Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Holy Crap

I just got a message from Nicole at PNW, she is my nurse up in Seattle. 

Deep breath, can't believe it is so close now.

She wants to know by Thursday which date from the list of dates I'm giving her that I want to do my embryo transfer.  Oh My God!  Where did the time go?

I'm so ready for this.  Just hoping my uterus it ready.  I'll know more on Thursday and will let all of you know the date then.

Last night J called his family to let them know about the upcoming IVF.  We told them it was a FET with explaining that we have two embryos on ice right now and would hopefully be transferring them soon.  J's brother J, think I mentioned back at Christmas how much J's family seems to love J names, was also there and he was really excited for us which I think helped his parents understand better.

We will later on, if the pregnancy is a success, think viability, tell them more details.  For now only a small number of people know all the details, like the doctors.  Heck, not even you guys know all the details, doubt I know all the details either. 

So excited I'm practically dancing in my chair.  But I need to get back to my routine and finish my yogurt and smoothie if I'm going to get any exercising done today.

Brain waves are just bouncing all around today!

Monday, April 29, 2013

Niggling Doubts

The ghastly nicotine colored walls cast an ugly yellow glow on my naked skin. Who would choose such a shade of off white to paint the walls in a military house?  Not very flattering I think but then again neither is the time.  I've been up since 0323 hrs when I realized that my legs weren't working and my head was spinning.  The pressure building up behind my knee caps made me feel like a soda bottle about to pop its cap.  I knew I had to stretch but how.  I knew that in just an hour I'd have to get up and give myself another injection. 

Slowly I moved my feet in circles.  Ah, good I can feel my feet.  Now just try to bend the knees. The pressure is like someone trying to rip off my knee caps.  This isn't good.  Just try to bend the knees again.  Finally my knees give a bit.  They feel wobbly.  Keeping moving them.  I sit up and dangle my legs over the bed.  Why is this happening all the more often?  Is it the herniated discs in my lumbar region?  Is it the fibromyalgia?  Could it be the hormones I'm taking?

Slowly I stand.  Let's see if I can walk I tell myself.  Thankfully the bedroom furniture is sturdy enough to support my weight as I lean on each piece to make my way to the bathroom and back to the bed.  One more hour until I have to get up and change the Alora patches and give myself the Lupron injection.

As I drift off to sleep I think to myself, what if this doesn't work?  What if all the years of torturous infertility treatments that lead up this donor egg cycle were for nothing?

Doubt is worming its way into my brain.

Time to squash that doubt.  Time to change fear to hope.

0445 hrs.  I've replaced the three Alora patches with four Alora patches.  I'm running out of room on my left flank to put patches.  Where the hell am I going to put them when I'm having to give myself the PIO shots?  My pelvis may be wide but it isn't flat!

I look to J and tell him to remind our children,  that when they are complaining because they didn't get what they wanted from me and state that "mommy hates me", that mommy does indeed love you because she went through hell and back just to create you.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Remaining Hopeful

Later this week I have an ultrasound to see if my uterine lining is fluffy enough for a transfer.  I'm scared and excited.  I'm hopeful, since I have endometriosis and I'm fat that I'll have a thick enough lining.  Usually my body loves to store estrogen in its fat.  But since I'm under the control of hormones it is possible that my lining could be too thin.  That would be a first.

Yesterday J and I did some shopping at our military exchange.  We only purchased head light bulbs for our SUV.  We want to have spares on hand when we travel cross country. Our SUV is a 2004 with the original head light bulbs still in tact. Believe it or not the same goes for the belts too.  I did purchase spare belts before I moved 5 years ago and will have those on hand too for the trip.

Well I got off subject didn't I.  I was talking about shopping at the Exchange.  Our Exchange had some really good deals on maternity and baby items.  None of which I purchased though I really wanted to.  I mean $5 for a pair of maternity jeans!  $1 for a maternity top!  We did check out the baby equipment.  When the heck did baby swings get so big?  I mean really if I were to have twins where in tarnation will I be able to put two of everything in this tiny two bedroom?

Military housing at the new duty station has assured me that because of my spouse's rank and if I am even pregnant with twins I will still only be getting a small two bedroom place.  Ugh!  I want to live on post again because of the fact that if I do get pregnant I will be a high risk pregnancy.  Best to live closer to the hospital I figure.  Plus J prefers to live closer to work.

So I'm remaining hopeful that this FET will indeed work and I'll have more to complain and rejoice about in the future.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Weight Gain Won't Clean This Post

Anyone get the laundry detergent pun in the post title?

Well okay this week I managed to gain a total of 1.8 pounds.  Go me!  Not really.  Rather upset at my body.  I guess my plans for pushing the loss to 3 pounds didn't go so well.  I didn't mess with my diet.  I ate more protein, less salt, more fiber, drank more water, exercised more.  The estrogen won out.  Damn!

All I can do is hope that I hold out even the next couple of weeks before the transfer.

I did everything possible to lose that 1.8 pounds.  Boo!  I even ate BEANS last night for dinner. I made the beans from dried beans as to make sure the sodium content would stay down.  Damn estrogen is still constipating me a bit.  Every time my estrogen is up, I hope it isn't up too much, I get issues with weight gain and IBS.

I ate oatmeal yesterday too.  Adding in even more fiber so that not much fat would stay with me.  For two days I have weighed the same.  Maybe I should be thankful that I'm staying the same and not gaining?  Okay so I am thankful God, please don't let me gain more.

I think this jacks my BMI back up 34 again.  I think I told all of you before, at least once, that I am quite embarrassed by my size.  I'm a size 16.  I'm obese.  Wishing I were still a size 8.  But that size 8 is still in there, I ate her!  Hmmm...maybe that would explain why I'm having troubles going poo? 

I blame my weird sense of humor on the warped reading choice of late.  I'm reading a book by the Harvard Lampoon, a spoof on the Rings trilogy.  Thar be a lot of poo in them pages.

Well now that I've gotten the shit off my brain I feel a bit better.  Hope all of you have a fantastic Friday.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Giving A Bit Back

My infertility clinic owed me a refund after the accountant and I figured out the bills.  It wasn't a lot after they figured in where they had forgotten to charge me.  I had pointed that unpaid bill out to them.  I didn't want a hidden charge showing up like with my other infertility clinic when I miscarried.  Hopefully this time the babies will stick and stick well, for say nine months.

When all was said and done I had a credit of a little over $130 left over from the bills.  I told my husband what I'd like to do with the found money and he agreed.

My husband's friend and former battle buddy is doing a fund raising page for St. Jude's Childrens research.  We decided that this was where we wanted our found money to go.  You can click on that link if you want to donate too. 

My grandfather used to make that one of his favorite charities my mother told me.  Just another reason why I felt like this was the place where our money should go.  I hope that if I'm lucky enough to have children I won't need St. Jude's hospital but if I do it is nice to know that such a place exists.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Busy Day

Well the weight is still there.  Guessing that 1.2 pounds is going to stay around.  I've been drinking more water, eating less sodium foods, eating plenty of fiber.  Must be the extra hormone that was introduced late last week.  Estrogen binds with fat which produces more estrogen which creates more fat in the body...vicious circle.  Hakuna Matata.

My clothes are fitting me much better.  My stomach muscles are shaping up.  I have definition now.  Must be all the sit-ups I've been doing.  I have the beginnings of a four-pack and my husband hates how easily my stomach muscles tone up when he has work hard at a six pack.  Oh well!  Maybe it is the flexing exercises I do while sitting down that help?

Moodiness is evening out.  Chickenpig was right that the estrogen would take over soon enough.  I found myself weepy yesterday instead of angry.

Today I'm going to bake cookies for the soldiers at the COF.  Last week I didn't bake any because the floor in my utility room, the room off my kitchen, was being ripped up and new tile was being put down.  The smell was awful.

I need to get my butt moving.  I've got a lot of things that I still need to get done today around the house and with my at home job.  Yikes it is already 1130 hrs!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Finding Reasons

Today I'm trying to find reasons why things happen like they do.

First off, why the heck is my insurance so cheap as to only cover the Alora patches.  These things suck when trying to apply them.  Oh and they like to peel up.  They like to pucker up and not in a good way like a kiss.  No they pinch the skin.

I'm trying to figure out why I can't sleep and then sleep too much.  I'm hazarding a guess that it is the hormones.

I'm trying to figure out a reason why after flooding my body with water yesterday I still didn't get that 1.2 pounds back off.

If any one can find a reason why I gained when I've been exercising and cutting back calories and drinking nearly a gallon of water a day and still can't get the weight off, let me know?

Yes, I'm cranky!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Hormone Bloating

Every day I step on the scale.  I'm not obsessed but I do have gastric issues with many foods.  Daily my diet has to vary according to my issues. 

This morning, before my shower I got on the scale.  I thought I was going to scream.  Yesterday I ate more protein and of course some of the protein was processed so it had more sodium.  You can guess I'm sure....I gained back 1.2 pounds in bloat.

Today I'm pushing the water big time.  Yesterday's fail was due in part to my spouse.  After he came home from church, I didn't feel up to dealing with a huge amount of happy people in my mood, we had decided to go grocery shopping.  J misplaced his ID card...AGAIN!  I swear I'm going to punch a hole in it and attach a mitten string so tight around his neck he'll have to choke himself to lose the damn thing.  Depending on his uniform changes, at least two daily with PT clothes and ACUs, his ID is in various places.  The PT uniform has no room for a full sized wallet, and depending on the time of year sometimes barely enough room to put a single car key into the hidden pocket along with the ID card.

Two hours later he finds his ID card after I begged him to look in his study material.  He was adamant that it wouldn't be there.  But if he had just looked there first he would have found it.  The man is lucky I didn't try to kill him for his stubbornness and stupidity.

Sure I could have gone grocery shopping without him, but then he wouldn't have gotten food he wanted or needed since he never writes down what he is low on.  Like I said above my food problems vary daily.

Today I'm going to try to see if I can digest baby greens.  Sometimes raw veggies rip up my stomach.  I have IBS and GERD.  If I stuck with the IBS and GERD only foods I'd be living off of white starchy foods because they are soluble fibers.  That type of diet can cause other health issues I'd rather avoid.

So I'll end this writing for today and grab another glass of water on my way to transfer the laundry over to the dryer.  Hope everyone has a good day.  I know I'll be trying to have a good day and get the water weight gain back off.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Guessing Game

ICLW starts tomorrow and I'm not sure that I'll be posting a blog tomorrow so this will have to do.  Hello to all my readers, first timers, and lurkers.

I'm guessing that I have about 18 more days until I do the transfer of the two 4AA blastocysts.

18 more days to try to lose the 7.2 pounds I deemed yesterday that would be necessary for my personal happiness.

Well I'm pleased to announce that this morning I lost another pound.  6.2 more pounds to go in 18 days.  This is going to be tough but if I just add in one more set of reps to each exercise I might be able to get more weight off next week.

I have to admit is is rather nice to see some of the paunch disappear.

As you ladies know, losing weight while on hormones isn't easy. 

Giving up chocolate has been a killer.  Yes, I gave up chocolate.  There isn't a little treat after each injection.  I just remind myself when the pain hits, and there has been a lot of cramping with the Alora patches, that I'm doing this for a damn good reason.

I'm getting vicious.  I really let into my husband this morning.  I've now lost control of my temper.  He knew this was going to happen at some point.  I said things that I should regret but I don't because they are my feelings.  I don't feel like what I'm going through is being appreciated by him.  He is so buried in his own work and studies that at times I think I'm nothing to him.  I know it isn't true and it is just the hormones.  I know that my husband does love me. He is just probably trying to stay out of my way so that he doesn't start an argument because he knows right now I'm really sensitive.  Inside the real me is being held hostage by the hormones.  I want to break out from this jail cell and be free but I know I just have to wait until the hormones parole me.

Hopefully I just had my last period for nine months.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Calendar Change

Yesterday Nicole at PNW sent me a new calendar with a schedule change for those two days I was off track. 

My ultrasound is now moved to the 2nd of May.  But that isn't too bad.  Less than 14 days after the the ultrasound I will be getting my blastocysts transferred to my uterus.  Maybe as soon as 6 days after the ultrasound depending on the uterine lining.  Since I produce enough estrogen on my own, I'm fat and estrogen loves fat plus add in the endometriosis which is another too much estrogen issue being produced by the ovaries, I feel fairly confident that my transfer will be around the 8th of May.

Today I cut the Lupron dosage in half.  If I had known for sure that I could have done so yesterday I would have done so.  I found out in the afternoon that bit of information.  Oh and that I could have applied my patches yesterday too if I had been able to cut my Lupron.  But I take my meds at 0430 hrs.  So when I found out at 1400 hrs it was too late.

One thing I can honestly say I hate about the Alora patches are their size.  My insurance covers the Alora patches and not the postage stamp sized Vivelle dots that my clinic in Seattle wanted me to use.  The Alora patches are each 2 x 3 inches.  Big difference in size there when you consider most postage stamps are 3/4 x 1 1/4 inches in size.  Trying to not think about when I have to apply four of them.  Right now I am wearing just two.

I think I blogged this week about the one pound I gained in bloat but then lost again.  I also, as of today, managed to lose another 2.2 pounds this week.  I'm still afraid to mention my weight on here.  I know we do judge others even though we don't like to think we do.  Suffice it to say that I still have 8 more pounds to go and I'll weigh what I did before the last IVF in January of 2012.  I had lost a lot of weight for that IVF to make achieving pregnancy easier for my body.  Hopefully this time it will help with the donor egg cycle.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Second Suppression Scan

I passed!

Lining was down to 5.7 mm from 11mm on Tuesday.  I think I mentioned how heavy I was bleeding in my blog.

Dr. B. is going to fax over the results to PNW today letting them know the ovaries and uterus are good to go.  YAY!

Now I just have to wait for PNW to call me back, I called them too when I got the news this morning, to start the Alora patches.

I'm right on track again!!!!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Biding My Time

While I wait for the next suppression check I'll be working on a large order from my Etsy shop.  I just had a FRG leader put in an order for a particular military key chain pattern that I make.  I'll get started on filling that order this day.

Yesterday I was putting together a puzzle while I waiting for my local RE office call back like they said they would.  Not hard to believe that they never called me back right?  They called this morning, no apology for forgetting me, to schedule my ultrasound for 1030 hrs Thursday. 

My local RE office also screwed up my Lupron order from PNW last time.  They didn't put down that I had one refill on the Lupron left.  I had a copy of the fax of the prescriptions sent to Madigan so I knew they made the error as it listed my refills on there.  I looked at my box of Lupron and it said zero refills.  My RE office admitted they made the mistake and put in a new order for the Lupron of which I got today.

Can you see why I need to distract myself?  If I dwell on the shit going on I'll go nuts!

****TMI***  So don't read if you don't want to be grossed out!

Last night after some extracurricular poking, SEX, I was able to have my "normal" silver dollar sized clots pass.  I should have a slimmer lining come Thursday morning.  Much as I hate sex during my period this is one time I'm happy for its effects on my lining.  You can bet I'll be doing the same tonight so that I don't have to wait too much longer for the Alora patches.  I joked with Nicole at PNW about how I'd get things going and she thought it was a wonderful idea.  She too thinks that I'll be right on track for the lining check come the 30th since my E2 level was where it should be yesterday at only 20.  I am suppressed but the lining was the real issue.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Suppression Scan

Well I failed.

My lining, even though I've been spotting for a whole bcp pack and lightly bleeding since Friday, was 11mm.

I have 6 residual follicles from ovulating on the pill about two weeks ago.  Yeah, I remember quite well how much fricken pain I was in two week ago.  I hurt so bad I couldn't eat and lost 4 pounds.  Yes, I ovulated while on the pill.

Biggest follicle was measuring in at 11mm.  Must be I like the number 11 today.

Had my blood work at 0700 hrs.  Waiting on the results now.  Then waiting on the result to get sent to PNW. 

Meanwhile I picked up more needles for the Lupron as I didn't have enough for this cycle on hand.  If I have to go yet another week on the Lupron I'll need an additional vial, especially if I'm kept at 10 units.

Just got the lab results.  E2 was 20 which means I am suppressed.  However, I just called Nicole at PNW and being that my lining is so thick she'll have to consult with the doctor to see if they want to keep my Lupron at the higher dose for another week.  Dr. B, who is just back from Afghanistan, said just as much to me today during my visit.

So I sit here and wait.

On the weight thingy.  I lost the pound I gained over the weekend plus 0.4 more overnight.  So just as I figured it was bloat. 

Monday, April 15, 2013

Money, Monitoring, Weight, and Projects

So yes this is going to be yet another boring update post.

First off J and I finally got to work together on the bookcase.  Yesterday he and I sealed the bookcase with polyurethane.  We did three quarters of the bookcase since there is just no way we could do it all without it sticking to something.  This weekend coming up we'll hopefully finish up the first coat.  If need be I'll deal with it only having one coat of sealant.  The headboard still needs to be done and I want that sealed before the move too.  Georgia is very humid and I'd rather the wood not warp.

I've been working on the touch up painting around the house.  I realized that the cherry sauce stain on one wall would take several coats of paint.  Wishing right now I had a really small can of Bin sealer as it would paint over that stain really quickly.

Sunday morning I got on the scale and noticed that I gained back 0.2 pounds.  I didn't drink enough water on Saturday.  Today I got on the scale and found I gained another 0.8 pounds.  Again I didn't drink enough water on Sunday.  Today I'm working on drinking enough water to get rid of the bloat.  Lupron does make me bloat easily.

I have my suppression monitoring appointment tomorrow morning.  I also have my E2 and D3 level draws to look forward to.  I'll post those results.  Still bleeding too.  After a month of spotting this is really getting to be annoying.

I'm getting a refund from PNW.  They knew I'd be doing my monitoring at my local clinic.  I knew they over charged me and forgot to charge me for the initial consult.  I called three times about that error and finally heard back today.  Not bad only took two and a half weeks for them to realize I was serious about the money.  So they'll be crediting me with $500 and charging me with the initial consult.  In the end I was told I'll be getting roughly $200 put back to my credit card.  Fine with me.   I'll apply it to other charges I'll be making over the next few months.  Always little unexpected things like the software to convert the VHS to DVD so that we can lighten our weight for the move.  VHS tapes weigh a lot.

That is it for now.  Boring normal life and I'm happy to say it is drama free!

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Uterus Transplant

I know I blogged a few months back about how wonderful it would be if we could get reproductive organ transplants.

Guess what?

It was in the news last night that a woman got a uterus transplant and is now pregnant!  Hallelujah!


I think of all my friends out there that had to have their reproductive organs removed and I shout with joy!  There is a chance that some of us might be able to yet make our own families.  No I don't know how soon after she had her's removed that she had the organ transplant.  I do know that they froze her eggs.

Just thought I'd share the story with all of you if you missed it the other night.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Spring Rash

Every darn Spring I break out in a rash on the back of my hands.  Sometimes it spreads to the inside of my forearms too.  Itchy and annoying I've yet to figure out what exactly is triggering it. 

It isn't the typical red blotchy mess but skin toned and very fine bumps too. 

Just called my nurse at PNW and asked if I could use the OTC cortisone cream on it I usually use.  She'll ask my doctor and get back to me with an email later.

Seriously it looks like I've been petting a dog.  I break out from dogs the same way.  Just the very reason why I can't have a dog.  When I do interact with dogs I have to wash my hands as soon as possible after petting one.

I'm good about not scratching.  I've learned that it will just get worse.

I should have known I'd get the rash as I woke up Monday morning with my face so swollen from allergies my eyes no longer had the normal indents below them.  Oh wait those are cheek bones.  Yes it was that bad.  I decided to photograph my face too.  Anytime my allergies get out of hand I document the physical symptoms of them if possible because I forget easily, or at least try to forget, the crappy effect it had on me.

My face is back to normal as of Tuesday but the rash on my hands has spread to just under my watch band.    While it could be a side effect of the Lupron I have my doubts.  Though rash is listed under side effects.

I've also been sneezing my head off.  Just another reason I think it is my allergies.

J has CQ duty today.  The boneheads decided to post the CQ roster only at the barracks.  Since J doesn't live at the barracks he doesn't think to check there for it since they used to post it at the COF until this month.  Luckily a co-worker called him yesterday to inform him that he was on the list for today.  Hopefully he won't have it again this month but who knows.

So I'll be entertaining myself with movies tonight.  I'll have to remember to not have junk food too.  Yesterday I started my exercise routine.  Hopefully I'll remember to continue it and remind myself to stay away from unhealthy foods.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

First Hand Experience

One of my husband's co-workers, the one I made the baby items for, is having issues finding affordable day care for his two boys.  I'm not going to go into detail of what I think this guy should be doing as it isn't me in his shoes.

For now J's co-worker has been allowed to bring his two sons into the work place.  Picture a five year old and a two year old running a muck around highly sensitive items and equipment.  The co-worker is the one that makes the group over staffed and it looks as though the soldier won't be allowed to re-enlist as he doesn't have his TS clearance so it isn't like he is allowed to handle the equipment or do the work.  How this guy thinks he'll get his TS in the time he has left I have no clue.

Well what I'm getting to is that J is now learning how to babysit and work at the same time.  I'm proud of him.  He changed his very first poop diaper yesterday.  Of course it was under direction of the kid's father to make sure J knew what to do.  Of course it wasn't one of those blow out dumps but an easier mess to clean up.

J is getting a taste of what it will be like to be a father.  He now knows a bit what it is going to be like for me to work from home and take care of a kid.  Not easy but it has to get done right?  I say a taste because disposable diapers are being used and J isn't having to watch by himself the kids or do laundry or cook meals for the kids either.  But hey we all had to learn somewhere sometime.

We agreed to use cloth diapers.  I did inform J that most cloth diapers start at the eight pound weight so that when our kid/s is/are born there is the possibility that we might have to use disposable diapers for a bit depending on how small the kid/s is/are.

As you can see I'm very hopeful that this FET will work. 

The symptoms I'm having with the Lupron are really mild this time.  Very few headaches, the oily skin issue has passed, the bloating was just the first day and the cravings are gone too, and the mood swings are but mild this time around.  Today was the last day of the birth control. 

About four more weeks until the transfer. 

Isn't this cool!  A cloth baby wipe warmer.  I so want one of these.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Trying To Educate The Public

I swear it was a losing battle this past weekend at the retreat.  Each meal that J and had to attend we were at different assigned tables.  I guess it was to keep the conversation lively.  There were of course a list of questions that we had to ask everyone at the table.  Two sheets of questions per table.  But you know how people stray from the questions they should be asking and get rather nosey.

At every meal J and I were asked, "do you have any children?".

My answer was one of the following:
1) none living
2) several miscarriages
3) I'm in fertile
4) I have endometriosis
5) we are still trying

The responses I would get from others at the tables ranged from sympathy to stupidity.  One gal named Julie has PCOS so she did understand the struggle to conceive.

One couple, Sandra and Jeffrey, at my table married at 19/20 and have five children.  Their response was that I just need to pray to God and he'll give me a child.  Mind you I remember something in the Bible about "God helps those that help themselves" (Acts 17:11) and I'm doing all I can with prayer and doctors to help God in giving me a child.

At the end of my dialogue with them explaining that it isn't that easy I got hit with the "why don't you just adopt".  I so wanted to say to them why didn't you?  But instead I told them that we have given thought to that and if what we are going through right now doesn't work that the next place we move to we'll start the process.  Most likely foster to adopt and I explained how parents don't mind putting their children into the foster care system but they don't like making them available for adoption which leaves not many children out there to be adopted.

I also explained to this ignorant couple that adoption isn't free or cheap.  Adoption takes a long time too.  My parents were the exception when they adopted my brother 44 years ago from Catholic Charities.  Things were truly easier back in the 1960's when it came to adoption.

I think that the worst part of it was when the husband of  Sandra, Jeffrey, the couple that wed when they were 19/20, said to me that I just need to relax.  I swallowed my bile and vented when my husband and I got back to our room.  I had to leave our meal early.  I couldn't stand to be around such ignorant people for any longer or else I would have made a scene.

So my infertile friends, I tried to educate the public. God commanded that we go forth and multiply (Genesis 9:7) and He didn't state how we went about it did he?  I did what I could given the fact that I was at a religious retreat, this one sponsored by the Roman Catholic church.  The very church that doesn't believe in abortion, birth control or infertility treatments.  Is it any wonder I couldn't get my message across? 

I think that if a person is fertile they should and could be a bit more sensitive when they ask a question about children.  They could be a bit more open-minded and realize that not everyone can just fall on a penis and get pregnant.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Creepy, Crappy, Cruddy

I'll start with Cruddy and work my way back.

Equity called yesterday and scheduled with us the repair of the floor under the washer and dryer for today.  Last night J moved both machines, which meant draining the washer.

Today I get a call from Equity and they tell us it is basically our fault that they called yesterday and scheduled the repair for today.  They said that we knew a contractor was going to do the job.  Sorry but I wasn't informed that they were contracting out the job.  So I think it is pretty darn cruddy of them to blame me for accepting the work order time and making my husband move the machines only to have to put it back because they have no one to do the repairs now. 

Equity told me that the contractor will be calling me soon to schedule the repair.  How soon is soon?  Well I'll know when they call and not before.

Crappy is how I've been feeling.  Sure I should be happy that I've lost ten pounds since my consult on 6 March.  But I'm just not feeling happy.  I'm tired, moody, craving food I can't possibly eat, having issues with sleep and the spotting hasn't stopped since I started the pill.  I hate to say that I'm actually looking forward to stopping the pill this week and getting a period so that the spotting will go away.

To make me feel more crappy I nicked a vein at 0430 hrs when I gave myself my Lupron shot.  Sucker didn't want to stop bleeding.  I think it was because the needle was bent.  Occasionally I do find a bent needle but as long as it isn't broken I'll still use it.

Now for CREEPY.  I promised I write about what was creepy at the marriage encounter.  So I will.  During the sign of peace, we were instructed to give the sign of peace in a couples hug with another couple, the man near me groped my left breast.  Seriously he didn't need to be having his arm under my arm and his hand on my breast.  Especially when you think about how that man just renewed his vows to his wife.  Takes all kinds! 

I didn't want to ruin the Mass for everyone by hauling off and decking the SOB and I didn't want it to put a damper on the celebration.  However, when J and I got home I did tell him what happened.   He was upset.  I didn't tell him while at the hotel or while he was driving.  Some things call for moments when he isn't carrying a gun and/or driving a vehicle that could be used as a weapon.  My spouse is far from a hothead but he wasn't happy about what that man did.  I physically showed my husband what the Creepy guy did.  J agreed that wasn't called for and it was definitely a grope.  There are days I hate having large breasts.  I attract some really creepy men just because they can't keep their eyes and hands off my mammary glands.

Monday, April 8, 2013


Recently I finished the novel Afterwards by Rosamund Lupton.

I've never been to the other side.  I've never died.  I've never had a near death experience.  However, I have had an out-of-body experience.  Maybe some of you have too.

When my husband was first deployed to Iraq I was lonely and often sought him out in my dream world.  I didn't really know much about out-of-body experiences.  It wasn't until I woke up from a nap crying that I'd knew I had one.

It was the call I received from my husband after that dream that made me realize it wasn't a dream.  Being that he was so many hours ahead of me on his time schedule he would be sleeping when I'd take a nap.  I rarely take naps but I was mentally exhausted from not being able to sleep for more than 36 hours.  I needed a nap. 

While in my dream sleep I saw my husband.  I saw that he was bruised.  He wasn't really injured from fighting or any heavy detail work but just bruised.  I felt him holding my hand in my dream.  I saw him standing over me at first and then kneeling down next to me telling me all would be okay that he'd always be with me in spirit.

When he called I asked him if he had bruises on his shoulders.  He confirmed my image of him.  The bruises were from the heavy gear he'd been wearing and toting around for a few days.  Sometimes his kevlar and ruck will leave his skin raw from the chaffing and he bruises.  He wasn't in pain but just sore.  I had nothing to worry about.  He was surprised that I connected to him over the thousands of miles.

The characters Grace and Jenny have the same connection in this book.  They both leave their bodies and talk to one another but for them it the bond of mother and child.  For me it was the bond of husband and wife. 

Corinthians 13:13  "...and the strongest of these is love."  Love is a very strong bond shared between a parent and a child and a husband and a wife.  Love will always be there even through death.

This post was inspired by the novel Afterwards by Rosamund Lupton. After witnessing her children's school set ablaze, Grace attempts to find the arson as her teenage daughter lies in a coma in Lupton's suspense thriller. Join From Left to Write on April 11 as we discuss Afterwards. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.


This weekend my husband and I took our marriage to the next level.  We took a forty-four hour class on marriage through Worldwide Marriage Encounter.

I have to say that my spouse, the guy that doesn't like to open up and share his feelings, actually learned to share his feelings this weekend.  I was surprised, excited and quite a bit nervous by what this weekend would do to our marriage.  So far, so good.

I'm exhausted.  We would get up at 0430 hrs, get ourselves prepared for the 0730 class or in the case of the first morning Mass. 

Friday night we had classes right after check-in.  Confessions started at 2230 hrs.  Luckily I was the first person to sign up for confession.  Still opening up to the priest, I've been a latent Catholic for the past ten years, left me in tears.  No the priest didn't make me cry.  I cried because I unburned myself to him and God.  With all the infertility issues I've been dealing with it was just so nice to put my problems in the hands of God.  Let Him worry about me for a while.  I'm doing all I can to create children.

Saturday morning we had Mass at 0730 hrs.  J isn't a Catholic so he was able to get a blessing only.

Next was breakfast and directly after was our first morning session.  We broke for writing times and would meet up with our spouses to dialogue.  Talking and sharing our feelings.  So many times we just don't seem to have that time with his Army life.  We were forced to find that time for one another this weekend.  It was magical.  It was hard.  It was enlightening.

Saturday night the last session ended a few minutes shy of 2200 hrs.  Long day.  Sunday would also be a long day but thankfully our hotel allowed us a 1600 hrs check-out time for our group.

Our Sunday session opened with group, then mass.

As a group we renewed our vows and had God's blessing on our marriage.  I'm tearing up now thinking about just how special that moment was when I looked into my husband's eyes and realized how much we'd gone through just to get to this point and yes I'd still want him as my husband until death will part us.

Pardon me while I go get a tissue to mop up my face.  BRB

Now for those of you that aren't Catholic don't be put off by this encounter group.  It isn't just for Catholics.  We had one Wiccan there, a bunch of other protestant denominations too.  Besides that if you go to the link above you'll see that they host this world-wide and for various religions too.  I urge you, my readers, that if you are having troubles communicating with your spouse to try out one of these weekends.  You'll be surprised how much you'll get out of the weekend.  Everyone has a different experience.

They do ask for a donation at the end of the encounter weekend.  You give what you can afford and those funds will be put towards another couple being able to go on a weekend experience.  Your weekend has already been paid for by the non-profit organization.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Quick Posting

Started Lupron today.

Finished marriage retreat and will blog about it tomorrow.    Something rather creepy happened to me during closing of the retreat and I will tell you all about it but that will be tomorrow.

Friday, April 5, 2013

MilSpouse Friday Fill-In

This is my very first MilSpouse Friday Fill-In. 
1. What’s one thing in the past month you would have changed?
I would have tried to get in some exercise so that I would have lost more weight for this FET.

2. What was your favorite thing that happened in March? 
Signing the paperwork to do a DE IVF cycle.

3. What are you looking forward to in April?
Believe it or not stabbing myself with needles full of hormones.

4. What is your favorite thing about Spring?

5. What is your ultimate guilty pleasure?
 Curling up with a good book next to a fire place while drinking a cup of hot chocolate.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Seven Days

I have just seven more days left on my birth control. 

Sunday I start the Lupron.

Tomorrow the utility room repair should be mostly finished.  Hopefully they'll remember to do the floor tiles too.  If not they'll have to schedule that for another week.

Tomorrow night J and I go on the marriage retreat.  This one is going to be a bit different since it is through the Catholic church. 

I'm anxious.  I'm a bit crabby.

I should get to work on the Last Will and Testament worksheets so that we can make an appointment to get our Wills made up.

I need to get cracking on the book for the book club which is due next week.  I'm enjoying the book but I'm behind because I was sick last week.

Instead of reading I find myself doing other projects I've put off in favor of other energy requiring projects that were needed to be done first.  I need to find a sense of order in this chaos I call my life.  I miss routine.

I think I need a huge calendar.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

More Repairs to the Rental

J and I live in on post housing, which is a rental.  If something breaks down in the home, or with the appliances issued to us for the home like the stove and fridge we call in a repair.

Yesterday as I was doing laundry with my own washer and dryer, they don't issue us those appliances at this installation, I noticed how wet the floor was underfoot.  Immediately I checked the washer connections.  My connections were fine.  However, the cold water spigot wasn't fine.  It was leaking at the nut.  Great! 

I turned off the cold side and called in the repair.  J came home at lunch and moved the dryer out of position so that the repair crew whenever they would show up would have room to maneuver.

Here are some photos of what I found.
 As you can see the tile is heaving up.  It is soaked too.
Cold water side leaking at shut off valve.

Now for the photos of what was there after the crew arrived and got to work.

Doug rammed the dampness tested into the base boarding and through the wet Sheetrock.  Look how wet the baseboard is! 
Repair really isn't that huge.  Or I hope it isn't.  But this is going to take a few days.  First it has to dry out.
So they left us with a dehumidifier and a blower to dry the wall out.  Hopefully it will be dry enough today to have them removed.  I was told I can still do my laundry of which I might had to do some tonight.  They did replace the valve that was broken. 

They will call me to set up an appointment to do the drywall and painting.  They'll either have to replace the tiles they said or re-glue them down.  These tiles get really brittle so I don't know if they can be saved.  I'm just glad the water didn't get into my dryer and electrocute me while I was using it.  Not like they really seemed all that interested in what their water leaking might have done for damage to my appliances mind you.

So today, the day I normally make cookies for the soldiers at the COF, well it won't be happening not with my kitchen being a walk way galley style to the utility room and all this mess there.  I'd rather not have debris end up in the dessert.

I may need to buy one of these when I PCS to the next place.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Sweater Finished

I promised I'd post photos of the baby sweater when it is finished.  So here they are:

I was thinking that after the PCS I might make a few of these sweater and bonnet sets for my shop.  I asked family at Easter lunch how much I should charge and was told $20 if I'm only doing the sweater and $30 for the sweater and bonnet set.  Sounds fair since the projects take up more than one skein of yarn, three if you figure in the contrast color, plus the buttons.  With any luck I'll get the chance to make at least one in each size for my own children if this DE IVF works out well.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Still Here

So um, yeah I've been sick.

The endometriosis got bad. 
I started sucking in lots of air. 
My ulcer flared.  Well no wonder since I was taken off the Prilosec by my new RE.

I ended up losing four pounds in four days.

No vomiting.  Just in too much pain to eat very much.  As the spasms clenched down on my stomach and pelvis I cried and moaned.  Gas-x, Pepcid and Acetaminophen helped some.  Other times I wished I were dead.  Finally got some lip color back late yesterday.

I'm feeling a bit better today.  First I've been on the internet in a a few days from my normal work station in my home office.  Hurt too much to sit in my chair.

Now I just hope that the rest of the pain leaves and that I won't gain back what I lost.  I'd like to lose more before we do the transfer next month.

Hope everyone had a good holiday weekend.