My husband is still training, after 6 years of marriage, on household duties. He actually did two loads of his own laundry yesterday. I have one load of my personal stuff of which I mixed with the three loads I still have to do of the household laundry.
Oh I still have all of my husband's socks to wash. That he didn't do yesterday because they are whites and well he figured I would do them for him. Hmmm...he could have volunteered to just do the whole load of whites for me right? Wrong.
After 6 years we are still working on who has to do what for household tasks. I think we will never quite agree on the chores.
He believes its a man's job to empty the trash. For the past two weeks I've been emptying the trash and taking it to the road. So does this make me a man? Need I remind him that I was quite capable of doing it for the year he was deployed and I didn't have to grow a set of testicles to do that job.
I refuse to believe that all the housework should fall upon the shoulders of just one person. I don't think like my parents or even his parents. I don't fall prey to J's tactics that if he screws up the task I'll not ask him to do it again. His father told me yesterday that he does just that so that J's mom will take it over for him. Not me, I just make J re-do the task until he gets it right. We learn from our mistakes.
Late last night J told me he has CQ duty on 1 January. He thought he told me two weeks ago. Two weeks ago I had told him that if he has any CQ duty coming up he needs to put it on the calendars. We do have one for next year and its right next to the present one, J even put it right there himself. I walk into the kitchen with him following me and he said I was right that he didn't put it on the calendar and probably did forget to tell me. The reason why the CQ duty even came up was that I reminded him that there would be no holiday drinking this year because he has to start the antibiotics on the 1st of January. He said, "I guess I'll be taking them to CQ with me then.". That is how I found out.
So I'm practicing my mindfulness of late. I'm not breaking things or going mad. I diffuse my own anger and take control of my emotions. But I still can't lower my blood pressure enough. This weekend I had a wicked headache and my blood pressure went up to 146 on top. Good thing my Circle + Bloom set arrived on Saturday. I think I'll take some time to meditate and listen to it today. I need to relieve some stress before this next IVF hits the shot part.
I am totally with you. It's both of our house so we both have to pitch in. We do different chores based on my physical limitations and just practicality but we both do them. I told Hubs before we got married that we both need to be *able* to do everything even if we don't actually do it regularly. Glad you're standing your ground on this!
ReplyDeleteMy hubby and I have the same "conversations" (sometimes they're "fights"). I always do the laundry. He has probably done 10 loads of laundry in the 5.5 years we've been married. AND - the catch and most thrilling part of him doing laundry - is that he picks out his things and washes them, even if it's only 1/2 a load. Hilarious! We actually had this talk over the weekend when he got mad at me for not finding time to talk to the lady at work about redesignating where my retirement money goes. I told him I've been busy. He told me "I feel like all the financial stuff falls on me." I reminded him that I pay the bills each month. I reminded him that I walk our dogs twice a day, that I feed them. That I feed the cats. That I make the bed 85% of the time. That I do all the laundry. And pack and unpack the dishwasher. And handwash other stuff. And ... the list goes on. I am getting to a place where I just do it without complaint. I have a routine and it sure is easier than fighting about it!
ReplyDeleteChores were always a bone of contention when I was married. I am glad you are not falling for the "let me just do it myself" mode, its easy to fall into but it just "enables" the behaviour further, in my opinion. And dont worry about venting -- that is the purpose of the blogs. Hope you enjoy the CD and it helps you relax.
ReplyDeleteI am in the same boat with my hubby. He just doesn't do chores because he doesn't care if the house is a mess or not. So he doesn't do anything unless I ask him to do it. And even then, he drags his feet. You're right, it all should not fall on one person. Just keep your ground. And I hope you are relieved of your stress soon.
ReplyDeletecircle and bloom is really brilliant - highly recommended for reducing an accelerated heart rate, stress and feelings of anxiety! Enjoy.
ReplyDeleteI do most of the chores since I am unemployed. The Hubby does some stuff, but will always do something when I ask. We made a pact early on that I would do laundry since I don't mind it and he would do dishes since he didn't mind that.
ReplyDeleteTake some time for yourself and relax a bit. Hope the CD helps.