With Tears In My Eyes

I swear that my life will be better next year.

I'm going to get counseling.

I told J just this very thing tonight.

Mom had me in tears a few minutes ago.  She asked me to drop the charges against my brother.  Um, no.  I told her what will I teach my daughter?  I will teach her that it is okay to be hit, punched, strangled, used as a punching bag and bullied if I dropped the charges.  What kind of roll model would that make me?

So no I'm not dropping the charges.

My brother was arrested yesterday.  Court date is causing me issues with all of the appointments I have this month.  I have three with my oncologist, one with the pain management specialist, one with the pulmonary specialist for the sleep study consult and two appointments for my daughter on the calender too.  January is going to be a crazy month.

Fitting in a court date is going to be near impossible.  Will I do it?  I have no choice.  I thought I had a choice when the first phone message was left by the investigator.  She said it would be better if I was there but not necessary.  Second phone message said I had to be there and they would change the court date by asking for a continuance if necessary.

So I'll have to find someone to watch my cat.  J will have to ask for emergency leave.  E will have to be uprooted from her routine yet again.  This is going to suck.

My health is declining right now.  I've been off the potassium long enough that the leg cramps and chest pains have started up again.  The vaginal bleeding has stopped as of yesterday.  I'm not even sure why I was bleeding as I no longer have a uterus.  I guess that is a question I'll have to pose to my oncologist but that means calling him and I just got home yesterday and haven't had a chance to do much but get E some clothes and shop for groceries.

I just want it done with.