Thursday, March 31, 2011

Sometimes The Body Does What It Wants

Just the other day J and I were told that we'd most likely not have an ovulation cycle.  Guess what?  The test I took today proved otherwise.  Yesterday I took an ovulation prediction kit and it showed negative.  Today's test showed the two lines. 

I'm good to go.  I'm excited.  My body is still doing what it wants even when the doctors say that it shouldn't be doing this because of a large diameter cyst.  Oh well, I'm taking my chance and every chance I can get to conceive.

Still we aren't going to go with the IUI.  I can't take the extra poking around with medical devices and an IUI is invasive.  Last cycle it hurt like heck because the tech had to keep re-inserting the speculum to get a better view of my cervix.  I think I'd hide too if I could when some piece of cold metal was coming at me.

Now I can only hope that the next test I take will also show positive.  The next test is the pregnancy test.  I have real hopes because I don't really need the clomiphene citrate to conceive.  I just need it to produce extra eggs with the chance for a good quality one to get fertilized.

Fingers crossed.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I Cheated

 I'm really sorry readers but I must confess to having cheated last night.  There are times when a person can just take so much.  My husband came home yesterday and told me some bad news.  I thought I handled it pretty well when he told me that he wouldn't be home for breakfast, lunch or dinner for at least the next few days possibly longer.  The bad news didn't end there, no it continued on with him telling about the upcoming training events for this year and how our plans for a vacation might not happen.  I had to do something to kill the bad mood.

I cheated.  But its not like he didn't know about it.  He enjoyed it as much as I did.  Heck, he even encouraged me last night and made the phone call to set it all up.  So is it really cheating when he consented to the idea and plans?  Might I add that he even watched while I had my pleasure?

However this morning was a bit of what is called buyers remorse.   I got up with him this morning and he seemed a bit withdrawn.  Perhaps he is in the mission mindset.  Maybe he has a bit of regret from last night knowing that I might pay the high price for it.  I'm not entirely sure myself what I was thinking either.  It was rather impulsive.

I've been in a lot of pain of late so I told myself that it was okay.  And he agreed right?  So why do I feel so miserable this morning for what I did last night?  It was consensual.

Maybe its because that when I got on the scale this morning I gained back 0.8 pounds from those three delicious slices of all white pizza.  I have plenty more left too but I had my husband freeze them for another cheat.  If they are frozen I won't eat them now.  Well that is my theory at least.  But I do feel really guilty about enjoying the deep dish and those wonderful carbohydrates.  Diet be dammed I'm allowed to feel something good with this ovarian cyst pain!

Pizza always cheers J up.  Its the food that changes his mood.  He enjoyed his deep dish, tomato sauce base, pepperoni, two kinds of bell peppers, onions and I think he added bacon to the pizza too.  Its was going to be our last meal together for a while, might as well enjoy ourselves.

Today it's back to the mostly protein part of the diet.  I still can't go cold turkey on my carbohydrates as I get really sick when I try.  So tonight I might add a small portion of whole grain brown rice to my dinner meal. For now I hear the cottage cheese in the refrigerator calling me.  Its going to be a late breakfast and a whole lot of guilt added as a topping.

Now I must forgive myself and learn to love my body all over again since yo-yo dieting isn't the solution to my problem.  Only good foods for me, that is until I cheat again.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Its A No Go

Bad news for J and I this cycle.  I've been in pain, pelvic pain, for about two weeks now and I found out the cause today.  I have an ovarian cyst.  I knew I did when the Robaxin and a hot bath didn't ease the pain this past week.

Today I had my ultra sound to see just how many ripe follicles I have this cycle.  J is doing his field exercise this week, so getting an appointment with several of the doctors being out for field exercises and having him be able to be there to discuss options was very difficult, nigh impossible with the pressure from his chain of command.  I have to remember it is mission first and family last.  He has a job to do.  We wanted to find out, since this is my fifth cycle of clomid, what the options are for the next cycle.  I needed him there as this affects his life too.

Good news is that I can stay on clomiphene citrate for twelve cycles.  Bad news is that I have an ovarian cyst that is 2 inches across.  A bit bigger than a golf ball.  So there will be no IUI this cycle and I have to stop taking the Clomiphene Citrate as of today. I have to wait until the first day of my next cycle to get another ultra sound to see if the cyst has resolved or if they are going to have to remove it.  I hope it goes down.

We can try on our own this cycle without the aid of artificial means but we were warned to be very careful as intercourse could cause the cyst to rupture which would be a very bad thing.  I like to take chances.  I'm thinking we should still give it a try.  So with that said I have ready the ovulation prediction kits. 

Wish us luck.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Diet Update

Finally I'm done with the attack phase of the plan.  I'm 1.2 lbs under what I was expected to lose in the six days I was on this part of the diet.  I've lost 3.8 pounds in six days which isn't too bad considering I had to modify this all protein phase to meet my needs.

I have hypoglycemia and hypokalemia.  Too much protein caused me to have a flare in my IBS which brought on my attack of hypokalemia.  Hypokalemia is when the body loses potassium too quickly.  I ended up with the typical warning signs of charlie horses in the legs followed by the palpitations.  Since I take a daily supplement of potassium I had to up my dosage until the IBS decided to stop flaring.  I was diagnosed years ago with hypokalemia.

As for the hypoglycemia, of which I was also diagnosed years ago with, I had to modify the diet when I started with the headaches and dizzy spells from lack of sufficient carbohydrates.  Needless to say this did have an impact on the weight I was hoping to lose so I ended up losing just under what I was supposed to which was 5 pounds being the goal for the 6 days.  While eating too many carbohydrates can also trigger the hypoglycemia, not eating enough of them will also trigger an episode.

I decided to supplement the daily intake of protein by substituting one lean protein meal with an Atkins bar.  Atkins diet is very similar to the Dukan Diet in that it is primarily a protein diet.  The supplement bar I chose contained enough carbohydrates to tied me over between meals as I ate one for the afternoon tea portion of the Dukan Diet.

I've actually been able to eat out on this modified diet to several different places over the weekend and continue to lose weight, including being able to eat at an all you can eat buffet.  I think the trick to eating at the all you can eat buffet was just making the correct food choices, those being mostly protein of course.

Perhaps I will be able to stay on this diet of my making.  It is mine now that I instituted several changes.  Exercise is a must.  I have to walk for 20-30 minutes each day and yesterday walking about the gun show for over two hours I really got in my exercise quota for the day.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Weekend Plans

Well I'm going to do the near impossible and try to make some plans for this weekend.  We'll just see if they get to come to fruition or not when Monday rolls around.

Planning for the weekends isn't an easy fete when you are married to a military guy or gal.  It does mean that often your well planned ideas get put on the back burner.  But we aren't allowed to crab about it, especially to the chain of command.  They are just doing their job after all and we realized when we took this position as Military Spouse what we were for the most part getting ourselves into. 

If all goes well my spouse and I might get the chance to do a little shopping.  I'm saying little because I don't know for sure if they are going to get paid in April.  I think that they will as the last threatened shut down came and went and they still got paid.  I checked his LES and it seems as though he is still going to be paid, but its still best to err on the conservative side and be frugal for a while.  I do need to get J some coffee.  For him its a necessity so I'll be stopping by our commissary for that black gold beverage.

As for my other plans, well that depends on his schedule.  As of late his schedule has been rather erratic.   He has had no less than one staff duty and three guard duty shifts.  More are to come and I was just informed last night that the schedule has changed again.  The new schedule wasn't up yesterday to confirm his new duty roster but it will be soon or else they'll be getting called in to work with the changes in the schedules as they arise.

I'm just glad that the weekend is here.  It means that I get a bit more time with my spouse.  We are on a roll.  Its been a good week for us even though I turned out to be not pregnant.  I'm waiting for my return phone call to schedule my next ultrasound to get the next IUI.  The never ending chain of life must keep going and I want to do my part to keep our DNA in the chain.  But that isn't what this weekend is about.  This weekend is about bonding, finding time to do activities together and finding time to relax in our own pursuits.

Third load of laundry is now in the washer and I'm looking forward to a break from the housework for two days.  I'm going to put my feet up when I get the chance.  This new diet I started has really messed up my digestive system.  I have hypoglycemia and going without carbs isn't so good for me.  I don't like the dizzy spells, headaches, nausea and so on.  I've had to add back carbs into my diet.  Unfortunately its caused me to gain back 0.2 lbs of the 3 pounds I've lost.  Sure 0.2 lbs might not seem like a lot to you readers but to me its the happiness factor.  I like to see the numbers going down when I step on the scale not going up.

Well see how well this modified version of the Dukan Diet goes for me.  We'll see if I start losing some weight again or if I have to go back to day one and basically kill my digestive tract.  I wasn't meant to eat all this protein and its having the opposite effect that it said it would even without the bran.

I wish all of you a nice happy weekend.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Wishful Thinking

The diet is going as per usual.  I feel like I'm constantly hungry and am craving my carbs big time.  PMS doesn't help with the carb cravings.  PMS is the reason why I'm in so much pain.  I was whimpering last night from the pain.   I did try to soak in our tub but its just not deep enough to enjoy a good soak.  Some day in my dream home I'm going to have a slipper tub.

I'm in a lot of pain today.  Right now I so wish I were where this particular tub is just so I could soak in it right up to my shoulders.  The picture is of the slipper tub on the caboose in which J and I stayed in overnight last summer.  Loved the tub hated the bed.

Nice thoughts warm my head right now of a dream bathroom.  I think I'd like one of my own where no one else gets to use it but me.  I'd have my slipper tub with some shelving around it for candles, salts, lotions and special soaps.  A heated tile floor would be nice too.  I'd have to have a separate shower stall for the days that I'm in a big hurry but the tub would still be for the evening soaks.  I'd also have a towel warmer so I don't catch a chill when stepping out of the tub. 

Am I being too selfish?  Not really.  I'd make sure that there were two other bathrooms for the rest of the family and a hot tub so they could have their communal soak.  I might even join them from time to time with a glass of Riesling.  I would have the hot tub not too far away from the house as cold winter nights make taking a trek out to the hot tub little fun.  Maybe I'd situate it  inside a manicured garden.  Hidden just enough for those that prefer to hot tub nude.

On the subject of water I would also have a nice pool in my yard.  Maybe one that was a wave pool which isn't too large but is great for exercising.  I do love the water.  J doesn't really care for swimming but I do.

Now my brain is coming about to swim wear.  I need to find a new swimsuit.  I want to go back to the gym and swim several days a week.  I still have yet to replace my favorite swimsuit that gotten eaten at Skamania Lodge when they had way too much chlorine in their hot tub in the womens locker room.

I'll find a new swim suit eventually.  There are so many ugly ones at our Exchange that it just puts me off looking for more suits thinking that the rest out there this season are probably just as ugly.  Besides I want a swim suit not a bathing suit.  The big difference is in the straps for me.  I have too much cleavage to be sporting spaghetti straps on any swim suit when wanting to swim.  An adjustable cross back with wide straps is what I'm wanting.  Its not like I'm going to be sun bathing inside, nor do I care how attractive I look in a suit, its just for exercise not modeling.  But I just don't like the ugly styles that the economy is currently featuring.  I guess the hunt is on for my next purchase.  Hopefully I find the hiking canes and swim suit before summer is over.  That is wishful thinking in itself.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Its a nice warm spring day here in western Washington State and I'm in love.  Okay so I've been in love for eight years with the same guy.  Yesterday marked our eight years together as a couple.  We met at a friends' wedding in Western NY.

So today my blog post is about Love, pure and simple.  I can actually say that I love my husband more than I did eight years ago.  When I met him it was lust at first sight.  He was wearing his cowboy hat and boots with a nice suit jacket and dress pants.  His smile lit up the sky.  I couldn't see his eyes behind the dark sunglasses he wore which made me want to remove his glasses to find out the color.  I wanted to touch him.  That was my first thought.  I couldn't wait to get my hands on him.

I let the eight year mark pass without mentioning it to him.  Its just a mile stone in our journey.  We have so very much to celebrate every year with the wedding anniversary, anniversary of our handfasting, birthdays, and holidays its okay to miss that particular day.  Being an Army Wife does mean that often we aren't together on our special days.  He had some of it off anyway due to the fact that he had a late night guard shift.  To be honest I even forgot until just this morning what yesterday was indeed.  See I admit to making mistakes.

My husband is such a big part of my life.  He should be too.  But I know that other people have marriages that aren't as wonderful as mine.  We consult one another on our major purchases and most of the small ones.  We make vacation plans together not apart.  We make time for one another as a couple.  I think its the reason why, even though the fertility drugs make me cranky, our marriage will endure.  We've made it through one isolation tour, one deployment, Basic Training, AIT and a whole lot of training exercises.    Being apart so often has made us cherish the times  we do have together.  Yes, we argue but its more discussions then yelling.

I can only hope that I will get the chance to spend my rocking chair years with my husband.  If the fates align we'll have that time to grow old and yell at the kids to stay off our lawn.  LOL

We might never have children of our own but we are okay with that fact.  We discuss it every month when I find out I'm not pregnant.  Children aren't everything.  If you have them then you are lucky.  I've known of quite a few parents that wish they never had children.  Children are a choice and no one said you had to have them or raise them.  Sorry for that rant.

J, if you read this particular blog today, know that I love you.  I'll always love you till the day that death separates us and if possible even in the beyond.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Dukan Diet

Yesterday while web browsing I came upon a diet that looked rather familiar and could possibly work with my lifestyle, The Dukan Diet.  I plan on purchasing a copy of the book as soon as it is available in April through  It is rather like the Atkins diet of yesteryear but with the main difference being that it does allow for cheating, wine and the occasional dessert.  Okay so the first 5-10 days are all about giving up your bad habits but it does look reasonable.

For the past couple of years I've been told by doctors and dietitians that I need to eat more protein and dairy.  This particular diet would solve that dietary flaw on my part.  I weighed myself in this morning after checking out my True Weight and finding it to be a reasonable 163 pounds much as I figured it would be 160 pounds I was off.  Its rather nice to find that I'm allowed another 3 pounds on my body.  So with my goal in mind I have 6 days on the attack phase.  We'll see just how I do.

Oh by the way those that are worried that I shouldn't be doing a diet while possibly pregnant, you have no worries as I'm not pregnant yet again.  So I might as well try to eat healthier food options and lose some weight while trying this next coming cycle to get pregnant.

For those looking for a quick weight loss, you aren't going to find it on this diet.  You will lose a fair amount on the attack phase but you have three other phases to go through with the last being the one you need to stick to for life to keep off the weight.  This diet is for those that have the time to give to themselves a good healthy eating lifestyle.  If you love eating lean protein you'll love the first part of this diet.

I'm ashamed at my current weight.  I gained so much back when J re-deployed.  I just don't know how I let the weight go back on after all my hard work to get it off.  Bad eating habits do have a way of cropping back up like those insidious weeds in the lawn.

I will post how much I have lost or gained in this blog once a week so that my readers can see my progress, cheer me on or shame me into losing more if I dare gained a pound.  However, when I do get pregnant I will slow down the dieting plan and that means I might gain a bit back.  My plan when pregnant is to not gain weight and rather just eat healthy so that I will after giving birth lose the weight.  I'm too fat to be allowed to gain weight during pregnancy or so the doctors have told me.  They aren't always nice when they are being honest.  But I do like the fact that they are honest.

This Dukan Diet should help ween me off of my carb and sugar addiction.  I am a carb junkie.  It doesn't mean I can't have carbs on this diet as each day I have to have a minimum amount of oat bran or wheat bran.  Just this morning I made a wonderful oat bran and egg pancake.  It really was tasty.  I even woke J up to share a bite of it with him.  He had guard duty last night so I shouldn't have woken him up but this pancake was that good I just had to share.  I think he is going to like all this extra protein at each meal.  He is after all a Meatatarian.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Having A Cranky Laundry Day

Just when I thought I was safe from housework Monday appears out of no where.  This weekend was a blast, literally.  I went to the pistol range with my husband yesterday and to gun shops thereafter.  I really enjoyed myself. We ate out for lunch and dinner.  I felt wonderful. 

But then last night the hormones hit.  I was cranky.  I knew that today meant I'd have all those household chores to do yet again.  My back was hurting, my pelvis was sore, and the fibromyalgia was making the rest of my body ache too.  I couldn't get comfortable on my orthopedic foam mattress.

I got up from the bed and told my husband to go back to sleep.  I knew this wasn't going to be a good night's sleep.  My husband actually asked me what he did wrong.  I snapped at him that if he didn't know what he did wrong then he was an idiot.  I know I shouldn't have called him a name.  He knows that I often need to get up in the middle of the night and try to walk off the pain.  Its not always about him.  Asking what he did wrong, just ticked me off because he was making it about himself and not about the real issue my pain. 

Finally he got the message after I ignored him.  I went into the office and clicked on the computer.  I figured that just staring at facebook and not telling the world my problems would help.  It did.  Reading about how every one else's life is falling apart at times reminds me that my life really isn't all that bad.  Sorry folks but really it is true.  Someone else always has it worse than you do.  The world does not revolve around one particular person and their troubles.

I shut down the computer after an hour of internet reality and walked back to the bedroom.  I apologized for snapping at J and explained that how he was trying to be thoughtful just wasn't going to help.  When I tell him, "leave me alone"  I mean it.  I need time to collect my thoughts. Nothing against him but I need some selfish time too.  It was just better that I had left the room when I did before I would really say something I would regret and I explained that particular bit too.

All is well with our married life.  We are just like any normal couple out there.  We face our issues each day as they arise, we love, we argue, we solve our problems too.

Now if only I could wave my wand and get the laundry to clean itself I'd be a much happier person today.  Can you believe there are six loads that have to be done?  I know I did laundry on Friday so where did it all come from in just two days?

Friday, March 18, 2011

Weather Or Not I Have Pain

Last night the pain started.  I laughed at something on television and ended up screeching out an OUCH as I held my pelvic region.  Oh Clomid why do you have to give so many bad side effects?

My lower back is hurting along with my pelvis today.  I ache so bad that bending over to lift the laundry baskets causes me to suck in air.

Yes I'm whining.  I can't even get comfortable sitting in front of the computer.  Thus this blog post today is going to be really short.

I thought at first this morning's pain was because the humidity is rather high today.  Its cloudy with a high chance of rain but how is that any different from most days here in Washington state?  That is when I realized I'd better step on the scale.  Sure enough the pelvic pain is being followed up by two pounds gained and my lower abdomen is quite swollen.  It is the clomid and its given me another cyst. 

With me being 10 days past ovulation I was rather hoping for a good sign of implantation, not the pelvic pain that I now have.  Unless of course it really doesn't hurt all that bad and its just my fibromyalgia that is magnifying my pain factor.  It can do that.  Unfortunately I'm not allowed to take a pain killer stronger than non-asprin while trying to conceive.  So this is why I'm complaining here about the pain.  If I can't take pain killers I'm going to complain.

I have housework that I need to get back to whether or not I really want to do it, it has to get done.  I'm expecting company in the next hour so I'd like the house to be presentable of which it usually is since I stay on top the housework each day.

May tomorrow bring better health to us all.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Peace, Protection and Prosperity

Photo was taken last night by me of the candle I've had lit during the day for the past week.

With so much bad going on in the world right now I thought that I might try to make a small change in the energy.  I'm trying to send out positive thoughts. 

May those living in war torn countries and fighting for freedom know the positive energy of peace.

May those that are still lost in the earthquake in Japan know positive energy of protection so that they can survive.

May those that are without food, water, shelter know again the positive energy of prosperity.

I am but one person without means to help all those that are in need.  For you this candle is lit.  Each morning I awake I light it again giving into it the positive energy from my rested body.  Its not much but its all that I can do.  I have hope for all of you out there.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Trekking Dreams

One of these days I'm going to be able to walk with assistance up those steep mountain trails.  Last year I tried and failed on an easier path up Horsetail Falls in Oregon.  I think I got about one third of the way up with my regular cane and the vertigo became too much.  I've since realized that I need a set of hiking poles so I can enjoy my trekking adventures across America.

I've been pricing poles for a few months now.  I've been reading customer reviews.  Sometimes it really does seem that the more you pay for the item the better the quality it is.  However I am not made of money and I do try to find bargains where ever possible.  I'd settle for a decent set of used poles with a lifetime warranty on them.

I like the Black Diamond Trail Shock Trekking Poles at REI but there is no way I can afford to spend over $100.00 USD on something I might use but a few times a year.  My second choice are the Leki Eagle Trekking Poles  of which seem to be quite adequate for the price.

This year J and I are hoping to make a camping and hiking trip in Yellowstone National Park  It all comes down to gas prices, leave times, and what I can physically do on the trip.  I really want to get a set of the poles.  I want to be able to walk longer distances and take plenty of pictures too.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Sausage Wild Mushroom & Egg Noodle Soup

Last night for dinner I got a bit adventurous with the first course.  I created a soup from scratch using what I had on hand for cooked meat in the fridge.

So here is my recipe and I hope someone will enjoy the taste as much as we did.

Sausage, Wild Mushroom and Egg Noodle Soup

Serves 3 (Lower sodium soup, only real sodium is in the sausage and 10mg in the noodles per serving)

1 Johnsonville Smoked Beef Sausage cooked, cut into half length-wise and sliced into pieces.

1.5 cups of German Spatzle Egg Noodles (I used the longer noodles but the short ones are fine too)
1/8 cup of Dried Wild Mushrooms cut into pieces
1 packet Zero Sodium Beef Broth
1/2 tsp tarragon
1 tsp Savory
dash of Mrs. Dash regular blend
1/4 tsp of thyme
pinch of ground cardamon
1 TBSP Lemon Juice
about two cups of water

Place all ingredients into a medium saucepan and bring to a rolling boil.  Turn down heat to medium and let it stay at a gentle boil for 17 to 20 minutes until the egg noodles are no longer too firm but more al-dente, not a soggy noodle.

Serve in bowls with a spoon and a fork if needed.

I enjoyed the impromptu soup that never had a recipe for it before.  Feel free to improve on this new recipe and let me know the results of your changes.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Dogs In Iraq and Afghanistan Help Soldiers

There seems to be nothing more comforting to a deployed soldier than the unconditional love of a dog.  However, when the soldiers have to redeploy to home often they have to leave behind their best friend, their dog.

Many stray dogs and young pups find their ways into the camps and bases that the soldiers live on.  With war tearing at their minds and hearts they find comfort in the love of the dogs.  Its a proven fact that animals do help soldiers deal with the stress of combat.

Military contractors will bring dogs over with them from various countries besides the United States only to not be able to take them back to their own countries again.  These animals fall through the cracks.  These are the dogs that have been trained to sniff out IEDs and other explosives.

If you would like to donate to help bring home these dogs or even learn more about the project check out these websites:

Working Dog VideoWorking Dog Video CNN

Baghdad Pups

Sunday, March 13, 2011

The Wanderlust That Is The Military Life

After reading a post by my cousin I was prompted to blog about wanderlust.  In the winter, while locked in by heavy snows I would often dream of foreign places and meeting new people.  Its still winter and though there is no snow on the ground I'm dreaming of new places and people yet again.  Perhaps its the fact that all it ever seems to do is rain here in Washington State.  The cold rain with the blowing wind tends to make me seek the comfort of a hot cup of tea, a good book, and a warm blanket.

As I wait for my husband to come home from his guard duty shift I'm now prompted to think of where we shall next move.  I have no clue yet as to where we might go but I feel it won't be much longer before we get orders that will change our lives yet again.  My husband has a lot on his plate right now.  What choices he makes of course will affect my life too. 

I'm really wanting to move.  Much as I like the thought of some of my spouse's family living about an hour away I'm rather tired of living here.  I've been here longer than J.  I've been here since September of 2008.  My three years here are almost up.  Most duty assignments are for three years and J's time here will be up shortly after mine.

Of all things I'm thinking of and should be thinking of, thoughts of his eventual retirement pop into my head.  I want to plan for that day.  But I have no clue when it will be or what our wants and needs will be when he does retire.  I've thought that Vermont, with its open gun laws, change of seasons, and close proximity to his family might be a good place to put down roots.  He seems to agree.

Though I can't wait to leave Washington State for further adventures there are still plenty of things I want to do here before I leave.  Now its all about finding the time as a couple to do those things.  Schedules are erratic so much so that meal planning has gone out the window.  For the past few weeks I've been making cold potato and pasta salads, from scratch, to serve with a quick microwavable main dish and veggies most nights.

Accepting the Army way of life really wasn't that hard for me to do.  I'm okay with not knowing most days when my spouse will be home.  The only thing that really bothers me is the deployments.  Not knowing if he will make it home again is what is the scary part.  I have no clue when the next deployment will be nor do I really want to think about it right now.  Right now I just want to head to the side door and greet my spouse with a hug and kiss.  And so I'll do that right now.

Friday, March 11, 2011

The Daily Giveaway

For those of you that like to enter contests, and I know I'm one of them, I have a website for you.  Every day they giveaway merchandise.  There is no catch.  You don't have to sign up for the subscription.  You don't have to get spammed if you chose not to.

To enter the Giveaway click here:  Oh, yes this is a Martha Stewart website.  Every month she has a different place giving away great merchandise.  This month is the one sponsoring the giveaway.  Last month it was Chefs and the month before a bath and body shop of sort, the month before that was was Kitchen Aide.

Honestly I didn't mean to keep this website to myself, I just didn't think it would last past the month of December.  I love knowing that I'm wrong.

Today's giveaway is a black brocade office collection valued at $72.00 USD.  Take a chance and enter the giveaway.

The official rules can be viewed here:

Good luck to all my readers.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

A Too White Military

It seems as though our military just can't please everyone.  Sometimes I think that it is just jealousy on the part of those not chosen as they like to claim they weren't picked because of gender or race.

Recently an article hit my email that made me stop and think about our officers in the US ARMY.  Are they mainly white males?  Of late I've seen a lot of female officers of various races.  I've seen plenty of non-white male officers as well.  Now I'm wondering if the news article was just biased bullshit.

Read for yourself the article that I read just this morning and tell me what you think.

I can't see where discrimination comes into play in choosing who will become an officer candidate.  Its not like the points system of the enlisted ranks where that could be considered biased if a particular NCO has a grudge.  It does happen.  Choosing who will become an officer and who won't is based upon their strength and knowledge.  These soldiers have to prove themselves with extensive testing.  Its far from the board of the enlisted.  I'm not being biased, I'm the wife of an enlisted soldier.

The promotion board for the enlisted means having to study from a generic study guide, proving that you are physically fit, can do your MOS, and that you can shoot for the main part.  Sure the soldiers also have to take some classes if they are to get points for education of which is divided into two categories with one being civilian and the other being military.  However it can come down to who you know in order to get promoted.  I've known soldiers that are still hoping to get promoted and have been in the military for up to seven years without going past the rank of Specialist.  If a soldier is in their primary or secondary zone they can be chosen to go to the board.  But if the points all of a sudden jacks skyward all the points awarded in the board still might not be enough to get them promoted.  Its different with being an officer.

An officer gets promoted not by who they know or a points system, from my understanding it is upon merit.  Feel free to correct me on this as I'm not a wife of an officer.  The first promotion from 2nd Lt. to 1st Lt. is an automatic one with enough time in rank.

Back to my thoughts on how some are claiming that the higher echelons of the military are primarily white males, as if that is a bad thing.  I'd rather it be all males if it means they are qualified.  Obviously they are qualified to hold their ranks as they were chosen to be there.

"Efforts over the years to develop a more equal opportunity military have increased the number of women and racial and ethnic minorities in the ranks of leadership. But, the report said, "despite undeniable successes ... the armed forces have not yet succeeded in developing a continuing stream of leaders who are as diverse as the nation they serve."

The military is all about Equal Opportunity.  Where else do you see a woman getting the same pay for doing a job that the male does?  You don't find that very often in the private sector.  That woman reached that rank because she earned it, not because the slot was being held open for a female.

We are a diverse military.  Considering the percentages of how many of each race and gender serve in the military the percentages in the higher ranks correspond quite well.  Remember all who enter into the military are given the chance to invest in the GI Bill so that they can go to college and get ahead within the military and eventually the civilian sector.  If they chose not to take the education benefits I see no reason as to why they should take a slot for a more qualified individual just because their race or sex dictates that they should be holding said position.  Take a look at these demographics:

For a breakdown of statistics look to this website:

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Libya, The Third War

Tonight President Obama will be trying to decide if we are to intervene in the Libyan war.  It all comes down to humanitarian issues, pretty much domestic violence, and what Obama promised before he was elected President of the United States.

Mind you I didn't vote for Obama and I was a registered Democrat at the time.  Since then I've changed my political party to more suit, though not perfectly, my views.

Do we really need the added expensive of another war?  We aren't even fully out of Iraq, we are full force fighting in Afghanistan and our economy can't handle the drain of helping yet another country find its freedom.  Freedom is far from free when our own populous has to go without because gas prices are sky rocketing in the oil obsessed countries.

They are oil obsessed.  Most of them are fighting over control of their own oil fields.  Their civil unrest is now costing us more at the pump and I'd rather it not start costing us the lives of our American citizens.

I'm not a "liberal hippie" by any means.  I believe that at times war is the necessary decision.  But I don't like the thought that we are going to have to sacrifice more of our military, money, and resources on a doomed humanitarian issue that is called the Libyan war.  Let them fight it out amongst themselves, it went fairly well in Egypt a month ago.  If we go into Libya with guns blazing we'll have to fund a rebuild of their country when we can barely afford to keep our own government afloat.

We don't need foreign oil.  We have the Alaskan pipeline.  We have alternative fuel sources that are being back burnered just because our own government has deals on the table with foreign countries to buy their oil supplies.  How about we fund the alternative fuel projects with the funds that we were going to spend on helping Libya out?

Better yet how about we stop buying from China and buy more American made products.  Sure right now American made products are expensive but isn't buying quality worth it?  Why buy junk from a foreign country when you know its just going to get recalled or fall apart?  Eventually, given that Americans will decide to buy domestic products, our prices will drop and our economy will reach back to the top where it was two decades ago before we started farming out our jobs to foreign countries.

Libya, good luck on your war.  I don't want my country being a part of your domestic violence issues. 


Tuesday, March 8, 2011


Today I had my third IUI.  Three cycles now of paying out of pocket $200.00 for this procedure.  I have a good feeling about today.  I just hope that I continue to have that good feeling in 15 more days.

The tech nurse performing the procedure said, "you should get your positive result in 15-17 days."  I really hope so.

So I'm not going to stress over this.  I have enough eggs, the sperm count is way high and everything looks promising.

For those of you with no clue what an IUI is I'm hoping that after viewing the video you'll have a bit of a better understanding.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Its The Egg Update

As I type this post I'm waiting to get my call from the fertility clinic on the time scheduled for the IUI tomorrow.  Alas I don't have as many ripe follicles as last cycle.  Again I have only a 5-6% chance to conceive in this cycle.

At best I have one or two more cycles for the clomid therapy.  There are other procedures that can be done and I just might have to explore those options.

I'm ready to be a mom.  I've always wanted to be a mother.  I know I can give to my child the attention, patience, and guidance that it will need.  I am scared.  I'm scared that I will never get the chance to experience motherhood in all its ups and downs.

A woman is most fertile between the ages of 18 and 25.  Most of us aren't ready to be mothers at those ages.  If I had taken that window years ago it wouldn't have been my husband that would have fathered my child it would have been someone else due to the fact that I'm nine years older than my spouse.

New technologies are being developed on egg freezing but for now eggs don't thaw out well at all.  Frozen embryos defrost just fine as well as frozen sperm.  Our eggs are just too fragile.

The good news is that I am fertile, its just my aging eggs, though I still have plenty to fertilize this cycle.  More good news is that my restrictions are lifted.  I'm allowed to cook, clean, exercise and so on but with the standard limitations of my back issues and the fibromyalgia of course.  I like doing housework.  Since I'm a domestic goddess I feel a sense of accomplishment knowing that I have a clean house.  I like it when people come into my house on any given day and see that it is clean.  Okay well its hard to get my husband to pick up after himself but I give him a bit of leeway on that considering military housing doesn't have enough storage space for all the Army gear that the soldiers are issued.  The soldiers need a bedroom all to themselves just to store their gear.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Electric Cars, My Opinion

This is bound to be a short post as it is entirely my opinion.  Though my husband and I were discussing the pros and cons of electric cars last weekend I took my own sweet time to post this particular environmental hazard.  Wait did I just insinuate that electric cars are a bad thing?  YES!

So we won't be using as much gasoline if there are more of these cute electric cars on the road.  We will be using more electricity.  Oh is that bad?  YES!

Most of our electricity is from plants that use coal to fuel their electric output.  Coal is a fossil fuel and is less clean burning than gasoline folks.  So why would any one want to buy an electric car knowing this?  Well most of us forget about where our electricity comes from.

These cars have to be charged up every four hours.  How is that effective?  How does that cut down on our footprint?

Now lets get down to the safety issues.  Have you noticed that this cars are super light weight?  Did you stop to think that light weight isn't such a good thing?  Think about how these cars would look after even a 20 mph accident.  You might as well go out and buy a new one.  Oh and if you need to buy yet another one how is that cutting down on pollution?  The factories will be puffing out more plumes of smoke to make you that new car.  At higher speeds its doubtful you'd walk away without more significant injuries because folks like me we want to keep our gasoline powered vehicles on the road.  We contribute less to pollution and our cars are safer than the electric ones.

Now don't get your dander up.  I'm sure I'm upsetting more than one environmentalist here who thought that electric cars were the perfect solution to our gas problem.  They are a solution I'll give you that, but are they the right one?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Dealing With Tech Support

There are days that I just want to crawl back into bed.  Today happens to be one of them.

I know I mentioned a few days ago that I was going to take 30 days for myself.  Well so far that really hasn't happened.  Everyone deserves a vacation and I'm still waiting to get mine.

For the past several days I've been doing laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning and paying the bills.  I'm trying to make life that much easier on my soldier.  My back is killing me along with my feet and just yesterday my right hip popped out of socket.  It popped back in then back out and back in repeatedly for a few hours.  Not a pleasant feeling mind you.  So I guess I'll only get to the cooking of the pork loin roast today with the trimmings.  I was going to do more laundry.

My main task today was calling three tech support places about my husband's computer.  Its a Toshiba laptop.  While he was deployed to Iraq, Toshiba in conjunction with Microsoft was offering free upgrades to Windows 7.  However each time my husband tried to file for his free upgrade there was a glitch.  He never got his free copy of Windows 7. 

So this brings me to the next point of the problem.  J's laptop stopped reading DVDs and CDs.  It refused to operate properly and would act like it had PMS.  After sending the computer out for repairs to his extended warranty company they install a new hard drive and DVD/CDROM-RW.  He gets it back and now the main screen is a C prompt.  GREAT!

J calls up the company that just repaired it, gets put on hold and disconnected. I call them back as well.  I then called up Microsoft and they said they couldn't do a thing about it.  The old hard drive had a partition in it that would prevent the OS from being deleted.  Well and good but we don't have the old hard drive now.  I was instructed to call Toshiba.  They wanted to charge me to even talk to a tech because the first warranty with them had expired.  I asked for the Tech Manager. 

It all comes down to this, no one cares if the darn restore disks don't work.  No one cares that there is no longer an OS installed.  J now has to pay out of pocket to get their restore discs or have his computer sent away for another month to have them install another Windows Vista to his laptop. 

This is wrong on so many levels.  First off Toshiba and Microsoft owe him the free upgrade.  Secondly had they fulfilled his request when he requested it numerous times during the offer period we wouldn't be needing a restore disk for his OS we'd have a copy, an actual disc on hand.  I tried to explain this to both companies.  They don't care if he was deployed and couldn't call tech support from Iraq.

So the best I can now offer my spouse when he comes out of the field is the offer that the Tech Manager gave me of two options, pay out or send the computer back with the hopes that they can fix the issue.  If this can't be fixed we have one expensive paperweight.  I just would like to know why the repair company who installed a new hard drive didn't install an OS.  Why?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Army PT Test Changes

Good and bad news for our Army.  They are changing the physical fitness test again.  In the past the changes have been so minor that most haven't noticed.  Guys were long required to have less time on their run than their female counterparts, more situps and more push ups.  While the run difference never changed the other two categories did slightly over the past twenty years.

Now things are about to get ugly.  For those of you on the Fat Boy program you now have no choice but to get into shape and stay in shape.  No more of the last week dieting before your scheduled APFT (Army Physical Fitness Training).  I think its about time.  A soldier, whether female or male, shouldn't be so fat as to have their uniform stretched to the limits showing their beer belly or rolls of flab.  Often I've been asked if I were an active duty soldier.  I always thought I was too fat to be even thought of as one.  However, since moving to this installation I've seen many a female that is my size or even larger and I wonder.  I wonder how the heck can they pass the APFT? 

There is no need for a soldier to be carrying around that extra weight.  You've got a job to do and you have to stay fit.  Put down that Jethro sized bowl of oreos and milk and grab a stick of celery soldiers because your days of over eating are over with.  There is no way you can possible do well on the new test system with your gut and flabby limbs.

The new APFT is now called an ACRT, Army Combat Readiness Test.  You will be having to do jumps, sprints, rows, slalom runs, balance beams, casualty drags, and ammo carries.

"The key difference is between ‘readiness' and fitness," said Lt. Gen. Mark Hertling, the Army's deputy commanding general for initial training.  "It's one thing to be fit … it's quite another thing to be ready for the things we are being asked to do. And in our case, it's becoming a ‘tactical athlete.' " 

"Soldiers will be required to hurdle over gates, negotiate barricades, drag a casualty, balance with weighted ammo cans, maneuver through a simulated shooting course, do 100 yards of wind sprints and weave through a slalom course.
And it's all timed."

Good luck to all of the soldiers out there.  Time for you to make healthy food decisions so that you'll be more able to pass this new test.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Coping With Nightmares

Alone I wander through the dark streets.  My shadow quavers in the faint sodium glow.  Eerily the sound of my footfalls echo, where are the night sounds of the frogs and crickets?  Why is there no one else out walking tonight?

From the left I hear a sound, Oh God NO!  Okay now how do I get out of this dream?

Yes, yet another bad dream in the early morning hours.  The man that abused me all those years ago has again cropped up into my dream state.  I somehow knew it would happen.  It was triggered by the book I've been reading.  The heroine of the novel has been abused.  She escaped much as I did but I didn't have to fake my death.  Now this heroine is having to face her past that she ran from.  Does it ever stop?  Do the dreams ever completely go away?  I have to finish this novel.  I know it will have a happy ending as it is the only type this particular author ever writes.  I too will have my happy ending when I awake from the bad dream to realize that it was just that, a dream.  Unfortunately my dream was based on truth, my past.

I know that some of my readers can understand these nightmares.  Hopefully most of  you that have them don't have them often.  I wonder if I'll ever be fully healed.  I'm just so thankful that I have my wonderful, understanding husband to be there for me.  When I awake from these nightmares my husband is almost always there to help me deal with them and to give me that hug when I'm ready.  Thank you J. 

For those of you out there battered, beaten and traumatized please find a way to get out and get some help.

For my friends and readers that are survivors of domestic abuse this video is for you.