Holiday Craziness

This is just how crazy I went with the holiday decorations this year.  I even made a mock canopy over my bed using paper chains and snow flakes.

Right now, middle of the morning, J has just pulled in from a 24 hour shift.  He found out yesterday morning, after going in for morning formation, that he had CQ duty that day.  Again they had changed the schedule.  Three times this month they changed the schedule.

Oh he still has it on the 1st of January.  That part hasn't changed.

I guess I really shouldn't complain about the odd shifts he's been working since there are over 2500 soldiers deployed right now from our installation.  J could have been one of them.  He still is thinking that he'll be sent soon as a replacement.  I'm just hoping to have him here for the IVF hard part.  Well okay the easy part for him but the hard part for me.   Since I have enough friends in the area if need be we could freeze his gametes and I could have a friend take me to SRM, but I'm counting my blessings that he is here still.

Because his schedule is so crazy of late our sleep schedule is off.  Its no longer feeling like the holidays.  I don't have the blues or anything but still it just doesn't feel right.  No snow, just rain.  Hardly any one has decorated their houses for the holidays unlike last year.  I'm guessing again its because of so many soldiers that are deployed.  Still we have children in the neighborhood, one would think that they would at least decorate for the kids.

Our stand, upon which the Christmas tree sits, is filled with gifts and I'm all "meh!" about looking at them.  I guess what I really wanted this year won't be under the tree or in my womb.  I look back to the first IUI we had in January and think, "I could have given birth by now".  I think back to the February IUI and think the same.  The March IUI would have put us with a delivery date about now and still I would have loved it.  I wouldn't have cared if I delivered on Christmas or not.  I just wanted a baby this year. 

I'm lucky to have J here.  We have time to work on finding a better us while we struggle with this infertility journey.  As most couples know it is a struggle.  Even today I'm finding that the birth control I'm taking is giving me some very unwanted side effects.  The endo pain is seeping through enough that my bladder spasms in pain after emptying it.  I just want to go to sleep and wake up with a baby kicking in my womb, not wake up in pain from health issues.  I want this part of the journey to be over with.  I want my happy ending, the whole fairy tale where I've conquered the ugly Red witch.

Much Ado About Nothing

Over the weekend my husband and I traveled to his cousin's house for the White Elephant gift exchange.  Last year was the first year that I attended one and I found it to be a source of fun and much chaos.

This year it was a bit more controlled and not as much fun being so; however, the gifts were interesting to say the least.  We were handed gifts this year, unable to chose the packages from under the tree and with so many of us scattered about two levels it was quite impossible to see what wrapped packages were what size, shape and prettily wrapped or not.  I heard one gal next to me complain about it being just so.

Another near me complained about the thought and amount spent on the gifts this year not being as good as last year.  This year I spent more time choosing what I would donate for the gift exchange and made sure I got my money's worth from the items.  Due to the fact that we have several outlets near here I was able to get my hands on some discount bath products.  For just five dollars I was able to purchase hand cream, body wash and a poof from B,ath & B.ody w.orks.  Its quality stuff.  I made up two sets and wrapped them carefully.  I think I did well and the items got stolen in the game a few times.

What there is gift stealing?  Yup.  I unwrapped a rather large yellow duck.  At first I was amazed that they would even attempt to make a duck that size.  Then I thought about my grandmother-in-law that passed away a few years back. Every year she would help sell tickets for the annual duck race in upstate NY.  I had to keep that duck.  I even thought of it as a good sign when I got the duck because of Gramma J.  I was thinking how lovely the duck would look in my nursery some day.

Unfortunately my duck got stolen.  I almost cried.  I wanted to refuse the steal because I didn't care what the other person had, I wanted that duck.  Others around me had heard what I was going to do with my duck and assured me that I could purchase one for the nursery and where I could buy it.  Its not the same.  I don't want to have to buy my own duck.  I wanted that DUCK!  It was mine.  I didn't care about getting a third creamer because I had two already.  What in the world would I do with another piece of chalk-ware that I can't use?  The duck I wanted.  I wanted bad. 

I refuse to buy a duck now as I promised I wouldn't buy anything for the nursery until I was about 7 months along and safely pregnant.  Now the duck is gone.  Is this an omen?

If I ever get into that safe zone of pregnancy I hope someone remembers how badly I wanted that duck and  gifts me one.

The Christmas Gift

Gift giving has gotten out of hand I say.  Yes it has says I.

Why do we empty out our wallets to give gifts to others, who rarely appreciate it, that only make us more in debt?

Is this what Christmas is really all about?

I think not.

Every year I give less and less.  I make more of the gifts using my talents that I've learned over the years.  This year my husband made gifts too.  If they aren't appreciated then so be it.

Christmas is a birthday.  Do you give gifts to the birthday person or get them on their birthday?  I give them when its a person's birthday.  So in this case who would I give the gift to?  What is the price limit?

I find that I would rather give of my heart, my time, and give from my talents in crafting to others.  I would rather buy American made when possible so that my gift buying gives the gift of jobs.

This year my husband and I have set a $100 limit of gift buying for one another.  All but one gift I purchased for him was made here in the USA.  The cheapest gift was made in China but I spent less than $10.00 on it so really that isn't too bad.  I've asked him to do the same and try to buy mostly American made gifts for me this year.  Its a real challenge.

However, what I really want can't be bought.  It can't be wrapped in pretty paper or tied up in a bow.  It won't fit under the tree, on a shelf or in a keyhole.  No what I really want this year is the gift that once given shouldn't be taken back, can't be exchanged, and will grow with time.  I want undying love.  The kind that will still be there even after I've shucked off my mortal coil.  I want respect and I've earned it.  I want kindness that all we humans deserve but so often forget to give to one another.

My gift wish list is long this year.  You can't buy what I want.  But you can give it freely.

Gifting; Is It Better To Receive?

Well last night I received a gift from someone that I had not bought a gift for.  My husband knew an hour before his friend arrived that the guy was going to give us each a gift.  Fair warning would have been nice.  I hate to receive any gift without the chance to give one back because that is how I was taught.

What makes this worse is that the guy giving the gift was the one I mentioned in my blog, He's Not My Friend, and well I felt bad about receiving the gift for two reason.  First reason is that I did blog about him and second is because he gave me something without me giving back.  I graciously accepted the gift, a dvd, How To Train Your Dragon. 

I do love this particular movie and I watched it at the post theater while my husband was deployed.  My husband has yet to see the movie so we'll end up watching it together.

Now I have a question or two for you readers.

1) If you are given an unexpected gift do you graciously accept it and tell the person you didn't get them one but will get them one later?
        or
2)  Do you just accept the gift and think that in this case its a small repayment for the damage he's done to the furniture?  I guess you'll have to read that blog page to understand what I'm thinking.

I gave the guy a hug and thanked him.  He thought I'd never seen the movie.  I said that I have and I enjoyed it.

After my husband's friend left, must have been at least an hour, I asked my husband if he knew about the gifts before hand.  He said "yes".  I'm wondering if he was so absent minded to not realize that I give gifts back and I would feel awful receiving anything from this friend of his.  He knows how I feel about his friend.  Why did he not warn me?  I asked him that very question.  His reply was, "I didn't think".  I've been hearing that excuse a lot from him lately.  Its not going to fly with me.  I detest being put on the spot like this with my shields down, totally unprepared for a gift from this particular individual.

So to anyone that is reading this, if you are planning on gifting to me this year and I don't know about it you'd best tell me now if you are expecting a gift back.  I've been on the opposite end before and gifted to other people with nothing in return, it can cause hurt feelings on both sides.  I love to give and don't really care if I get in return but I learned my lesson  Christmas 1995.

Ah yes, another typical Christmas horror story told by yet another person.  Picture it, Northern New York 1995 its -40 F that day.  Due to the events that happened I ended up with frost bite on my ear.  A day before Christmas I arrived from Texas with my ex.  All things considered it was a decent 36 hour almost non-stop drive.  I had done my shopping in San Marcos, TX and I shopped well.  There used to be a day when I was younger that I could out shop anyone but no longer as I detest shopping.  I had gifts for everyone that year.  Really nice gifts too.  One was for my persnickety sibling under the tree.  I knew he'd like it.  He's a clothes horse and usually very well dressed.

Christmas morning arrived.  We all opened our gifts.  Everyone was pleased.  One gift was left under the tree.  The one from me to my brother.  He refused to open it.  But why?  He said he had nothing to give back to me.  I didn't care.  My ex did care.  My ex wanted to fight.  My ex had been drinking.  My ex felt insulted. I  decided it was okay I would keep the gift and I'd wear it instead since I liked the gift. 

Because of the fight my brother left the house to not come back as long as we were in residence.  He stayed at my cousin's house.  Tensions were high that year.  My ex floored the gas pedal and fishtailed out of my parents driveway leaving me there to deal with the aftermath.  I don't like dealing with angry, crying parents.  I left on foot walking the mile down the road to where my ex was at his family's house.  I ended up with frost bite on my right ear.  High winds whipping across the snow covered fields and the temps were registering  a negative 40 F.  Yes well below zero and I with no hat or scarf to cover my face, just my thin wool coat and a body used to the Texas heat.

Since that day gift giving for me has changed.  I'm careful to only gift to those that understand I'm giving without the thought of getting back but if they gift me too its okay. I think its truly the only thing I don't like about the holiday season.

Elves Working Overtime

The elves are working overtime in preparation for the upcoming 24th of December.  I say make it easy and just drop coal from the sky.  Those little black, shiny, carbon crystals will become fast destroyers of the bad.  I have holiday spirit but I'd also like to see Karma in action.

The above photo is two of my favorite people hard at work wrapping stuff for last week's party.  It went over well but I did not like the responses of some of the younger crowd.  It annoys me no end how the youth will take for granted a gift of any type or amount.  Can't they just be happy that someone gave them a gift?  These gifts aren't bought without someone in mind.  A lot of thought goes into making the list, finding the perfect gift if one does exist, wrapping it securely and waiting for that moment for the receiver to have some sort of joy on their face.

Too often we all take for granted the little gifts we are given through out the year.  A close miss in traffic, a destructive storm passing by our house and taking the next one out, extra time with out kids or spouse.  We forget to stop and enjoy ourselves too.

Sure Christmas was moved to December 25th because the Roman Catholic Church wanted to stamp out Mithraism.  Christ's birthday by the actual time line should be celebrated between 5 Sept and 5 Oct.  But it is celebrated on 25 December now and what better time of year to show the love of our fellow man and woman!  I'm not saying that we should bankrupt ourselves in the pursuit of that perfect gift.  What I am saying is that we should give of ourselves to those around us.

Inexpensive ideas:

Give the gift of babysitting to that couple that can't afford one but would like to go to the grocery store without the kids grabbing at everything in the aisles.

Offer to help out your neighbor with a project.

Offer to take a friend to the grocery store or mall next time you are planning a trip.  Maybe a lonely neighbor would like to go with you for craft supplies or groceries.

If you have borrowed from someone this year that also doesn't have a lot of money, IE: same pay grade, Pay Them Back.  Even if its just a few bucks at a time. Friendship is precious and you don't want to lose that friend just because you were the one borrowing.

Remember the neighbor and friends that have made you hot meals and home baked goods with similar return.  They might like to be remembered too.  Especially those that now have deployed spouses.  I can think of one gal that has several young kids at home now with a deployed spouse.  She might just love to get a home cooked meal or baked good.  Time away from meal preparation is nice to have.

Just give what you can give when possible and not just at this time of year.  It builds good Karma and all of us could use the cheer.

UnChristmas

Rather interesting day today.  I had my first White Elephant party.  I have never had to take a number for a gift then risk having it taken back from me or stolen as someone would put it.  Its in the rules.  I was able to keep my gift without a problem.  My husband had his gift stolen and thus was able to get another gift, a wrapped one, from under the tree.  Later they went reverse through the numbers and again we risked losing our gift in a one sided trade.  Its one sided because if you were holding onto a gift you wanted to keep and someone wanted it who's number it was to be their turn to trade you'd lose your gift.  My husband started out with a huge cocoa mug and a cake of some sort.  Someone else wanted it so his next gift was a glass butter dish.  When it came time for him to trade off he was able to get some marinades.  He loves to grill beef so he was very pleased to have his turn comes up.  No one else was able to get the marinades from him because of the rule that if a gift has been stolen three times it has to stay put where it is.  I was gifted a set of Mary Kay Satin Hands lotions.  Never used the stuff before and I'm thinking not just my hands but my feet as well would benefit from the lotions.  I have such dry skin.

After the White Elephant we had the Elf Ornaments.  My husband's eldest cousin, first cousin at that, purchases I swear about one hundred ornaments, wraps them and puts our names on them.  My husband got a dragon ornament this year.  He was very pleased with it.  I think my ornament is a plaster one with an angel on it.  I'll have to look more closely at it later.  Right now traffic is still pretty high in the house and I'd rather not risk taking it out of its box again until it gets put on our own tree.

Funny note with the Elf Ornaments is that my husband was conversing with one of his younger cousins today, she is all of eleven and very bright, about maps, globes and spelling words along with their definitions.  Well she had this cute hat on her head all day and tore off one braided strap by accident.  I took the hat from her and sewed the strap back into place then gave it back to her.  My husband grabs it when she is out of the room and hides it inside one hollow santa.  She finds it.  They playfully argue.  He then gets the bright idea to hide her hat yet again since she went to another room leaving it behind.  Being all of eleven she gets distracted easily enough to not notice that it was again gone.  She actually watched my husband finish wrapping up her hat in a peanut can and put it in the Elf Ornament basket.

So when it came time to distribute the Elf Ornaments to their tagged owners she exclaimed that she was not to get two ornaments this year.   I told her that she might want to open this particular ornament this year.  She was a little ticked at my spouse that she again got pranked.  But it was all in fun and she laughed about it swearing she'd get him somehow.  Maybe I should have her gift wrap some of my husband's chain maille and have it given back to him next time?

Well this is what constitutes my husband's West Coast Family UnChristmas.  We ate lots of food just like on Thanksgiving.  We played, we talked, we laughed.  No food fight this time.  I have to say I am a little disappointed with that little fact but there is always hope for the actual Christmas celebration still to come.  Who knows what the 24th will hold.  Maybe I should be prepared and wear a raincoat in the house?

I hope that all my readers are doing well this holiday season.  Hang in there its almost over.  Enjoy your families.

Family Time

Well we are doing the family Thanksgiving this year.  Last year my husband was deployed and his family that lives in the area had members with the swine flu so I opted to stay at home for the holidays.

Wish these folks had a cat. I need cat time.  There is nothing so soothing as having a cat in my arms.  Well maybe a good glass of wine would be just as soothing but since we are trying to conceive there won't be wine on my menu this season; at least none for me that is for drinking but possibly only for cooking.

Still trying to complete my wish list so that my husband knows what to get me this year for Yule.  So far it seems as though its a foot spa, a pair of silver earrings, two dvds and baking pans.  I'm not a person that demands a lot from the family for gifts.  I'd rather have something from the heart and especially a gift where the person has put some thought into realizing that they know me well enough to even give me said gift.  This is where we run into problems with the spouse.

Let see, he has been gone for almost three years and I've changed.  Does he remember my likes and dislikes?  Has he paid enough attention to my infrequent shopping trips to note when I'd say, "Oh, I'd like that"?  We'll see.  I'd like a gift where I don't have to share it.  I've always had to share gifts with others.  Its not as though I don't want to share them but it would be nice if I could have a gift from my spouse that doesn't entail me having to share it with him or others.  Dilemma there is that if I get the baking pans I want it does mean that I would end up cooking and baking for other? There is no way I could possibly consume all the calories in any batch of whatever without gaining so much mass I'd have to go up a pant size.

So should I ask for a baking pan type gift?  I'd like to get a few tart pans, preferably 4 inch size and six of those, or maybe a 13 by 4 inch tart pan for desserts.  I have the 9 and 10 inch quiche pans.  I love to cook.  But I'm thinking that since I don't take an allowance, ever, that I rather deserve to just go out and by the baking equipment of my choice when possible because I am the cook for our family unit.  What do you think?

So here I am with his family, I hardly know most of them.  I do love them all.  I'm looking forward to meeting them and getting to know them better tomorrow.