I'm wondering if my dreams for a baby of my own genetics are disappearing like the sun on the horizon; just slowly sinking.
My symptoms like the lines on the HPT are disappearing too.
Has Hope decided to desert my womb?
My breasts aren't as sore.
I have some nausea and some other vague symptoms but it could very well be attributed to the Endometrin I take three times a day.
I'm scared. This seems to be going the way of my last two pregnancies.
I guess one disturbing symptom I have of which it could be a sign that my menses will soon start is that I'm getting some egg white cervical mucus when I wipe besides the Endometrin slime. So quite possibly I'm having another estrogen surge.
My pelvis isn't sore or tight, just kind of full and firm I guess is the best description like how it is before my cycle ends and another starts. Last bits of pain I had were yesterday. No spotting for implantation. Nothing of the sort. I'm hungry and eating more but now my weight for the fourth day in a row has stayed the same. No gain. No loss.
First HPT this morning had an even lighter line, if that is possible, than yesterday. Second test the line was non-existent.
If anyone has a clue as to what is going on, fill me in because my body is just messing with my mind now. Four more days until I have the Beta.
Oh Rebecca. I have some guesses, but I really don't know. And I remember being in this stage of the 2WW all too well. I know you're scared and uncertainty is a bitch, but I'm not giving up on Hope yet. Sending you lots of love and hoping for some very good news soon.
ReplyDeleteIts just so weird Cristy. I know the endometrin can jack up the feelings and symptoms and thus everything seems at times to be more intense. But when they start disappearing I have doubts that creep in. Of course that leads to me wanting to cry.
DeleteI completely remember being in this stage too. It's so hard but I am keeping the hope alive for you! *big hugs*
ReplyDeleteThanks. Now if only I could stop eating from being anxious. Sure I'm not gaining weight...yet!
DeleteThe tww is such a mind f*ck (sorry, you don't like swearing, do you?) I can barely stand it. I alternate about every 4 hours as to whether or not I think it worked. I dropped 2.5 pounds in one day, and started to feel less bloated, and thought for sure it was the end, until hours later when I stood up too fast and felt a throb in my abdomen. It's all over the place! I have not yet started to test, and I will hold out until Sunday morning due to my past with chemicals. I rally can't handle those faint faint lines. Fingers crossed for both of us!
ReplyDeleteHi Jen,
DeleteIts not that I don't like swearing, its that I swear too much still. I'm trying to curb it and I'm getting better at it.
The tww wait is driving me nuts. I wish it were Monday already and I knew my results. The breast tenderness is back but not as noticeable unless I try to cross my arms. I'm getting some back pain now which could be the cycle trying to end but it could also be my bulging disc too.
The only reason, I guess, that I'm testing so early is because I want to know that Hope is still with me. I'm so afraid to lose Hope. This was my last IVF. I'm done with my own dna now.
My doc told me NOT to test early because the crazy hormones we're on totally F everything up. She totally warned me that she's seen false negatives and false positives. So don't read into these changes at all. Just keep focusing on Hope.
ReplyDeleteThinking about you and Hope. Fingers crossed, lady!
LOL I know I shouldn't be testing early but I'm like a kid sneaking a peek at the gifts under the tree. I even told Dr.B. during the transfer that I was going to test at home because I couldn't wait. He understood which is surprising. I want this pregnancy to work so much so that I'm actually afraid to do much because I am high risk.
DeleteThe 2ww is so hard. We know our bodies so well that we can analyze every little thing that changes, or doesn't change. Hang in there and try to distract yourself with something. I know that is much easier said than done, but maybe there's a project you can work on or something. It's not over until it's over so keep Hope with you for now. Fingers crossed for you!
ReplyDeleteI do have a few projects but the only one I can get to right now is one I'd rather not work on as it was the one I was doing when last I miscarried. Call it stupid if you will but I'm trying to culture good luck in my petri dish of life right now.
DeleteI just need to go read my next book for the book club and chill out.
I wish I had advice for you, but I dont. I think alot can change in four more days. I do know that some woman have lots of symptons and some have none. Like one of your bloggers said, its a real mind F. I hope that in four days we can say congrats because thats what I want to do!
ReplyDeleteI'm just having one of those days is all Toni. I too hope that in four days I'll have good news.
DeleteOh gosh I'm sorry you are going through this right now. Try not to lose Hope that it is still there trying its hardest to grow. I have been thinking of you and am sending lots of hugs and love. xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks for thinking of me. I decided I would go read for a bit after prepping the evening meal. Now I just have to wait for J to get home so I can bake it.
DeleteThe tww is seriously rough. Extremely rough. Not to contradict others, but there is no such thing as a false positive. Pregnancy tests require a minimum level of hcg that is above what is considered a positive hcg beta draw (usually a 5 for the beta, whereas pregnancy tests require at least a 10-15). The only way hcg is in your system is if there is some of the trigger shot remaining (highly unlikely at this point) or you are pregnant, since our bodies only produce hcg when the baby has implanted and begun releasing hcg into our systems.
ReplyDeleteI've had an early loss, so I remember the heartbreak of seeing lines fade and eventually disappear. With our baby girl, there were days that the lines would get a lot lighter, but it had to do with differing times of when I tested. I'm still holding out hope for you!
The last pregnancy I watched as the line got lighter. Right now what is keeping me going is that my body isn't doing all its normal PMS you are going to have a raging flow symptoms.
DeleteOh and the pelvic pinching is back again. Maybe its just that my hormones fluctuate that much in the day?
please don't loose hope.... its not over. beta day is coming soon
ReplyDeletexoxoxo
Though I'm looking forward to beta day I'm also a bit scared of it too.
DeleteRebecca, could it be the HCG trigger that you saw yesterday and would explain the lighter line today? I really hope so...please don't give up on Hope. From what I have read not all women get symptoms and the breast tenderness comes and goes. Stay positive -- I know its hard. TWW sucks :-(
ReplyDeleteI don't think I did it too soon but I might have been up peeing way too often last night as the Endometrin has a lovely side effect that causes frequent nightly potty breaks from dreamland. I must have peed at least 5 times between 10pm and 4am.
DeleteBad toady that I am, I'm going to test again tomorrow. I can't resist the urge with 13 sticks left. I mean this is my very last IVF unless some how I can afford donor eggs in the next year.
So with HOPE, I'll pee thinking that my baby might still be safe in my womb for another day. If no lines tomorrow I'll try not to fret too much and find other things to distract me. As long as AF stays away I'm good.
When to Start HPTs During the Two Week Wait (2WW)
For a 3-day transfer, don't POAS (pee on a stick) until 6 days after transfer.
For a 5-day transfer, don't POAS until 4 days after transfer.
http://www.ivfconnections.com/forums/content.php/673-The-IVF-Two-Week-Wait-%282WW%29-If-and-When-to-Do-a-Home-Pregnancy-Test
It ain't over til it's over. I'm still hopeful for you... hope the time passes quickly.
ReplyDeleteI have a new book to read for the book club. Its keeping my interest peaked with ideas for my next seedling trays.
Delete