Choices For Today

1) take a shower and do nothing else since the shower will exhaust me.  or
2) take a sink bath and do laundry.

I chose option #2 since I want some clean clothing.

I slept until 1000 hrs again today.  So tired.  Whatever sinus issue I have can back to hell where it came from since I am sick to death of being sick from it.

In symptom news:

NOTHING
Absolutely fricken nothing!  Not even sore breasts now.  So obviously the HCG shot is totally gone from my system.

I discussed with J testing.  He and I both agreed to wait until the specified time of 15 past IUI are up to test.  In my case, since I have endometriosis, there is little harm to me to be on progesterone for the full 15 days.  As a matter of fact will lessen some of the symptoms of the endometriosis if I am lucky.  So I won't be testing until at least the first of January if not the 2nd.

Hope everyone thinks this is a good idea.  I'm sure my doctors do since they are the ones that told me to do so in the first place.

Where Did That Come From?

Thank you spring ahead.  Yes, I'm being sarcastic.  Every time we move the clocks ahead, each and every year, I get insomnia. 

I finally got to sleep at 0630 hrs only to be woken up by my husband when he came home from PT at 0800hrs.  He wanted to check up on me.  Oh and he forgot to collect his boots for uniform change.

Sighs...Okay some time today I'll get some real sleep.  2 hours is not enough.  I slept for about 30 minutes when he finally left; falling asleep is no easy fete for me.

Last night I asked and I received.  Maybe I'll learn to keep my mouth shut.  I told J that I would be doing laundry in the morning and that if he has been hiding dirty laundry somewhere I'd like it brought forward.  People he had a full laundry bag of stuff.  I've been wondering why the laundry has been so lean this past weekend and now I know.  Ugh!

Funny how when he is home I dread having to do so many loads of laundry but when he is gone I miss washing his clothes.  When he leaves, about mid way through his tour I'll go through his closet and drawers to wash his things so they don't get stale smelling.

Forgive me for this post,  I'm just so darn tired from the insomnia.  Two bouts of it in a week is enough to wear anyone out.

I Can Tell Its Monday

I'm fatter than last week by two pounds and I'm totally exhausted.  It seems that not enough sleep on Saturday night caused my metabolism to crash.  I went into fat storage mode.

I also fell asleep in the tub last night.  That just isn't good.  I would jerk awake because I was afraid of drowning only to fall asleep again.  I put my book outside of the tub and just decided to soak.  That was stupid as I slid down more in the tub and well you can see where it could lead to.  I got out before my normal time of a 30 minute soak.

I'm still cranky.  I did test this morning and it was negative.  I'm just fat and getting ready to cycle again.  Its only CD20 but still I don't feel like this natural cycle with two of my own eggs was a success.  I know the odds were against me anyway to begin with.  So from here on out I'm going to attribute the symptoms to PMS.

I called Tricare and scheduled my re-entry appointment into the gastroenterologist office.  I have to bring my driver's schedule with me and a complete list of my medicines too.  Fun part is going to be trying to figure out who will be my driver.  I don't even know if J will still be here for my scoping let alone the initial interview which is late next month.

I also called the Respite Care EFMP ACS coordinator and left her a message explaining that I just got my summary sheet on Friday so that there is no way that they could have denied me without the application being properly supported with the data.  I'll probably get a call from her by the end of the week.

Next call was to the REI clinic.  Nurse N called me back just now and asked why I wanted the CD 21 test.  She is going to ask Dr.C. if he feels its necessary since Dr. B. is out today.  They were all quite surprised that I ovulated on my own and two eggs at that.  Nurse N did ask if I had a reason why I wanted the test and I explained to her that Maj D (an RE doctor of my past) said that the reason why I miscarried the twins in 1996 was due to low progesterone and poorly functioning corpus luteul cysts.  Back then I had ovulated two eggs,one from each ovary.  So Nurse N will get back to me.  She knows that I still have endometrium and PIO here at home and said I would be put back on it if the test showed anything.   However, she said that they didn't believe that the tests were all that definitive for showing that a possible pregnancy might need support.  I told her that I realize that its still too early to have a valid home test here, negative or positive.

So this is where I sit.  I'm in limbo on all grounds.  I wish I had a set of orders with a deployment date rather than just the fact that J knows he is on the list.  He could leave in a week or 2 months.  I just wish I knew when!  I'm guessing though that he is going to get screwed out of his block leave, which means no vacation together for us.

Second load of laundry is in the washer and I'd better go check it because it got way too quiet.  Old machine from 1995.

Its A Wash

As of this morning my joy and hope are gone.

Of the 9 eggs retrieved, 5 were mature, 1 fertilized.

I think its probably over.

I'd write more but I'm so angry right now.  I'm feeling hate to the universe and my spouse. 

Why the spouse?  Well he didn't do a damn thing yesterday to help me except drive and take the 3 photos.  All those casseroles I made ahead, he didn't even microwave one for me yesterday.  He made me fend for myself in all the pain I was in.  He got the day off of work and just took care of himself.  So right now I'm feeling a lot of the hate towards him.  I couldn't even get him to put out fresh pot holders after I put the others in the hamper.

Oh and I'm doing laundry today.  He had a full load of his own and I guess it was just too much for him to do his laundry yesterday so I have to do it today.  I did ask him to do his.  Heck I couldn't even get him to study yesterday. Instead he played on his computer.   I'm also doing a load of the household and a few socks of mine.  Seriously I'm supposed to be resting.  He can bite my ass!

Busy Equals Happy

Its Monday so I'm burning my candle at both ends today.

First thing was to get my lazy broken butt out of bed so that I could shower.  With that part done it was time to turn the computer on and get some breakfast.

Somehow between making breakfast and getting the computer going I was able to get one load of laundry into the  washer and the ingredients out for the three dozen peanut butter cookies I'm making.

I have an FRG meeting tomorrow night after two other meetings and I planned on having cookies with me to place on the dessert table.  We were required to bring a dessert with us if we go to the meeting.  No potluck this time, no its going to a sugar fest.

So with the second load of laundry now in the washer I finally have time for a high test cup of tea.  Not much longer now and I'll be giving up that delicious drug called caffeine.  I think when I start the shots I'll shelve my tea.  Until then its a caffeine rush baby!

I heard from an online company about the position, unpaid, of book reviewer.  Thank you Nicki for asking them about me.  I don't think I'll get to the most recent book as my computer software isn't liking the download format and I didn't get the message until this morning after it was sent last evening about the deadline for the next paper version of the upcoming novel to review.  Eventually I'll get on track with this company and soon I'll be writing book reviews.

I like living a busy life.  Today when I manage to find time I'll be fixing the tree skirt that has slowly been losing its beads and sequin accents over the years.  Each year I say to myself that I'll take care of it as soon as the tree is taken down.   This year I actually got out the sequins, beads and thread colors; so I have ambition.  Its a project I could presumably do from my recliner of an evening; it might end up just being that late too when I hit that particular project.

My back, so far this morning, is behaving.  Yay!  We'll see how it is at the end of the day.

Yesterday I did manage to get out of the house and do some light shopping at the McChord Exchange.  I figured since I found a great deal on jeans at the Lewis Exchange I'd check out the Air Force Base across the street too.

I saved more than I spent.  Big discounts.  I even managed to put away two Christmas gifts for this year already.  I purchased three shirts and one pair of pajama bottoms for my new figure.  Its so nice to now being wearing a L without the X in front of it.

Not to fear of me being too stupid.  I realize that when I get pregnant I'll need larger clothing but with my weight loss I have that covered since I still have all my larger size clothing.  But its just so nice to know that when I do get pregnant I can shop in more stores and have more clothing options.  I dread the tent sized clothing like you wouldn't believe.  I like my clothing to fit me, not look like I'm a total slob like some of the maternity clothes I've seen would do to a figure.  I mean really, at my age one would think I've learned how to dress myself in something other than a Mu-Mu. 

Household Chores

Its Monday again.  How can I tell?  Well the mountains of laundry in my utility room confirm the day is truly here again.  Sorry but I need to vent a bit today.

My husband is still training, after 6 years of marriage, on household duties.  He actually did two loads of his own laundry yesterday.   I have one load of my personal stuff of which I mixed with the three loads I still have to do of the household laundry.

Oh I still have all of my husband's socks to wash.  That he didn't do yesterday because they are whites and well he figured I would do them for him.  Hmmm...he could have volunteered to just do the whole load of whites for me right?  Wrong.

After 6 years we are still working on who has to do what for household tasks.  I think we will never quite agree on the chores.

He believes its a man's job to empty the trash.  For the past two weeks I've been emptying the trash and taking it to the road.  So does this make me a man?  Need I remind him that I was quite capable of doing it for the year he was deployed and I didn't have to grow a set of testicles to do that job.

I refuse to believe that all the housework should fall upon the shoulders of just one person.  I don't think like my parents or even his parents.  I don't fall prey to J's tactics that if he screws up the task I'll not ask him to do it again.  His father told me yesterday that he does just that so that J's mom will take it over for him.  Not me, I just make J re-do the task until he gets it right.  We learn from our mistakes.

Late last night J told me he has CQ duty on 1 January.  He thought he told me two weeks ago.  Two weeks ago I had told him that if he has any CQ duty coming up he needs to put it on the calendars.  We do have one for next year and its right next to the present one, J even put it right there himself.   I walk into the kitchen with him following me and he said I was right that he didn't put it on the calendar and probably did forget to tell me.  The reason why the CQ duty even came up was that I reminded him that there would be no holiday drinking this year because he has to start the antibiotics on the 1st of January.  He said, "I guess I'll be taking them to CQ with me then.".  That is how I found out.

So I'm practicing my mindfulness of late.  I'm not breaking things or going mad.  I diffuse my own anger and take control of my emotions.  But I still can't lower my blood pressure enough.  This weekend I had a wicked headache and my blood pressure went up to 146 on top.  Good thing my Circle + Bloom set arrived on Saturday.  I think I'll take some time to meditate and listen to it today.  I need to relieve some stress before this next IVF hits the shot part.

Happy Veterans' Day

Thank you to all the Veterans out there.  I hope that you are well remembered today and always for the sacrifices you so proudly gave so that we will enjoy our freedoms that we often take for granted.

Today we aren't going out to celebrate the day.  Its not because of the harsh winds and heavy rains expected later.  Its because of car problems.

J noticed that the Ford Escape has been leaving spots on the garage floor.  He cleaned up the mess this morning and got under the SUV.  The oil is leaking and spreading back under the vehicle.  With the second day into a 5 day pass of sorts we aren't going anywhere.  Nope.  This has to take priority.  This is our only vehicle and though its 8 years old it has to last a few more years.

So he is on his way to Firestone with the hopes that its only a few loose nuts here and there.  I have my doubts.  I'm afraid that we have crack in the pan.  I'm afraid its going to get costly.  But really we have no other option.

I guess its better to get this taken care of now than to have driven to the Cascade Mountains this weekend as we had originally hoped for only to have killed the engine from the oil leaking out.  So J is a bit bummed out.  He too wanted to get away for at least an afternoon.  I can't blame him, he does have a hard job.

He wanted to get lunch here before he left, but I know he loves Burger King and I really don't so I told him that since Firestone is right across from BK to go get lunch there.  That actually cheered him up a bit.  He still feels as though I'm kicking him out of the house but I'm not.  There isn't much to be done about the car here, we don't have all the tools that his dad has on hand in his garage, and I'm on the second load of laundry as I write this blog post so I'd bore him to death.  Best that he goes out to get it repaired and try to enjoy himself a bit while he still can with the weather changing so quickly to storm like activity.

Crying Uncle

Its barely 1100 hrs and already I'm ready to cry, not just "Uncle", but cry.  The back pain woke me up.  I've been trying to get more restorative sleep by taking benadryl.  Why benadryl?  Well it helps ease some of the symptoms of  Restless Leg Syndrome.  With the symptoms of Restless Leg Syndrome lessened I move about the bed a bit less and with any luck I'll fall asleep.  Down side is that it does raise my blood pressure and leaves me with a very dry mouth.

Yup I'm whinning again.  But I am trying to cope with the issues as they crop up.  Tonight I have an interview with a potential candidate for my respite care.  I hope that she will work well for us.  If not we'll just have to keep looking.

I wanted to cry this morning because I dropped my electric razor when shaving my legs.  Thank you tendonitis for the electrical pain in my hand causing me not to really just drop it but to toss the razor to the floor.  I stabbed a finger shortly thereafter with a blunt object.  Its okay its clotting nicely.  But what really hurt was when I brought a load of reds out to the laundry room and found that I had left over night a load of darks in the washer.  How could I forget that?  They are now being washed again.  Letting wet clothes sit over night in the washer gives them a nasty mildew smell.  J was looking for some of his uniform stuff last night.  It just never dawned on me that I totally forgot the last of the five loads in the washer.  I swear I even looked in the washer and saw nothing.  I hate fibro fog.

I called J in near tears but had to leave a message.  I've had it.  I admit to failing now.  I feel so useless.  I'm angry at myself for not being able to do everything that I want to do.  I'm angry at the world.  I'm angry when I see able bodied pregnant women when I shop.  They have what I want.  In my mind I feel like I need to compete with other Army Wives and their routines.  I'm always playing catch up and failing miserably.

To add further insult to myself I stepped on the scale and found out that I did indeed to forget to eat enough food and drink enough water yesterday as I've gained 1.4 pounds in a single day.  I had one meal yesterday and it was at 2000 hrs.  J remembered to eat.  I totally forgot.  Maybe he should remind me to eat.

Some of you probably don't understand how someone can forget to eat.  Its not like I was extremely busy yesterday, just involved in laundry.  But often I do forget to eat.  When I miss one meal my body goes into starvation mode and starts storing fats the second I remember to eat, which is usually two meals too late.

I really can't wait for this "flare" period to be over with.  I need to stop beating myself up over it too.  Flares happen for a reason.  Its my body telling me I was doing too much and not taking care of myself like I should.  During a flare I need extra help.  Its not that I'm useless but its more like I need others to be more patient with me because all my chores are going to get done at a much slower pace.  Luckily J is starting to understand that even I need down time.

Blogging for me is a good way to keep track of what I've done and how my body is affected by what I've done.  So if it seems as though I'm complaining a whole lot just remember that I'm blogging for me and me alone.  I'll rant about topics that get my dander up.  I'll blog about health issues.  I'll blog about nothing in particular at times but its just me letting go of something that just needs to be said and recorded for my own reasons.

Weekend Plans

Well I'm going to do the near impossible and try to make some plans for this weekend.  We'll just see if they get to come to fruition or not when Monday rolls around.

Planning for the weekends isn't an easy fete when you are married to a military guy or gal.  It does mean that often your well planned ideas get put on the back burner.  But we aren't allowed to crab about it, especially to the chain of command.  They are just doing their job after all and we realized when we took this position as Military Spouse what we were for the most part getting ourselves into. 

If all goes well my spouse and I might get the chance to do a little shopping.  I'm saying little because I don't know for sure if they are going to get paid in April.  I think that they will as the last threatened shut down came and went and they still got paid.  I checked his LES and it seems as though he is still going to be paid, but its still best to err on the conservative side and be frugal for a while.  I do need to get J some coffee.  For him its a necessity so I'll be stopping by our commissary for that black gold beverage.

As for my other plans, well that depends on his schedule.  As of late his schedule has been rather erratic.   He has had no less than one staff duty and three guard duty shifts.  More are to come and I was just informed last night that the schedule has changed again.  The new schedule wasn't up yesterday to confirm his new duty roster but it will be soon or else they'll be getting called in to work with the changes in the schedules as they arise.

I'm just glad that the weekend is here.  It means that I get a bit more time with my spouse.  We are on a roll.  Its been a good week for us even though I turned out to be not pregnant.  I'm waiting for my return phone call to schedule my next ultrasound to get the next IUI.  The never ending chain of life must keep going and I want to do my part to keep our DNA in the chain.  But that isn't what this weekend is about.  This weekend is about bonding, finding time to do activities together and finding time to relax in our own pursuits.

Third load of laundry is now in the washer and I'm looking forward to a break from the housework for two days.  I'm going to put my feet up when I get the chance.  This new diet I started has really messed up my digestive system.  I have hypoglycemia and going without carbs isn't so good for me.  I don't like the dizzy spells, headaches, nausea and so on.  I've had to add back carbs into my diet.  Unfortunately its caused me to gain back 0.2 lbs of the 3 pounds I've lost.  Sure 0.2 lbs might not seem like a lot to you readers but to me its the happiness factor.  I like to see the numbers going down when I step on the scale not going up.

Well see how well this modified version of the Dukan Diet goes for me.  We'll see if I start losing some weight again or if I have to go back to day one and basically kill my digestive tract.  I wasn't meant to eat all this protein and its having the opposite effect that it said it would even without the bran.

I wish all of you a nice happy weekend.

Having A Cranky Laundry Day

Just when I thought I was safe from housework Monday appears out of no where.  This weekend was a blast, literally.  I went to the pistol range with my husband yesterday and to gun shops thereafter.  I really enjoyed myself. We ate out for lunch and dinner.  I felt wonderful. 

But then last night the hormones hit.  I was cranky.  I knew that today meant I'd have all those household chores to do yet again.  My back was hurting, my pelvis was sore, and the fibromyalgia was making the rest of my body ache too.  I couldn't get comfortable on my orthopedic foam mattress.

I got up from the bed and told my husband to go back to sleep.  I knew this wasn't going to be a good night's sleep.  My husband actually asked me what he did wrong.  I snapped at him that if he didn't know what he did wrong then he was an idiot.  I know I shouldn't have called him a name.  He knows that I often need to get up in the middle of the night and try to walk off the pain.  Its not always about him.  Asking what he did wrong, just ticked me off because he was making it about himself and not about the real issue my pain. 

Finally he got the message after I ignored him.  I went into the office and clicked on the computer.  I figured that just staring at facebook and not telling the world my problems would help.  It did.  Reading about how every one else's life is falling apart at times reminds me that my life really isn't all that bad.  Sorry folks but really it is true.  Someone else always has it worse than you do.  The world does not revolve around one particular person and their troubles.

I shut down the computer after an hour of internet reality and walked back to the bedroom.  I apologized for snapping at J and explained that how he was trying to be thoughtful just wasn't going to help.  When I tell him, "leave me alone"  I mean it.  I need time to collect my thoughts. Nothing against him but I need some selfish time too.  It was just better that I had left the room when I did before I would really say something I would regret and I explained that particular bit too.

All is well with our married life.  We are just like any normal couple out there.  We face our issues each day as they arise, we love, we argue, we solve our problems too.

Now if only I could wave my wand and get the laundry to clean itself I'd be a much happier person today.  Can you believe there are six loads that have to be done?  I know I did laundry on Friday so where did it all come from in just two days?

Impressions

"A good opinion once lost is lost forever" Jane Austen.  I interrupt that opinion to be an impression.  Impressions can last a lifetime.  What we say, what we do, what we wear and how we present ourselves with body language encompass what becomes the first impression that others draw from us.  How do you want others to see you?

Of late I swear I must be doing something wrong.  I get the impression that I'm on the product recall list and folks around me aren't sure how to treat me with my limitations.  Okay so I shouldn't be doing housework but I've learned that if I don't do it, like the laundry, it will just become a mountain.  So today I'm breaking down and doing laundry.  J was helping on that but of late he has decided computer gaming is more fun than housework.  I can agree there but um, I don't like to run about naked in the cold weather because I have no clean clothing.  I'm back to doing all the cooking again too.  So much for me being treated like I'm already pregnant.  If I want to eat I have to cook.

I get the impression that I'm okay to be lied to.  Bit of a touchy subject there.  I just don't like it when people lie to me.  I'm an adult and I wonder if they look at me like I'm a child that has to be lied to because of my health conditions.  Really I'd rather a person just hold their tongue than give me a lie.  I can tell when a person is lying.  I notice the body language right off.  If I'm being lied to over the phone I can also hear it quite clearly in the person's voice.I always figure out the lie and will bring you to the mats for lying to me too.  Its not a pretty sight.  If you know I'm going to have an adverse reaction to your lies then why do you tell them to me?  Seriously do you like to see me get angry and have my already high blood pressure elevate even further?

If someone wants to make a good impression on me they will put their real self forward.  I don't go for all the smoke and mirrors.  I want the real you.  A better and stronger friendship is created when a person is honest, it shows that they can be trusted.  If all you want to show me is that you want to suck up to me than we aren't going to have much of a friendship.  I won't be calling on you to be there at my parties, nor will you be invited to dinner or even to tea.

Sounds a bit harsh but truly would you want a friend that lies to you?  Would you want to be friends with someone that only wants your friendship just to get ahead in life?  If you receive my attentions and food gifts its because I find you worthy and value our friendship.

Life's Distractions

In my mind's eye I'm far away from the laundry today.  I'm there in the photo.  I'm driving around those twisted roads soaking in the beauty of the day.  I can feel the cool breeze coming off the gorge.  If I stand still long enough the sun will soak through my clothing warming me to the bone.  I'd rather be there than here today as the first load becomes the second and the second the third until the fourth finally hits the dryer.

I can see myself leaving my car to stand along the water's edge.  Solitude.  The water laps at my feet begging me to join it but I know better, the water is just too deep and I'm not a fish.  Back up the embankment I go and get back into my car.  I'll drive down the road a bit more.

Pulling off yet again, this time I take with me my sketch pad and water colors.  This time I'll find the perfect spot.  Maybe I'll draw just the skyline with the mountain.  Maybe I'll draw the water with the boats.  But this time I'll take the time I want and need to do something selfish to feed my soul.  My soul needs nourishment.

Many is the time when traveling I want to shout out, "Stop here!".  I want to at least take a photograph but usually I keep quiet not wanting to burden the driver with my needs and wants.  Its been at least a year since I've done a sketch or water color.  My paints were new a year ago.  I wonder how long before the tubes start to dry up.

Today the sky is a pale blue here and there is a light cool breeze.  Yet another day of beauty with no time to enjoy it.  I'm trapped in a web of my own making.  Time to switch out the loads of laundry.  Back to reality.

I did take the above photo back in September on a mini holiday with my spouse.  The weather was gorgeous and I didn't want to go home.  I never want to go home when I'm on holiday with him.  Maybe this month we'll get the chance to get away yet again.

Dryer buzzer just sounded off.  I guess it really is time for me to move the loads.  The washer moaned out its stop earlier.  Sighing....okay enough for today.

Trying To Find Some Me Time

I guess I got up too late this morning.  I wanted to get a bit more sleep, sleep that has been alluding me most nights due in part to my fertility drugs and a spouse that snores like a freight train.

The third load of laundry is now in the washer with the second in the dryer.  I've still yet to get a chance to grab some much needed food.  Breakfast and lunch have now passed by.  My spouse came home for breakfast in-between the morning PT and his work call.  Spouse came home for lunch and got his lunch while I cleaned out the fridge of the left overs he's not been eating.  Leftovers that I can't consume because of food allergies.  While he is eating his lunch I'm cleaning up the stove top of what he fried earlier and didn't clean up.  The repair man is coming today to work on the stove top, broiler and replace a few broken tiles in the living room.

Because the repair man is due at any time in the next few minutes to several hours, they never give an exact appointment time,  I don't dare start to use the stove to warm up something to eat.  I guess my chance to eat was in the am but I wasted it trying to get some sleep.  Yes, sure its a woe is me my life sucks today.  I'm cranky but I think most of you would be if you hadn't eaten in sixteen hours too.

Right now I need some me time.  No phone calls in the am, no phone calls in the pm, no one wanting a thing from me.  I want to be able to curl up with the book I've been trying to finish for almost three weeks and some sort of food.

I need to remember that I take care of me.  So I need to take time for myself daily just like my spouse does when he gets off work for the day.   I think I need a day at a spa.  Last time I went to one was sixteen months ago and it was only an hour treatment.  I'm tired.  I need some breathing room, some screaming out loud in frustration time.

Back to the laundry.  I'll stop day dreaming now.

Sunday Brings Changes

Every Sunday always brings with it new changes.  Just yesterday we were having fun acting like kids and today its four loads of laundry for me and mowing the lawn for him.  Today we have to be adults.  Can I have yesterday back?

 I haven't been sleeping well for the past few nights.  I'm not sure if its the fertility drugs or just the cold weather.  Turning the heat up isn't an option because its central heat which means it blows dry air around the house and causing my asthma  to flare up.  So instead I sit in the cold, damp air with the heat set to 62 F. 

 This morning I woke up at 0500 hrs with really bad back pain.  The L3-L4 and L4-L5 are the site of the bulging and herniated discs.  Due to the fertility drugs my body temperature has been running a bit higher than the  98.6 F so my husband's hands are like a soothing ice pack to a fresh injury.  Most mornings I can well tolerate the pain but this morning I was writhing in pain for almost six hours before finally saying to heck with it and getting up.  Downward Dog wouldn't fix this type of pain today got to love Fibromyalgia (sarcasm).

http://www.fibromyalgia-symptoms.org/   If you are unfamiliar with Fibromyalgia or would just like a bit more information on the topic go to that website.

Tomorrow I have to try to remember to call my lawyers in NY.  Tomorrow I need to get my butt to ACS for my EFMP renewal paperwork.  Tomorrow I...well I'll wait until tomorrow to see what tomorrow is going to have in store for me.  For today I'm just going to do my laundry and try to relax without thinking of the stuff that needs to be done tomorrow.  After all its still today and the government offices are closed on Sundays.

Maybe tonight I'll get one last chance for the weekend at being a kid with my spouse.

Serenity and no its not the Sci Fi tv show

 The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

 The above prayer is the one my mother would often recite to herself when things just didn't go as she had planned.  I chuckle now seeing the actual words written out above and how they can apply quite well to the life of an Army wife.  I'm not the religious sort, more of the spiritual type leaning away from any organized religion.

The Army life brings with it many challenges.  Just yesterday I get a phone call from my husband, after 1700 hrs, stating that he wasn't sure what time he'd be home.  Our routine is forming.  Before he deployed to Iraq last year he was home all of six months and we had barely had time to form any routine.  Before Iraq he was in Korea for a year and before that he was in BCT and AIT which took up eight months.  I'm still adjusting to Army life with my spouse actually being home.  For the better part of three years I've been living alone, eating alone and in general going about my own daily routine without interruptions with the exception of doctor appointments.  Now I'm learning about sharing my time with a guy that has a very busy lifestyle.


Before Army life my spouse was an outdoorsy type of man.  He would teach snowboarding at a NY ski center.  I tried snowboarding once and had lots of fun falling.  No seriously I laughed when I'd fall and try to get back up.  During the warmer months he'd work as a journeyman landscaper.  He loves being in the outdoors.  So it should have come as no big shock to me that when he got home from Iraq he started digging holes in the yard.  Not just one hole to enlarge a garden but several holes.  He has now installed a drip edge and filled in the low spots in the lawn, front and back!

So as I roll up his laundry into the style he has become accustomed to since learning it in BCT I'll roll this up as well for today.  I'm learning to accept this new lifestyle and all that it brings to me with friends and new experiences. Tomorrow is a new days with its own challenges that I'll learn to accept as they come my way and hopefully not complain too much about but that is still to be seen.

To those of you that read my blog, many thanks!