Trying To Find God's Plan

I'm trying to find out what God's plan is for my life.  I'd like to think that it will include children but now I'm thinking that it might not.

I had always wanted two or three children of my own.  I probably won't have even one biological child now. 

I had hoped to have a biological child of my husband's using donor eggs but I'm thinking that it won't be happening either because of the Endometriosis.  There is more to having crappy eggs here, I have a uterus that likes to kill.

Just this week I've had friends change their minds.  "Jane" decided to abort rather than let me adopt.  Now today I find out that another couple that made the offer won't be able to do genetic surrogacy.  Genetic surrogacy is using the egg and uterus of the donor with an IUI, most likely rather than IVF, procedure.  This couple isn't saying "No" to be mean spirited.  This couple is having issues with the health of their own children.  A very valid reason in my book, unlike the friend that is just choosing to abort.

Maybe we'll just move on to adoption when we get settled at our next residence.  We still aren't sure where it will be of if it will be with the Army as no contract has been signed as of yet.

I'm hoping that God's plan for me will soon unfold.  I'm hoping that I'll know in what direction this tiny part, but very important part, of my life is going.  No children aren't everything.  Happiness, love, good health are the most important part of life children are the blessings that come when they come along if they do at all.

Next week Thursday I have my ultrasound and hopefully I'll be seeing Lt.Col. B., who should be back, and we'll hopefully get a chance to discuss options.  I'd like another SIS or HSG done to see what damage has been done by the endometriosis that might be growing back.

Making Plans With The Army

Wait did I just make a title for this post that is an oxymoron?  I think I did.

The Army spouses out there know what I'm talking about.

Right now we are waiting to possibly find out a potential assignment if J is able to re-enlist.  Mind you they are still over strength in his MOS which means that he might not get an assignment and might have to go to a school instead.

So we are sort of making plans.

The only plans we are making it stop using my DNA to achieve pregnancy by the end of April.  We will then look further into genetic surrogacy using an offer of a friend, donor eggs, and foster to adopt.  We would like more than one child so the chance of having our children being related to one another is most likely slim but I figure that since I'm not related to my husband, thank GOD!, then should it really matter if my children are related to one another or to us?  Why does a family have to be made up of people being genetically related?  It doesn't.

So this is where I stand in making plans around and with the Army.  I can plan to adopt once I know where we are headed.  Until then it will be just a dream.