Friday, May 31, 2013

Furniture Protection Plan Bogus

Years ago when I first moved to this military installation I purchased from a local retailer of Lazyman  furniture a couch and two rocker recliners.  I paid for top quality fabric.  I paid for a ten year protection plan on the fabric.

At first when there were problems with the furniture the plan worked great.  Later when the chairs had to be traded in the Lazyman company switched out my warranty and the chairs.  I didn't get paperwork on the deal and they said don't worry it is all the same with no cost to you.  I found out this month when I needed a repair done to my chair fabric that it is now a five year plan and back dated to the date of the first chair purchase not the swap out.  That leaves me with just one year left on the fabric plan. 

I spoke with the warranty company named Guardsnotaman.  I submitted a claim.  They denied my claim for the following reasons:
  • Chair-Rocker Recliner - Frame Cracked - The reported damage on your furniture is not covered under the terms of the protection plan.
  • Chair-Rocker Recliner - Rip/Tear-More than 1/2 Inch away from Seam - The records indicate Guardsnotaman is not the service provider of the protection plan. Please contact your retailer to determine the provider of the furniture protection plan purchased.
So I contacted Lazyman again.  They said that if it was the ten year plan it was only Lazyman that was responsible but with their switch it is indeed Guardsnotman.

I called up Guardsnotman and after a fifteen minute hold talked to Robert that is like many an insurance claim representative that didn't want to help. I told him to stop being hostile with me.  That I will call back later and speak with his supervisor.  And I will most likely go to the BBB over this too.  Since the BBB is just outside of post that won't be hard to do.

I'm quite upset at their switch on my policy.  I'm upset that they decided, from the pictures that I sent, that it wasn't accidental.  My statement on the form was this: "Turning chair on carpet wood poked through fabric tearing fabric."  That was an accident!  They are just trying to find a way in which not to pay for the panel to be replaced.

I'm angry.  When I'm more calm I am going to follow up on this claim yet again.  I detest dealing with companies that don't want to pay out for things are obviously under warranty!

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Stray and Abandoned Pets

Last night I put out some milk, don't even rant to me about milk not being good for most cats because I do know but had nothing else in the house last night to put in a dish, in a dish for a cat that looks to be a stray or possibly abandoned.

It is moving season on the military installation.  It is the time where families decide what is expendable.  I'm pissed.  Your pet is a member of your family and it is not expendable.  Every year at this time I end up feeding stray animals and trying to find their owners.

Today J is going to pick up some tuna fish and dry kitty kibble on his way home from work.  I'll do my best by this particular stray cat to make sure it has food.  It has been crying outside my windows for the past week in the middle of the night.  Last night I had to give it something.  The bowl of milk I put out was gone within 10 minutes.  Does that tell you how starved this animal must be?

To those of you that move with your pets I applaud you.  My cat, may he rest in peace, traveled with me from NY to TX to Germany and back to NY.  My cat was my fur baby and moved with me.  I was devastated when one time he didn't come home.  I had moved home during the divorce and my mom thought it would be nice to let my cat outside often.  He did good until one October he didn't come home.  Black cats and October don't mix.  Some idiot always decides to do cruel things to black cats that month.  I can only hope my cat fault like the devil to survive.

This stray cat is a black long hair.  I will take it in if possible and get it to the vet to get it checked out for diseases and to see if it has a chip just in case some one is missing their pet.  If they aren't I'll probably end up adopting the cat even though my husband seems to be allergic to cats.  We pet sit once and it wasn't pretty.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013


I'm so sick of robocallers, political party callers, credit card services this is your second and final notice to lower your interest rate callers, and commercial callers offering me products and services for things I do not have in my house like air condition and carpet.

I am on the do not call list for a reason but some how these folks fall through the cracks.

I hit 9.
I hit 2.
I remove myself from their lists, but they keep calling me.

I hit 1 and speak to a live person and tell them that I've already asked to be removed and I get a click as they hang up on me.

I've called them back and had to remove myself from their system by entering in my 10 digit number and hitting the pound button.  I'm sick to death of this stuff.

These folks no longer use the 1-800 service numbers either.  No they are getting sneaky by having no number like my doctors use, a local number which makes me think someone J works with is trying to reach him, or odd ball number that don't even start with a number but start with a letter.  Seriously they need to stop!

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Toe Patterns

Okay just for fun, take your shoes and socks off if you are wearing them.

Now take a look at your feet.

So what do your feet look like?

I guess I'm rather odd, or perhaps I'm not.  I have one foot that is Greek; my left. One foot that is Roman; my right.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Miscarriage of a Non-Pregnancy

I started bleeding on Friday.
By Saturday it was so heavy I thought I'd pass out.
Today it isn't much better.

Well timed for a four day weekend where I should be out celebrating.

Oh and let's add in some insult to how I'm feeling by some extra pain.  My left knee doesn't want to bend without giving me maximum pain.  I've been applying my NSAID gel (Votaren Gel) to the knee.

If some of you have noticed that I no longer have ads on my blog it is because Google decided to suspend then cancel my account.  All those wonderful spammers have ruined my earning potential.  Yes, I appealed the decision but to no avail.  I even added back on the captcha which annoys me to know end.

Right now I'm in a dark place with the pain.  The pain of miscarriage of a non-pregnancy, we all know there were embryos in there which means I was pregnant but tell that to my Army doctors will you!  The pain of the adenomyosis as the endometriosis in my body decides to bleed out right now too.  The pain of my arthritis in my knee.  But still I'm trying to live life and not stay in bed.  Today I'm forcing myself to do laundry which, unfortunately means kneeling in front of the dryer to remove clothing. It could be a lot worse I have to remind myself.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Hummingbird Update

J and I took the dead hummingbird to the Nisqually Wildlife Refuge.  We were told the bird since it was so well cared for in its immediate preservation that it will most likely be stuffed, they have a taxidermist on the refuge, and put on display as a learning aide.

It is illegal to possess any parts of a hummingbird or to capture them.  We did what we should have since they are a protected species.

First two photos are when the bird was still alive and I was trying to feed it.

These last three were of it after death.  Sorry if the images are a bit blurry as I didn't want to move the bird around much just the paper it was on.

If you find a dead hummingbird you can preserve it for a refuge by take a plain white sheet of typing paper and making a paper cone out of it.  Place the bird head down in the cone and put it in a freezer bag in the freezer.  Meanwhile write down all the information you can about the location of where the bird was found and the time and date too along with your contact information.  Hopefully you'll have on hand a archival quality ink pen, I do some scrapbooking so I do have just that type of pen,  to write down all that information so that it too can be preserved for future use with the bird in a learning aid.

I believe this was a female Anna or possibly a female Rufous hummingbird.  I know that another hummingbird, a male tried to attack it, oh heck it was pecking at the other bird so yes it was attacking.  The male was brilliant in color being mostly orange red with a scarlet red throat.  Link to what the attacking bird looked like.

Link to the Nisqually Wildlife Refuge.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Death of a Hummingbird

Yesterday a hummingbird decided to try to find its way to the sky through the sky light in my military housing.  I hate the sky light.  Last year a hummingbird tried to do the same thing.  Last year we were able to coax it down with a fushia plant.  This year neither the fushia plant or petunia plant would do the trick.

2000 hrs the hummingbird falls to the walkway exhausted.  I carefully picked up it and tried to feed it the necter from the bird feeder.  No luck it pulled away and shook its head at me saying "no thanks".   I hung the feeder with the bird attached and another hummingbird came by and attacked it.  I clapped my hands to shoo it away.

Taking the feeder with bird attached back down I put it in my entryway again.  Normally I keep the feeder hanging up far away from the window so the little things don't injury themselves.  My walkway near the door is enclosed on three sides so there was little wind to disturb the bird.   I'd chirp to the injured bird and it would respond.  Okay it will be fine if I leave it alone I thought. 

J had CQ duty last night.  I called him and asked if he would come home and put up black plastic garbage bags to cover the sky light from the inside of our walkway.  He was able to come home for that.  Yes he cares as much as I do.

The hummingbird made it through the night clinging to the bird feeder.  Before I left for marriage counseling, hey I need to deal with this recent non-pregnancy loss, the hummingbird was still alive.  I'd chip to it and it would bob its head.

I got back and I checked on the little bird and it was dead.  Carefully I touched it.  Stiff.  Damn!

I removed its claws from the perch and have it sitting next to me on the computer desk as I type this.  It is illegal to own, capture, and so on a hummingbird.  What am I to do with its lifeless body now?  Do I find a small box and try to bury it?  Do I put it outside and let the wild creatures eat it?

I have pictures but for some reason blogger is giving me fits trying to load them.


Bird is in a paper cone of computer paper, put into a freezer bag and in freezer awaiting transport to Nisqually Wildlife Preserve.  I'm doing the right thing by the little creature.  I'll include on white paper using archival quality ink my name, location and date of death of the bird too.

Monday, May 20, 2013

The Loss of a Non-Pregnancy

The lab work is in:
P4 was 14.10
E2 was 174
Beta less than 1.

After I got my numbers I got a dressing down by Nurse JF at my Army clinic for "banging on the back door" and "requesting labs that weren't ordered".  She said I was inconsiderate.  Since the nurses weren't in yet it had to be a certain doctor that complained.  The other doctors have instructed me to knock on the back door if the front door is locked.  I was just doing what I was told to do.

Let me say this, I checked the front door which should have been opened at 0730 hrs and it wasn't.  I knocked on the back door when I saw Mjr. S scoot in.  Yeah she saw me coming.  The very doctor that did my SIS and hurt me in the process.  So she finally came to the door with my knock and wanted to know I needed.  I told her what wasn't ordered and she told me to go around to the front as the nurses weren't in yet and have C order it.

This hospital, in general and not just the RE clinic, has lost records and faxes before.  They have forgotten to put in lab request and have forgotten to send lab reports to other offices.  They never sent over the SIS and HIV results that were needed for this DE IVF cycle, or my P4 results from the last ultrasound or the Beta draw from last week.  This is sloppy.  I have to be my own advocate if I'm to get better treatment.

I asked Nurse JF today if I can still get an appointment to address my pelvic pain.  She said I would have to go to OB/GYN.  I asked her if I was being dismissed from the clinic.  Any wonder why I would think that after being giving a dressing down for knocking and asking for lab draws?  Nurse JF tells me that I'm not being dismissed and wanted to know why I would think that.  I said that I'm getting old.  She tells me I'm not that old then asks just how old I am.  I tell her that I'll be 44 in July and she said something like, "well you will be then.".  Gee thanks I'm thinking  I didn't know the Army had a cut off on doing ultrasounds and blood work.  Sheesh.

After I hang up I have a good cry if there is such a thing.  I call my mom and give her the bad news.  She says she understands how I feel.  I explain to her that she doesn't understand and that I don't expect her to understand how I feel since she is a mom and has two children with never a miscarriage.  She tells me, "I would have carried it for you."  Mom got to go J is calling me....thank God!  I'd rather not have to tell my mom that no thanks but you are near 70 and don't have a uterus.  But she was trying to be thoughtful so I was glad for the call waiting beep.

Later I call J's parents and tell them what happened and that we were using donor eggs.  The fault seems to lie with his sperm now from what we can tell.  We'll be doing a WTF appointment as soon as we can schedule one.

Nurse JF calls me back and she can here me crying and asks me what is wrong.  Really?  So I tell her that my heart is breaking through hiccups.  She doesn't sound very sympathic nor apologetic.  Since she was the one that gave me the bad news and then a dressing down she should at least understand a bit being the fact of where she works.

She tells me that Dr.B., one of whom did my Lap last June, is willing to see me at 1400 hrs today for my pelvic pain.  I swear if they try to say one more blasted time it is my bowels without even looking I'm going to scream.  I had that said to me twice last week without an exam.  Each time I tell them no I drink about 120 ounce of water a day and eat plenty of fiber.  I have BMs usually twice a day thank you very much!  I'm not constipated which can usually happen to a woman on the PIO shots.

I'm thinking it is either cysts from the estrogen I was on for five weeks or the endometriosis which gets aggravated by the estrogen.  I have bilateral pelvic pain.  I hope I stated that right.  Left and right lower quadrant pelvic pain.  If I move too quickly, bounce or stretch the pelvic region when trying to do morning stretches I have a lot of pain.  I'm not ruling out hernia but I doubt it since it is on both sides.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Waiting On Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the Beta.

Tomorrow either I'll be really surprised since again the hpts were ghostlines, or I'll be upset like I am now.

Tomorrow will most likely be my last PIO shot. 

I'm crying. 

All I can think is that I've killed off another two.  Why is this happening?  What is wrong with my body?  I've been told all was good.  So why?  Just why?

Sorry readers it is going to take me a while to go through this grief of yet another non-pregnancy.  My clinic, the Army one, doesn't even recognize it as a chemical pregnancy if the beta isn't above a certain number.  So yeah the only true pregnancy I've ever had to them was the one in 1996.  So yeah why would they consider me high risk for miscarriage if to them I've only ever been pregnant once.  Even though I know I've done embryo transfers, three of them to be exact with 4 total embryos.  I feel like a non person to the Army at times.  I know there are other clinics that feel the same that if there is no heart beat it is a chemical and if the number was never high enough then it never was a pregnancy even if you had embryos put back in you.  Okay actually I feel like I'm nothing to anyone.  If I can't be a mother am I a real woman?  Sorry I'm falling into the pit of despair right now.  I'm entitled to right now.  Especially when the beta is tomorrow and all I feel is just PMS symptoms.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

A Constellation of Vital Phenomena

I really enjoyed reading this new novel by Anthony Marra.

I can identify well with the PTSD that the character Natasha suffers from.  My PTSD is from being raped, abused and of late I'll add in infertility.

Just like Natasha, I'm good with needles.  Oh I did relate to her well.  I was doing drugs but not the kind that made you hallucinate.  No the drugs I was self injecting made my head spin, want to puke, cry, and rage.

Family is everything.  Without family you have nothing.  But what happens when it is your family or the creating of your family that causes you to have PTSD?

My infertility is scarring me more than my rape and abuse.  I recently underwent another round of treatments to start a family.  This time I decided to ditch my own DNA in favor of doing donor eggs.

Every day I would take the birth control as instructed during that portion of the long cycle.  Next came adding in a daily injection of Lupron, using a insulin needle, with the birth control pills as a chaser the final week of birth control.

Soon I was instructed to stop the birth control and start adding in estrogen patches.  I would at one point be applying up to four estrogen patches every other day to my pelvic region.  Mind you each patch is 2 by 3 inches in size.

As the time came near for the first ultrasound I got anxious.  What if this didn't work.  What if my ovaries refused to be suppressed?

The first ultrasound was a fail.  I would have to stay on the Lupron for a few more days and the higher number of estrogen patches until the next ultrasound.  Thankfully the second ultrasound went well.  My ovaries were suppressed.  While many of you might not think about any of that when trying to start a family I have to.  While on the birth control my body decided to ovulate.  Oh and not just with one egg.  I'm far from normal.  I ovulated six.  No other drug but birth control was in my body at that time.

By the time I had completed the birth control section of my long protocol I had in storage two beautiful 4AA blastocysts.  They don't get any better.  They would be my husband's genetic children.  I had a chance at motherhood.  My happiness was soaring, I could finally achieve this long awaited goal.

Third ultrasound while still on the estrogen patches and Lupron and my uterine lining was ready.  Ovaries were nice and quite too.  In just a few days I would be able to do a frozen embryo transfer.  The following day would be my last shot of Lupron.  Two days after the third ultrasound I would begin giving myself the progesterone in oil injections.

I'm really good at sticking a 22 gauge 1.5 inch needle into my butt muscle.  Progesterone in oil, also called PIO injections, have to have a large gauge needle in order to get the oil out of the bottle and into the muscle.  I start with an 18 gauge 1.5 inch needle to draw up the PIO but luckily I get to use the 22 gauge to inject myself.

I'm in what is now called the TWW, or two week wait.  Unfortunately I have had a lot of pelvic pain and have had to go to the ER.  They did a beta, or as some call it a blood HCG (human chorionic gonatrophin) test to see if I might be pregnant.  Anything over a value of five is good.  Mine was less than one.  Not good.

I have to stay on the estrogen patches and PIO shots until the tenth week of pregnancy or a negative beta.
I have another beta scheduled for Monday.  My hopes are dashed as far as I'm concerned.  I doubt I'm still pregnant.  I don't want to even think about the money my husband and I have paid out for two IVF (invitrofertilizations) and now a donor egg cycle only to have them fail.  I can only sit here and hope that come Monday morning one embryo is still in me holding on for dear life as I pray fervently to God that it is still there.

Let there be some light in my life.  Let my womb bear life.  My mind switches gears from anger to tears to wanting to blame anyone for how unfair my life has been.  I'm trying to rationalize that sometimes, just like Natasha's life, bad things happen to good people.

This post was inspired by the novel A Constellation of Vital Phenomena by Anthony Marra. In a war torn Chechnya, a young fatherless girl, a family friend, and a hardened doctor struggle with love and loss. Join From Left to Write on May 20 as we discuss Anthony Marra's debut novel. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Try Try Again

Though J and I know that this cycle is almost surely a bust we talked, I cried, he consoled me yesterday.  Today we talked some more.  Because he knows that now he was most likely at fault with the morphology of his sperm being only 2% he is willing to try again.

We are going for broke.

Thursday when I got the results of the early beta and they were less than 1 I started to research.  I went deep.  Today I called SRM.  I've used SRM before and even though I didn't have luck, I used my own eggs back then, I'm willing to give it a shot again.  Why?

Well they offer two donor egg programs.  We could well afford the first one that has absolutely no guarantee of a take home baby and gives us only 6 mature eggs.  Or, and I'm choosing the or mind you, we could go with the guaranteed plan where they have to give you a take home baby or you get your money back at the end of 5 attempts.  If we withdraw early from the plan before we get the take home child then we get 80% back.  I'm sure the cost is going to make us scream because right now I have only just enough saved up for the single shot.  But we are going to go for this.

J feels like he owes me this.

So I told him I need him to get his sperm in shape.  He can improve his morphology and has done so in the past.  When he got back from Korea in 2008 he was borderline on the morphology and he improved with proper eating and taking his vitamins.  He has really slipped up with drinking way too much caffeinated beverages, mostly coffee, eating hormone rich red meats, cold cuts, and so on.  Since he is willing to try I'm happy.  We both like the idea of a guarantee.  Who wouldn't?

J will have to tell his parents when we get the beta results about donor eggs so that his parents don't decide to place blame where it isn't due.  I tried and I won't be anyone's scapegoat.  I lost weight, exercised, refrained from any sort of sex, gave up exercise when told to and so on.  You all know the game; especially those of you that have done donor eggs.

Now to any of my readers, if you have used the place I linked to, let me know your experience with their guarantee program.  I'm interested.

 When I do the WTF appointment I'm going to be asking a lot of questions!

Friday, May 17, 2013

Trying to Not Think About It

Yesterday I was in contact with both clinics.

PNW, at first, thought that less than a 1 on my early beta didn't bode well.  But later in the afternoon they called me back and thought it was just fine.  Really?  If there were two put back I doubt either are there now. 

I'm on such a roller coaster of emotion right now.

POAS both negative.  Wondfo and FRER.

Today was 8dp5dt.

I've prayed to God.  I've begged him.  I promised to still be a good girl even if it is negative.  I just can't figure out why me?

Yeah, this is a pity party.  You might want to turn away now.

I was told with my endometriosis that using my own eggs wouldn't work.  Not because of my age because we all know Halley Strawberry got pregnant at 46.

I know for a fact that women with endometriosis, even stage 4, can get pregnant with their own eggs through IVF.  And yes have a successful pregnancy.

I ovulated from 6 follicles while on the pill this FET.  Talk about a tease.  I should have gone for it and ditched the condoms I was instructed to use as a precaution.

The donor I used is only 22.  No genetic markers for any known blah, blah, blah.  Perfect donor. 

J's sperm count sucked this past cycle.  2% morphology.  But still we ended up with two 5AA Blasts.

So what went wrong?  I was checked out with ultrasounds and blood work.  Nothing wrong with me and I had a 90% chance of success. 

My beta was supposed to be on Sunday but got bumped to Monday because the Army lab is closed for walk-in, except ER cases, on weekends.

Oh and my symptoms as of this morning...gone all gone.  Even my breasts are back to normal.

Any clue?  I have no idea what went wrong.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

I'm Okay

Don't worry.

I'm going to be just fine. 

No ultrasound.  Doctor thought it best not to poke and prod inside me and I agree.  Besides other than seeing a cyst the babies wouldn't be visible as of yet.

Beta on Monday.

Blood work last night of course was really low as in less than 1.  We knew it would be as it is way too soon for me, a fairly normal chic, to have anything show up this early in my blood.

Doctor is confident enough to think that the potential for pregnancy is still high as the transfer was only done just last week Thursday.

He feels the pain is related most likely to the endometriosis and adenomyosis and if that is true it will most likely continue to afflict itself upon me throughout this pregnancy....bring it on!  I want a long healthy pregnancy!

So I Ended Up Going To The ER Last Night

I'm okay.

Just having pelvic pain that radiates down my left leg to the knee area.  Not fun.

The doctor before palpating my pelvic region decided I probably do have an ovarian cyst.  After palpating he said he wouldn't rule out ectopic pregnancy.

However OB said no to doing an ultrasound or pelvic exam when he called them.

Urine was almost clear last night so the urine HCG test they did showed negative as I figured it would since I was only 6 days past the 5 day transfer.  HCG will barely be hitting my system in the next few days.  They decided to draw a vial of blood even though they said it would probably be a grey area if it did show anything.

I'm to call my local RE clinic today and get a same day appointment for ultrasound and exam.

Still trying to get a real person on the phone at my clinic that opened up about a half hour ago.  I should probably just have J give me a lift and sit in their office until they realize that yeah answering their phones would be a good thing.

I'll update with more when I have more to tell.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

If I don't respond much...

it is because I'm taking an online college class. 

Going to be busy for a while.

I'll try to catch up on all your blogs asap.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Hey You

Knock it off.  You are really getting on my nerves.  No not my readers but the embryoes inside of me. 

Mutt and Jeff if you are still inside of my uterus will try to be more consistent?

This on and off again symptoms is really driving me batty.  One minute I know for sure you are still in there and the next time I think about you and what I should hopefully be feeling you aren't doing anything to my body.

I'm hoping that you decided to stick around but you are causing me to have big doubts.

When I got up to feed you your PIO shot I knew for a fact you were there with the twinges of pain.

Now when I got up at 10 am, not even my breasts hurt.

Readers, I know it is too soon to test.  I'm only 5 days past a 5 day transfer.  The only way I could possibly show positive on a hpt is if there were three embryoes in there or I had residual from the HCG shot or in the case of some women if I  had free flowing HCG in my system more than the average female and yes there are some out there like that.  But I'm being realistic guys, even with my two IVF my beta showed less than a 1 each time.  I normally have very little HCG in me.  When I test it will most likely be blank for a while to come.  Why do I say this?

Well with good reason.  My new RE clinic, the one in Seattle knows my body well enough through all the testing I went through to know that I'm more likely to get a FALSE NEGATIVE before the Beta on Monday.    I was even told by the doctor just after transfer was completed to not test because he said was more afraid of me getting a FALSE NEGATIVE.

How could they possibly know this?  Well I've been pregnant with twins before and back then the hpts were Negative and my Beta was positive and I carried to 10 weeks 6 days.  It is all in my records.

Here is a good LINK to show you when I should test at the earliest.  Any testing before that date will yield for ME a negative.  Tomorrow I'll test and I just might get a faint line, MIGHT mind you.

Here is the chart for the 5 day transfer but there is also on the link above a chart for the 3 day transfer.

5-Day Transfer

Days Past
Transfer (DPT)
Embryo Development
One The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
Two The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
Three The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
Four Implantation continues
Five Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
Six Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
Seven Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Eight Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Nine Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy

Monday, May 13, 2013


There are days I wonder why I ever even open my mouth.  I realize that the folks who know me best know that often I say things that might not make sense to them right away but they do "get me".  I also realize that what I say is often misunderstood by family that doesn't know me well at all.

Two examples I'll share:

A few years back I was eating breakfast at my in-laws' house when I made a simple of state of, "don't let (name of husband's brother) run you over".  My mother-in-law, like I said folks that don't know me well, said to me, "what did you mean by that!".  Simple fact is that my youngest brother-in-law has a strong personality and can be quite dominant in his wants and needs often forgetting that others might not feel like doing his activity but my feel like they need to try to keep up with him.  My husband is much the same and just the very reason why I often push myself too much.

Just yesterday I was joking how my father-in-law has less hair than my mother-in-law.  Mother-in-law said, "no he has more hair.".  Considering that her hair is long and his is short I thought it was obvious by what I meant but I guess not so.

With strangers I often stumble over what to say to them and end up sounding like some blathering idiot of which I'm not.  It just seems like I am better able to communicate with the written word and still I sometimes stumble there as well.

This leads me back again to Adult Female Asperger's Syndrome.  I seem to fit the bill quite well.  Still I have yet to get tested.  I get so caught up in other facets of my life that I forget to find out where I can get tested.  Not sure the Army would even care that I have it because I'm not a child.

Here is video to share with all of you.  If you know me perhaps you'll see some of these traits in me.
I mean no offense to anyone that has been diagnosed or has a family member diagnosed with this syndrome but I need to start somewhere to find out why I'm so misunderstood and so far it fits the bill. 

One other thing, if you new me in college you might remember that I loved to write poetry and was pretty darn good at it.  But thinking with vanity I submitted to The New Yorker and with that rejection never tried again to get published.    I got a "not at this time" rejection letter.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Sunday Blahs

So yeah it is just one of those days.  Last night it rained.  I knew it would.  My arthritis warned me a full day before hand.

My breasts are fuller and more achy today.  First time that has happened since I started taking the PIO shots nine days ago.

Had a touch of nausea this morning when J was frying up his breakfast at 0500 hrs.  Ugh so gross the smell.  It was his usual Taylor ham, eggs, onions and red pepper slices.

Still getting some twinges in the pelvic cavity.

My mother called me this morning to wish me a happy mother's day.  She has never done that before.  But she knows about the FET so that is probably the reason why.  I put her on speaker so that J, he didn't even with me a happy anything this morning, could her here.  Yes, I'm evil and had to rub it in.  J normally at least gets me a card.  Guilt tripped him enough that he wrote me a letter.  He told me he figured the flowers were enough.  What flowers I thought, oh wait the plants.  Yeah he thought the tomato plant, he eats tomatoes and I don't, and the flowers to feed the hummingbirds were my gift.  I'm like no.  I didn't want a gift.  A card would have nice.  Besides we buy plants for the hummingbirds every year.  If I were buying plants for myself I'd buy a plant for just me like a rose bush, peony or even a  begonia.

I'm tired today.  I feel like just curling up with a book and a blanket.

To all my blogger friends out there that are moms, soon to be moms, mothers to angels or still trying to be a mom I wish you all a Happy Mother's Day!

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Taking It Easy

I've been making baby booties for my shop this week.  I'm really hoping it will keep me sane.  Plus I did say that since I won't be moving until next Spring that I might as well restock my shop.  I was really running low on choice of colors in various sizes.  Seems like I had a run on pink in my shop over the winter.

Today J and I went plant shopping.  We purchased a tomato plant from the post exchange, sighs because had I known that the Army was going to defer this move until next year I would have started everything from seed like I normally do, and a new hummingbird feeder.  The two hummingbird feeders we had leaked terribly.

Next stop was off to shop for more plants.  I purchased two that I know attract and feed the hummingbirds.  They've been having to feed off of my blooming rosemary bush.  Poor little Rufous.
photo from

After getting the plants home we went grocery shopping.  I'm tired to say the least.  No I didn't do any heavy lifting.  Well okay at the home improvement store some old man was pushy and I had to lift my cart up and out of his way because he just couldn't wait.  No I'm not in any pain though I was told to take it easy for a few days after the embryo transfer.

I checked, no bleeding, no bad cramping from trying to lift more than I should. Seriously I had the choice of being rammed in the back by his cart or lifting my cart out of the way.  Manners aren't generational, they are learned and I'm guessing that old man didn't learn any.

Yes J was with me but he had his hands full with wallet and hanging plant and couldn't have gotten to me fast enough for the old man's liking.  Oh I did voice my opinion of that man's patience.

Well enough of that.

So I'm home.  J carried in the groceries to the house and I unloaded them.  The bagger had loaded up our suv so again I didn't have to do anything.

I have had uterine cramping, more like pinching on the left side and right side of the pelvic region and at times near the mid-line of the uterus too but nothing all at once.  It doesn't last for long, maybe a couple of minutes.  Fingers crossed.
We purchased this exact feeder today!

Friday, May 10, 2013

Military Spouse Appreciation Day and FET Update

It is that time of year again.  Time to thank the military spouse for all that they do.  I'm sure that my readers know what I do, no need to thank me.  Instead I'm sending thanks out to all the other military spouses out there supporting their spouse in uniform.  Thank you for all YOU do!

My husband wrote me a really nice appreciation letter.  Every year I mention that I'd like one and usually he forgets.  This year he remembered.  I'm over the moon with happiness.  I love letters from my spouse.  Yes, gifts are nice but a letter is something that survives and keeps its meaning in place while jewelry is often forgotten why it was given.

I know that you my dear readers are probably waiting for an update on the embryo transfer.  So here goes.

J and I checked in at PNW in Seattle at 1330 hrs.  I emptied my bladder figuring I still had one more hour before I had to take my Valium and start drinking my water.  Wrong.  It wasn't long after I emptied my bladder that one of the nurses decided to grab me for the procedure!

The ultrasound tech checked my bladder and it was still fairly full.  She said it would just fine considering my uterus being retroverted by the time of the transfer and that I'd probably get out of there early.  1530 hours arrives.  Nope didn't get out early.  But that was okay too.

The photo given to us of the embryos showed they had already started hatching.  Both were now 5AA and by the time they were shown on screen for transfer they were mostly out of their shells!

Mutt and Jeff

Little bit of spotting last night.  Bit of cramping this morning.  Bloated feeling and 1.2 lb weight gain.  I attribute that to eating out at a steakhouse last night.  I figured I needed the extra protein and low carbs.  Too bad eating out I can't tell them to hold all the salt.

You can bet I'll starting POAS next week.  My first Beta is scheduled for the 20th with a hopeful follow up on the 22nd.

The doctor is concerned that if I do the hpts I'll get a false negative.  Can you believe he thinks that?  Seriously.  They already know this is going to work and have more faith in the process than I do.  I guess that is because I have had so many failed attempts.

Hoping all goes well and I do finally get a healthy pregnancy.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Today is the Day

This morning I got on my scale again.  Many of you probably wonder why I torture myself with daily weigh-ins.  Weighing myself daily shows to me whether or not what I ate the day before was healthy enough for me.  If I stayed the same in weight I'm happy.  If I gained weight it either means I gained muscle or I'm bloating from too much sodium intake. 

With my high blood pressure I have to restrict myself to about 1500 mg of sodium daily.  If you have ever looked at the nutritional information on the prepackaged and convenience food you'll see that we Americans eat way too much sodium every day.

So with this said I got on the scale and found that today my pre-PUPO weight is 210 lbs even.  Yay!  I lost 0.8 lbs over night.  I must be doing something right as I had to give up exercising when I started to bleed.  I'll start back up to exercising, probably pregnancy type, when I'm allowed.  Hopefully today I'll find out that on Saturday or Sunday I can back to a routine.

I'm nervous and excited.

I'm wearing a good luck fertility charm.  Not that I believe in all that but it can't hurt.  When shopping this weekend for family at a jewelry store I asked the clerk if they had any of a particular creature.  Not sure if the clerk was not knowing what this very common creature looked like, I'd say it here but one of the gift receivers does read my blog, but she came back with a turtle which looks nothing like what I wanted.  But I said that is okay I'll take the turtle.  I also bought myself some silver seahorse earrings.  I'm wearing those today too.

I'll post more in the next couple of days and hopefully I'll have an embryo photo to share with all of you.

I have one of these for my Celtic Sea Salt and love it!

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Letting It All Hang Out

I weighed myself today.  This will most likely be my own pre-PUPO weight.  Sure I'll weigh myself tomorrow but I have my doubts about losing any more.  However, if the weight goes up or down tomorrow I'll post about it and the FET when I'm up to it and the Valium has worn off.

Tomorrow is the big day. 

Today I weighed in at 210.8 lbs.  Still category 1 Obese.  But my BMI is now 32.9 for my height of 67 inches.

The day I signed my papers at PNW for this FET I weighed 223.6 lbs that morning at home on 6 March.  Some how with all the hormone treatments I've been doing I've managed to lose almost 13 pounds.  It hasn't been easy.

I splurged this past weekend.  My final weekend of being able to eat what I wanted without fear of doing damage to any potential embryo.

In 36 hours I ate the following foods I'll have to forgo or at least in the amounts I ate and we all know deli meats are out of the picture unless hot:
  • almost a full order of Papa John's plain bread sticks.
  • chocolate ganache
  • prosciutto wrapped Gorgonzola stuffed chicken breast in a golden raisin reduction sauce with a side of mashed potatoes
  • chocolate covered thick ridged potato chips; the entire 4 serving bag
  • potato salad
  • Deli turkey breast on whole wheat bread with cranberry cream cheese on it.  It was really good.
  • yogurt covered peanut clusters.  Talk about a sugar rush.
So yes I made a pig of myself and gained 2.6 pounds in 36 hours.  I lost it again but I hated the weight gain.  I hated myself for wanting to splurge.  But I knew that I wouldn't be able to touch most of those foods again for quite a while.  I'm not supposed to be eating chocolate because of my GERD.

I'm sure had I not indulged while on the mini holiday last weekend I would have lost more weight.  Oh well.

I'm still giving myself the PIO shots.  This morning I scratched the skin while removing the needle.  That bled a bit.

So there I let my weight, incompetence with this mornings injection and my food addiction all out in the open.

Just so you can guess what I look like, I still look like this:
This is a photo I took of myself just before the second IVF.  I've lost the weight and look like this again being a size 14 again.  Some day I'll be a size 8 again.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Two More Days

Two more days.

Two more progesterone shots.

Two more Alora patches.

The embryo transfer is almost here!

To keep myself sane until then I'm busily making baby booties for my Etsy shop.  Today I listed the preemie to newborn size pink booties.  I had promised myself that I wouldn't make more stuff for my shop until I got settled at the new duty station.  Now that it has been put off for a year I'm not waiting.  New stuff is going to get made.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Third becomes the Fourth

This morning I was supposed to double the dosage of my PIO shot.  J promised to remind me. 

He didn't.

I had to give myself a second shot this morning to get the full dose.  Mind you this is at 0430 hrs.  I'm tired.  I'm cranky and the last thing I want to do is screw up my dosage.

J has his own printed calendar of my medications readily available. 

I got an "I'm sorry" after I dragged it out of him.  He doesn't like to admit when he is wrong.  He doesn't like to think he is to blame.  He stands there every morning to make sure I do the shot right.  Well he could have told me when I was drawing up the medicine that I needed to draw up more.  Or maybe he didn't care?  Maybe he likes causing me pain in the morning because he has to be up too.  All I know is that he made my ass sore by forgetting the increase in dosage.  Seriously if he is going to monitor my shots shouldn't he remind me?  I'm very forgetful and I have a good excuse for the forgetfulness....FIBROMYALGIA!

Sorry had to rant.  I went back to bed at 0500 hrs with a sore ass.  I administered the second shot near the first because I only wanted half the ass to hurt.  Does that make things half-assed today; sure seems like it in more than one way.

By the way I'm getting really good at giving myself the injections.  Only a tiny bead of blood after massaging in the medicine.  I think the massaging made it sore because the needle I barely felt.  Or maybe it was just my disposition that was sore this morning after two hours sleep.  Insomnia has set in.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Go Fly A Kite


I did it myself.

J watched yesterday as I gave myself the first of many PIO shots.  I gave myself this morning's injection too.  The small free standing magnifying mirror I have helped to see if I was getting any blood or not.

And now this is what we did yesterday in Port Townsend:

J is actually pretty skinny.  The vest is hiding his shoulder harness and handgun.  Plus all the pockets are great to hold my camera and the shells I collect from the beach.

Oh what is that in his hand?

Friday, May 3, 2013

Friday Round Up

Mixed news to post. 

  • My dad is in the hospital with COPD; doesn't go well with his heart valve failure.  Really feeling that 3,000 mile divide right now.
  • FET is scheduled for the 9th at 1530 hrs
  • Army deferred our PCS to Georgia until next June.  Budget cuts. 
Any questions?

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Last Ultrasound Before FET

Had my labs drawn at 0700 hrs.  E2 was 486.  Still waiting on the P4 results.

Ultrasound showed ovaries are suppressed nicely.  Lt.Col. B. said he's never seen them this quiet.

Uterine lining is measuring 1.2-1.4 CM.   YAY!

I'm good to go for the FET next week.  Just waiting on my nurse at PNW to get the results from today to advise when to start the PIO shots and reduction/finishing off of the other two meds.

Nurse M at Madigan said No to me wanting to do my own PIO shots.  I said well with J going to be gone for two weeks and your clinic not being open 7 days a week I"ll have to give them to myself on the weekends.  She was adamant about me not giving myself the injection.  Well too bad I'm going to do them.  I have to learn sometime.

Nurse M also advised me not to do the hpt at 5 days after the transfer because the trigger shot will still be in me.  I reminded her that I'm not doing the trigger shot.  She stated that they still wouldn't do the beta until 14 days after.  I said I've got that taken care of since I still have an order in the system from 19 Mar that doesn't expire until 19 May I'm covered!

Can you tell I'm pushing the limits today?

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Twenty-four Is Not Enough

I need more hours in a day.

Today's schedule:
  1. Dye hair
  2. Shower
  3. Laundry
  4. Exercise
  5. Pay Bills
  6. Make Cookies
  7. Make three meals: breakfast, lunch and dinner.  No more eating like a hobbit.
Some where in all that mess I'm supposed to find the time to do my neti pot, shave my legs and underarms, give myself a facial, do dishes, and fetch the mail.  Yikes!  I think I need a maid.

Well any way it will keep my mind off the FET.  I can hope it will keep my mind of the FET.  Nope not keeping my mind off the FET.