Seeing Things

0400 hrs and I'm up just before the alarm clock is sounding its wake up for J.  Time for medications.  First the blood pressure medicine, then I pee in a cup, finally the Endometrin.  I tested this morning.

0800 hrs.  I got up again from bed.  Lazy me, at 0400 hrs after getting J off to work I head back to bed for a bit.  I go pee in a cup.

I tested twice this morning before I had to head off to see my doctor for my EFMP (exceptional family member program) update.  Well it wasn't really a doctor I got to see but a PA.  This particular one has an attitude.  But the paperwork got updated and now I just need my psychologist to sign off on her part then the next step is submitting it for approval.  Luckily this should only have to be updated every three years.

I weighed myself this morning before my appointment.  Same weight for the past three days.  I guess I'm done losing weight and now I'm just maintaining.

My blood pressure at the clinic was 120/65  awesome.  I'm doing well on keeping it down for the most part.  I have to keep it down as I'm already a high risk pregnancy with all my medical issues.

I walked into two door casings today.  Well rather hit the back of my shoulder on them with my balance issues.  Breasts are a bit tender and full today. Pelvis isn't hurting as much, few small pains but not much.  But I'm keeping hope this will work out and I'll get my baby.

Oh and as for the two tests, well its as I figured, its a bit early still to really tell.  But both times were really faint lines. If I hadn't tested for the second time I wouldn't have been able to tell it was so faint.  Remember I still don't have a Beta until Monday.  So tomorrow I'll be testing again.

Now as for the photo above.  I have an idea.  I've been thinking of it for a while and I mentioned it before to my friend Alex.  I think we were chatting about nursery ideas over the weekend and I was trying to think of things to get her later on as a gift.  Meanwhile I told her what I had in mind for the nursery of my dreams.

Yes, I realize all of this could very well go horribly wrong.  But, I have to keep hope.  For years now I've been planning and plotting.  I've embroidered several designs of wizards, sun and moon and dragon things to be framed for the nursery.  I was thinking about painting the walls, partly to look like castle walls and putting the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling.   Its not that hard to paint and I've seen the step by steps to do it but it is time consuming.  Oh and the bedroom door is brown so it would be easy to add some mock, easy to remove details to make it look like a castle door.  J loves the color grey so he'll be happy with my idea but not so happy when I hand him a paint brush I suspect.  I was thinking of making thermal curtains with sun and moons on them too.

I figure it would be a great nursery for our Princess or Knight.  It would be a sort of grow with you room since we'll probably only be stationed here until just before kindergarten begins.  What do you think?

Sand Castle Dreams

photo by me Sequim, WA

There are days like today when I'm exhausted that I just like to sit back in my chair and stare off into space.  I'll day dream about all the things I could be doing if only I had the energy.  Occasionally I think up something rather interesting and run with it.  Browsing through my photos from last summer's vacation I stumbled upon the one above.  The sandcastle isn't what it seems.  I mean its sand alright but its built over Spackle buckets and glued into place.  Sequim is one of the driest places in Washington state and I guess they wanted to prove just how dry it is by having a sand castle withstand the elements.

So as I stare at the sandcastle I'm thinking about the hopes and dreams I have.  Some are yet to be fulfilled like the dream of starting a family.  I'm waiting on the blood work results as I type this.  Yet again the home pregnancy test was negative.  Full of self pity I wonder why my body is betraying me.  What am I doing wrong since I produced five follicles this month and went with an IUI.

One of my other dreams is to be a writer.  I guess this blog is as good of a place as any to brush up on my writing skills.  I'm not going to brag about having my bachelor of science in English, but I do have one.  Odd as it might seem to have the science and not arts it was because I had quite a few science classes in addition to all my English classes. My grammar skills are sorely lacking.  I forget to use proper punctuation.  Maybe I need an editor to review my blog?

The final dream that floats through my head today is the dream of owning my own home and a nice size piece of acreage to go with it.  I grew up in Upstate New York on fifty-seven acres of woodland.  I'm used to wildlife, trees, and quiet neighbors.  My parents would always tell me how lucky I was to have all that land to play on when I'd beg for a ride to the mall to meet up with friends.  Guilt trip or were they correct?  I'm inclined to think its a bit of both.  They wanted to spend some time at home with one another while we played outside but they also wanted us to appreciate what they gave us with all that space.  I do miss Upstate New York but I don't miss the drugs, crime rate, and strict gun laws.  I will most likely never move back to my hometown no matter how much I long for the fresh air and old faces.  My home now is with my husband where ever the US Army might send us.  One day we'll have our own house, our little castle built on a foundation of love.