Delay, Dilemma, or Doom

I can feel a storm approaching in my ovaries.  I know that sounds a bit odd but those that have suffered through IVF will understand.

One of the RE doctors called me yesterday about my E2 day 3 lab results.   I knew it couldn't be good since the clinic was closed due to the snow so they would only call if it was bad news.   It wasn't good.  I can find no one that would cheer about a count of 1064 on only day 3.

I'm taking a deep breath in right now and trying to blow away the stress.  I might end up with a cancelled cycle.  I might end up with OHSS if the number continues to climb.

Dr. B. told me the Gonal-F will have to be reduced from the 525 to 375.  The Lupron and Menopur will both stay where they are right now.

I should have known this was going to happen.  Tuesday I started producing the egg white fertile cervical mucus that we infertiles always seem to look for each month.  I had it and I'm like wtf?  Seriously why now?  Something isn't right.

I should have known when yesterday my pelvic region is so puffy that my 16's are snug from only a 0.6 lb weight gain in two days.  Forget wearing my l4's which were still lose on me only three days ago.   It looks like I've gained 10 pounds.  Today I stepped on the scale only to see another 0.6 added to my weight in just one day.  That makes 1.2 pounds in three days.  Will the weight gain stop?  Its not my eating for sure, I'm closely monitoring what I eat and how much exercise I get.

I should have known when the cramping started and the back pain became almost unbearable.  Usually that pain only hits when I'm close to the retrieval time or ovulation itself.  The pain was radiating down my legs and up my back.

So yes, I'm a bit worried.  Hopefully I'll keep my blood pressure down.  Hopefully the Circle + Bloom will work its magic and I'll just have extra recruits. I had only 5 antral follicles.  I'd love to have 10 so that I might be able to freeze an embie or two.

But I'm being a realist here.  I'm quite aware that this cycle might be cancelled.  I've prepared my husband for the worst.  Now I'm going to hope for the best.

If you are the praying sort would you keep me in your thoughts and prayers that this cycle will still give me that take home baby?  I know its a lot to ask for, but I'd do the same for you.

Extra Extra

I found out just exactly what is going to change this time in my protocol.  Well I knew some of it before but not all of it until yesterday.

I will not be doing the PIO injections because J won't be around to give them to me.   I'll be doing the Endometrin suppositories.

I will be doing two shots daily of the micro dose Lupron.

I will be doing 525 of the Gonal-f this time instead of the 450 dose I did last IVF cycle.  This means an extra injection each night.  Since I put J in charge of this particular shot I don't think he is going to like knowing he'll have to give me extra.

So at my peak its going to be 5 injections daily.  Think I might take up a second job as a sieve.  I bet I could process water pretty quickly with all those puncture holes.  Yes, I know that won't happen but I will be all the more bruised this time around.

In other news, though Dr.C. said I won't have a bleed with a lining of only 4.2 mm; guess what he is wrong.  Maybe its just from all the poking around he did yesterday, it was pretty painful, but I'm bleeding like I'm having a period.  Maybe he just shook loose some of the endometriosis.  All I know is that I nearly crushed J's hand yesterday from the pain and the pain is pretty intense today as well.

Its All Here

Finally the rest of the medicine arrived today.  I was waiting on the micro dose Lupron to arrive via Fed Ex.  Now all my meds that need to be in the fridge are in the fridge and the rest are on a shelf in the dining room where I do my injections.  The micro dose Lupron is in the bin on the left, but the Menopur basically hides it.

My husband is home today and was there when the Fed Ex truck arrived with my medicine.  I was a bit surprised at how big the box was for such a small bottle.  It came in a small cooler which wasn't a surprise but the sharps container and the needles were a nice bonus.  We used an old 2 liter soda bottle for the last needle disposal.  I still have plenty of room in the bottle for this round of injections.  Why would I think to not use the sharps disposal this time?  Well I don't know really but since I already have a disposal container going why bother to start another one is what I'm figuring.

In about two weeks I start my first round of injections for this cycle.  Since we are doing the micro dose of Lupron I'll be starting with the shots on the 14th of January after my first suppression scan.  I'm kind of worried about starting so late with the shots as I'm an early ovulater.

Originally I would have started the Lupron regular dosage on the 1st of January, the same day my husband is going to take his antibiotics.  I have to say, "Yay", to not having to take as many shots though in the end it will even out since I'll be doing two shots of the micro dose Lupron daily when I do start them.

Another difference this time around will be that I won't be doing the PIO shots either.  No, its not because of the pain as they really didn't hurt my hard ass except when J forgot to let the alcohol dry fully before stabbing me with the needle...that hurt!  But its because J is going to be taking on several new hats with being on Rear Detachment for this deployment.  This means he won't be around and if he deploys soon he definitely won't be around to give me the shots either.  We opted to go with the endometrin suppositories this time.  I guess I'll be stocking up on panty liners next time I go shopping.  Better yet I'll buy the super long size from online and skip the odd looks at the grocery store check out line.

So now I'll go do some research to find the best online deals on pantyliners.  We'll see if buying on line saves me money or if the embarrassment of buying them by the case at a store is worth the savings.

Bruised In More Ways Than One

I'm bruised.  Not just on my arm but its a starting point. 

Yesterday I had my Estradiol level drawn and the guy wasn't all that gentle.  Not only did he bruise me but he left a spider web of blown veins resulting in pretty purple lines on my arm.  I'm none too happy about it either.

My levels aren't what I was hoping for either.  My ego is now bruised.  I was hoping that even at my advanced age of 42 I would some how beat the odds.  No such luck.  My Day 3 Estradiol level was 82.  Anything above 80 means that my egg store is depleting.  Looks like this might just be my last try for a baby. 

I was hoping for another try next year, head in the clouds, after delivering a healthy baby next summer.  I can dream.  I can stay positive.

This is a 2 x 2 inch round bruise from one Lupron shot on my abdomen.  The other red dots are from other shots for this IVF cycle.

Funny how no one told me to expect bruising from the smallest needle.  Its a bloody insulin needle!  I would have thought that perhaps the needle from the Menopur would bruise me but no, the Lupron shot got me.

Luckily enough neither of the two bruises hurt.  The Menopur does sting when its injected but for me I'm able to tolerate it well enough.  Maybe all my fat helps?

Different subject here.  The cookies I made yesterday are the Oatmeal Scotchies recipe on the back of the Toll House morsels bag just substitute the butterscotch chips for the same amount of milk chocolate chips.  The soldiers at the COF love them or so I was told at lunch time by my husband.

Tonight I'm going to make No Chop Pastistio for dinner.  This means I need to get my duff off my computer chair and get started on making it pronto!  Its a delightful dish but there is a lot of messy prep work for that particular dish.

IVF Frustrations

Its been one of those kind of days and its only half over.  I didn't get to sleep last night because I let a phone call annoy me.

Stress is my enemy right now.  I don't like getting a phone call from one of my husband's co-workers especially when he berates me.  What did I do?  Well I guess I'm such a tight-wad that I won't let my husband have a new cell phone.  I explained to the man on the phone that I have no control over my husband and that he chooses to use his old trac fone because he likes it.

J has told me more than once he doesn't want a new phone because he doesn't want a leash on him.  He fears that like the rest of his co-workers he'll become addicted to the apps on the phone and not want to do anything else all day long but be a slave to it.

So I get chewed out.

Oh and get this, I have my husband explain to the neanderthal that I don't like being shouted at on the home phone and told I'm cheap.  The guy denied he ever said that and that he was just joking.  I heard no laughter in his voice.  GRRRR.

So I had a sleepless night, an argument with my spouse about how his job is leaking stress into our home life, and the fact that J screwed up a shot last night.  I swear he dumped a quarter of the menopur out of the needle.  I had to take the syringe from him and administer the shot myself.  So last night I gave myself two of the three shots.

I'm so frustrated.  I want to cry, scream, and in general have a tantrum like a 2 year old with these hormones.  Oh, but I'm not allowed to because of the stress level.

So after one hour sleep today I had my estridol level drawn.  I just hope my numbers aren't too screwed up.

I've been throwing my stress into my home projects.  Yesterday I finished the reupholstering of my computer chair seat.  As you can see from the photo it turned out well.  I even added another layer of padding and I have to say to myself, "nice job".

I even had time to strip the majority of the old finish off of the dining room table yesterday.  I added a thin layer of spray wax to hold it for a while until I get the time to strip more of it all.  Naked wood means wood can warp and I'd rather my dining room table not warp.

Today's project is just cookies.  I'm in the midst, yes while typing this, of baking chocolate chip oatmeal cookies.  Its a first for me and a request from one of my husband's co-workers.  No not the bum that called me and upset me.

I'll let you know if the cookies turn out good enough to post the recipe and a photo of cookies tomorrow.

Three Shot Night

I have to say that my produce bins in my refrigerator are not filled with fruits and vegetables but they are filled with hormones.  One day I'd like to have them filled once again with the appropriate food items.   That's not to say that the foods  on the market these days aren't filled with hormones but usually you'll not find any of those foods in my refrigerator as I've moved to organic over the course of four years.



Never in my life would I have thought I'd be looking forward to getting needles stuck in me.  But tonight I am.


The Lupron injection goes down to just 5 units tonight from the 10 units I was previously injecting.
I'm already a pro at the one shot a night and so is my husband since he's been giving me the majority of the 15 lupron shots to date.  Tonight we add two more shots to the regimen.
J isn't too happy about having to give me the Gonal F shot as he doesn't want to hurt me and is afraid he'll do just that with that particular heavy duty pen like shot.  I think perhaps I should give that shot to myself if he is so hesitant.  However, he is a soldier and will follow orders so perhaps, I have to chuckle here, if I order him to shoot me, with the needle, he will?

The Menopur is a three vial concoction for us.  We mix two of the powder with one of the sterile liquid bottle.  Using a Q cap and mixing with it seems so simple but thankfully we have a number we can call if we have questions before we mix it.

Day 3 Of Lupron Injections

Sunday night was the first night of the injections.  I managed to give myself the first injection in this IVF cycle.  It wasn't too difficult and my hands only shook a little as I was trying to draw the Lupron out of the vial.  Last night it was J's turn to give me the injection.  He was still nervous but no where as nervous as he was on Sunday night watching me stick my abdomen with the needle.  He was cringing on Sunday night. 

I offered to give him a shot but he refused.  I'm a bit evil at times considering I wanted to use the biggest needle we have on hand which would be the 18 gauge!  Oh, but the REI nurse said I could give him his antibiotic in an injection.  However, she was laughing so I think she didn't take me seriously.  Darn!

Around the 10th I'll be decreasing my current Lupron dosage to 5 units and start taking the next two medicines concurrently.  Three shots in one night sounds daunting especially since they won't all be the small insulin needles.  The Gonal-F is a big honking pen that looks like its going to hurt even if the needle is relatively small.  The Menopur has a Q-cap on it and a 25 gauge needle versus the 29 gauge needle of the insulin.  Still it beats the heck out of the progesterone which starts at an 18 gauge to draw then a 22 gauge to inject.

Now for the side effects I've been experiencing with the Lupron.  I've been flushing in the face shortly after the medicine is injected.  Forget restful sleep.  I've been getting increased nightmares the past two nights along with night sweats.  The headache is still there.  I've had increased urination at night which is causing my potassium levels to drop even more.  I have hypokalemia to start with so when I pee even more than usual I'm losing more of the potassium which will in turn cause my muscles to cramp up.  I had one hell of a charlie horse in my back last night.  Maybe I should increase my potato chip intake since potatoes are high in potassium, yes higher than bananas.

One good thing to note, no weight gain from the Lupron as of yet.  I say yet because I just started it this week and I've been told by family that has taken it that weight gain goes along with Lupron like steroids and weight gain are a pair.