Thursday, April 23, 2015

Need To Get This Off My Chest

Okay so we didn't go to court this week.  It has been postponed until late May.

So the nightmare are continuing.  As soon as the melatonin has worn off, of which it has stopped helping me sleep at even 10 mg a nightly dose, the terrors start.

This morning, after my husband has already left the bedroom, I woke up from a bad dream.  It was horrible.  What woke me up was reaching over and punching the person controlling me in the dream.  In real life I had reached over with my right arm and punched my husband's pillow hard.  Good thing he wasn't sleeping on it!

Yesterday morning I woke up from a bad dream calling out my brother's name.

The day before that was another bad dream.

PTSD really sucks.

I hate being a victim.

Too much bad stuff has happened to me in my life.

Molested at ages 4-8, beaten as a child, mentally abused as child and then as an adult, raped as an adult and then this crap last year with my brother.  Is it any wonder I have bad dreams?

This is the very reason why I refuse to co-sleep with my child....EVER!  If she becomes sick I'll snuggle with her in a chair and I'll stay awake.  I'm good with staying awake. I'm an insomniac that doesn't drink coffee or energy drinks.


  1. Sending lots of love your way!

  2. I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. I hope you can get to court and at least put that part of it behind you.

  3. ICLW #10 Visitor. I am soooooooooooo so so sorry for what you have been through. I know that you don't need sorrys either. You need love and support and people to listen to you without judging you. That stuff is scary!! I have been through a lot of the same. I was molested as a pre-teen, by a family member. I didn't tell my own mother until I was 25. I was raped as an adult by my ex husband (after we separated) ... my ex husband is in prison now for child molestation. None of that stuff is okay, no one should have to go through it. And anyone who has been should not be made to feel like a victim, because sometimes that's the worst feeling in the world. {{{BIG HUGS}}} I am not sure what court is about, but I sure hope that they don't delay it any longer so you can move on with your life.


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