, nor will I allow my comrades to forget that we are professionals, Noncommissioned Officers, leaders!"

So there it is.  From what I saw yesterday the NCO's weren't doing their job.  I can only hope it was a bad day of training for them.  I stayed out of their way.  The instructors liked the questions I asked of them during their smoke breaks.  Heck, they liked me enough that even today they were asking about me and if I was ever in the military myself.  Not me, but I've been around enough military for the majority of my life to show the respect that is due to the soldiers.  I'm curious so I ask questions.  But I won't get in the way.

Healthier Options In The DFAC

The Army is going to start offering healthier options in its DFACs (Dining Facilities).  Its about time.  The two main complaints I hear from the soldiers, married and single are the food and housing.  Our troops need healthier options.  When my spouse was gone for the past three years he complained about the terrible food.  Sure they put labels on the dishes showing how much fat and sodium content but it didn't stop them from being served and eaten.  Our troops are getting fat.

We all need some healthy fats in our foods, mostly omega-3's but sometimes a nice piece of cake with all its sugar will also help boost our moods.  Just not a huge chunk of cake!

Sodium seems to be the real problem in the foods.  I have to watch my sodium intake.  I've noticed that when I stick closely to that 1000 mgs a day of sodium that I am allowed I'll drop weight rather quickly.  If I go over it, which always happens on the weekends and holidays I'll gain weight quickly.  Sodium raises blood pressure narrowing the arteries causing the bad fats to stick to your artery walls.  Well that is my theory at least.  Not sure if its true as I don't have a degree in nutrition.

The Army is not only going to add more nutritious foods but they are going to implement a healthier routine to basic training workouts.  Its about time.  I know growing up I learned some terrible eating habits at home.  I have two obese parents, no wonder I turned out obese.  I try to lose the weight but I eat when I'm upset.  Sugar, full of the serotonin, makes me feel good until I eat that last bite and realize I just ruined my weight loss for the day.

I'm really happy to know that our soldiers will start getting better treatment at meal times with Drill Sgt's watching over them to help them make the better food choices.  Now if only we could get better housing for the military we'd all be happier.  I won't hold my breath on that last one.

Here is the link to the article on the Army Fighting Fat: http://www.military.com/news/article/army-fighting-fat-embracing-health-foods.html?ESRC=army-a.nl

Emotionally Drained

After last night's episode of "he's not my friend" I'm totally drained.  I didn't sleep much before the alarm clock went off at 0522hrs.  We were up talking until 0104hrs about the problem.  I can only imagine just how tired my husband is today considering he had to do PT this am.

 I know that my husband's day has gotten worse due to a surly co-worker.  This particular co-worker has been giving him a hard time since he arrived at the unit almost two years ago.  What's ironic is that its a person of less rank than he when my husband got to this duty station.  They met at AIT where the soldier was in a different cycle from my husband. (Cycles are like college classes that start at different dates)    Now they are equal rank and this soldier is still being intolerable.  The soldier sleeps in the office, cries that about not  being treated fairly and likes to back stab.  I really wished that when they got re-deployed this soldier too would have been moved out of the section.  I mean this fsoldier used to message me on facebook and tell me about  hating my spouse and was going to make trouble for him when he got back stateside.  Mind you I kept those messages just in case this soldier does try to start trouble for him.  Well it seems as though me keeping those messages was a good thing, almost 20 pages of messages give or take a page.

 I just would like to know why someone doesn't straighten this soldier out.  Its not my job.  I want to stay out of it but like most wives in a committed relationship when someone tries to rip apart our husband's blossoming career with petty disputes we come out with fangs bared.  I'm going to have to bite my lip on this problem most likely.  I'm sure this soldier is going to play the medical card yet again to the fullest. Mind you this soldier has already turned in two other guys for cursing and teasing  when this soldier was the first to start cursing.  What happened to the rules applying across the board?  If this soldier was a civilian they would have been fired for sleeping on the job, or should I say sleeping around on the job?, and the above annoyance wouldn't be happening because this soldier would no longer be an employee.

 Sheesh folks this soldier is there to do a job just as much as the next soldier.  That job does not mean you bring your emotional baggage to work with you.  It means check it at the door. I'd like to tell the soldier this, "I don't want you taking your bad mood out on my spouse just because you broke up with your significant other and hate all of humanity.  Grow up  act like an adult and treat the others around you with the respect they are due.  They didn't break up with you!  If you didn't sleep at home its on you to work to stay awake so that you do your job not leaving others to pick up the slack."  But like I said I'm going to have to bite my lip on this one.  So I'm posting it here without names, unit numbers or locations. 

Okay I know it just bugs the heck out of me but I had three soldier friends that went through similar without sleeping at work and making work life a living hell for their co-workers.  So why can't the soldier just "suck it up"?   The US ARMY is after all mission first family last.  Soliders aren't issued families or emotions as they just get in the way.  The families are the silent ranks because if we put our noses where they didn't belong nothing would ever get done.