Candy Night

Today is of course Halloween.  I won't be handing out candy this year.  This year it is my husband's job.

I'll be in the kitchen with Bugsy and the door shut so no out accidentally lets him out of the house.  Trick or Treating is only allowed between the hours of 1800 and 2000 hrs here on the military installation.

I've given J instructions to stick with on how to hand out the candy.  Sometimes he stupidly breaks the rules.  It isn't cute when so many germy hands are grabbing in the bowl taking more candy than told to take so that we run out and other kids get none.  Kids can be greedy.

I told him to hold the bowl to his side and he is the only one allowed to dip into the bowl and hand out candy.  You don't know if the kids are sick and I don't want them spreading their diseases all over the entire stock of candy.  Just being safe.

I'm not hiding in the kitchen because I don't like children.  I'm not worried about seeing tots in strollers or pregnant bellies, I'm over that issue with Halloween.  But I don't want the cat meowing from being lonely in the other room.  I don't want Bugsy to feel neglected because we have the door opening and closing for two hours.  Nor do I want him to get out and get hurt by kids who grab at animals or hate cats.  Oh and my cat is a klutz.  Yeah most cats are agile critters.  Not Bugsy.

Oak Tree

Hoping my little oak tree survives the Winter.  I rescued it from my flower bed this past Spring when it was nothing more than a shoot sticking up.

Positive, Positive, Positive

Trying to think positive.

Meanwhile, Manflesh is getting on my nerves.  Bringing home his work worries and complaints really isn't needed when he allows it to spoil our weekend.  If it continues I will move out because I don't want the stress to affect this cycle.  Life with a soldier really isn't at all like what they show on television.  There are no great reunions after deployments of any length.  The only thing that is blockbuster is their moods.

Sighs, hoping he'll put on his sign that says he'll suck it up and leave it at work rather than bring it home to family time.  Doubting that will happen.

Last night while carving a pumpkin we get a call from a person he works with.  Manflesh is giving orders and he needs to deseminate the information.  From that one call our evening went in a down hill roll like a cannon ball with a lit fuse hitting the pins.  The next four hours were spent with him in a foul mood and me trying to explain to him that he can't let crap from work ruin our family time.  We don't get much family time and I'd rather not spend it with him trying to pick a fight.

I guess he figures that if he can get me angry at him then he'll be justified with having a bad mood for Monday work call.  I'm tired of guessing.  He needs to listen to our marriage counselor and actually implement for more than two days in a row the suggested advice of the professional.

So I'm trying to think positive today that when he gets home he'll have left his work at work.  I don't care how late he comes home I'll keep his dinner warm for him while he tries to leave all finished and unfinished business at work where it belongs.   Civilians live here and sleep here and we don't take orders from folks in uniform unless it is under dire circumstances.  Maybe that sounds harsh but I'm trying to keep a peace zone in my home.  A stress free zone.  A happy zone.  Oh and I know that it doesn't fully work unless all parties are willing to make it work.

Must think positive.  Keep smile on face, find many reason to laugh and many reasons to thank God today for everyone and every blessing in my life.

The Dinner

While reading The Dinner by Herman Koch I thought about what it must be like to suffer from an unnamed disease that could put you out of work for a long period of time.  Then I realized that I am out of work, and can't work in a traditional setting or in a job that I'm trained for because I do have a debilitating disease.

I may not suffer like the main character who is full of hatred that borders on and sometimes crosses over into violence.  However, I do suffer in pain and often silence unable to get treatment or find a cure to the pain I suffer with each day.

Because I am undergoing infertility treatments I have to be extra careful with what medicines that I take.  Who knows I might just fall pregnant unexpectedly; as if that would actually happen.

I do have an outlet for my verbal garbage and hostility towards my disabilities.  I utilize the blog in which I'm writing this very post.  My blog has become my voice to the world since often I have to sensor what I say to others that I speak to face-to-face.  Being polite and politically correct really does suck when I am in pain.  There are days that I would just love to yell at the person next to me to stop complaining because they are able to have kids, they are able to run or they are just plain able to do things that I can not do.  I am not asking them to make exceptions for me but to just stop complaining about the little things in life that they should be thankful for.  Next time you have to pick up your child's mess from making a fridge art  be thankful that you have that mess in your life as some of us would love to have that mess and that piece of child's art.

I have learned to live with my limitations but I don't have to like the limitation.  The limitations don't make who I am, I make who I am.

This post was inspired by The Dinner, a novel by Herman Koch. Two brothers and their wives sit down for a tension filled dinner to discuss a tragedy that can change both families’ lives forever. Join From Left to Write on October 29 as we discuss The Dinner.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Blanket No. 3

I finally finished the third blanket for the  wounded warriors program here at JBLM.  I make one a year because my carpal tunnel pain is bad.  The blanket is now sitting in the FRG office for distribution.

This year I did a large throw in granny squares.

Fits across the top of my queen bed.

Blurry photo

Another blurry photo.  I think you all get the idea of what it looks like.

Suppression Lab Results

I got my lab report back late yesterday afternoon.  I wouldn't have had the results at all if I hadn't of called my local clinic.

Putting the phone on speaker so that my friend, TM, could hear the nurse we got the excuse that the doctor that ordered the labs wasn't on that day so that they wouldn't have gotten notice of the labs at all.   I swear my local, Army, clinic is full of excuses as to why they are lazy.

Every time I have lab work I make a note of which doctor is listed on my lab papers.  I ask each time I have an appointment which doctors are on duty that day.  When I see the doctor in my room I make sure to remind him and the nurse that I need the information from the labs sent over to PNW!  They say they will do that too.  There are no excuse for this level of incompetence!

E2 (estrogen) 10.7  anything under 50 is suppressed

TSH was 3.14 down 0.5 from last month of 3.19

TSH is not down enough.  I am to double my 25 mcg dosage to 50 mcg daily until the Beta.

Reduced Lupron to 5 units daily.

Applied 2 Alora patches today.

Had to email PNW that I will need a new script as I after counting my pills on hand and noting that it is a 90 day script which means the pharmacy will not refill it until near 90 days I won't have enough.

Oh and that donor embryo I'm getting, well the couple that used them or I should say had them made from his sperm and a donor's eggs put back only two embryo and ended up with triplets.  Yes one of the embryos split.  So that is the reason my clinic, PNW, is so confident I have a really good chance at pregnancy this cycle.  I'm putting back one donor embryo and one embryo of my husband's gametes and a donor egg.  Hoping at least one sticks.

Next scan in two weeks.

Suppression Scan FET No. 2

I'm still waiting on the blood results of the E2 (estrogen) and thyroid levels.  Most likely those will be back later this afternoon.  However, I did go to the RE clinic at Madigan.

Dr. Chow denied that he saw me last month.  Maureen pulls open my chart and says that it states that he did see me.  So that is how the appointment started off.  Ugh!

Insert wand.  Lining is now 3.7 mm.  Okay that is a good thing which means I'm almost done bleeding.

Right ovary.  Ah crap 15 mm cyst.

Left ovary.  Mega crap.  I have a 4+ CM fluid filled cyst sitting behind the ovary.  Great!

Last month it was 5 cm so the good part is that it shrank a bit.

Howver, Dr. Chow still thinks that the E2 levels will come back to show that I'm suppressed.  He thinks that they'll still be able to proceed with the FET as planned.

I really hope Dr. Chow is right.


I did ask him about doing a drop of HCG at the time of transfer.  I know that he isn't doing the transfer but that PNW is doing that part.  He said that there is no evidence to show that it works.  Yes, I did tell him that it worked for a friend of mine.  I said what clinic in CA and he gave a sneer at that little mention.  Looked like he wanted to make a comment, not a nice one, about that clinic.

This morning I did email my nurse at PNW to beg ask if we could do the HCG drop.  I'm not a betting person but I can almost bet that they will again say "no".  I'll be shocked if they decide to do that little bit for my piece of mind.