CD 19 10DPO

I'm waiting for answers as its now CD19 10DPO.  I'm seeing just the control line on the HPT.  Yes, I know its really early still.  I know that I shouldn't be testing at all until CD25 or 26 but I can't wait.

I'll let you guys determine in your minds my possible outcome.

Here are my symptoms:

• Breasts are so sore that a hug good bye last night, while wearing my winter coat almost brought tears to my eyes.  They are swollen, heavy, really heavy and even the blanket hurts when I sleep.  Bending over makes them move in my bra and it hurts.
• I had pink spotting for a minute just after midnight when it became 9DPO.  Nothing since.
• I've been getting uterine twinges of pain since 8DPO through yesterday.  
• Forgetfulness.  
• Dizziness
• Nausea
• Fatigue, I've been yawning sleepy for a few days starting about 1400 hrs and onward.
• Bloat.  My 14's are tight enough with just 1 pound of weight gain in a week.  I'm back in my 16's.  Oh no wait gain from yesterday's feasting either, I gained the one pound slowly over the week with no change in weight from Wednesday to Friday.
• Slight irritability but its due to the other conditions because I can't get comfortable.
• Headache
• Sensitivity to smells.  Ugh unwashed body near me yesterday almost made me puke.

I'm sure all of the above can be attributed to PMS and other issues I have.  I know the ovary pain when I have an involuntary stretch is a real killer on the left side.  The left ovary I ovulated from this cycle.  So if I'm not pregnant this is going to suck with an ever increasing cyst.  I've had them before. The 9 CM cyst from hell.

I have to pick up my IVF meds soon.  I was going to pick them up and store them in the fridge but if I'm pregnant I'm not going to need them so why bother?  I'll know soon enough when the red witch shows up to curse me once again.

According to my IVF calendar I don't start the birth control until the 18th of December and I have three packs on hand here; so there is really no need to go pick up my medicine from the pharmacy this very day.  I can wait a week or two or three since I won't be starting the injections until around the 11th or 12th of January.  Might as well keep the fridge for food and not drugs as long as possible.

Besides its a holiday weekend and my spouse has it off.  Might as well spend some time with my soldier.

Now if anyone has any guesses, its still really hard to tell, put them below in the comments.  I'm not going to yell at you if you were wrong.  Remember I'm not a spring chicken in the IF world so its not like I have a high probability of getting pregnant.  I'm not lucky enough to be blessed with Michelle Duggar's fertility.

First IVF Scan

Well today was a bit of a busy day.  It was also a day of disappointments.

I'm waiting for a phone call to let me know if I'm allowed to go ahead with my stim shots this coming Monday or if they are going to halt this IVF cycle.

Yesterday was my cardiology appointment.  I'm all in the clear with them.  Even though my EKG showed some abnormal it was within limits.  My labetalol dosage is now doubled to keep my blood pressure under better control.  I'm ready.

But maybe my ovaries aren't so ready.  I had my estradiol blood work done promptly at 0715 hrs.  I was there at the laboratory at 0658 hrs pulling a tab for my number to get called.  I had real hopes, until the scan.

0800 hrs and I'm sitting in the waiting room at the REI office.  My appointment is now but I'm still waiting to get called back.  I'm anxious.  I want to see if the endometriomas are gone.  I'm frustrated because I'm bleeding and I'm not sure that I'm supposed to be.

0820 hrs.  Finally I'm in the exam room.  Of course they stick me in the smallest one this time.  What did I do to deserve the small room?  Only one patient was before me and I know darn well that there are three big rooms with private bathrooms so why do I get the smallest one without a bathroom?

0840 hrs.  I'm cold sitting here on the exam table, wearing a paper sheet covering my lower half and just a thin silk shirt on the upper half.  Where is my doctor?

5 minutes later he finally shows up.  Then the bad news starts.

I'm supposed to have a bleed this week so that is all fine and dandy.  I have four follicles on the right ovary.  I have four follicles on the left ovary.  Well that's a start.  Not bad for a chic my age.  But wait is that a cyst we see?  NOOOOOO!  I tried to tell the doctor its right where the other endometrioma was but he says it looks more fluid filled unlike the one next to it with the shadow in it.

Okay so what now.  I'm told that this cycle might not happen.  I have to wait for the results of the blood test now.

I'm bummed.

In about an hour I'll know if I can go ahead with the stimulation shots or not.  If not where do we go from here?  I've taken 11 Lupron injections.  I want to have an egg retrieval but its not my decision.  If my estradiol level is below 50 then I'm good to go but just how far below 50 is allowable?  If I'm at 49 will they still allow it?

Yes, now I sit here and wait for the phone to ring.  Now I wonder if I'll get to graduate to the next shots.  Pitiful.

 *****NEWS FLASH****

Just got word from the REI clinic and its good.  My estradiol level was only 32!  I can start the stim shots on Monday as previous planned.  Woo hoo! 

Odd how excited a person can get about getting shots. I'm sure most IF peeps can understand the excitement.

Guess What I've Got?

Pain and bleeding.  I called my RE this morning and found out what the cause is right off when they returned my phone call a few minutes later.  The cause of my pain and bleeding is none other than OVARIAN CYSTS!  Yet again I have to suffer through another round of dealing with this crap.

It hurts to get horizontal, it hurts to have sex, it hurts to sneeze.  I'm now 2 days past ovulation and I was told that I know what to do.  Well what that means is that:
1) no more sex
2) no more jiggling
3) no more trampolines
4) take Tylenol and hope the pain goes away---yeah right
5) no heavy lifting

I'm about ready to scream and not just from the pain.  Seriously I only used the clomiphene citrate 1/2 a tablet daily for 5 days like instructed.  The RE's office nurse explained to me that even though the ovidrel made the eggs release from the follicles they decided to fill back up with fluid becoming corpus luteal cysts of large proportion, yet again.  She said that I seem to be prone to them.  Because for the next few days the fertilized eggs will be trying to implant they aren't going to do any poking around inside of me to check the size of the cysts unless the pain becomes too unbearable.  If it does I'm to go to the ER.

Last time I had a 9 cm cyst rupture and ended up going to the ER.

I just have one question....Why can't getting pregnant be easy for every female that really wants to get pregnant and hard for those that don't want to have children?

I'm cranky folks.  The pain is getting to me too.  I'm just glad I have on hand some percocet from last time.  I might need it again before this is done.

Ultrasound Gives Me Hope

0630 hrs and I'm taken directly in to the exam room and weighed.  Ugh I hate being weighed.  I'm still bloated from the cysts and I just don't want the further insult of finding out that I'm fatter than I'd like to be.  Next I'm told to undress.  I have the nurse from hell.  The nurse with no personality other than bitch mode.  It doesn't matter how much I try with this woman there is just no pleasing her.  She has a government contract so its not like she can be fired for being abusive until enough bad reviews come in.  The way she stares at me is so unnerving too.

So I get undress and wrap the thin paper drape about my lower parts hoping with slim chance for a bit of warmth because the room is so chilly.  Of all the exam rooms available at that time of the morning the nurse decides to stick me in the smallest.  There is barely enough space available for the equipment and me let alone my husband, the doctor and nurse.  Somehow we all fit into the room.

The doctor inserted the transvaginal wand and tells me what he is seeing.  He can see where the 9cm cyst ruptured on the right ovary and that the ovary has several follicles in it now.  Always a good sign with fertility to find plenty of follicles.  He showed me the screen image and I swear there must have been a dozen follicles staring at me from the right ovary.  Next he moved on the left ovary.  OUCH!  Okay that maneuver hurt.  I've still been in a lot of pain and especially since being off of the vicodin I feel the pain more acutely.  Left ovary shows that I still have two cysts but that both are now just under 4 cm each.  Its good news.  I'm happy.  They are resolving on their own.  Looks like I won't need the birth control and with luck these won't rupture but continue to resolve.

The doctor did tell me that there is still a chance as I rev up for another cycle that I could trigger those cysts to expand again with not being on the birth control and that it would take even longer for me to try to conceive again.  But I reminded him that if I went on the birth control I'd have to wait for a full cycle to pass after finishing the script to try and that I get migraines on them too.  Dr. B said that if they have to they'll surgically remove the cysts but that they prefer not to as it might mean removal of the ovary too.  He also said he'd prefer to not put me on the birth control as I have hypertension and the two don't mix well.

All the blood work came back negative or within normal limits.  Yes, even the cancer screening came back okay.  Or at least that is what I think he meant with the test about the markers.  So I need to celebrate a bit with the fact that I'm still lucky enough to be cancer free.  Maybe I'll buy another pair of cute socks.

I was prescribed percocet for the pain this time around.  Hopefully I won't have need for the pain killer after this script is done.  I really hope I don't get more ovarian cysts, well huge ones anyway since we know that  females need the cysts in order to release an egg.

I guess I can count my tan cowgirl socks as my lucky socks now.  I'll take all the luck I can get.

Thank you to everyone that kept me in their thoughts and prayers. 

Ultrasound Tomorrow

Tomorrow at 0630 hrs I have an ultrasound.  Or perhaps I could say a date with the dildocam?  Whatever way you wish to call it the transvaginal ultrasound is always uncomfortable for me, more so now with the ovarian cysts.

I'm hoping for a bit of good news tomorrow.  I keep hoping that the cysts will reduce in the process of resolving.  It didn't happen that way last week.  Last week I ended up the very next day after the transvaginal ultrasound in the ER.  The cyst on my right ovary, 9 cm had ruptured.

Tomorrow I'm going to don my tan and black cowgirl socks and put my feet in the stirrups again.  This time I'm hoping to win over this disease.   I want to keep trying to conceive but I know I'm running out of time.

The cancer blood work won't be back for another week.  I'm hoping like most folks do that it will be negative.  There is cancer in my family though it doesn't normally hit for another decade who is to say I'll be the exception.  If there was a choice I'd say please skip me.  One week more to wait on that test.  Hopefully I'll know the results of the other tests they did on me.  I was never told the results of the ones drawn in the ER.  Maybe my doctor will be able to look them up for me as well as the ones done last week Monday.

Yes, I'm full of hope.  I'm full of fear too.  I want reproduction to go smoothly.  I want to be one of those pregnant chics that has no complications but we don't always get what we want including getting pregnant and staying that way till a full term baby is handed to you after hours of labor.  No, some of us don't get the happy ending.  I want that happy ending and I'll keep trying until they tell us to give up.

Dental Appointment Today and other BS

Call me a glutton for punishment.  I have a dental appointment scheduled for this evening.  The bite wing xrays will be the easy part.  The hard part is going to be the removal of three cracked fillings, drilling, and preventing me from wanting to bite my dentist.  I hate dental work.

See I have really sensitive teeth and it doesn't help that I have fibromyalgia either.  With the two combined I'm just one big baby.  I'd say that the Vicodin I'm taking for the ovarian cyst rupture will help but that would mean that I'm lying through my teeth.  Maybe if I'm lucky they'll put me under.  I am bringing a driver with me.  Somehow I doubt that they'll put me under just for three teeth.

On to the construction zone.  I hear a chain saw going right now but off hand I can't see where the heck it is only that its got to be on one side of the house where there isn't a window.  I just walked into my kitchen for a glass of filtered water only to see that the excavator is back in my back yard.  Nice thing to see with a big open type claw near the window.  I opened up my back door and asked if they were going to fill in the trench finally.  They dug it out two weeks ago.  Not yet I was informed.  Around 20 May they will be adding in new wiring and possibly that week finish filling in the trench.  They were just there to dig it out again since with the rains it caused a bit of a mud slide.

I so can't wait for July.  July is when this is promised to be completed.  Earlier this week I watched a dump truck slip and slide with trying to back up over my right side lawn.  Or should I say what is left of it.  It's more mud than grass now. 

My neighbors that are moving out still haven't finished moving out.  I'd rather in some ways he didn't have to.  Yes these are the ones I've had problems with.  Seems as though his wife is divorcing him.  She is due to deliver their baby later this month but still she is divorcing him.  He is a sweet guy.  A bit whipped but being whipped doesn't mean he should have bad things happen to him.  He spoke with my husband over the weekend and told him that he is heading to Korea and that she has left him.  Their divorce should be final soon.  Really I think he is better off without her.  She has never been a nice person.

Mercury is finally out of retrograde.  As of 2 May it left.  Already I've seen the effects of it leaving.  Yesterday I received some back pay from an old employer as part of a settlement.  Not much but still it was nice to have.  The cyst rupturing on Tuesday showed that one part of my misery was coming to an end.  Maybe soon I'll be allowed to start back on the fertility drugs.  After being stalled for well over a month, communications with my lawyer over the workers' compensation case have now resumed.  Progress is finally being made on the construction in my neighborhood.  Things are getting back to a more normal pace in my life.  Thank Goddess!

Baking Away The Pain

I'm a foodie that loves to bake and cook.  I've been in a lot of pain of late.  Those that follow my blog will know that I've been writing about the pain.  Yesterday while I was waiting for the vicodin order to finally get put into the system I just sat in my office watching House because I enjoy the humor in that particular show.

By evening my vicodin was finally in my hands.  But I didn't take any of it until bedtime.  I know I had told my spouse that I was going to hold off on taking it because I already had acetaminophen in my system from earlier that day and had to wait.  I don't think he heard me or if he did it just didn't register.  So I sat there for two hours in a near catatonic state willing the pain to go away.  I told my body to go numb.  It did.  My arms and legs got really cold and slowly the only thing that would move was the myoclonic jerks that I sometimes have when the sugar gets too low.  He wasn't happy with me.  But I couldn't speak to him.  I could blink.  If I moved voluntarily the pain would start up again.  Eventually I pulled myself out of it to fetch us both some dinner a half hour before bed time.  J was refusing to eat worrying about me I guess or perhaps he was being a bit childish thinking I wasn't speaking to him out of anger.  Truly it wasn't anger and he should have realized that I did this to stop the pain.  I've done it before.  When Zen breathing doesn't help I lock myself down.

So today I'm taking the vicodin every 6 hours as directed.  It stopped working after the second dosage.  My lower back and pelvis are hurting.  I can't afford to take more me time away from us.  I have promises to keep.

I have in the oven right now a Lemon Loaf.  I figured it was easy enough to make and the soldiers at the COF would still chow down on it.  Sorry that its not cookies this week but I just don't have the energy to make cookies with my pain.  J has his CLS (combat life saver) class this week to re-certify however, he does go back to work each day after the class is over.  I know this because he called me from work yesterday.  No he didn't stay home with me yesterday.  I was left alone to my own devices, all part of being an Army Wife.

Tonight I'm making a casserole.  Pastitio to be exact.  I have all the ingredients here to make it and its easy enough that I'll not be standing for too long to make it.  Plus I'll have left overs so I won't have to cook tomorrow.

Tomorrow I have a dental appointment.  I'm having three cracked fillings removed and refilled.  I'm hoping the cavities that are now under them aren't too deep.  I'm not sure how much more pain I can take.  Luckily I won't have to drive tomorrow as J said he'd take me to this appointment.  Maybe they'll give me gas.  I've never had gas at the dentist and as a kid my mom refused to let them give me any pain killer including novocain.  Mom still doesn't use novocain.  I guess she likes the pain of getting her mouth drilled.  Sick person.

My mom is not on my happy list at the moment.  Right now I need a mom to turn to with this female pain.  I called her up and talked to her, instructed her not to tell dad about the issue.  She didn't sympathize with me at all.  No my own mother tried to top my pain.  This is not a competition.  Maybe she thinks it is.  My mom has never had ovarian cysts.  She did have a fibroid in her uterus.  But you'd think she would at least try to comfort me.  I don't think she knows how.  She always ran to me to have me comfort and wait on her.  When she hurt her back, one disc herniated, she expected me to wait on her and I did.  So now that I really need her to comfort me over the phone since she lives 3,000 miles away.  But she can't find it in her to show me compassion.  Mental anguish over that one but I have a choice.  I can just deal with the fact that I am very little more than bump in her life or cut her out of mine.  I guess I won't call her very often.  I can't remove her, I'm too soft-hearted and probably too stupid.

I'd like to say things can only get better from here but I have to be a realist.  I still have two more ovarian cysts and they aren't small.  They could rupture.  I could develop thick scars from the rupture that would prevent my eggs from getting out of my ovaries.  That would mean ovarian drilling and I'm not sure at my age I'm willing to have that done.

I'm going to try to not wallow, at least for long, in self-pity.  Twice today my PCM's office called to schedule a blood pressure check.  Yesterday my blood pressure was really high because of the pain.  Twice I've now explained to them that is was because of the ovarian cyst rupture. Both the the staffers have now told me to take care of me.  I'm not sure I know how to just take care of me.  I've always taken care of everyone else.

Back From The Emergency Room

Well that was a very interesting morning.  It all started yesterday.  Yesterday I had my ultrasound which yielded not so pleasant news.  My cysts weren't going down or so I thought.  I guess the RE doc didn't know how to fully read the ultrasound.  Nor did she know how to use the device without inflicting major pain on my pelvic area.

I got home from the visit and my pain increased through out the day.  I never went to bed last night.  The pain was so bad at one point it felt like my right ovary was being pulled out through my back.  I'd sit and it felt like a rod was being shoved up my rectum and out through my right side pelvic area.  I think you get the point of pain I was in.  The acetaminophen wasn't keeping the pain at bay.

At 0500hrs today I could no longer take the pain.  I asked my husband to take me to the Emergency Room.  I couldn't sit and standing was making me faint the pain was so bad.  My blood pressure was at 164/105 because of the pain.

After an hour wait I was given a room and told to undress then don a gown.  My doctor didn't have a great bed side manner but the nurse was really pleasant.  I made sure she knew just how nice it was to see someone who'd smile.  Of course the Dilaudid injection via IV also helped.  Only sharp pain was felt after that liquid gem was given to me.

A pelvic exam revealed what I already knew, nothing to be seen as per an infection.  I knew I didn't have one.  The ultrasound was next.  A full pelvic scan and a transvaginal.  Turns out the reason why the RE doctor was having a difficult time seeing definition in the cysts, I have a third now.  Two on the left and one on the right.  Or so I thought.

Okay the doctor comes back with the results.  I do have two on the left.  One has reduced 1 cm in size to 5.5 but the new one is 4.5 cm.  As for the one on the right, the one that was 9 cm, well it ruptured.  Yeah, the reason why my pain was so bad.  Oh but its okay the doctor told me.  Sure like he'll ever feel ovarian cyst pain on a personal level.  He said it was blood filled but that too was okay.  Um, NO!    He shrugged it off.  Easy for him.  But what I want to know is where is the blood supposed to go now?  I'd rather it not lead to Endometriosis.

I'm to follow up in a week with the RE again.  One week earlier than planned.  I have my doubts that they'll want to see me so soon.  I was released at 0933 hrs and told to take acetaminophen for pain.  Really?  Seriously how is that going to cut the pain that I'm still in?  I was taking that yesterday and it did nothing to take the edge off the pain.  Sheesh you'd think they could at least give me some percocet for a few days.  The nice nurse thought he'd prescribe antibiotics because of the blood released into the abdomen however he didn't prescribe that either.  I was released without restrictions.  Does this mean I'm finally allowed to have sex?  I some how doubt it.  Not like I'm up to having that kind of activity just yet with the pain I'm in.  If the zofran doesn't prevent me from vomiting I'm to go back to the ER.  Well the Zofran is listed on the discharge instructions but no he didn't prescribe that prescription drug.  So um, what is wrong with this picture?

I feel like I got only half the medical treatment I was supposed to get.  Something is terribly wrong with this picture considering after taking the dilaudid I'm supposed to be on restricted activity for the day but yet the doctor released me without limitations.  Does this mean that I can disregard what the nurse said about not driving?

If the post doesn't make much sense blame the dilaudid for dulling my senses a  bit.  However I think I'm coherent enough to realize when I get the shaft at the medical center.  I think I'd understand the quality of treatment I received this morning had the place been busy but the ER waiting room had only five patients including me waiting to be seen.  When I left there at 0933 hrs the waiting room was empty.  So why the callousness of the treatment from the doctor?  Why did I only get partial care?  They evicted me even before the results of the several vials of blood work were done.  The doctor had me signing the release papers and telling me to get dressed and go when I still had the pic line attached.  I find that rather odd.  Hmmm....maybe they wanted a breakfast staff meeting and I was interrupting it with my pain? 

If you can think of a valid reason for my rushed and poor quality treatment today please explain it to me.  I'd really like to know.  I want to have faith in my military medical treatment facility but I'm finding it rather hard to have any today.

Open Letter To My Friends

Dear Friends:

I thought I'd start this open letter to all of you with a thank you.  I appreciate the support that you have given to me since I started this blog.

Now even more I'm going to need that support.  The visit to my RE (reproductive endocrinologist) didn't end with the results that I had hoped for.  In fact the two ovarian cysts are now a mass.  My doctor couldn't define one ovary from the other nor could she tell which one had the mass alone as it looks like they have grown together.  The nurse commented that with the size of it she doesn't know how I can stand the pain.  I just do with nothing more than acetaminophen I have no choice, now do I?

The RE spoke with me after I got dressed.  My husband was with me in the room.  Again no sex.  Again no fertility drugs.  Again bad news.  She would put in the order for five blood tests.  She explained to me that they needed to do one test that would take two weeks to get the results back.  They were going to check for cancer.

The C word is always scary.  I've had cancer scares before.  Luckily I've been able to escape it thus far.  I'm not so sure this time. 

The first day of my next cycle I need to go back in for another ultrasound.  They found the first cyst on 29 March.  Its almost 6 weeks now and the first cyst has grown, another has formed  in early April. Now they've created a mass together.  In about two weeks I'll be at the point where if its still not resolved the RE is going to refer me to Oncology.

Friends, I need your support even more now.  I'm trying to not fall apart.  I'm hoping that I'll still have a chance to reproduce.  I want a child of my own genetics so very bad.  If I already had a child I think I might be a bit more resolved to the fact that I might lose one or both ovaries but still it would be an awful blow.

Believe it or not friends, other than my spouse knowing about this you are the first to know.  I'm almost afraid to tell my family.  My dad is not well and I don't think my parents could take the added stress.  When I had the heart attack I told my husband to not let my parents know about it.  I would tell them after I was out of the hospital.  It was just a mild heart attack with no damage.  Like I said my dad is not well and I don't want to involve them in this dilemma when it could turn out to be nothing.

So my friends, if you live close by I hope you understand that I'm going to be moody.  The next few weeks are going to be torture for me having to wait for the lab results.  I'm going to be more withdrawn and want to hide a bit behind my walls and read.  Reading relaxes me.

But for now my life goes on and its time to put another load of laundry in the machine.

Wishing all of you out there good health.

Rebecca

Weekend Plans and Promises

I didn't have a whole lot of sleep last night.  No its not because of the Royal Wedding Of William and Catherine.  Congratulations to the newly wedded Duke and Duchess of Cambridge!  I only watched about an hour of it this morning when I got up at my usual time.  It was back to bed for me afterwards in the hopes that the pain would subside long enough to get more sleep.  However the morning phone calls and construction workers at my door prevented me from gaining more sleep.  I'm about ready to flush the phone down the drain.

I'm revving up for ovulation.  Ovulation could make my ovarian cysts enlarge more though I'm hoping that it won't which is rather stupid because I've been told what can and most likely will happen if I ovulate on my own this cycle.  So the stabbing pain in my groin started in last evening.  At times it was causing me to clutch my groin area and groan. 

My husband and I have special plans for this weekend.  I can't afford to be in pain.  I so want to have these weekend plans and we need them for our couples bonding.   But I just found out that J has CQ duty tonight.  He had no idea until he was about ready to come home for lunch.  Oh joy!  He's been wondering when he'd have it next.  He's been wondering where the schedule has been hidden.  Now I'm wondering why they didn't tell him earlier this week so we could have changed our plans in advance of the weekend. 

We made some pretty important promises to each other for this weekend and now he's going to be too tired to see them through.  We thought about going on a movie date.  There is a free movie playing on post this Saturday that J has been wanting to see called Thor so I'm guessing we'll have to put that off because I know darn well he is going to be way too tired to do anything after CQ duty but sleep.  Can't see as I blame him either after having to stay up for more than 24 hours.

J feels bad about our promises and that he won't be able to keep them.  Sometimes what we do affects others as well and I really hope there will be no hurt feelings all around if the plans do crumble.  I tried, he tried.  Still it might all happen according to plan but I can certainly say that J will be very tired as will I, from so many sleepless night due to the pain.

On a sad note pertaining to one of my flower beds, the construction workers threw some boards into my flower bed killing off my white and blue morning glories and the red sunflowers I grew from seed.  After contacting their  project manager he said he'd make them fix it.  Well someone showed up today and said the boards did no damage.  Okay sure whatever.  I closed the front door and said FML and went back to bed.  Plant killing hurts me when I grew them from seeds.  They are my babies too.  It seems to be the only thing of mine that will grow of late and it means even more to me because I'm infertile.  So when some idiot treats my personal property like their scrap yard I become insulted and with good reason.  They killed my seedlings!  I had such hope for the little climbers and tall sunflowers.  I transplanted them with care.  All for naught.  Its so aggravating.  I could even picture my morning glories climbing over the fence in full growth and blooming oh so prettily.  But now there will be nothing.  No patriotic garden this year.  They even killed off my tomato seedlings leaving the boot print for evidence behind.  So much for their promise to make sure they didn't damage my garden.  Their fix was today to take some red plastic Danger tape and put it up across the garden area.  Too little too late!

Sock Love

I love socks.  When I saw a pair on another blogger's blog I knew I had to buy the socks.  She was buying them for a friend that was going through infertility treatments.  Its true that having a nice pair of socks can help cheer me up when I have to be poked, prodded and told information by my RE that I'd rather not hear.  Its not like the socks will change the outcome of the exam, but they will make me feel a bit more cheery as I wait through the exam.

So after some online searching I found the socks.  I wanted them badly enough to purchase two pairs in two different colors.  I love how these cowgirl boot design socks fit.  They fit my heavy calf muscles quite well.  My legs swell easily being off the water pills.  They are quite comfortable and the top band does not bind.  I love how they look just like cowgirl boots right down to the stitching and the contoured cuff.  I see my RE often enough to warrant more than one pair.  I purchased them in the tan and the pink.

My next ultrasound is the 2nd of May.  I'm actually looking forward to this appointment and putting my cowgirl sock/boot covered feet into the stirrups.  I'm hoping to hear good news.  If I get good news this time around I might just make these my lucky socks. 

The pain is lessening on my left side.  Maybe the tennis ball sized cyst is going down.  The grapefruit sized cyst on my right ovary is still giving me that gasp of pain feeling letting me know its there and that I am too.  Got to love pain.  Pain always lets you know that you are still alive.

If you want to buy the socks here is the website: http://www.beltoutlet.com/kbewocobonos.html#

Food To Cry Over

Yesterday I slaved over the stove to create a meal that J would love but had never had before, well at least not cooked by me.  J has had plenty of manicotti, the frozen cheese type, in his lifetime and has enjoyed none of it.  With a bit of cajoling I made him agree to give mine a try. 

See I make mine from scratch.  Mine is not just cheese but beef and onion are added in as well.  I took my time making it yesterday and spent 1.5 hours on just the prep work and another 30 minutes on baking it in the oven.  Yes I even grated by hand my cheeses.  It was worth it.

J said that this was the best manicotti he has ever had and was sorry that he didn't have me make it sooner.  He said he had tears in his eyes from the joy of the flavors in his mouth.  That brought tears to my eyes as well because I knew the pain of standing so long to make this dish was worth it, finally!

Unfortunately I won't be going back for seconds on this dish.  I have a tomato allergy.  I love trying to ignore it but the reverse peristalsis always reminds me that I'm not supposed to be eating tomatoes or tomato products.  Will I ever learn?  Probably not.

J took several of the manicotti with him this morning in his dog bowl, think Jacob Black, to have for his lunch at work.  He loves his dog bowl and he loves my manicotti.  All is well in the world.

Today I plan on baking a batch of oatmeal scotchies for him and his co-workers at the COF.  I've made the cookies for other people and his old civilian engineering office years ago.  The cookies were always a favorite of his grandmother too.  She couldn't wait for me to get them out of the oven.

My pain level is still about the same.  I'm not sleeping much and am up about every 30 minutes during the night.  Not much to be done about that.

OCS application update.  J went to sick call this morning to get the new medical paperwork done. Turns out S1 isn't so smart and the paperwork is good for two years.  Ugh!  So the only thing that actually expired in his packet were the references of which he started collecting during his deployment.  With any luck he'll have most of them in hand by the end of next week so that he can re-submit his packet.  Wish him luck.