I guess too much is going on right now in my life. J came home cranky from work. He was slamming doors on the SUV and banging stuff about in the garage. We discussed why he was angry and he said he didn't seem like he was angry. Okay. Yup the pre-deployment monster is back. J is still in there some place.
So things are a bit rough for us right now as a couple and as individuals. Together we are dealing with the fact that he still doesn't know exactly when he is deploying just that it is soon. He could leave next week with just four day's warning or less. I've known soldiers that had to leave with just 24 hours notice. Or quite possibly J might yet still be here for another month. Both of us are so sick of the unknown. For me its the not knowing if this will be my last night holding him while we sleep. Yes, I've taken to holding him while I try to sleep like a mother does a child. He is my security blanket of sorts. J is angry. J is hostile. J is in warrior mode. No need to fear for me, he wouldn't dare hurt me.
I'm a bit of a mess with the hormones going through me right now. Monday is my ultrasound to see just how many follicles I have and when we'll be doing the trigger shot. Clomid is the devil. But it does help me produce a lot of follicles.
Tonight I cried while watching Family Guy. Since I couldn't sleep at 0200hrs and J was cranky we decided to watch a bit of Adult Swim. Family Guy has never made me cry before. I realize that it is a really off color show that should be taken with a
Oh I've probably made a few of my readers angry but hey, its my blog and its my place to vent. Tonight, or rather this morning I need to vent my bile a bit.
Women should have the right to govern their own reproductive rights. No church or state laws should dictate to me or any other female when it comes to our sexual preference, reproduction, or health of our bodies.
Family Guy def pushes limits and does everything inappropriate. I can understand why it upset you. I hope things smooth out for you and J.
ReplyDeleteJ and I will get better after he leaves, we always rebound when he knows where he is going and for how long. Its a sad thing to think of but he is in mission mode almost. He needs his wall to protect himself. I guess its akin to us as we get ready each cycle for the blood test. We hope for the best but are prepared for the worst.
DeleteI can only imagine how tough the situation is in your house, the not knowing "when" part can be so difficult. I hope he is around so you can try on this cycle. BTW --I agree with you on reproductive rights.
ReplyDeleteIf I have to I'll hide his dog tags so he can't leave until we get to ovulation! No seriously though he does need new dog tags and the Army doesn't pay for them. He was given blank ones and told to get them made up, so if he doesn't get them done....I wonder?
DeleteYou are both warriors, you're just fighting in different wars. The good part is that this makes you guys understand each other. I'm sorry that you are both stuck not knowing.
ReplyDeleteI totally see where you're coming from. I started crying the other night watching the news about the crisis in Uganda and the viral video made of it. What made me upset was that the director of the video showed pictures of children who had been turned into warriors and sex slaves to his very young son, and then asked him to talk about them. It is the most horrible thing that this is happening to children, but damn, dude, don't expose your son to the horrors! If I showed my son those pictures and told him about how some man forced those kids to kill their parents, he would have nightmares for the rest of his life. Gah! It gives me nightmares, but I'm an adult.
I saw the report on the nightly news the other day. I was shocked to see this adult show the video to his young son and expect him to understand and learn from this. I mean really? Way to go dad now bring the kid to the shrink so he can go through talk therapy for the rest of his life while he is on and off on drugs for sleeping.
DeleteI can completely see why that would bother you. Feel better. Know that this, too, shall pass. And know most of all that you are loved and understood.
ReplyDeleteHugs, dear cousin.
XOXO
Thanks Nicki.
DeleteI'm actually a fan of Family Guy...hubby and I watch it all the time - and I've seen that episode many many times...however - you're right - they don't just "push" the envelope - they completely rip it in half again, and again and again.
ReplyDeleteI agree that episode is extremely offensive (and I don't get offended easily). But it is frustrating to see things like that and realize just how much people don't realize that issues such as that are NOT something to be taken lightly.
I swear I want to quit watching the news in general because I want to throw things at the TV when I hear of ANOTHER "mother" who's hurt or killed her child.
But all I can do is turn the TV off and go on with my own life...
I usually love watching FG, AD, KoftH and others like it. I mean its comedy and dark at that but it makes one think. It was just this particular part of this episode that hurt. I'll most likely still watch it.
DeleteWhen J leaves I rarely watch the news. And of late there hasn't been much promising information out there, they only seem to report the bad.
I am so sorry for having to deal with the pre-deployment situation, and while you're dealing with a Clomid cycle. Clomid sounds really, really horrible. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteToday its not so bad.
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