Thursday, January 31, 2013


Since CD 1 is right around the corner, my FRER was negative again this AM, I'm going to get a jump start on eating a bit healthier.  This morning for breakfast I'm having a smoothie and a nut bar. 

Wheat Grass Smoothie
1 scoop of wheat grass
1/4 cup of pineapple juice
1 pineapple ring
1/4 of frozen raspberries
1/4 cup of flaked coconut
1/2 cup more of less of water

Kind of looks like chocolate when mixed up and it didn't need a sweetener.

I did gain 3 pound from the Endometrin during my two  week  wait but have thus far lost one pound. 

I'll also be adding in DHEA 75 mg daily to my vitamins.  Most of the vitamins I was taking I've let run out.  I really got tired of being on so many of them.

Today the RE IVF/Donor egg coordinator nurse at my clinic called me.  She said that Lt.Col.B. will be calling me later today to discuss my wanting to use femera.    I'm guessing he is going to tell me no.  But I just found out that our move to Ft. Stewart has been delayed by two months.  So maybe with this new information he'll be more on my side since I have a bit of extra time and less rushing on the DE.  Oh I'm still going through with the donor eggs.  I have my appointment set for March 6th. 

Called my PCM this morning.  I have now for a week had green and bloody mucus discharge for a week.  Time to beg the PCM for help.  I just got done with a sinus infection treatment a few weeks ago.  I'm guessing it wasn't completely out of my system.  Not sure what they'll do for me now.  The neti pot isn't doing the job.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Hitting A Few Snags

This morning I again called the donor egg clinic.  They said they emailed me but I didn't receive it.  So I chatted with them on the phone.  The soonest I can be seen is 6 March.  After chatting with them the email that they sent yesterday finally showed up.  Too bad the late February appointment they were going to offer me is now gone.  Maybe tomorrow the email that they sent today will show up?

March doesn't leave us much time to get the whole process done considering that the Army is not wanting to do testing without having orders to do so first.  It doesn't mean it can't be done.  But it is going to be really close.

I can say today that after taking the FRER I am not pregnant.  I woke up to spotting too.  I won't be taking my afternoon dose of the Endometrin.  I figure let another cycle start and get things moving.  Of course I won't be starting on birth control pills until after my March 6th appointment.

That means that maybe, possibly, Lt.Col. B. might hear my plea and allow me to do a cycle on Femera.  I do have my doubts on that one though.  But I'm not against begging.

I did try to nudge my current clinic to allow some of the tests to get done ahead of the March meeting.  Yesterday I spoke face-to-face with the IVF/egg donor coordinator here at Madigan.  I like her.  But I don't like the system.  The system now in place means that I have to go to the meeting in March first before Tricare insurance will allow me to have the testing done.  However the coordinator is going to call the egg bank and see if they can fax her some paperwork now.  Not going to hold my breath on that one.  Red tape can be quite sticky.

If I am able to get some of the tests done ahead of time, such as the SIS, mammogram and the PAP,  I'll one step ahead of the game.  Problem is that Tricare doesn't let female patients that have normal Paps and mammograms have the testing done more often than every two years.  Big snag there.  I won't be at the two year mark until July.

Bigger snag, the military installation I am moving to does not have an infertility clinic.  However, I do plan ahead.  I just talked on the phone with another egg bank in the future state of my next move.  They are going to email more information. 

One way or another I'm going to get my family started.  I just hate hitting so many snags along the way.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Impatiently Waiting

I'm not very patient when it comes to all things Army.  Right now the donor egg situation hinges on J's leave.  He just got off of CQ duty.  He is supposed to be able to take leave on the 1st but they haven't told him if it is approved.  I detest this stupid game.

J has 30 days of use or lose this year and as of this LES he has already lost one day.  I can read the LES pretty darn well by now.  I'm miffed.  Every time he puts in for leave someone else is deciding that he can't have it because he is so needed.  Yeah, remember back when they didn't want to let him re-enlist because he wasn't needed?  BS

I'd like to schedule my SIS and the clinic appointment in Seattle with PNW while he is on his leave.  But I can't do that unless I know if he has his leave approved.  Friday is a DONSA.  He has today off for recovery after working for 26 hours straight.  We had better know by Thursday or I am going to be very cranky.

In testing news.  I've been testing with Wondfo's since 8 days past the IUI of which the tech said I was definitely ovulating when she did the IUI.  HPT every day has had a ghost second line.  Just for fun I was using up my Wondfo OPKs since LH and HCG are similar hormones.  The second line on those tests is almost as dark as the control line and staying dark since 8 days past.

Today after our marriage counseling session I'm going to mail out the order from my Etsy shop and buy a box of FRERs.  I'm done with the ghost lines.  I'm sick of guessing.  All the nice pregnancy symptoms I had at 8 and 9 dpo are gone.  My breasts are back to normal.  Not painful. Nausea is gone.  Extreme fatigue gone.  I think it is over for me for this cycle.

We might do one more cycle since we'll be waiting around to start up with the donor eggs.  My doctor said he won't do the SIS until days 5-8 of my cycle.  I could have sworn they did it on day 1 when I was going for the IVF.  Whatever.  Protocols change.  I do know that with budget cuts my clinic no longer does Betas unless you get a positive HPT.  Last year they would do a beta.  Heck now they don't even want give you a script because Tricare has had major cuts to their insurance coverage.  I'll be lucky if I even get generic.

So here I sit waiting.  I need to find some distraction.  Good thing I have a basket of laundry right next to me that needs folding.  Just can't put it away since J is napping in the bedroom.  Sighs, waiting on that too.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Crack and Cheese

Thanks to a fellow blogger I decided to make a different sort of mac and cheese dish.  Yesterday I sent J out to the market for white cheddar, extra sharp mind you and some Gruyere cheese.

I'm going to attempt to make Crack and Cheese.  Here is the recipe from:
Martha Stewart’s Creamy Mac-and-Cheese
Adapted from Martha Stewart Living Cookbook: The Original Classics
Serves 12
8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, plus more for casserole
6 slices white bread, crusts removed, torn into 1/4- to l/2-inch pieces ( I'm going to use sourdough)
5 1/2 cups milk
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons coarse salt, plus more for water
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
4 1/2 cups (about 18 ounces) grated sharp white cheddar cheese  I'm using Cracker Barrel extra sharp white.
2 cups (about 8 ounces) grated Gruyère or 1 1/4 cups (about 5 ounces) grated Pecorino Romano cheese
1 pound elbow macaroni
1. Preheat oven to 375°F. Butter a 3-quart casserole dish; set aside. Place the bread in a medium bowl. In a small saucepan over medium heat, melt 2 tablespoons butter. Pour the melted butter into the bowl with the bread, and toss. Set the breadcrumbs aside.
2. Warm the milk in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Melt the remaining 6 tablespoons butter in a high-sided skillet over medium heat. When the butter bubbles, add the flour. Cook, stirring, 1 minute.
3. While whisking, slowly pour in the hot milk a little at a time to keep mixture smooth. Continue cooking, whisking constantly, until the mixture bubbles and becomes thick, 8 to 12 minutes.
4. Remove the pan from the heat. Stir in salt, nutmeg, black pepper, cayenne pepper, 3 cups cheddar cheese, and 1 1/2 cups Gruyère (or 1 cup Pecorino Romano); set the cheese sauce aside.
5. Cover a large pot of salted water, and bring to a boil. Cook the macaroni until the outside of pasta is cooked and the inside is underdone, 2 to 3 minutes. Transfer the macaroni to a colander, rinse under cold running water, and drain well. Stir the macaroni into the reserved cheese sauce.
6. Pour the mixture into the prepared dish. Sprinkle the remaining 1 1/2 cups cheddar cheese, 1/2 cup Gruyère (or 1/4 cup Pecorino Romano), and the breadcrumbs over the top. Bake until golden brown, about 30 minutes.  Transfer the dish to a wire rack for 5 minutes; serve.

I'm no novice at making mac and cheese nor a white sauce this doesn't appear to be overly daunting to me but I'm sure to some out there it could be.  J was just amazed that I wanted to make so much of it.  Hun, it does freeze well.

I actually had J buy both the Gruyere and the Romano cheeses for me since I'd like to try it in a week with the Romano cheese to compare.  I do love to cook.

If anyone decides to try out the recipe let me know how it came out for you.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Horrible Sunday Sermon

Today I went with J to the general Protestant mass at our main chapel.  It is held 90 minutes after the Catholic one started and since J is Episcopalian it was time again that I tried out one of the protestant masses on post.  They don't have Episcopalian services mind you.

After the children were called downstairs to Bible study and Children's church the preacher began his sermon.  I was expecting something entirely different than what he was going on about.  He contradicted himself, acted like a misogynist, and treated us like children without reason of our own.

Finally he says that during the closing hymn anyone is invited up to pray with him personally.  Well no one went up.  Any wonder why?  Well he did wonder why.  When the closing hymn was finished he chastised the whole congregation for not one of us going up there.  He said that many of us were there just to fill pews. 

Maybe some of you will know and some not that the preachers for the post chapels are actually Army.   So perhaps the chaplain would be better off filling out a  Hurt Feelings Report rather than holding hostage the congregation to vent his bile upon.
In my opinion someone should try to remember that not everyone is comfortable with coming up in the front of the chapel to pray with the preacher since the mass is a general service for all Protestant faiths.  Some Protestants just don't do that in their own traditions.  I haven't seen it done in Episcopalian or Lutheran services but I'm sure there are some out there that do have the preacher pray with them.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

So Very Much To Do

A week ago when J signed his re-enlistment paper I started making a list of all the things that we needed to do for this move to Georgia.  It has been almost five years since my last move. 

I need to unclutter the closets and give away, donate, throw out quite a few things.  I'm pretty good about doing a bit of this several times a year but there were things that at the time I felt like I couldn't part with that just have to go.

Anything that is flammable the movers won't ship or store so it has to be given away or taken with J and I on the almost 3,000 mile journey.  Considering we own a small SUV anything I can live without has to go.  J has been told he needs to use up the ammunition he has as I'm not bringing it across the country in hot weather, not again!  I did that last move because there was no place that I could leave the ammunition while he was in Korea or a place for me to spend it.

I'm slowly going through the pantry and refrigerator.  I'm not buying food items unless we really need them. Especially condiments.  Why have some of our limited weight for shipment taken up on non-perishable food items even if the Commissary is having a great sale on them. I'll deal with the disposal of the perishable food items when the time comes.

The same goes for all cleaning products.  I actually haven't bought any in almost two years.  The survey company I work for loves to send me full sized products to test.  My neighbors that move also like to give me all their leftover cleaning supplies too.  I might take some laundry detergent with me but will be about it.

J and I have way too many books.  While I managed to give away four boxes of books over the holidays, not as gifts, but just "here have a book", J has still to go through his bookcase, which is double stacked of books, and give any away.  Piling them in a bag and letting it sit there for a month does not show to me that you are wanting to get rid of them.

We currently have three televisions.  One of which is not hooked up to anything and just sits in a closet.  I told J it has to go.  He said he would take care of it.  It is still in the closet.

There is just so much stuff around here that has to go.  I can't see wasting valuable weight with such a small weight limit to stuff that we can replace.  I think last I saw we were allowed to ship 8,000 pounds of household goods.  Look around you at your domicile and tell me if you could fit all your stuff into just a 8,000 pound limit.  Hard to do.  If he was higher ranking he'd be allowed more weight to ship.

For now I'm going to go finish up a few projects related to the move so that I can check them off my list and get another one or two started.  Moving with the military is never easy but I'm getting too old to do a DITY move.

Hoping this next move will go more smoothly without the crew being so dense.

Friday, January 25, 2013


Yay! look who has a job for three more years.  J decided to wear his Class-A's for the very last time.  He has his ASUs but has to move his rack, braid, name tag, and other pins to it before he can wear it properly.

Yes, I was given a certificate of appreciation for sticking by his side.  They give it to all the spouses that attend.  I'm not very photogenic.  Had I thought about it I would have taken off my coat but since I was the one taking the photos of the ceremony I didn't think for a minute I'd have to get my picture taken too.  The only time I look good in a photograph is when I do a self portrait.

The flag that was used was flown over the Capitol building on 13 February 1986 and given to J's grandfather who served in WWII.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Happiness on Endometrin

I think my last dosage of Endometrin the morning must have contained more than the hormones.  Maybe the filler in it was something extra like sugar or caffeine. 

I am never in this good of a mood while on Endometrin. Usually I'm a raving b*tch.  But this morning my last dream before waking up was AWESOME.  I was wearing nothing but a brown satin sheet safety pinned to hold it up on me while singing an opera on stage.

I awoke and started to sing from the same opera too.  Brought back the high school days when I was in chorus.  So with that good mood I put on some music and took my shower.  I was actually dancing in the shower.

With any luck the rest of the day will go off without anything bad happening. 

Three days in a row being the same weight.  :-(  But on the good side I didn't gain either and usually I gain weight from the Endometrin too.  So back to :-)

J has his ceremony later today of which I'm looking forward to taking pictures of and maybe sharing on my blog at a later date.

Oh and yesterday I found the energy to bake 5 dozen cookies for the soldier he works with  and cook two meals for J and I.  Just a minor lunch but for dinner I made enchiladas for the first time.  I have to say they were wonderful.  If I use cumin and nutmeg in the ground turkey while cooking it the turkey flavor isn't as noticeable.

And yes I actually do own a copy of this particular cook book.  I just couldn't resist buying it.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013



Yesterday after my lunch J showed up to have his and we talked about how my blog is a "threat" to national security.  I thought he just had to kidding.  How could my vagina blog have anything at all to do with security?

J told me without a smile, "Babe, the government owns your vagina."

Me:  "How do you figure that?"

J:  "They pay for your treatments."

Me:  "Can I get a refund?"

We came to a peaceful agreement that I'm screwed without the petroleum lube and cigarette finish.  What is the worst they'll do to me?  Fine me?  Jail time?  Tell my college to revoke my degree in English?  Or maybe they'll just die laughing while reading what I wrote?

Well since I'm married to a soldier who has a job in the Army which is, well I'm not allowed to mention what he does, anything I do that is public has to be investigated to.  I really hope they enjoy reading my blog posts. 

I have failed my secret mission.  We all know from the outside that Army Wives are extra fertile.  Maybe that has something to do with the investigation into my vagina.  I've covertly followed a few pregnant ladies around the PX to find out what they would buy for their expectant bundle of joy.  No big secrets there.  Enlisted wives buy the best bargains they can find off the clearance rack while wistfully looking at the regularly priced merchandise and putting it on their wish lists.

Now I realize that I must have gotten into the wrong line at West Point where I got my first military ID card.  I should have found the line that gave me fully functioning reproductive organs.  But I wasn't clued in to where that line was.  Heck, I had a hard time just finding the building where the ID cards were done as all the buildings look alike and you are just given a building number to go find.  Mind you the building numbers rarely go in order like houses on a street.  So is there any wonder I'm a misfit infertile Army Wife?

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

My Blog; A National Threat?

Well today's posting was going to be all about how I've managed to lose 6.6 pounds in just a week.  Of course I was also going to blog about how the endometrin is affecting my body and not in a good way.

Instead this looks like my blog post for today is going to be a rant.

My blog is a threat to national security?  How? 

It isn't like I'm revealing any secrets.  Well unless you mean that I mentioned where we are going next but that is just so highly classified that no one is allowed to know right?  <insert tons of sarcasm there>

Or maybe it is that my menstrual cycles are of national importance and the world shouldn't know because I really was cloned as a baby?  I always told my parents I was important but they didn't believe me.

I called my husband on his cell phone this morning, just now actually, to remind him of something he needed to do soon for himself.  He is a busy guy and he does forget to do personal things like buy things and pick up his dry cleaning.  I didn't even get to mention the dry cleaning but that doesn't have to be done until tomorrow.  Well back to the point.  He tells me that he needs to know all the contact information for every one that can see my blog in Europe. 

You've got to be kidding!  I gave him the local number of a friend that was overseas and commented on my blog but she is now back in the states as of two weeks now.  So if anyone wants to give me their contact information I'm game.  I think this is such bull shit.  I told my spouse he needs to keep his mouth shut about my blog as it isn't a threat to security and I don't blog about anything that could be close to OPSEC.  I'm not that stupid.

Well unless of course my vagina is of national security.  Then of course I'm in big trouble.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Starting With Endometrin and

Ending with Prometrium.  I'm using up the rest of my Endometrin this cycle since it expires this month and will move on to the Prometrium after the first is gone.  Not my choice but it is what my insurance covers right now.  I don't even want to think about the discomfort of having to insert the Prometrium.

Happy January ICLW!

To all those tuning into my blog this week I'll give an update as to where I stand, or rather sit since I am currently sitting to type this, in my trying to conceive.

IUI number 6 was done on Friday at the Tacoma, Washington branch of Seattle Reproductive Medicine.  My husband's sperm counts were at an all time high and I was able to produce three follicles of my own naturally.  The smallest is probably rather useless as the day of the ultrasound it was only 13mm though they can grow 2mm in a day so there is a chance.

This I declare will be my last cycle using my own DNA unless some kind of miracle happens at my age which is 43.

If another cycle dares to start in February I will have a SIS so that I can move on to donor eggs.  I have my temporary password for the donor egg clinic and have selected six candidates.  I was amazed to find that the five I had originally chosen last year were still available and I found another possible.  I'm not sure how they provide a match for me but I know that the sixth choice is a different blood type, same Rh factor, and matches my spouse.  The other five candidates match my blood type and Rh factor.  The sixth one only matches me in eye color and is the same hair color as my spouse.  Selfish reason to go with that particular hair color as when my child asks who they look like I can say "your father" and reference the photographs.  I will tell the child about using donor eggs but I think it might be of a comfort for the child to feel like they look more like one parent and preferably my husband not the donor.

But this is still all up in the air.  In the later half of this two week wait I'll be deciding on what to do.  Most likely I'll be giving the clinic a call to set up an appointment.  I have to get all of this done soon because being an Army wife I have to be prepared to move and move we will be doing later this spring.

If you made it to the bottom of this post and read all the way through congratulations!  I realize I got a little long winded and I didn't even get into the infertility factors that I have like the Endometriosis stage III.  There I mentioned it.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

A Different Kind Of Date Night

Yesterday afternoon J and I had our first real date night in a long time.  His schedule has been to put it mildly, hectic.

Because of the fact that he has CQ duty today, he shouldn't have it at all since he has to be on call for the arms room but they are short handed so he was put on the roster this month, we went to church yesterday afternoon.  The only service available was Catholic.  Fine by me because I was raised Catholic but J was raised Episcopalian.  He isn't allowed to receive communion.

After pursuing the untamed ornathoid we finally found out where the Catholic service was to be held.  It was on McChord.  Our Main post chapel had been under renovations for a few years and the services have been tossed to the wind so to speak and ever changing at that.  Confession, or as they call it now Reconciliation,  was to be at 1600 to 1630.  We arrived at 1615 and no one was around to take my confession.  Thankfully I brought my rosary with me.  After hurrying through my sins and doing the rosary I felt confident enough to receive communion.

The sermon given by Father Tim, a New York native Long Island to be more specific, had us laughing a bit.  He was talking about how he was an "unclaimed treasure" when recalling to couples during a Strong Bonds retreat why he never married but felt he was still qualified to give advice on marriage.  One does often wonder what a priest can offer a married couple for advice on that particular subject.

J and I chatted with Father Tim after service and he was telling us how much we will love our new duty station.  He was wishing he was there now.  I think I wish I was too, I could do with some sun as this smog is killing me.

After mass we went to a fast food joint for dinner.  We were starved.  I have to admit that I did blow my calories for the day and then some but I'm allowed to splurge once in a while.

This morning I stepped on the scale and found that I lost another pound.  6 pounds off since starting up on Tuesday with calorie counting.  Not bad at all.  I know it won't last.  I know that I'll soon have weeks where I lose nothing.

But I'd like to think that I gained last night with the different kind of date night. 

Saturday, January 19, 2013

The Ex Pats

The foundation of a good marriage is communication.  This means not telling lies and not keeping secrets.  My marriage counselor gave the above advice and said that under no circumstances are you allowed to keep secrets or lie to your spouse except when it involves giving a gift.

The marriage counselor is a retired Army chaplain.  How can an soldier be expected to not tell lies?  I have yet to figure this out.  There are certain jobs in the military where the spouse cannot discuss work related information because it is labelled classified, secret, and top secret.  Do you just say to the spouse that asks, "what went on at work today?", "oh nothing dear" or do you tell a lie?

According to the chaplain work shouldn't be discussed at home.  Work should be kept at work and home life should be kept at home.  Well and good I say but there are times that the lines do blur.

When your spouse has to go in for surgery how much do you tell your first line?  Do you lie?  Do you keep it a secret?  Or do you explain in detail what the surgery involves?  My husband and I had to deal with this particular issue when emergency surgery happened this past summer.  Work and home life collided.  My husband was given a direct order by a doctor that out ranked his first line to stay at home with me.  I really didn't want my spouse divulging to the first line what had to be done as I know for a fact that a secret involving home life cannot be kept at his work place.

When a soldier goes on a mission the spouse that is left behind usually has to keep secret the flight dates, places of  training and what the mission statement is if they are allowed to even have any of this information.  Almost always this is when the soldier's parents or spouse's parents decide to call and ask to speak to the soldier, Murphy's Law applies here.  So when I was told that I'm not supposed to lie by the chaplain because it can wreck the foundation of the family that is often a support system I had to laugh.  Yes, there are some secrets that must be kept.

The hardest secrets to keep are the ones that the soldiers carry around as a burden of their jobs.  The secrets of what went on while on the missions.  They aren't allowed to open up about the missions until they are debriefed and the information is no longer classified.  Again my thoughts run to what the chaplain said and I think to myself has this man ever had to go on a mission that was a "you'll know where you are going when you are half way there and briefed"?  Well meaning though the chaplain was I think that there are times that secrets should be kept.

This post was inspired by mystery thriller novel The Expats by Chris Pavone. Kate Moore happily sheds her old life become a stay at home mom when her husband takes a job in Europe. As she attempts to reinvent herself, she ends up chasing her evasive husband's secrets. Join From Left to Write on January 22 as we discuss The Expats As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Friday, January 18, 2013

IUI #6

Back from the IUI and fabric shopping. 

The IUI went well.  Easy enough threading of which I was pleasantly surprised.

Stopped at a fabric store on the way home and picked up 2.5 yards of quilted fabric to make table leaves sleeves.  I want to protect my nice table during the next move and have been putting off making the sleeves for months.  Time to get to work.

Later this Spring J and I will be headed to Georgia.  So if there are any fellow bloggers, that live in the PNW, that want to get together with me and my spouse before we leave  speak up now.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

RE Appointment

Today was a good day, well so far at least.

J got home from CQ and went to the doctor's office with me.  But before I get into that I need to tell my readers that J is going to be able to re-enlist.

Yes he has his job for another three years.  This afternoon he'll sign his new contract.  We already know where we are going.  We won't be staying here at JBLM, WA.  I won't reveal where we are going until we get orders stating when since those orders could chance as the Army has been known to delete order a week before a move.

 Lauren at has inspired me to lose weight.  She is on the South Beach diet and well I decided after looking at my ever increasing waist line that I too should do something about the twenty pounds I gained from the fertility treatment.  So for the past two days I've been counting my calories.  I haven't really been sticking to a set calorie amount but I have lost weight.  I have lost 3.6 pounds in two days.  YAY me!

As some of you know that I've been getting positive OPKs for several days in a row.  I stopped testing after the fourth positive OPK. 

The ultrasound results today showed that I haven't ovulated yet.  But I will after the trigger shot given to me by Nurse S in the exam room.  It felt like a luxury to not have to give myself a shot.

Remember this is a totally unmedicated cycle until I got that trigger shot today.

Left ovary: 1 follicle measuring 13mm

Right ovary: 2 follicles measuring 21 and 17.5


Waiting on SRM to call me with the time for the IUI tomorrow.  I might just get knocked up this cycle.  Though that 13mm is too small.   I'll start the progesterone support on Monday.

We discussed with Lt.Col.B., so nice to have him back, doing donor eggs.  I'm to call on cycle day to set up the SIS.  He said that the latest studies done in Spain were this:
A person with endometriosis using donor eggs from a woman without endometriosis is most likely to have a good pregnancy.
A person without endometriosis but using donor eggs from a woman with endometriosis is most likely to miscarry.

Thus there is no evidence so far, unless the SIS says otherwise, that I'll need to be cleaned out since I'll be using donor eggs from a woman hopefully without endometriosis.

Even with our move away from the PNW we could still start the donor eggs asap and always do the FET later on down the road since J has family here.  I'm sure they wouldn't mind me visiting for such a good reason.  I have been keeping them in the loop.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Learning The Hard Way

Little update.  I wrote to my friend "Jane" the "bestie" a few times over the past few days.  These were my messages to her:

On the 9th I reposted a blog post, in a message to her, she had written herself about how she wanted Abortions to stop.

 So are you still going through with the abortion?

Tuesday Morning:
 Are you going through with it today?

Yesterday Afternoon:
We had a good friendship while it lasted. I cannot in good conscious support this decision of yours to abort a baby "just because" it doesn't fit into your life plan right now.
I'm sorry but it just hurts me too much. I did make a generous offer to take the child off your hands and would gladly have done so.
You will just have to understand that I can no longer be your friend.
Have a good life.

I removed the "bestie" from my life and social media when she didn't respond to my messages asking if she was going through with it over the three days prior to the set date for abortion.  She posted puppy pictures on her social media instead of responding to me.

Today I get a message from her on the social media:
I didn't abort it, dear R!
We just came home from Grocery Shopping and from running other errands all day ( like getting Stuff for B's Birthday on the 17th, in 2 days )

Thank you for showing me how far your " support in no matter what " actually goes.
And one other thing: I wanted to ask if J would like to become Godfather for E once I talked it over with A... but ok.
Yes, we had a lot of Fun while it lasted.

Have a good Life too

Mind you she and her spouse have no religion and her husband doesn't believe in any god so this was most likely written to hurt me and to hurt J.  I did call my husband and he is so angry right now.  He feels hurt and betrayed by her.

So for three days she couldn't pick up the phone or message me back or even jump into her suv and drive the 2 bloody miles to my domain and tell me in person she decided to not have the abortion.  No instead I've been mentally tortured.

My response to her message:
I did ask you a few times if you were going to go ahead and abort it, Sunday and Tuesday as a matter of fact. I took your silence as the answer I dreaded most. I didn't want our friendship to end. I've been crying about this whole mess knowing that I couldn't support the decision to abort because of yes, MY feelings about not having a child. Wishing you had at least had the decency to answer my messages first. I've been sick over this whole thing. Truly sick. You couldn't have been shopping for three days.
I feel like I've been tortured.

  Her own social media page goes on to make me look like a bad friend:

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Pick One

 First stick (at top) OPK CD 8 1/12
Second stick OPK CD 9 1/13
Third stick  OPK CD10 1/14 not first morning urine
Fourth stick OPK CD 11 1/15

Top two are now faded but still dark.  Third one is lighter but like I said not First urine of the day.  Last one is fresh and still dark.  ALL are positive to me.  WTF!

Seriously the test lines each day, except for the not using first morning urine one and today's is still darkening as I took the picture within the 5 minute range are all positive.

What I want to know is what is going on inside of my pelvis right now.  Thursday morning I have my ultra sound.

If any of you has a clue let me know. 

Last time that I had three positive OPKs in a row my ultrasound showed I had yet to ovulate and believe me the lines were just as dark as these with the test line being as dark as the control if not darker.  Oh and back then both ovaries in that cycle were producing follicles un-medicated.  I'm also un-medicated this cycle.

Any ideas?

Monday, January 14, 2013


I feel like I'm on the teacups ride and it is at full tilt spinning faster than I can manage to hold on.

Life of late is dizzying.

Last night my spouse upset me so much that I started vomiting stomach acid.  There are times that he can be a real jerk.  Times around ovulation usually and that time is now.

I can't believe that he was jealous that I was able to receive communion yesterday and he wasn't.  Well sorry.  No, wait I'm not sorry.  I've received communion in his religion and I can't understand why the Catholic church won't let him receive communion in mine.  Whatever.

This week we'll find out where and when with any luck.  Looks like it is quite promising that J will be re-enlisting.  But we don't know if we'll be staying here or going to Ft.Stewart, Ft. Bragg, or Ft. Polk.  Your guess is as good as mine.

Saturday I went shopping for window treatments.  I never did get around to purchasing window treatments for my dining room.  I just put up my brass rod with an old set of curtains I had while in Texas.  They have seen better days and the white color blends in too much with the white walls.  If we stay here I'll put up the curtains in the kitchen.  If we move then I'll have curtains for the next place I move too.

I'm still producing green from the nasal cavities.  I do realize that the Augmentin is still going to be working its magic for about another 5 days.  Saturday was my last dosage.  However, I'd like this sinus infection from hell to go back to where it came from.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Hell Fires

Gold Prestige Bracelet Gold Prestige Bracelet full sizeHmmm...I think I'm having a reaction to the amoxicillin part of the Augmentin.  Didn't happen last time I was on it but it did happen when I was taking straight penicillin. 

On the last few days of augmentin here and no yeast infection...Yay!  However, I am experiencing one of the side effects I get from penicillin which is a burning sensation in labia, vaginal canal and eyes.  It feels like I have a fever in my loins! The eyes burning are really uncomfortable while wearing my contact lenses but the option of dealing with the nose pressure of wearing glasses isn't really ideal either.  No win there.

No discharge but I'm just waiting for the next symptom of my allergy build up which is having the skin peel off down there.  Yes peeling skin is just one bad reaction I get from Penicillin family.  It really is hit or miss with me and antibiotics.

It doesn't itch either just burns.  Kind of like when you have a hot drink that is too hot and you burn your mouth feeling.  Not very comfortable.

Oh and diarrhea kicked in this morning.  I thought for sure I was eating enough high sodium content foods since I'm bloating up but um, I guess I'm not since I'm also getting that side effect.

Just two days left of the antibiotic and hopefully within a few more days my body will be back to a more normal.

I seriously detest my antibiotic allergies.  At least the side effect for this particular drug aren't as bad as the azithromax.  I do like to breathe.  Speaking of which the sinus infection isn't fully gone yet.

Medical Alert Bracelet in Stainless Steel (Google Affiliate Ad)  I need to get a new medic alert bracelet soon or so I've been told by family.  Mine is really out of date and had some wrong diagnoses on it as well. 

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Trying To Find God's Plan

I'm trying to find out what God's plan is for my life.  I'd like to think that it will include children but now I'm thinking that it might not.

I had always wanted two or three children of my own.  I probably won't have even one biological child now. 

I had hoped to have a biological child of my husband's using donor eggs but I'm thinking that it won't be happening either because of the Endometriosis.  There is more to having crappy eggs here, I have a uterus that likes to kill.

Just this week I've had friends change their minds.  "Jane" decided to abort rather than let me adopt.  Now today I find out that another couple that made the offer won't be able to do genetic surrogacy.  Genetic surrogacy is using the egg and uterus of the donor with an IUI, most likely rather than IVF, procedure.  This couple isn't saying "No" to be mean spirited.  This couple is having issues with the health of their own children.  A very valid reason in my book, unlike the friend that is just choosing to abort.

Maybe we'll just move on to adoption when we get settled at our next residence.  We still aren't sure where it will be of if it will be with the Army as no contract has been signed as of yet.

I'm hoping that God's plan for me will soon unfold.  I'm hoping that I'll know in what direction this tiny part, but very important part, of my life is going.  No children aren't everything.  Happiness, love, good health are the most important part of life children are the blessings that come when they come along if they do at all.

Next week Thursday I have my ultrasound and hopefully I'll be seeing Lt.Col. B., who should be back, and we'll hopefully get a chance to discuss options.  I'd like another SIS or HSG done to see what damage has been done by the endometriosis that might be growing back.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Lilly and Jane; a work of Fiction

Meet Lilly: a middle aged, Caucasian, university graduate, and infertile.

Meet Jane: European, university drop out, fertile, illegal immigrant.

Lilly and Jane both have one thing in common though, they are both Army Wives.

Jane can't understand Lilly's want of starting a family at her advanced maternal age nor why Lilly would want to go through so many infertility treatments to get pregnant when children are just an unwanted part of sex.  Jane already has one abortion under her belt and has two children of which she finds to exasperating more often than not.

Lilly is deciding to discontinue fertility treatments soon and move on to adoption.  Jane tells Lilly that if she ever becomes pregnant again, by accident mind you since she is trying to prevent more children, she will let Lilly adopt.

Jane falls pregnant by accident as all fertile people seem to be able to do.  How it is an accident is beyond Lilly's logical thinking since as far as she knows sex is usually the culprit unless you are infertile and then it involves a team of doctors.

Jane feels bad that she is pregnant but tells Lilly she is going to abort, AGAIN!  Jane tells Lilly that she would have to choose between her dogs and this baby and frankly Jane says that she is more attached to her dogs.  Really what do having pets and having a baby have to do with one another Lilly thinks.   Lilly offers to adopt the baby but Jane says no.  But that next year Jane might try again for a take home baby.

At this point Lilly is having a hard time holding her tongue.  She is questioning her faith in God.  She is also wondering why her friend is torturing her like this.  Jane even asks Lilly to watch her children for her while she has the abortion.  Lilly can't handle watching the children and says sorry to Jane.  Lilly has to draw the line some where as the emotional pain is just too deep.

Now dear reader here is a question for you.

Do you think that the friendship will survive?  There have been other issues where Lilly has been badly used by Jane in the relationship but this is just a peek into their friendship.

I think this relationship is doomed.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Making Plans With The Army

Wait did I just make a title for this post that is an oxymoron?  I think I did.

The Army spouses out there know what I'm talking about.

Right now we are waiting to possibly find out a potential assignment if J is able to re-enlist.  Mind you they are still over strength in his MOS which means that he might not get an assignment and might have to go to a school instead.

So we are sort of making plans.

The only plans we are making it stop using my DNA to achieve pregnancy by the end of April.  We will then look further into genetic surrogacy using an offer of a friend, donor eggs, and foster to adopt.  We would like more than one child so the chance of having our children being related to one another is most likely slim but I figure that since I'm not related to my husband, thank GOD!, then should it really matter if my children are related to one another or to us?  Why does a family have to be made up of people being genetically related?  It doesn't.

So this is where I stand in making plans around and with the Army.  I can plan to adopt once I know where we are headed.  Until then it will be just a dream.

Monday, January 7, 2013


Stayed up late last night to watch Downton Abbey.  J watched it with me.  Yup, we are addicted to the show.

I felt yucky yesterday.  Low grade fever, puking, and of course heavy bleeding.

Nightmares last night.

So many things on my mind today.  Plenty of planning for "what ifs".

Maybe when I get some more solid news I'll let the world in on it.

5 more days of the antibiotic.  But those who have been on antibiotics know that it stays in the system for a while longer hopefully working its magic.

Saturday, January 5, 2013


Just a bunch of random things today.

First I want to send out congratulations on a infertile getting pregnant.  I met her on the TTC board five years ago.  Yesterday I found out that her IUI worked.  So happy for her.

Second my Dad is settling in nicely to the nursing home where he'll be for about 20 days.

Third, CD 1 is here.  Yay or boo.  Yay because I get another chance.  Boo because I'm sick and most likely this cycle will produce crap for follicles.

Fourth, my favorite RE Doc should be back this month.  Hoping he can give me some insight on where to go from here.

Fifth, odd dream last night.  I was a computer generated animated character similar to what you'd find in Brave or Shrek.  But the really odd thing was that I was trying to pee on a stick to see if I was pregnant and everyone wanted to watch.  Just gross!  I think my subconscious was trying to tell me that by blogging about every aspect of the TTC I'm losing my privacy though I am gaining support.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.  Think I'll be staying home this weekend and not going to church either.  Still feel rather lousy and I have seven more days of antibiotics to go.

Friday, January 4, 2013


I bought a Gerbera Daisy arrangement from FTD this morning to be sent to my mom.

Dad is now in the nursing home for the next 20 days and he loves to guilt trip my mom.  He actually made her cry this morning.  Knowing how he is, I knew he'd act out and I wasn't there to help her, I decided to buy flowers for Mom.

I can't be there right now to help out.  But I can try to cheer her up.  Unfortunately I had to call mom to let her know in advance when the flowers will arrive.  Glad I did call because she won't be home all day for the arrival.  Hoping that the flowers won't freeze and she'll get them in the house in time.  Luckily FTD guarantees their flowers so if they do freeze she'll get a replacement bouquet.

Oh and I did remember that she has plenty of vases so I didn't order one with.  Mom was happy to hear that too.  She said she was thinking about bringing all her old vases down to a local flower shop just to have more room in the house.  Before I moved she pawned about ten vases off on me too.

Much as I complain about how my parents aren't good parents they are decent people.  Some people just shouldn't be allowed to raise children.  As an adult my parents treat me much they same as they did when I was a child but now I know when to draw the line and just walk away.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Diagnosis: Sick

Ah, well that makes sense.

Yes, my doctor finally agreed with me on something.  I do indeed have a sinus infection. 

Continue with Neti pot

Knock on wood I won't get a yeast infection from the antibiotics.  I never have as of yet though, they have treated me for one suspecting I had it but the lab results proved it to negative.  My doctor told me that I'm lucky.

Funny I don't feel lucky.

Looks like I'll be sitting this cycle out.  Usually antibiotics mess up my cycles.
This is just like the Neti pot that I use.  It really does help me breathe easier.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Why Would It Be Different

Still sick with a sinus infection.  Called my PCM this morning and left a message with his nurse asking for an antibiotic.  Hope to hear from the nurse soon as she said she'd call me right after she talks with him.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Update On Hospital

Dad pulled through another night and my mom is hopeful that he'll be released by this weekend.

The doctors can't do the valve replacement surgery.  All they can do is make him comfortable.

Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes for my dad.

*** To my kin that might read this blog post****

Please don't go ape by finding out this way and please respect my dad's wishes to not be calling him while he is in the hospital or trying to reach Mom because both need rest.  Even I don't call the hospital for information.  I know that he needs his rest and that calling to find out information is only going to take nursing staff away from helping others to make me feel better.  VA hospitals are short staffed.

I will post updates here as I find out more.