Update Of Yesterday's Pain

So yesterday I finally got a call back from the RE's office four hours after they said they'd get right back to me.  Well I guess that isn't too bad unless you are in pain.

I'm not allowed to use the oxycotin or vicodin any longer because they contain the synthetics that it seems that I am allergic to, unless I piggy back it with Diphenhydramine HCL (Benadryl) or so Nurse S said.  Well they are just guessing its the synthetic ingredient.  The doctor prescribe me a whole 6 pills of T3.  Oh wow, at one every 4-6 hours that will last me an entire day.  Insert a ton of sarcasm here.  Thanks for being so generous doc.

I'm not being taken seriously.  No I didn't take the pain killer last night.  I opted to able to poop this morning.  If you've taken codeine you know what it does to the bowels.  Today I might take sone in about an hour before I head out to my marriage counseling session.  What do I care, I don't have to drive! 

So I'll find out today if its the synthetic in the hydrocodone and oxycodone or if its the codeine itself.  Don't worry I live right next to the hospital.  Oh and I've learned to keep Diphenhydramine HCL  and my rescue inhaler in my purse in case of allergic reactions.

I just can't believe Dr. C. only prescribed me a stingy amount of the drug.  He knows that I only rely upon narcotics when all else fails.  The oxycotin I used the other day was left over from May of 2011, prescribed for the same reason as what I'm dealing with now.  I'm such a drug addict...insert more sarcasm!

Egg Retrieval Today

I always said I have two left feet when it comes to trying to dance and turn right.  Well this time I put it on the socks and I decided to write Left backwards on the left sock.  Dr. C. got a chuckle out of them.

J was ushered off to collection right away and I was drugged up shortly after Dr.C. showed up.  Traffic in Seattle this morning was horrendous.   Even at 0615 hrs when we were driving through Seattle it was nuts.

This is the photo of the tops of my socks.  I put our first initials into the hearts and of course I put my "R" on the left one that I wrote left backwards on because I keep telling J that I'm more screwed up than he thinks.

Okay now a bit about my crappy morning.  I get to the clinic at 0700 hrs.  They tell me I'm way early.  I said no that I'm not as my appointment is for 0730 hrs and I was told to be there at 0700 hrs.  Think used car salesman attitude from the receptionist.  She is trying to persuade me that I'm wrong.  Nope not wrong I wrote it down.  Its really that they don't want to admit that they are running behind because my doctor is caught in traffic.  I hate when they lie to me.  My doctor even told me he was stuck in traffic.  I like my doctor.  He is honest.

This is me, caught with my eyes closed trying to get J to give me a kiss for the photo he is taking.  My beautiful hair net is falling off my bundled up hair.

As you can see I am smiling and I do have dimples.  Still not the best photo of me but I'm not wearing makeup either.

J has a big smile on his face but that is because the surgery is now done and we had good news.

9 follicles, 9 eggs.  Not sure how many are mature enough to fertilize but we got 9 eggs this time.  First IVF we had only 2 eggs out of the four or five follicles that were left after the other 3 ruptured on their own.

We have real hope.  Dr. C. will call me tomorrow with the news on how many made it.  I'm excited.  I'm hoping that at least 4 make it fertilization.

Before we left I had two shots of fentanyl and a heating pad before I was released.  The pain was worse this time and I was bleeding more, a lot more.  But right now I'm okay.  The bleeding has slowed down and the vicodin and an IHOP breakfast/lunch have taken the edge off. 

16 hours without food I was starved and I needed to take a pain pill.  I had a brunch type meal of chicken, biscuits, eggs and pancakes.  I pigged out.  So much for my under 2000 calories and under 1000 mg of sodium a day.  Well one day of splurging isn't likely to kill me.  But I have to say IHOP was wonderful about accommodating me with a booth that I didn't have to share a back with another table.  I wouldn't have been able to take some adult or child bouncing in their seat and vibrating my seat because of the bouncing.  So I tipped generously the waitress for being so darn nice.

Pain Killer Weekend

***Please note I'm blogging under the influence of Oxycontin.****

I haven't really gone to bed yet.  I've been up since yesterday morning.  The pain got worse today after I got my glasses straightened out.  I was at the AAFES mall and needed to get a few things done.

First off the only pair of size 14 jeans I currently own have been repaired by me and are old enough to vote.  Just this year they celebrated their 18th year in use.  Well okay I didn't get to wear them for all of the 18 years because my weight is like a yo-yo.  But I had to break down and buy another pair.  What better time to go clothes shopping  than January with all the big sales?

I got the pair of jeans for only $8.50.  I'm quite thrifty and proud of the price I paid for the jeans too.  I tried on two pairs in different brands and even though both pairs looked great on me I just didn't like the designer tears and wicked fading on the other pair.

I found out though three things when I tried on the jeans. 

1.  My back decided it didn't like me trying on jeans and spasmed.
2. The mirror was tilted down, making me look short and fat.
3. Finally my husband approved of the jeans and when I looked at myself I saw how great I looked too in good fitting jeans.  I never noticed how flat my stomach is getting.  I still see the fat chic when I look in mirrors.

Next stop was nail polish.  I bought two bottles, one in a pretty pink the other a red hot cinnamon color.  I needed the pick me up that painting my nails gives me.

Finally the last stop, the Commissary or grocery store if you will.  My back is screaming in pain by the time I cut to the head of the line because I'm allowed to since I'm handicapped.  Oh and the male cashier came around to me in line and said next time I had to "get in line with the rest of the others waiting.".  I said, "handicapped!".  He shut up.

I had J go out to the car and get my cane.  With the grocery cart soon to be taken away from me by a bagger I needed some sort of support.  I don't like using my cane if I can help it since it aggravates my carpal tunnel.  I caved and made him get it.  I was yelping in pain.  See the above scale for my "9" face.

The pain was bad enough the bagger could see it on my face.  Really nice German female bagger too.  She said, "I hope you feel better later."

I said, "I will after my Oxycontin."

Note that I rarely use the opiates because the idiots here don't prescribe them to me very often due to the fact that I'm TTC (trying to conceive).  Though it is fairly safe to take during pregnancy when other pain meds won't do the job.  My last script of the Oxycontin was from May  2011 when I had that 9 cm endometrioma rupture. Yes I was prescribed vicodin for the egg retrieval in October 2011 but I used that quickly and saved the last 7 of 20 pills of the Oxycontin for a "just in case day" and today was the day.

By no means am I drug abuser or user or pusher.  When I lived in NY my Army doctors at West Point had a running script for me of any pain killer I needed and so did my physical therapists in NY.  Why here they are ignoring my pain issues I don't know.  Oh and even then when I lived in NY I rarely went through more than two bottles of 30 count a year.  I could have filled it every month but I didn't.  I don't like to use pain killers if I can find other ways to push away the pain like meditation.

Sorry if the post is a bit confusing to anyone.  I did put the warning up that I was writing this under the influence too.  Think I'll go take a nap.

Baking Away The Pain

I'm a foodie that loves to bake and cook.  I've been in a lot of pain of late.  Those that follow my blog will know that I've been writing about the pain.  Yesterday while I was waiting for the vicodin order to finally get put into the system I just sat in my office watching House because I enjoy the humor in that particular show.

By evening my vicodin was finally in my hands.  But I didn't take any of it until bedtime.  I know I had told my spouse that I was going to hold off on taking it because I already had acetaminophen in my system from earlier that day and had to wait.  I don't think he heard me or if he did it just didn't register.  So I sat there for two hours in a near catatonic state willing the pain to go away.  I told my body to go numb.  It did.  My arms and legs got really cold and slowly the only thing that would move was the myoclonic jerks that I sometimes have when the sugar gets too low.  He wasn't happy with me.  But I couldn't speak to him.  I could blink.  If I moved voluntarily the pain would start up again.  Eventually I pulled myself out of it to fetch us both some dinner a half hour before bed time.  J was refusing to eat worrying about me I guess or perhaps he was being a bit childish thinking I wasn't speaking to him out of anger.  Truly it wasn't anger and he should have realized that I did this to stop the pain.  I've done it before.  When Zen breathing doesn't help I lock myself down.

So today I'm taking the vicodin every 6 hours as directed.  It stopped working after the second dosage.  My lower back and pelvis are hurting.  I can't afford to take more me time away from us.  I have promises to keep.

I have in the oven right now a Lemon Loaf.  I figured it was easy enough to make and the soldiers at the COF would still chow down on it.  Sorry that its not cookies this week but I just don't have the energy to make cookies with my pain.  J has his CLS (combat life saver) class this week to re-certify however, he does go back to work each day after the class is over.  I know this because he called me from work yesterday.  No he didn't stay home with me yesterday.  I was left alone to my own devices, all part of being an Army Wife.

Tonight I'm making a casserole.  Pastitio to be exact.  I have all the ingredients here to make it and its easy enough that I'll not be standing for too long to make it.  Plus I'll have left overs so I won't have to cook tomorrow.

Tomorrow I have a dental appointment.  I'm having three cracked fillings removed and refilled.  I'm hoping the cavities that are now under them aren't too deep.  I'm not sure how much more pain I can take.  Luckily I won't have to drive tomorrow as J said he'd take me to this appointment.  Maybe they'll give me gas.  I've never had gas at the dentist and as a kid my mom refused to let them give me any pain killer including novocain.  Mom still doesn't use novocain.  I guess she likes the pain of getting her mouth drilled.  Sick person.

My mom is not on my happy list at the moment.  Right now I need a mom to turn to with this female pain.  I called her up and talked to her, instructed her not to tell dad about the issue.  She didn't sympathize with me at all.  No my own mother tried to top my pain.  This is not a competition.  Maybe she thinks it is.  My mom has never had ovarian cysts.  She did have a fibroid in her uterus.  But you'd think she would at least try to comfort me.  I don't think she knows how.  She always ran to me to have me comfort and wait on her.  When she hurt her back, one disc herniated, she expected me to wait on her and I did.  So now that I really need her to comfort me over the phone since she lives 3,000 miles away.  But she can't find it in her to show me compassion.  Mental anguish over that one but I have a choice.  I can just deal with the fact that I am very little more than bump in her life or cut her out of mine.  I guess I won't call her very often.  I can't remove her, I'm too soft-hearted and probably too stupid.

I'd like to say things can only get better from here but I have to be a realist.  I still have two more ovarian cysts and they aren't small.  They could rupture.  I could develop thick scars from the rupture that would prevent my eggs from getting out of my ovaries.  That would mean ovarian drilling and I'm not sure at my age I'm willing to have that done.

I'm going to try to not wallow, at least for long, in self-pity.  Twice today my PCM's office called to schedule a blood pressure check.  Yesterday my blood pressure was really high because of the pain.  Twice I've now explained to them that is was because of the ovarian cyst rupture. Both the the staffers have now told me to take care of me.  I'm not sure I know how to just take care of me.  I've always taken care of everyone else.