I'm trying to find out what God's plan is for my life. I'd like to think that it will include children but now I'm thinking that it might not.
I had always wanted two or three children of my own. I probably won't have even one biological child now.
I had hoped to have a biological child of my husband's using donor eggs but I'm thinking that it won't be happening either because of the Endometriosis. There is more to having crappy eggs here, I have a uterus that likes to kill.
Just this week I've had friends change their minds. "Jane" decided to abort rather than let me adopt. Now today I find out that another couple that made the offer won't be able to do genetic surrogacy. Genetic surrogacy is using the egg and uterus of the donor with an IUI, most likely rather than IVF, procedure. This couple isn't saying "No" to be mean spirited. This couple is having issues with the health of their own children. A very valid reason in my book, unlike the friend that is just choosing to abort.
Maybe we'll just move on to adoption when we get settled at our next residence. We still aren't sure where it will be of if it will be with the Army as no contract has been signed as of yet.
I'm hoping that God's plan for me will soon unfold. I'm hoping that I'll know in what direction this tiny part, but very important part, of my life is going. No children aren't everything. Happiness, love, good health are the most important part of life children are the blessings that come when they come along if they do at all.
Next week Thursday I have my ultrasound and hopefully I'll be seeing Lt.Col. B., who should be back, and we'll hopefully get a chance to discuss options. I'd like another SIS or HSG done to see what damage has been done by the endometriosis that might be growing back.
That just sucks. All the way around.
ReplyDeleteI have a good friend from High School that finally got her family through foster adoption a year ago. She adopted a brother and sister and is unbelievably happy. She had been trying for well over a decade. It wasn't easy, though, not like all those "just adopt" people would have you believe. But of course, you knew that. If God has a plan for you, I hope that it includes children.
I'm hoping children will be part of the plan.
DeleteI'm not a very religious person, but it would be my pleasure to try and bend God's ear a little bit in your direction.
DeleteI'm sorry for what you are going through. It sucks when you have multiple options one moment and perhaps only one in the end. I know you will find your way. You may not know what will happen right now, but I know you will be okay. Just keep pushing forward. We are all here to listen.
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking of you, I know God has a plan for you. Your strength and determination will bring you happiness, I just know it. Sometimes our plans take different routes and even when the goal is in sight, the road can STILL be very long and bumpy. I hope you and J find an answer soon about his contract. ((Hugs))
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