Impatiently Waiting

I'm not very patient when it comes to all things Army.  Right now the donor egg situation hinges on J's leave.  He just got off of CQ duty.  He is supposed to be able to take leave on the 1st but they haven't told him if it is approved.  I detest this stupid game.

J has 30 days of use or lose this year and as of this LES he has already lost one day.  I can read the LES pretty darn well by now.  I'm miffed.  Every time he puts in for leave someone else is deciding that he can't have it because he is so needed.  Yeah, remember back when they didn't want to let him re-enlist because he wasn't needed?  BS

I'd like to schedule my SIS and the clinic appointment in Seattle with PNW while he is on his leave.  But I can't do that unless I know if he has his leave approved.  Friday is a DONSA.  He has today off for recovery after working for 26 hours straight.  We had better know by Thursday or I am going to be very cranky.

In testing news.  I've been testing with Wondfo's since 8 days past the IUI of which the tech said I was definitely ovulating when she did the IUI.  HPT every day has had a ghost second line.  Just for fun I was using up my Wondfo OPKs since LH and HCG are similar hormones.  The second line on those tests is almost as dark as the control line and staying dark since 8 days past.

Today after our marriage counseling session I'm going to mail out the order from my Etsy shop and buy a box of FRERs.  I'm done with the ghost lines.  I'm sick of guessing.  All the nice pregnancy symptoms I had at 8 and 9 dpo are gone.  My breasts are back to normal.  Not painful. Nausea is gone.  Extreme fatigue gone.  I think it is over for me for this cycle.

We might do one more cycle since we'll be waiting around to start up with the donor eggs.  My doctor said he won't do the SIS until days 5-8 of my cycle.  I could have sworn they did it on day 1 when I was going for the IVF.  Whatever.  Protocols change.  I do know that with budget cuts my clinic no longer does Betas unless you get a positive HPT.  Last year they would do a beta.  Heck now they don't even want give you a script because Tricare has had major cuts to their insurance coverage.  I'll be lucky if I even get generic.

So here I sit waiting.  I need to find some distraction.  Good thing I have a basket of laundry right next to me that needs folding.  Just can't put it away since J is napping in the bedroom.  Sighs, waiting on that too.

Still Have Some Hope

I ate to my heart's content yesterday and weighed myself this morning.  I weigh myself every morning especially since my RE doctor told me I should since I bloat easily.  I lost 0.8 lbs and I pigged out and ate of the pig too.  I made Jaeger Schnitzel last night.

Yesterday I have to admit I let the test results get to me.  I shouldn't have but I did.  I know its still early and this morning's two tests were no different either.  It seems as though my hormones peak in the later afternoon early evening time frame, just before I take my last Endometrin of the day.  I consistently take my Endometrin at 0400 hrs, 1200 hrs and 2000 hrs, 8 hours apart to keep the hormone in my system at its peak.

By late in the afternoon I was cramping again, weepy, cranky, full of snot in the nose and vaginal area, and had really sore breasts.  Again this morning very little to no symptoms and my breast which are slightly sore are back to the normal size.

According the to the test strip site for the W.ondfo's I'm currently using I'm only going to get my really strong positive line on Sunday.  Even today I'd only have a 33.5% chance of seeing a faint positive.  Count Down To Pregnancy Test

But with the cramps last night came a little bit of disturbing color.  I passed a bit of brown no bigger than my pinky nail, which is cut short because it broke off the other day.  Nothing to be seen for residue on the endometrin stick after inserting either.  Nothing today for color.  But when the cramps started yesterday I put my feet up and they subsided until I stood up again.

Either AF will be here in a few days or Hope is snuggling in for a long growth spurt.  I'm really praying its the later because I don't think I could take another miscarriage.

J has been told by me that I'm now not going to lift a finger until I get the Beta results.  Last night was the last night I'm cooking dinner as it was during the finalizing of making said dinner that the cramps were the worst.  He is under enough stress and I don't want to add to it but I too need to count right now. 

J wasn't put on the list for this month's promotion board since he didn't tell them he wanted to go nor remind them.  Its called an ARMY OF ONE for a darn good reason.  When you enlist you are on your own when trying to get a thing done including getting promoted.  No one wants to stick their neck out for you now.  Its a shame too, it wasn't like that in my Dad's day.

So yes, I'm primarily on bed rest.  I was told by the RE staff to take it easy, and  if I was in pain to stop what I was doing and go put my feet up.  I hate being high risk but if I get a baby out of this its worth it.