Distracting Myself

I've been distracting myself from thinking about what could possibly be wrong with baby girl's growth by working on her nursery.  Now that the closet in the master bedroom is back in place I've moved all of our clothing over to where it should be.

Saturday evening the crib is due to arrive.  Hopefully we'll have it put together by Sunday afternoon.  Meanwhile I've washed all the crib and bassinet bedding and I even ironed her crib skirt since it came out so wrinkled from the dryer.

Today I'll be hanging up the pictures and the shadow box in her room.  The shadow box was something that my maternal grandfather had made for my mother when she was a little girl.  My mom was surprised to hear last night that I still had it.  Why wouldn't I have it?  I try to take care of all items that are passed down through the generations.  Baby girl will be getting my maternal grandmother's hope chest when she turns 16 just like I received it.  The hope chest was made from the top of an upright piano by grandma's father.  For now it is used as my coffee table in the living room.  Since it is also of cherry wood it will fit in nicely with the crib once it is morphed into her double bed, the night stand and the student desk all of which are made of cherry wood.  I will eventually replace baby girl's maple bird's eye dresser with a cherry wood one so that even though they might not be a matching set fully they will be of the same wood and similar finish.

I like sitting in my daughter's room on the bird's eye maple rocker just rocking there and dreaming of what will be.  I know she won't be perfect but I wasn't either and have no expectations of the such.  I dream of rocking her, watching her grow and learn and someday leaving the nest to start her own life.  I hope that I stay healthy and will be there to see it all.  My maternal grandmother didn't live to see me born nor my older brother.  But back in the 60's cancer was a life sentence, today not so much.  Now if the next pap comes back with the squamous cells being worse than before at least I know they can catch it in time and with treatment I'll live a longer life to see all those wonderful life goals of my daughter's.

I have been taking photos of the progress I've been making on the nursery.  It is less of a disaster area now than it was a few weeks back.  The carpet is in place, the mamaroo is on a smaller version of the bigger carpet and the rocking chair has a carpet under it too.  For now the bassinet is off to the side of the room where the crib will go.  The bassinet will either get moved to the master bedroom or moved to the middle of the nursery.  We haven't decided which and since our room is right across the hall it would be easy to leave the bassinet in her room.

just a corner of the mess from before. Next four photos are what it looks like now that I've moved things around.

A bit more organized in the last four photos.  Like I said I still have to do more.  Today I'll hang up the Peter Rabbit posters, the shadow box and the painting of Kathleen that I planned on putting in her room.  Same one I had at JBLM.  Kathleen was the lady that babysat my paternal grandfather and also my brother and I when we were kids.  She died when I was just 7.  The photo is of her when she was a little girl and is done with pastels over the photo to create an accent with the effect of a painting.  I still have to put up the Peter Rabbit decals which will create a border around the room.  The crib bedding is also Peter Rabbit.  Yes, I'm a big fan of Peter Rabbit!

Trying to Stay Positive

My mind is a mess right now.  I hate to say it but I think I'm actually getting depressed from yesterday's OB news.  Probably quite understandable.

Before I left JBLM baby girl was fine at the 47th percentile.  Yesterday not so good.  Overall she was only in the 27th percentile for weight and her head was only measuring in the 9th percentile.  The high risk OB is worried but says that there is nothing that I could do or can do.

We are now hoping that I make it to the 34th week and that she continues to grow.  She only gained a pound in the last month.  She now weighs 3 lbs 13 ounces which is about a week behind for weight as she should be weighing about 4 lbs 4 ounces.

I'm not really worried about the weight.  I didn't expect a 9 pound baby.  I was only 6 pounds 4 ounces at birth and my husband was something like 7 pounds 13 ounces.  With the fact that I haven't gained weight, but the doctors were fine with that I also knew she wasn't going to be huge except for her big hands and feet which are a trait in my husband's family.

Yes, after yesterday's appointment the OB staff is almost positive J is the genetic father and it isn't the donor embryo but the donor egg with his gametes that took.  The donor embryo had tall genetics in it.  The donor egg lady was only 5'3" and J is only 5'8".  The women in J's family have slightly above average shoe and glove sizes though most are only about 5'3" in height.

We are also hoping that maybe our daughter will just be petite?

The head size is what is scary.  Next week they'll be taking an in-depth look at my daughter's umbilical cord to see if there are any possible defects.  The only other thing that could have caused her head to be so small besides a defect in her umbilical cord would be the hypertension issue.  But the hypertension was there before I got pregnant and well controlled on the medicine I've been taking for the past 5 years.

The problem with the head size is that it could mean developmental defects.  I will still love her even if she isn't "perfect" to the humans of the world.  She is mine.  Damn it I want to cry.  I just want the best for her and I know I tried to do just that by really watching my diet closely and relaxing during stressful situations.  But there are just things that we cannot control.

Please God just let her continue to grow and stay inside of me long enough so that she comes out healthy.  Please?

32 Weeks 1 Day

Yesterday I took the day off from the internet, tv, and anything outside of the home.  Yes I stayed home all day.  I have no energy.  It is like the first trimester all over again.  Anything I eat just comes back up.

This morning I had a protein bar and a glass of juice of which both are now coming back to haunt me.  I can't sleep because of the pain from the spinal stenosis in my neck.  The way the baby is positioned it is hard to breath and affecting my asthma.

My main joy right now is watching her kick a lot.  I am reassured when I see her kick that all will be well.

Dad is still in the hospital.  He's been there for two months.  He is starting to bloat back up again from the high salt food and he is developing gout.  Mom and I are guessing it won't be much longer until he is battling another round of congestive heart failure with all the fluid retention.  Truly I can't ever remember him being in the hospital this long before.  I'm starting to wonder if he will ever get out alive.

Over the weekend my cousin J9 gave birth to her twin boys.  Both weighing over 5 pounds a piece.  Not bad for a few days past 35 weeks.  Here is hoping that they both have long lives without health issues.  Her story isn't mine to tell so I'll leave the details out of this post.

Balfour Beatty Reality is presently trying to fix the closet issue that they started working on Friday afternoon.  Friday they tore out the master bedroom closet ceiling and removed three black garbage bags of materials from the space.  They realize that the support walls are rotted out.  However, they aren't going to fix it.  They were told to only do the minimum.  Since it isn't a contractor doing the work I can only assume that Jim Grainy lied to me for the past month when he said that he was waiting on 2 to 3 bids from outside contractors to get the work done in that space.  Most likely they just didn't want to do the work.  I live on one of the four remaining streets in a village that has all been rebuilt.  And no there is no date upon which I'll be asked to move out so that they can tear down this condemned section of housing.  Yes, it was condemned!  But this is typical of the Army housing.  The Army command is well aware of the housing issues at each of the installations.  That is the reason why they sold the housing to private realtors so that it could be fixed.  Little did the Army know that the new owners wouldn't fix the issues with housing in a timely manner because it isn't profitable.

My village is standard issue  2 bedroom for E1-E6 pay grade with up to two children non-school age.  The fact that the housing contains mold, lead paint, and asbestos doesn't matter to those that collect our BAH.  They actually dared to tell us that it doesn't have lead paint.  LOL  I could smell the mold when I walked through the place and they said they'd take care of that.  Well they didn't.

I told J that he needs to study, go to the board, get promoted to E-6 and while he is waiting for that to happen hope that in 6 months his window to re-enlist will open up at 18 months out so that he can request a new duty station in a years time.  I'm really afraid to raise my daughter in a unit that should have been ripped down 5 years ago as many a neighbor has told me.  Yes, my own neighbors have told me that it was condemned.

Well enough of that.  I guess my last few posts haven't gone over all that well with followers as I've lost two of them.  Too much complaining?  Too many pregnancy updates?

Well sorry to offend but it is my blog.

And here is a 32 week photo:

I still haven't gained weight.  I thought I had but as it turns out I lost 2 pounds.  Hoping I gain a pound or two soon as people are starting to wonder if I'm trying to diet and I'm not!

Some Bit of Happiness

Finding that silver lining in the clouds isn't always easy especially during rainy season in the south but I think I found a bit of it yesterday.  I had my weekly ultrasound and this time they gave me pictures.  After the ultrasound I got the chance to speak with the NP and she gave me good news.

All is well with baby girl.  Again they are just worried about my health.  They think I'll be able to deliver at the Army hospital here on Stewart which is good news for me since I live on post and don't want to have to be rushed 24 miles away to the Savannah hospital.  J likes to tease me, geez I hope that he is teasing me, about them having to do a life flight for my high risk pregnancy if Stewart can't handle it.

I should be able to do the hypnobabies now that I've agreed to a lock in the back of my hand for fluids and deemed medically necessary only medications.  They know I don't want pain meds as I don't tolerate them well.  I will of course plan out the information sheet that I will give to them and keep a copy on hand if the first sheet should get lost.

Now for the visit.

Urine was good
BP: 134/61
weight:  gained 0.2 pounds considering my appointment time was for 4:15 PM and I got seen at 5 PM and had eaten at least two meals yesterday by then the weight isn't that bad for a difference from the previous week.  Still down about 5 pounds from the starting weight.
Amniotic fluid density was 15.2 which is good
Practice breathing was on the mark

I normally don't like the 3D and 4D photos that are done of the babies as they really creep me out.  Recently a friend posted one of her baby and it was terrible.  I mean it looked like a puzzle badly put together.  She had her's done at the same amount of weeks that I am now.  Must be the machine that did the imagining was crappy.  I was really surprised at how well the imaging came out yesterday.  Still a bit creepy as Baby Hiccup decided to start opening up her eyes at the last frame.

She was doing her practice breathing here.

I think she looks a lot like J when he was a baby. If I could fine a copy of the photo I know I put on this blasted computer to share with you of his baby photo I would but alas after 15 minutes of searching I can't find it.  So annoying.  At least I have two hard copies of his baby photo.  Oh and she is smooshed up next to the placenta in the photos.

Okay I found a photo of J at his first Christmas.  Now doesn't she look a lot like him?  He was about 3 months old, maybe 4 months old in this photo.

Venting Some Bile

The title will have given all of you a bit of warning so I'm going to plunge into what is pissing me off since last night when J came home.

First off J tells me that the commander wanted to know my due date.  Okay no big deal.  They battery is slated for NTC, yes J already went in January with his old battalion, in August just after I deliver.  Oh not because the commander thinks that J should be left behind.  No the commander is putting us on the list.  What list?  The list that the Sergeant Major has so that he can be a plague upon your door step as soon as you get home from the hospital.  Yes, we are going to get a visit from the SGM.  I really don't want to be entertaining the man while bleeding heavy from birthing a baby.  I have endometriosis, adenomyosis, a 9cm ovarian cyst and a fibroid on my uterus.  I'm going to just want to sit there in jammie on a towel to help prevent ruining furniture if I bleed through.  I'm not going to want to serve coffee, cake, tea or cookies to someone that just basically wants to do a health and welfare inspection but wants to call it another name.  I won't really want to be seeing anyone that doesn't bring me gift of a casserole or housework offers.  Is that so wrong?

I swear if I have to see the SGM he better be bringing Merry Maids along with him.


Second thing that pissed me off is that J has been notified from the FRG that they would like me to take a spot that is open.  They offered it to me last meeting and I said no.  I'm a high risk pregnancy due in July I told them.  During J's new comer brief the crew on duty said that they have an opening for me as village mayor.  Again NO!

But it really burns my ass that I barely know the FRG and last night in my email, yes they have my contact information and said they would get in touch with me to see if I need anything, and have invited me to the baby shower for the wife of a high ranking NCO who is due for a girl in July.  What am I chopped liver?  Where is my baby shower?  They all know when I'm due.  Where is my team that is going to take care of my needs.  Oh wait, my spouse isn't a high ranking NCO or officer so yeah I get nothing....just like I did at JBLM after giving them six years of my "free time" to the FRG I got nothing.

I still get emails from my old FRG who still hasn't realized, though I write them back each email, I moved and am due in July.  Nor have they sent me my yearly appreciation for volunteer service award that is giving out each April.  I'm sure they miss my input, cookies and the blankets I made for the wounded warrior project as I was one of the few to actually show up to the meetings.  But really I'm ticked off.  I ended up throwing my own baby shower.

 Now some wife of a high ranking NCO is going to get a baby shower on the FRG dime?  Someone I maybe met once and don't remember her at all.  There has been just one FRG meeting since I moved here.  I gave out my contact information willingly to several of the members because they looked like they would be helpful in me getting to know new people and finding my way around the new duty station.  Not one phone call.  Just an invite to give someone a gift and celebrate their baby.  Mind you I would love to go if I weren't so tired, breathless, having cramps for the past month and new the lady well enough to feel comfortable going but I'm not one that even likes parties to begin with.

There I vented.  Have at it.

Figuring Out Bottles

Ugh, who knew that a baby could possibly be so fussy.  No, she isn't here yet.  But I've been forewarned that babies often don't like the bottle you buy.  So I purchased three different bottles all meant to help prevent colic.  I was a colicky baby and my mother thought she'd go nuts with trying to feed me.

From what I've read, even though I'm going to attempt to breastfeed, I'll need about 6 to 8 four ounce or 250 ml bottles.  I have the Avent gift set I received at my shower.  For me it is my preferred brand but who knows what baby Hiccup will like.  Today I ordered the Dr. Brown gift set and a single 250 ml Comotomo bottle.  I did put more bottles on my Amazon registry but I'll not know what she prefers for a bit.  I'm going to try to hold off on bottle feeding the breast milk until about week three.  But that all depends on when my milk comes in and the amount that does come in.  Still if I can't breast feed for some reason the bottles won't go to waste.  I'll be needing them for sure.

J managed to get the infant car seat, Britax B, installed correctly and inspected over the weekend.  The fire department did tell him that he has too many potential projectiles in the car.  I've been telling him that very thing for years!  I guess it takes someone besides a family member for him to finally listen?

I've lost more weight.  Ugh, is it so hard to keep weight on?  I keep see-sawing about a two pound weight loss and regain and today again it is a weight loss.  I'm within a pound of my pre-FET weight right now.

Tomorrow I go to see the Perinatologist in Savannah.  Thursday I see the OB at Winn Army Medical here at Ft. Stewart.

Thursday morning Balfour Beatty workmen will finally be showing up to start the closet project.  I might just be having two decent closets in less than two weeks if all goes well.  I'm not going to hold my breath as I'm still waiting on the new bathroom vanity door to show up and it has been a month since those were ordered!!!

Yes, they know I'm pregnant and that I want to get the nursery organized soon.  They know I'm high risk and can't live with the paint fumes.  But honestly they don't care.  They get their rent money and they have to be called daily to keep on their asses about the work orders or so I've been told by numerous residents.

Oh and I talk to the neighbors while doing yard sales.  This weekend I picked up a Johnny Jump Up for only 25 cents.  It just needed to be washed and it looks practically new.  If I see any bottles at the yard sales I'll be sure to get them but so far no luck.  I've only been able to pick up a sterilizer.  However I did get 12 nice pieces of baby clothing including jackets for only $8.  I thought for sure with the holiday weekend there would be more yard sales but I guess this installation doesn't want to bother with them.  Babies grow too darn fast to buy everything brand new for them.

Wow Where Did The Time Go

Hi to all those new folks and old followers.  It is the May ICLW already.

This week I am 30 weeks pregnant.  I just got a notice that I should be installing the car seat and getting my bags packed for the hospital while I still can bend at the waist.  Tonight when J comes home from work I'll mention the car seat installation to him.  Luckily we have a four day weekend.  J sprained his ankle yesterday at PT during a run.  They run every day.  So he'll be glad to have the heads up since he is moving a bit slower.

I just had a friend on FB ask me how much I've lost.  I actually had to stop and figure that one out.  I'm still 5 pounds under my starting pregnancy weight and if I'm supposed to have gained about 18 pounds by this week that means I've actually lost about 23 pounds.  Yes, I look small.  But the baby girl is growing nicely.  Last week Thursday she was weighing 2 pounds 13 ounces which puts her a bit ahead in the weight department than the average baby for her age.  I'm pleased.

I am eating.  This morning I had two eggs scrambled with cheese.  1 10 ounce glass of 100% V-8 Fusion juice and 1 10 ounce glass of chocolate milk.  Yeah the only way you are going to get me to drink milk since it causes my throat to be coated and I start to itch, is by making it chocolate.  Yes, I'm allergic to milk but nothing deadly.  Sometimes I have a mild asthma reaction to it but nothing that I can't handle with an inhaler.  I'll have a second glass of milk later in the day and try to reach that 32 ounces of milk by the end of the day.  I still eat nuts as a snack.  I guess the high protein diet is really helping to keep off the excess weight and make the baby grow strong.  She is just fine, I'm not but then again I'm old to having my first baby as the doctors like to remind me.  As if I had a choice in when I got pregnant!  If I did I would have had my first child years ago when I started those expensive infertility treatments.

For everyone still in the trenches trying I wish you the best in keeping your relationship with your significant other strong, keeping your sanity, and I truly hope you are soon pregnant with a take home baby.