Monday, July 28, 2014

Crying It Out

****I have a few questions for my readers in this blog post.  So if you have a potential answer or an educated guess feel free to share it with me in the comments.

Not so much the baby but me.  I'm the one crying though she is too.  I think, but will see her Ped doc tomorrow, she has colic.  I'm not crying over that.  I have the baby blues.  Rather normal.

Little E is fussing a lot at the same time of day.  She curls up her body, screams, passes gas, cries some more and at times is inconsolable.   Again rather normal from what I read.

I'm going to stop the milkmaid tea and watch my diet a little more closely.  Though we are doing more formula than breastmilk, I'm up to pumping 5 times a day, it could very well be my milk causing her issues.  However, it could be an allergy to her formula too as J's brother and I as well, not sure my genetics matter much with this as we used a donor egg, had milk allergy issues as infants.  Again if that is the case then I'll have to change my diet and eliminate dairy.  I'll find out more what the doctor suggest tomorrow.

It has been 6 days of colic like symptoms at basically the same time each day or rather evening and late night.  How many of you out there experienced colic with your babies or yourself when you were a baby?  My mom had to put me on a rice formula added to my bottle at three weeks of age because of my stomach issues.

Now back to the baby blues.  I'm not going to go out and kill myself or anyone else for that matter.  I can assure you all of that.  I have had some rather disturbing thoughts that the world would be better off without me but I'll just call that self-pity because I feel so inadequate.  Why do I feel like that?  Well my nipples aren't appetizing to my daughter because they are too big.  She'd rather J feed her than me.  Though I have done a few, just a few, feedings with her when he was out of the house.  Hey if she has no choice she'll take the bottle from anyone I figure.  I'm still feeling really weak and having some bad pains in the ribs along my kidneys and along the incision too.  I'll post a photo of what it looked like when the bandage came off and I saw the 19 staples.
This is when they changed the bandage in the hospital and I was still third spacing (major fluid retention).  The staples continue under the belly too.
While it does look better now it is still bruised, red, hot to the touch and oddly swollen on the right side.  I don't have a fever so infection can be ruled out.

As for the rib pain along the back.  When this pregnancy first started and they tested my urine for protein with the first of the 24 hour tests I came back with high numbers but that was before week 20.  Then I developed pre-eclampsia.  I was told I might need to see a nephrologist.  Kidney issues run in my family.  It doesn't matter how much water I drink I can still inherit what my dad has and what his grandmother died from.  I'm hoping I won't but I'd like to get it looked at if the pain doesn't go away.

For those of you with endometriosis and have had a hysterectomy (just the uterus removed) can the endo pain return quickly?  I'm asking this because I'm getting a lot of pain where the ovaries are located.  I'd like to blame the pain on the surgery but it has been three weeks almost since I delivered and anything is possible with endometriosis I swear.  I know that the ovaries are the culprits with endometriosis.

Oh and here is a recent picture of little E in J's arms:


  1. That little girl is so precious!! I'm sorry you are having a hard time with things. I hope the doctor can give you direction and I pray you are feeling better soon.

  2. Colic---Is terrible. Both my boys went through it. We did find some improvement with gas drops and/or gripe water, if that's something you're willing to try. I hope it passes for her quickly.

    As for your incision and pain, I guess it's hard for me to say it's not normal, but it doesn't SOUND particularly normal for 3 weeks post-surgery. It couldn't hurt to check with the doctor and see if what you're feeling is normal. I hope you're feeling better ALL AROUND soon!

  3. Hello. I came across your blog today after you mentioned Candler Hospital. If your baby blues continue, I just wanted to let you know about a postpartum depression service we offer through St. Joseph's/Candler. We hope you feel better.

  4. So sorry you are having a hard time! Hugs!

  5. You were there reading how miserable I was during the newborn stage and you know how desperately I wanted those babies. The guilt of not being happy when I finally got what I wanted was so crushing.

    I have no advice for your own pain since I don't have experience with those particular medical issues. Only that you should be taking whatever pain medications your doctors advise you to take because you don't win any contests for enduring as much pain as you can tolerate.

    The two tidbits that helped with our witching hour issues. If you can't get the gas out the top, try to get it out the bottom. Bicycle the legs, and roll them around, then kind of fold her in half with her legs over her head and her butt as the highest point of her body and gently press the legs down. Do that a few times and hopefully everything will eventually relax as she passes a large fart. But the big one - when she naps, make sure she is still. Carrying her, having her swing, or in a vibration seat, these movements don't allow her to fall into deep sleep so by evening she may actually be sleep deprived even though she napped for much of the day. Motion sleep is light sleep, she needs deep sleep. Don't try to keep her awake longer in hopes that she'll get more tired and sleep better, it doesn't work. Sleep begets sleep. You can also try colic calm or gas drops if those don't help.

    I hope at least one of those is the reason for the witching hour so you have a way to solve it. If all else fails, remember that 12lbs +12 weeks is when things get better. When she hits both of those milestones, some things should click, sleep gets better, smiles come out, and things begin to calm down a bit allowing you a small break from the stress so you can feel better all around.

  6. Congratulations on that beautiful baby girl!! Please know that in her eyes you are absolutely perfect - the unconditional love that you have for her is unconditional love on her part for you, too. I hope your doctor visit provides you with some options for making her feel better, and therefore makes you feel better. Hugs to both of you!

  7. What a cutie!

    Colic is a tricky thing. Particularly since there's some debate whether it's linked with tummy issues. We used Simethicone drops (add to milk) to help with gas. Probiotics could help too (add half capsule of powder to each bottle).

    I also recommend Dr. Karp's "Happiest Baby on the Block" for dealing with colic. We found that the combination of swaddling, swinging (4moms Mamaroo or Fisher Price Snugga-bunny swing) and shushing (in the form of running the vacuum cleaner) calmed both Beats quickly calmed both babies. I recommend the DVD as it quickly walks you through. But here's the website:

    Good luck!

  8. One of my twins had the freak outs every day around 5 or so. When it was a food or feeding issue, he reacted immediately after eating. When babies get fussy daily at the same time it usually isn't food but sensory overload. We had to deal with both. At 5 I learned to put my son in his swing and leave him alone.... no touching. He would eventually calm down and fall asleep. When he had feeding issues we kept his head elevated after every feeding for about 15 mins, and always elevated at night until he was about 6 months old.

    I don't have Endo, but I did have major surgery to remove a huge fibroid. I had the same pain, and still do occasionally. After my daughter was born, my OB spent a looking time removing scar tissue that had wrapped around my ovaries and attached my uterus to my spine! Between the myomectomy and two c sections, my gut is basically one mass of scar tissue. Your body will take a long time to heal, it took me about 6 weeks or more, and a lot of tissue might heal where it shouldn't. It may require some laparoscopy to remove adhesions in the future. Take things veeeeery slowly.

  9. Be kind to yourself. Major things have occurred in your life and even though she is small she is mighty! Concentrate on small goals of the day and I promise you things will get better/shift/normalize.

    Both of my newborns (a girl and a boy, 2.5 years apart) cried/screamed every evening for a period of time. Going outside (just sitting) or taking a walk (very hard to do right now, I understand) helped so, so much. After going through the list of "issues" it was just them needing to holler it out. No colic, no reason other than they just needed to holler. A change of outside scenery always helped. Can't hurt to try it?!

    You've been through some hell and back, be kind to yourself. If something makes things a little easier, do it. Give yourself permission to be kind to yourself. You're on very little sleep and recovering all while taking care of this sweet gift, your baby girl. That, my dear, is a f*cking lot to deal with :) One hour, one day at a time. It will get better, I promise.

  10. I am so behind on my blog reading that I am just now getting caught up on your birth story and the arrival of little E!

    Rebecca, congratulations on the birth of your daughter. And I am sorry that you had such a rough time of it and are continuing to struggle. I don't have any helpful information to offer, but I do want to say don't beat yourself up over breast feeding. I wasn't able to successfully nurse my sons and fault really awful about it, both at the time and for a long time after. But they are 2 1/2 now, and even though they were nearly 100% formula-fed from birth, they are doing great.

    Take care.

  11. I did.....what helped me was medication. Got on a low dose of a mood elevator for a few months until I was sleeping g bette

  12. According to my dr, endo can't and won't come back until you are getting a monthly period again. It needs the hormonal cycle to grow.

  13. Well Becca I can say honestly that the reason she seems more content being fed by Jason is because of the feeding schedule in the hospital, but give it time, she'll work it all out herself. You are not inadequate, but somehow you have to find that inner peace to figure that one out also. Post partum can be such a tricky thing, just keep on top of it, be as open as you can and remember that everyone is open to listen and just let you vent through it. You journal, that's perfect as any counselor would tell you, and whatever you do, always remember that it isn't you against the world, you have a family, a husband who adores you and a beautiful baby, a true gift from your higher power, it doesn't get any better than that.

  14. I will give you the same advice I gave my daughter who is a new Mom. QUIT breastfeeding if it will help your stress level! She was trying to breast feed through a very stressful time (her husband / the babies daddy was diagnosed stage 4 cancer when the baby was 5 weeks old). She breastfed through almost 3 months then switched him to formula. You can be a GREAT Mom even if the nourishment comes from a can! :) Being a Mom is a lot more than the little white liquid. You are a great Mom! Good luck to you...


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