Egg Donor Chosen

Today J and I signed our paper work to lock in our donor.  We are moving forward with a small set of eggs, which is usually six or less eggs but at least two or three in the set.

If for some reason the donor eggs don't produce viable embryos we'll be moved onto donor embryos at no additional cost to us.  So we are now looking at donor embryos too.  We have five donor embryo groups to go over and pick which one will work for us.

I'm excited.  I'm hopeful.

J has scheduled his part for Sunday though he does feel bad about having it on that day.   Because he'll be missing church he is hoping that God understands.  "God helps those that help themselves" and from what I've been told God loves children so I think he'll be quite forgiving in this instance.  Besides we can always go to Saturday afternoon mass.

Right now I'm just wishing my Meneiere's disease flare would quiet down a bit.  The dizziness and nausea are annoying.

Today I started in on my diet.  Since we made the decision to move forward I need to get back off the weight I've piled on.  That would so far amount to almost seventeen pounds since the last transfer.  I am now at the fattest I've been in about four years.  Behind me is the elliptical.  As soon as J heads back to work in the beginning of September I'm going to get on that machine.  I paid just $12 for it but it works just fine for Jason so it should for me too.

CD 6

Trial and error continue in my life.  I'm now on cycle day 6 and am starting to rev up for ovulation.  Yup, the egg white cervical mucus is there, and the medium darkness of a line is on the OPK.  I'll probably give it a go tonight and every other day this week.  I figure why not?  What have I got to lose by trying on my own. 

I realize at my age its rare to conceive naturally.  I realize with my medical issues I might get another embryo only to have it refuse to implant.  I realize that I might, just might have a snow balls chance in hell of creating a baby.

I'll take what I can get.

So this is where I am in my life.  Its down to experimenting.  I'm experimenting with my infertility and my diet.  I tried eating a sugary treat with wheat in it only to start belching it back up within minutes.  My right hip is refusing to cooperate today due to the damp cold weather so I'm experimenting with different sitting positions trying to find a measure of comfort.

There is of course life beyond the medical aspect that seems to rule many of an infertiles life.  I'm actively planning my garden.  I will set seeds to peet in the next week.  I'm quite excited to have something edible growing again.  I do the garden thing every year.

I'm also planning a weekend trip with J. We just need to get away from here for a little bit.  We can't go far without having to file paperwork with the Army so its only going to be within the state.  Still it will be nice to have a change of scenery.   I'll be sure to take many photos so I can have interesting things to post in my blog in the future.

My Eyes Decieve Me

As many of you already know I've been battling my weight for a long time.  Today I said to heck with it and decided to browse for new clothing at the Military Exchange.

The reason why I don't shop for clothing is because I never know when I'm going to get lucky enough to get pregnant.  Kate according to the supermarket check out rags, I don't read them but I saw a few with the headlines, is pregnant and 6 weeks at that.  A hard slap in the face to me as I'd be about the same right now if things had gone according to my plans.  Still if the rumor proves true I wish her well, lucky wench.

So with trying to put negative thoughts behind me I walked over to the clothing racks and searched for jeans.  I tried on 5 different pairs of jeans and 5 different brands.  I finally found one pair that fit like a dream.  No I declined to buy them as I'm afraid to gain an ounce.  In two days I've lost 1.2 pounds.  I had gained back 3 pounds this month so its about time some of it comes back off.  Funny how eating more is making it come off.  Figure that one out.

The pair of jeans I walked into the store with on my person are a size 14 and almost 10 years old.  Out of date and higher wasted with a patched hole in the left flank from an incident with a wire sticking out of the seat in my old clunker of a car I no longer own.  I have only one pair of jeans that fit me well now and the rest just hang on me which is fine because when I do get pregnant I'll have clothes for a while without having to buy any. 

I tried on Calvin Klein size 14's...way too big.  I tried on the store brand 14's again too big.  I finally ended up trying on the perfect jeans for my figure.  A pair of Levi's in size 12.  I can't believe I now fit into a size 12 when earlier this summer, August to be exact, I was a size 18.    For those of you in the UK an American 18 is your size 20. 

I'm still fat but one day I hope to be a size 8 again.  Maybe after I have my miracle baby. 

Oh and no I didn't buy the jeans because, like I said I'm still afraid I'll gain an ounce or worse they'll shrink in the wash.  Maybe in another two weeks, I'm in the 2 week wait right now, I'll buy them when I have a better idea of what my body is trying to do to me.

So I guess when I pass a mirror and see a bit fatty in it my eyes are playing tricks on me.  I'm not that fat anymore and have 35 pounds still to go.  Its a lot but it is doable.  Besides the look on my husband's face was precious today when I exited the dressing room for him to see me in them.  He loved how they hugged my bottom so nicely.  I forgot how shapely a bottom I have when I lose the back fat and abdomen fat.