My Eyes Decieve Me

As many of you already know I've been battling my weight for a long time.  Today I said to heck with it and decided to browse for new clothing at the Military Exchange.

The reason why I don't shop for clothing is because I never know when I'm going to get lucky enough to get pregnant.  Kate according to the supermarket check out rags, I don't read them but I saw a few with the headlines, is pregnant and 6 weeks at that.  A hard slap in the face to me as I'd be about the same right now if things had gone according to my plans.  Still if the rumor proves true I wish her well, lucky wench.

So with trying to put negative thoughts behind me I walked over to the clothing racks and searched for jeans.  I tried on 5 different pairs of jeans and 5 different brands.  I finally found one pair that fit like a dream.  No I declined to buy them as I'm afraid to gain an ounce.  In two days I've lost 1.2 pounds.  I had gained back 3 pounds this month so its about time some of it comes back off.  Funny how eating more is making it come off.  Figure that one out.

The pair of jeans I walked into the store with on my person are a size 14 and almost 10 years old.  Out of date and higher wasted with a patched hole in the left flank from an incident with a wire sticking out of the seat in my old clunker of a car I no longer own.  I have only one pair of jeans that fit me well now and the rest just hang on me which is fine because when I do get pregnant I'll have clothes for a while without having to buy any. 

I tried on Calvin Klein size 14's...way too big.  I tried on the store brand 14's again too big.  I finally ended up trying on the perfect jeans for my figure.  A pair of Levi's in size 12.  I can't believe I now fit into a size 12 when earlier this summer, August to be exact, I was a size 18.    For those of you in the UK an American 18 is your size 20. 

I'm still fat but one day I hope to be a size 8 again.  Maybe after I have my miracle baby. 

Oh and no I didn't buy the jeans because, like I said I'm still afraid I'll gain an ounce or worse they'll shrink in the wash.  Maybe in another two weeks, I'm in the 2 week wait right now, I'll buy them when I have a better idea of what my body is trying to do to me.

So I guess when I pass a mirror and see a bit fatty in it my eyes are playing tricks on me.  I'm not that fat anymore and have 35 pounds still to go.  Its a lot but it is doable.  Besides the look on my husband's face was precious today when I exited the dressing room for him to see me in them.  He loved how they hugged my bottom so nicely.  I forgot how shapely a bottom I have when I lose the back fat and abdomen fat.

Weekend Plans and Promises

I didn't have a whole lot of sleep last night.  No its not because of the Royal Wedding Of William and Catherine.  Congratulations to the newly wedded Duke and Duchess of Cambridge!  I only watched about an hour of it this morning when I got up at my usual time.  It was back to bed for me afterwards in the hopes that the pain would subside long enough to get more sleep.  However the morning phone calls and construction workers at my door prevented me from gaining more sleep.  I'm about ready to flush the phone down the drain.

I'm revving up for ovulation.  Ovulation could make my ovarian cysts enlarge more though I'm hoping that it won't which is rather stupid because I've been told what can and most likely will happen if I ovulate on my own this cycle.  So the stabbing pain in my groin started in last evening.  At times it was causing me to clutch my groin area and groan. 

My husband and I have special plans for this weekend.  I can't afford to be in pain.  I so want to have these weekend plans and we need them for our couples bonding.   But I just found out that J has CQ duty tonight.  He had no idea until he was about ready to come home for lunch.  Oh joy!  He's been wondering when he'd have it next.  He's been wondering where the schedule has been hidden.  Now I'm wondering why they didn't tell him earlier this week so we could have changed our plans in advance of the weekend. 

We made some pretty important promises to each other for this weekend and now he's going to be too tired to see them through.  We thought about going on a movie date.  There is a free movie playing on post this Saturday that J has been wanting to see called Thor so I'm guessing we'll have to put that off because I know darn well he is going to be way too tired to do anything after CQ duty but sleep.  Can't see as I blame him either after having to stay up for more than 24 hours.

J feels bad about our promises and that he won't be able to keep them.  Sometimes what we do affects others as well and I really hope there will be no hurt feelings all around if the plans do crumble.  I tried, he tried.  Still it might all happen according to plan but I can certainly say that J will be very tired as will I, from so many sleepless night due to the pain.

On a sad note pertaining to one of my flower beds, the construction workers threw some boards into my flower bed killing off my white and blue morning glories and the red sunflowers I grew from seed.  After contacting their  project manager he said he'd make them fix it.  Well someone showed up today and said the boards did no damage.  Okay sure whatever.  I closed the front door and said FML and went back to bed.  Plant killing hurts me when I grew them from seeds.  They are my babies too.  It seems to be the only thing of mine that will grow of late and it means even more to me because I'm infertile.  So when some idiot treats my personal property like their scrap yard I become insulted and with good reason.  They killed my seedlings!  I had such hope for the little climbers and tall sunflowers.  I transplanted them with care.  All for naught.  Its so aggravating.  I could even picture my morning glories climbing over the fence in full growth and blooming oh so prettily.  But now there will be nothing.  No patriotic garden this year.  They even killed off my tomato seedlings leaving the boot print for evidence behind.  So much for their promise to make sure they didn't damage my garden.  Their fix was today to take some red plastic Danger tape and put it up across the garden area.  Too little too late!