Suppression Scan

Well I failed.

My lining, even though I've been spotting for a whole bcp pack and lightly bleeding since Friday, was 11mm.

I have 6 residual follicles from ovulating on the pill about two weeks ago.  Yeah, I remember quite well how much fricken pain I was in two week ago.  I hurt so bad I couldn't eat and lost 4 pounds.  Yes, I ovulated while on the pill.

Biggest follicle was measuring in at 11mm.  Must be I like the number 11 today.

Had my blood work at 0700 hrs.  Waiting on the results now.  Then waiting on the result to get sent to PNW. 

Meanwhile I picked up more needles for the Lupron as I didn't have enough for this cycle on hand.  If I have to go yet another week on the Lupron I'll need an additional vial, especially if I'm kept at 10 units.

Just got the lab results.  E2 was 20 which means I am suppressed.  However, I just called Nicole at PNW and being that my lining is so thick she'll have to consult with the doctor to see if they want to keep my Lupron at the higher dose for another week.  Dr. B, who is just back from Afghanistan, said just as much to me today during my visit.

So I sit here and wait.

On the weight thingy.  I lost the pound I gained over the weekend plus 0.4 more overnight.  So just as I figured it was bloat. 

Hopeful For Something Good

I posted this key chain in my shop this morning.  I think of my dad when I see that patch and especially when I see this key chain.  My dad was in the 82nd Airborne back in the early 60's.

Today was the appointment with the RE.  I didn't do another OPK.  No sense in wasting it as I was soon to get some scientific evidence of my ovulation.

Dr.C. was on today.  He inserted the wand and I had a bit of discomfort.  No cysts.  Yay!  I really think my modified Endo Diet is really helping.

My uterine lining was 12mm.  Yikes!  If I get a period in 14 or so days it's going to hurt as bad as the last cycles.

But it's good that it's so fluffy Dr.C. and Nurse M told me.  I have follicles.  Yes, follicles as in plural.  Unmedicated friends.  I did it all on my own again.  Looks like I should ovulated for sure in the next 24 hours.  Bring on the sex.  We've been practicing every night for the past three days.  I know we are depleting the numbers but I look at this way...more bombs to hit the target rich environment over several days.

I have a 21 mm follicle that looks perfectly normal on the right side.

I have a 26 mm follicle on the left that again looks perfectly normal.

I have a third one but he didn't measure it as he said it looked too small to be of any good.

Dr.C. was pleasantly surprised and had hope for us for this cycle since my body is now responding normally for two full cycles.

I reminded him I'm old.  I told him I doubt the eggs are any good.  He said that my body has to at some time produce a few good ones so why not one of these.  He was the doctor that did my two IVFs so he knows that I do occasionally have a good egg.

I talked to him about progesterone support and getting the P4 done next week Monday.  He agreed to the test but doubted I'd need the progesterone.  I said it's for the endometriosis since it can be quite painful to have a bleed.  He understood that part especially with my lining being 12 mm and the size of the clots I said I had passed.  He'll decide after the P4 results.

I told him that we'd still like to do donor eggs if J can re-enlist.  He, the one who originally suggested we consider doing donor eggs, thought now that we might not need it.  WTF?

So okay I'm going into my two week wait tomorrow.  He didn't do a blood draw today to check the E2 or P4.  The follicles didn't show signs of collapsing in yet.  I'm guessing tonight it is time to send in the sperm to hold hostage the eggs.  Wish us luck.

Only Time Will Tell Now

I finished this particular hat last night and today I listed it in my shop this morning before I headed off to see my doctor.

I love this hat.  I have my doubts that I will ever have a child of my own for whom I can make clothing for or teach things to, or even hang up their finger paintings.

At 0720 hrs I had my blood draw today.  As I was sitting there another baby was being born in the hospital.  The music played over the loud speaker.  I knew my test would be negative.  Last night the pain on the right side was explosive.  Yes, explosive is the best word to describe the pain.

The nurse that works in conjunction with my PCM was nice enough to give me my lab results when I asked if they were in yet.  She said I wasn't to let the doctor know that I knew about it though.
E2  183
P4 5.94 or 5 something
HCG   Negative

Looks like I'm back in cyst country.  I called up my RE office when I got back from the department of Licensing today.  My PCM filled out the request to renew my handicap parking placards.  I picked up my new ones.  He also put in a request for physical therapy today.  He wanted to put me in a boot or as some call it a walking cast.  I said no for now.  He said that if PT wants me in an air cast he is also willing to supply that.  Yes, my left ankle is still messed up from the new injury to it on the 29th of August.

I asked, in the voice mail I left, for my lab results and a follow up appointment.  Something is going to need to be done.  I know that they offered to take out the offenders last time but I'd like to keep my ovaries for a bit longer.  You could say I've grown attached to them.

I want a child but then I don't want a child.  I want a baby but only if J can be here with me to watch it grow up.  I'm scared that one day he won't come back.  Typical feelings mind you considering his employment.

I'm a bit depressed today and am eating my depression.  Since I'm not pregnant I asked J that on his way home he could see if the commissary has lox and cream cheese on hand.  Salmon is good for me.  That is how I'm going to justify the splurge.  Since I'm not pregnant I'm not worried about the soft cheese issue that pregnant women have to avoid.

Now what is going through my mind is the very fact that through out these past few months on until October if any of the IVFs or the one natural had made it I would have been either holding a new born or getting ready to give birth.  So today's Brahms lullaby playing over the loud speakers was a real kick in the pants.

I am thankful however that I still have a chance, if that is, I can go through with the donor egg program.  There is no guarantee.  I might still miscarry.  This is my killer womb we are talking about.  Damn endometriosis.

With the cost of donor eggs being so high; 30k for a fresh and 18k for a frozen I still can't see why they call it donor.  I mean the donor doesn't get much for them.  And at those prices I'd hardly call it a donation.  It's more like a state dinner function with dessert for two!

You know what?  I'd still pay out the cost if I knew for sure that J will be able to re-enlist.  For now I have to wait.  For now it's all a pipe dream and not one I can smoke.  Oh yeah, and I need to get the cyst problem under control. 

CD 17 9DPO

I posted this item at my shop today along with matching moon earrings.

So I caved in today and tested at home.  I was going to wait until tomorrow but with the symptoms I was having I needed to eliminate a factor.  Yes the test was negative.  I really didn't expect it to be positive since I know it's still early.  I'll test again tomorrow.

Last night I had a lot of right side groin pain.  It made walking rather difficult as the pain radiated down my right side to the knee.  I had J get my cane for me so I could walk supported to the bathroom at least.  I'm thinking that I have a cyst again.  The E2 number didn't drop low enough and the cyst that was on the right side was only 2.5 from the 5 it was before but we all know I'm special.  I also have a follicle cyst as of last week on the left side that was measuring a 3.

Symptoms:
I've now lost 3 pounds in two days
pelvic pain bilateral
pain radiating down right leg making walking difficult
sore breasts
hunger
oh and even though I've lost weight my jeans are tighter than ever in the lower pelvic region just above the pubic hair line.

This isn't looking good folks.  If I get another cyst it's going to put using donor eggs back farther on the shelf than I had hoped.  Sure a pregnancy would have or would be nice but I'm having my doubts about it being pregnancy symptoms.  Monday can't get her quick enough.  I think Friday I'll give the RE a call again and ask them to add E2 and P4 to the lab test.  Something isn't good.

Today's mail was all mine.  That is surprising to me since of late most of it has been J's.  He received his glasses and college materials in the mail the past two weeks.  Today I'm the winner though I'm not so sure that is a good thing.  One of the pieces of mail I received was 9 x 13 inch 1/2 inch thick envelope from my hospital.  Maybe its the records they finally got around to copying?  I'll open it now to find out.  Yup good guess.  It did say Department of the Army Commander Madigan on it.  I requested a few records, infertility ones, back in July...took a bit to get them huh?  Now I have something to read today.

#######UPDATE######
From the doctor notes on 4 Sept with Major S.  Got to love this one.  I have two follicles on the left ovary and one on the right.  She never told me I had more than one on the left.  Largest one was the one recorded and told to me besides the one on the right.  SO um, could I have ovulated two eggs?  Well not like it matters much now.

Blood Test Results

At 1455 hrs Pacific Time Nurse M ( my favorite one) called me with the results.  Before giving me the results she asked me what we were expecting.  I said that I was thinking that perhaps another cyst with the symptoms I'm having.

Here are the results for 7 DPO:
Estridol (E2) was 124
Progesterone (P4) was 9.73

Though I'd like to see the E2 lower and the P4 higher it is only 7 DPO.  Hopefully my unmedicated, totally natural cycle will fix itself.  The E2 level means that there is possibly some cyst activity.  The P4 level means that I ovulated accordingly.  Wishing it were a solid 10 but like Nurse M said its only .27 off from it.  I guess give it another day.

So the symptoms could be leaning either way.  I told Nurse M that I realize we could schedule a beta HCG for next week Monday which will be 14 DPO but I'm scared because that will only be CD21.  She wants to schedule the beta.  She is always nurse hopeful.

Thursday I can start POAS.  I'm holding back until then because I'll be 10 DPO by then and I might stand a better chance of seeing a faint line by that day.  If I don't that is okay too because I realize it is early still.

Yes it could be early pregnancy symptoms.  It could be PMS or another ovarian cyst.  I'm not going to dwell on it and I'll get back to the hat I'm currently crocheting.  I'm trying to see if I can make an adult variation of the baby hats I've made for my shop.

Off to the kitchen I go to make supper.  Organic no hormones Turkey for the turkey meatloaf, Yukon gold potatoes mixed with the last of the potatoes I grew this year for mashed potatoes and french cut string beans.  One of J's favorite meals.  Last night I made red cabbage and bockwurst for him.

If some how I turn out to be pregnant naturally again, its been almost a year since that fete, I'm going to seriously have to figure out just how the heck my body allowed it again.  Oh and definitely hope that this one will stick if there is one in there and I'll be praying that it will be healthy with my ancient eggs.

CD 15 7DPO

Available for purchase in my shop.

Well as I type this I'm waiting to get the results from my lab work at 0845 hrs.  I have to wait at least until 1045 hrs to call the clinic.

I'm glad I went into my clinic today before going to the lab.  I was going to request that the blood draw be a STAT.  Turns out that Nurse J never even had Major S put in the lab request.  Now I'm not liking Major S or Nurse J all that much today.  Guessing Dr.B. was on hand today as the blood work paper stated his name on it and not Major S.
Nurse S is wonderful.  I spoke with her and told her what is going on with me symptom wise.  I'm afraid to say that I think I might be developing another ovarian cyst.  So Nurse S had Dr.B.  (one of whom did my surgery the other being Lt.Col. B) put in my request for an E2 level as well as the  P4.

symptoms today:
bi-lateral pelvic pain
back ache
sore breasts
uterine cramping
fatigue from having a week of insomnia (it's getting to be hard to fall asleep at night.  maybe I should take naps during the day?)
hungry

I'm really hoping the E2 level is going down from the 316 of last week Tuesday.  When my estrogen is up my breasts start to hurt along with the other symptoms listed above.  Oh I realize they could also be PMS or early pregnancy symptoms.  I'm so used to the ovarian cyst pain symptoms though that I doubt it could be anything else.

I'll blog about the lab results once I find out what they are.

Delay, Dilemma, or Doom

I can feel a storm approaching in my ovaries.  I know that sounds a bit odd but those that have suffered through IVF will understand.

One of the RE doctors called me yesterday about my E2 day 3 lab results.   I knew it couldn't be good since the clinic was closed due to the snow so they would only call if it was bad news.   It wasn't good.  I can find no one that would cheer about a count of 1064 on only day 3.

I'm taking a deep breath in right now and trying to blow away the stress.  I might end up with a cancelled cycle.  I might end up with OHSS if the number continues to climb.

Dr. B. told me the Gonal-F will have to be reduced from the 525 to 375.  The Lupron and Menopur will both stay where they are right now.

I should have known this was going to happen.  Tuesday I started producing the egg white fertile cervical mucus that we infertiles always seem to look for each month.  I had it and I'm like wtf?  Seriously why now?  Something isn't right.

I should have known when yesterday my pelvic region is so puffy that my 16's are snug from only a 0.6 lb weight gain in two days.  Forget wearing my l4's which were still lose on me only three days ago.   It looks like I've gained 10 pounds.  Today I stepped on the scale only to see another 0.6 added to my weight in just one day.  That makes 1.2 pounds in three days.  Will the weight gain stop?  Its not my eating for sure, I'm closely monitoring what I eat and how much exercise I get.

I should have known when the cramping started and the back pain became almost unbearable.  Usually that pain only hits when I'm close to the retrieval time or ovulation itself.  The pain was radiating down my legs and up my back.

So yes, I'm a bit worried.  Hopefully I'll keep my blood pressure down.  Hopefully the Circle + Bloom will work its magic and I'll just have extra recruits. I had only 5 antral follicles.  I'd love to have 10 so that I might be able to freeze an embie or two.

But I'm being a realist here.  I'm quite aware that this cycle might be cancelled.  I've prepared my husband for the worst.  Now I'm going to hope for the best.

If you are the praying sort would you keep me in your thoughts and prayers that this cycle will still give me that take home baby?  I know its a lot to ask for, but I'd do the same for you.

Snow Daze

This is my neighborhood early this morning.  Yes it was just that blue outside from the morning light trying to peek through the snow clouds.  Its still snowing too but much brighter out.

Notice that the roads are not cleared?  According the the folks in ACU's over at Madigan all the roads on post have been cleared.  If that is so then someone forgot to plow my neighborhood.

I don't really mind.  I'm from upstate NY.  I grew up in snow country.  Its just the rest of the drivers around here that I'm not too sure about in these conditions. 

Personally I want to be outside building a snowman, not driving in it,   but J won't allow me to play. He's keeping me housebound.  He is being particularly over protective.  Its okay I understand.  If I catch a cold and get sick it will affect the out come of the IVF with my impaired immune system.  Me+Cold(fibromyalgia)=one sick lady.  I want to go get the mail but J knows that there is ice on the sidewalks under the snow and he doesn't want me doing that either.

Well I was going to go do what I wanted when he left for work today.  He got called in for a CQ shift that he wasn't supposed to have today.  He called me about 20 minutes ago from work and they again changed the roster, he'll be home shortly.  Though there is CQ duty always going the rest of work got cancelled today due to road conditions.

Funny we were able to drive on the roads this morning to get my blood work done at Madigan hospital.  We made it in safely there and back even plowing through snow drifts.  J loved hitting the gas to make the car slide sideways, not with traffic around of course.  I miss doing donuts on the ice myself.

So now I sit here in a daze, a wistful daze wanting to go play in the snow but I'm being treated like a kid with the flu.  So what am I to do?  I'll cajole and plead and beg on hands and knees if I have to for at least a snowball fight this afternoon.  I don't think I'll get him to budge because he has my health in mind.

Tomorrow when the clinics re-open on post I should have the results of my day 3 E2 levels to share with all of you.  I'm hoping for a number between 50 and 80.

Oh and on the bloat note, I've gained 0.6 pounds in two days from taking the stims.  Ugh!  It looks like I've gained 10 pounds my belly is sticking out so far.  Only one tiny bruise on my abdomen.

Life's Little Reminders

Yesterday I had a doctor appointment for a follow up for the sinus infection and to get a new referral for my ENT appointment.

Good news is that the sinus infection is gone.  Bad news is that the reason for the ENT appointment can still be felt with palpation of my throat.

I have to get another ultrasound, this time of my throat.  Its been two years since my last one of my throat.  We were hoping that the cyst on my thyroid had gone away instead last time, two years ago, there were now two.  I'm hoping that this time they are at least smaller.

I was reminded today of just how unimportant I am in the military food chain.  I went to make the appointment directly with ultrasound since they were so busy on the phone.  I get there the guy is holding a conversation with another employee while all of us wait on just one open window.  I get my number called and the man behind the counter gives me an attitude like, "what are you doing here?".  I ask to schedule an appointment and he tells me that they are only serving active duty for ultrasounds at the hospital and only those that live close by.  Smug now but not acting smug, I tell him, "I live right behind the hospital.".  I really do and sometimes I just walk to my appointments.  He said I'll get a letter in the mail in the next 7 to 10 days from a place off post to be seen.  WTF?  Seriously?  My ENT appointment is scheduled for the end of the month, not sure I can keep it due to the unknown factor of ER and ET.   But at this rate I'll see the doctor before I get the ultrasound done.

Five blood tests were run.  Since I needed to get my E2 level drawn for the suppression scan I had it done with the rest of the lab tests yesterday.  Just a few that were being done were the thyroid ones that most of us IFer know about like the T3/T4 TSH.  I had to have my potassium levels and a complete CBC done because I have hypokalemia (low blood potassium counts), and cardiac issues too.  Again my murmur was audible and I've been getting some chest pains when exercising and under stress.  I really don't want to go back on Metoprolol again, I'm already taking Labetalol.

Now about today's suppression scan and what the doctor saw and didn't see.

My E2 level was less than 20.  Dr. C was pleased as he wanted to see less than 50.

I have only 5 antral follies right now.  3 on the right and 2 on the left.  One 20 mm cyst that isn't producing estrogen and looks to be a endometrioma on the left.  Of course I'd grow one of those while on the birth control!  I hate endometriosis.

My lining is 4.2mm so I did have a period when I said I did to the REI nurse when I called her the other day and she said, "its not possible for you to get your period on the birth control, you must just be spotting."  Okay sure like I don't know my own body by now after having periods for 31 years!

I lost 7 pounds since my last appointment.  Yay!  Dr. C. is pleased with my count and thinks that with my low E2 numbers right now I might have more hidden antrals that are too small to be seen.  He had to do a lot of digging around and I was squeezing J's hand pretty hard from the pain.  I don't like the dildocam.  Because of the pain I was in Dr.C. stopping digging too far and apologized.  I always have pain from the transvaginal ultrasound.

I start my micro dosing of Lupron on Saturday.  Two injections a day until I start the stims.  Can't wait.

Here is hoping for a good number of 18 mm follicles come trigger day.  I need at least two, he'd prefer three to go ahead with the IVF.  I don't want this cycle cancelled.