Hopeful For Something Good

I posted this key chain in my shop this morning.  I think of my dad when I see that patch and especially when I see this key chain.  My dad was in the 82nd Airborne back in the early 60's.

Today was the appointment with the RE.  I didn't do another OPK.  No sense in wasting it as I was soon to get some scientific evidence of my ovulation.

Dr.C. was on today.  He inserted the wand and I had a bit of discomfort.  No cysts.  Yay!  I really think my modified Endo Diet is really helping.

My uterine lining was 12mm.  Yikes!  If I get a period in 14 or so days it's going to hurt as bad as the last cycles.

But it's good that it's so fluffy Dr.C. and Nurse M told me.  I have follicles.  Yes, follicles as in plural.  Unmedicated friends.  I did it all on my own again.  Looks like I should ovulated for sure in the next 24 hours.  Bring on the sex.  We've been practicing every night for the past three days.  I know we are depleting the numbers but I look at this way...more bombs to hit the target rich environment over several days.

I have a 21 mm follicle that looks perfectly normal on the right side.

I have a 26 mm follicle on the left that again looks perfectly normal.

I have a third one but he didn't measure it as he said it looked too small to be of any good.

Dr.C. was pleasantly surprised and had hope for us for this cycle since my body is now responding normally for two full cycles.

I reminded him I'm old.  I told him I doubt the eggs are any good.  He said that my body has to at some time produce a few good ones so why not one of these.  He was the doctor that did my two IVFs so he knows that I do occasionally have a good egg.

I talked to him about progesterone support and getting the P4 done next week Monday.  He agreed to the test but doubted I'd need the progesterone.  I said it's for the endometriosis since it can be quite painful to have a bleed.  He understood that part especially with my lining being 12 mm and the size of the clots I said I had passed.  He'll decide after the P4 results.

I told him that we'd still like to do donor eggs if J can re-enlist.  He, the one who originally suggested we consider doing donor eggs, thought now that we might not need it.  WTF?

So okay I'm going into my two week wait tomorrow.  He didn't do a blood draw today to check the E2 or P4.  The follicles didn't show signs of collapsing in yet.  I'm guessing tonight it is time to send in the sperm to hold hostage the eggs.  Wish us luck.

Ultrasound Monday

Well so far so good, no pain as of yet from the ultrasound.  I'm amazed usually I'm in quite a bit of pain after Dr. B or Dr. C. get done with wanda.  Maybe its because Dr. N, a new doctor and female, was the one doing my ultrasound.  I think I rather like Dr. N.  I like gentle.

Okay now for the follicle count.  Right size is sluggish as per usual.  Last IVF I had only 3 from that ovary.  Now that I'm on clomid I'm responding quite well says Dr. N.

Right: 1 and its 14mm
Left: 3 and they are 19, 16, 15

Not too bad.  I have four follicles to work with.  We were told to do timed intercourse from tonight onward and tomorrow I'll do my trigger shot around 0800hrs.  We know quite well that I am capable of giving myself injections by now!

Dr. N. is waiting until tomorrow for the shot since my uterine lining is 7 right now and I still have three follicles that could use an extra day to grow.  As for the 19 mm one, that is why we are having timed intercourse starting tonight, just in case that one tries to release on its own.

Remember I have gotten pregnant on my own without clomid and IVF meds or trigger shots.  It was the cycle directly after the first IVF.  I did miscarry but its still nice to know at my age that anything is possible.

I'm keeping some hope that maybe of the four available one will want to fertilize.  Thursday will start my two week wait.

WTF # 2 and Good News?

A photo by me of Pacific Beach.

Okay well the WTF appointment went as well as can be I guess.  No they didn't  do blood work.  So I guess I'll push to get that done this afternoon when I get my new referral to the Gastroenterologist.

My blood pressure was good this morning at 125/76.

I explained to Dr.B. that I'm still getting some spotting and pelvic pain on the left side.  He opted to check me out after our talk.

What he said was basically this:  I gave it my best try.  Its time to move to donor eggs since I was considering them.  He said we could do a few rounds of clomid again before J deploys.

Oh and yes that is what I couldn't discuss before.  I'll be finding out here shortly just when J leaves.  He went to the range yesterday to qualify in anticipation of leaving soon.  When he gets back home again we'll go ahead with the donor eggs.  That is of course unless a UNICORN happens.

Dr. B. did say I most likely do have a developing issue with gluten as I'm in the right age range.  He said that they would, while J is deployed, opt to check me out for the endometriosis before we go ahead with the donor eggs to make sure its all cleared out.  He said that steroids would only cause more issues with the fetus than its worth and he said he wouldn't go that route.

Now for what he saw with the wand:
I watched as Dr.B's face changed to shock and confusion after moving away from the right ovary.
Oh my.  I did ovulate on my very own.  Right side was all quiet.  Left side had one bloody small cyst (endometrioma) that is the cause of the slight spotting it seems.  AND I had two cysts that I ovulated from.  That right ladies I ovulated on my own, no meds, from two follicles on the left ovary.  One follicle was more swollen still and a little bit cystic like but Dr. B. said it will resolve.  The other was sunken in a bit and the bloody one was also small.  Dare I hope? 

The doctor didn't think I was going to ovulate on my own thus his speech about us giving it our all before the exam.  Well here is hope that at least one was good enough and that soon I'll be testing.  But I do have my doubts.  I know the odds aren't in my favor considering my age.  I'm due around 2 March for AF's visit.

Dr. B also said I am most definitely in the second part of my cycle from the looks of it.  I already knew that too.  I felt the ovulation pain on Friday last week on day 10.  So Dr. B. is already quite aware that I ovulate early and he is prepared.

So I'm to call when I start my next cycle to get the script for clomid again.  He put it in the computer today but I've got time to go pick it up.  I needed only 1/2 a pill for 5 days last time to produce minimum of 4 follicles sometimes 6.

So I'm in my two week wait.  We'll see where this takes us.  It ain't over until the fat lady sings!

Update:  RE doc doesn't think progesterone supplement is needed because a good embryo would have enough of its own.  Sure and I'll get my unicorn tomorrow.

Wanda's Follicle Forecast

Wanda and I are becoming great friends of late and well we should considering how intimate our relationship is with all the prodding.

Today I had my 0700 hrs appointment at REI at Madigan.  J got to play nurse to Dr. C. and take notes in my chart.  He thought that was pretty cool.  Hopefully they can decipher his handwriting as sometimes I find it difficult to see what he has written in the ledger.

After my appointment I gave myself the last of the micro dose Lupron shots for this cycle.  Tonight will be the trigger shot.  J will be home to administer the shot, Thank You!  I'd hate to try to give myself that particular shot.


Now for Wanda's Follicle Forecast:

Uterine Lining: 10

Right Ovary: 20, 20, 16.5

Left Ovary:  34, 30, 22, 15, 15, 17.5  Looks like I have two nasty cysts but they'll drain them on Monday.

Dr. C. is very happy and we are happy too.  He said he is hoping for 3-4 embryo's to transfer on day 3.  Its an age thing with me.  Younger gals usually get 1 or 2 transferred but since I'm 42 we are going for the bank load.  Most likely I'll not have a thing to freeze so here is my hope that this works and gives me a take home baby.

Keep me in your thoughts.  Looks like an early Monday morning retrieval.  I'll know more after Seattle Reproductive Medicine gives me a call later today.  Dr. C. is requesting a particular time and usually he gets his way.

I'm excited.  I'm thinking all sorts of positive thoughts.  I'm picturing me heavily pregnant and also holding our baby.   Not going to think about the negative for the next few weeks.

Latest Date With Wanda

There is no photo of today's date with Wanda.  Nope they just don't give out photos of the follicles.  But I do have some good news.

Remember me writing about the 5 antrals I had with the baseline E2 of less than 20?  Wednesday's E2 level was 1064 and I'm waiting for the blood work results on today's but I've got happiness in my veins today.

Looks like I'll be triggering this weekend.  My RE clinic is so nice to me that they are going to open up just for me tomorrow to do a special scan check.  Yup just for me.  Aren't I lucky?

But okay back to the really good news.  Including what was a cyst before of 20 mm I now have 9 follicles.  Yes, there were more hidden.

Unfortunately, as per usual with me, they are all developing at different rates.

Here are my numbers:

Uterine lining 9.1 mm

Right side: 19.5, 13, 16.5

Left side:  26, 27.5, 20,11.5, 15.5, 13.5.....we are guessing either the 27.5 or the 26 was the cyst.

So yes I could have gone with the trigger shot today and retrieved on Sunday but Dr. C. thinks that those really large ones probably won't make it.  Depending on today's lab report I'll either do my trigger tonight or take my stims for another night and take the trigger shot tomorrow.  J has CQ duty today so he is going to try to get home for the early morning appointment 0645 ish hrs.  CQ is a full 24 hours I'm hoping that they'll let him home to do the injections tonight because if I have to do the trigger, intramuscular shot, its not going to be pretty.  I can do the other shots myself if I have to.

Dr. C. is very hopeful that I will have more than one embryo this time; he's thinking 3 or 4 and just as perfect as the last one. I only had 2 mature eggs last time we did the IVF and one fertilized in the perfect non fragmented 8 cell we all hope for.  I really won't mind paying the cryopreservation fee as an add on expense if I actually have something to make it to that level.  So maybe I'll have 3 or 4 follicles which will give me mature eggs come retrieval.  Come on 11.5 become an 18!

So to celebrate, after the clinic closes for the day, I'm going to dye my hair.  I don't want to look like an old grey mare for the retrieval.

I'm so hopeful.  I'm excited. 

Courage Is The Motto

Many of my friends have asked me about the ball I went to on Thursday.  Well now that the weekend is finally over I guess I'll get to the weekend round up.

It takes no small amount of courage for me to don a dress, heels (yes I decided to wear high heels), war paint and go out into the public eye.  I'm very afraid of most people and how they judge me.  Or should I say how the women judge one another.  We do judge each other and often find each other lacking in many ways.

So I went to the ball.  I did have a good time.  I didn't get to dance.  I broke a heel.  It was a rather interesting walk back to the car might I add but at least my shoe survived until 2200hrs.  That was when the dancing was to start.  After the speeches of two generals, one being a four star my back had enough.  I didn't mind standing for the 8 toasts, the flag ceremony or any other time we were required to stand.  But the sitting was getting to be rather intolerable.  I would have gotten up to walk around but protocol dictates that one must remain seated, unless its an emergency, through the speeches unless directed to stand.

J made the jewels I wore to the ball.  I have to say I'm really partial to his craftsmanship.   Already my mother has asked where her's are as in she wants a set.  I got to pick out the gems and the design he was going to use.  J knows many different weave designs and has used most of them in various projects.  I'm very proud of his chain maille.

The meal was so-so.  I've had much better food and for $40 a ticket I must say it wasn't quality.  I had the chicken plate.  The chicken was greasy, the potatoes were tasteless but the small amount, about 1/4 cup of green beans with carrots were excellent.    The wines offered were far from a decent quality.  I'm not a snob but I do know my wines. 

Would I go again to another ball?  Sure.  I met a few people and made a few friends.

Friday was spent up in Renton for the most part.  My husband found a yard sale that he wanted to go to because they were selling gaming books.  Unfortunately when we arrived some one had already cleaned them out.  Isn't that the way it normally is?  So we ended the day going to a local gun shop in the Tacoma area.  J was happy.

Saturday we went to a gun show in Centralia.  I made the only two purchases there.  I bought J a concealed holster for his birthday.  For myself I bought an old compass.  I saw it and was able to talk the guy down to half the asking price so its mine now. 

I just had to have this compass for some reason.  Maybe it will lead me in the direction of my heart's desire.  Maybe it will give me the courage that I need to go where I have to.  Who knows?

Sunday was unremarkable and I'm glad it was.  I needed a day to catch up on my laundry.


Today I had my ultrasound.  1/2 tablet of clomiphene citrate seems to be doing the job.  I have two follicles, 28 mm and 30 mm, on the left ovary.  I was given a shot of ovidrel and told that I didn't need the IUI because J's sperm count is so high.  Why waste the money?  Okay so I'm good to go.  Now with any luck I'll actually get pregnant this cycle.  Fingers crossed that we have a quality egg in the pair.

Now is the time that I need to find my direction, my path and step onto it with courage, patience, and faith.  Wish me luck.

Ultrasound Results

Well this morning I got the results of my ultrasound.  Round two of the clomiphene citrate at the lowest dosage of 50 mg.  Last cycle was my first official cycle on the medicine and I had four follicles.  Today I found out I had five follicles.  Yes, five eggs ready for release.  Its just amazing how fertile I am at my age.  The only reason I'm even on the fertility drugs is because of my age. 

Tonight I have to administer a shot of Ovidrel to myself.  This will ensure that the eggs get released.  I've never given myself a shot before but I have been instructed on how to do it.  It really isn't all that difficult, or so I hope.  I had a flu shot today.  Normally I don't get the flu shot, due to my egg allergy, but I was told of how H1N1 kills pregnant women.  I'd rather not die so I got the shot.  So far no side effects. 

Tomorrow is the big deal.  Tomorrow I undergo the IUI at the Seattle Reproductive Clinic.  I have a date with a device.  My husband asked if perhaps we should go out to dinner tonight since I'll be having "fun" with a device tomorrow.  I gave him a look, thinking no with my left eyebrow raised up.  Still going out for dinner tonight might just relax me a bit more, or it could possible give me an upset stomach if the cuisine decides to not like my stomach.

I'm nervous.  I thought I was nervous last month when I was told I had four follicles.  Now that I have five and I'm bypassing the human error with the scientific method I'm really nervous.  The doctor discussed with my husband and I the distinct possibility of multiple babies from this procedure.  We have a 20% chance of having twins with my five eggs.  Okay I can handle twins.  We also discussed options if we have more than that and the birth defects, low birth weight and fetal death with having more than twins.  We know all about reduction of pregnancy size to save the other babies and how there is also a possibility of losing them all to save just two or three if there are more than that number.  But for now I'm not going to think of those decisions.  I can't make those decisions as the eggs have yet to "hatch".

Nine eggs in two cycles is just a big WOW!  I still think about the doctor that told me I was primarily sterile more than ten years ago.  I guess he was wrong.

Wish us luck.  I just want a healthy, normal, uncomplicated pregnancy and a healthy baby.  Sure I have a preference for sex since at my age I'll probably have but the one pregnancy, however I'll be happy with either sex as long as its a healthy baby.