Overwhelmed

I'm so tired.

I've gained 7.4 lbs in a week.

Thank you statin med for messing me up so bad.  I'm in a lot of pain and I've gained weight which doesn't help.  It can trigger hypothyroidism which in my case would make me taking the synthroid useless.

The PTSD nightmares are in full swing.  I've told my husband to knock it off when it comes to his hovering over me at the foot of the bed.  It is scaring the crap out of me.

Still having marriage issues.  I think that they are possibly worse now that we have a baby.  Any time I ask him to help out I swear it is like an episode of Blackish where Dre is looking for a pat on the back for loading the dishwasher.  I showed my husband that episode and he didn't like how it made men look bad.

I get that my spouse is busy but I'd like some family time where we are actually spending that time together as a family.  J just loves to create an argument.  He said the other day that he has verbal diarrhea and knows it gets him in trouble at times.  Is it too much to ask for that we could actually communicate once in a while?

Hoping we'll actually get the chance to see a marriage counselor soon.  I'm honestly not sure I want to stay in the marriage any longer.

Promises for a Better Future

J and I had a long talk yesterday.  He brought home an anniversary card and he apologized.  He made promises to do better by me.  I'm hopeful that he'll actually try to fulfill those promises.  I try to not be a door mat mind you.  However, being an Army Wife does mean that I have to make a lot of sacrifices.  We are scheduled for a marriage counseling session for tomorrow afternoon.  With any luck we'll be able to address the issues we have and get some insight on how to fix them before they become worse.

For those of you that are teachers you might have a bit of an idea of what I'm going through.  J brings his work home with him nightly.  He has counseling statements, daily plans for PT and work details that have to be written up now that he is a team leader.  I'm all for getting your work done but when family time becomes a sacrifice because you not only worked late but also brought home with you more work I get cranky.  There are just so many days in a row that I can deal with being ignored and that is 5 consecutive days which is the normal work week.

I didn't marry a soldier, I married a civilian that decided to serve his country after being married  for 1.5 years when he got downsized at his former job.  I've been  married to a soldier before so I do know what it is like to sacrifice family time for work.

BUT...

• I don't like to be forgotten
• I don't like it when best made plans get shelved
• I don't like it when he can't be there for those infertility appointments.  He might not even be there for the transfer of our embryos (yes there are now two and not just one but I'll get to that in another blog post).
• I don't like it when he has to forgo sleep because he gets a CQ shift at the last minute because somebody didn't schedule things properly and the person that was supposed to have the shift can't for some darn reason mucking up all our plans.

But...

• I have to swallow all of my negatives and redirect them to a better outlet because I can't do anything about any of the above with the exception of the first one.
• I can remind him often that I love him.
• I can tell him that I support him.
• I can tell him that I'll still be here waiting for him when he gets home.

I promise too that I'll work harder on this marriage to make a good life for the two of us and any future children.

2nd Blanket for Charity

Finally its finished.  Now I just need to find something to do my hands.  Oh I have plenty of projects that I never completed so perhaps I'll spend my time doing those.  I like to stay busy especially when J is deployed.

The blanket is 45x 87 inches making it a twin size.  I have it laid out over my queen sized bed for a reference point.  The main part of the blanket is knitted with a ruffled crochet edge.  I like and I hope that who ever it is given to will like it too.

I contacted the head of our FRGs on post here and hopefully she'll be able to give it a good home.  The first blanket I made went to a wounded warrior.  Hopefully this one will find a home with one too.

As you can see the color is repeating.  I have green, variegated, and red at one end as well as at the other.  The only two colors that aren't repeating are the tan and white.  The green yarn is also the ruffled edge.

Marriage counseling went well today.  We had a bit of a break thru which is always nice.  I like improving our communication skills.  I'm not a mind reader no matter how hard I try and when a woman asks a man, "what's wrong?" they aren't likely to dish like a woman would.  We have to find ways to get the information.  Maybe women would make better intelligence agents as we are the manipulators, we have to be to find out what they don't want to say.

On the homefront, I injured myself today.  I had another clutzy moment while J was out of the house.  I rolled my right foot, not injuring the ankle of which I've done plenty of times but instead injuring the side of the foot.  I put an Ace sleeve on it and will stay off it for the remainder of the day.  Well okay I'll try to stay off my foot.  I tend to be a bit hyper active and sitting still for more than 15 minutes is rather difficult for me.

Hopefully I won't accidentally kill myself before the two week wait is over.  I'm always so clutzy during the two week wait.