DH was stressed about his position in his class. He is worried because he is no longer in the top two of the class. His last grade made him fall to third. Now he is struggling to make it back to the top again among a class of nine. Everyone seems to have grades in the ninetys. He wants to make THE LIST for graduation not just graduate. With another test coming up on Friday he is stressed. His stress is causing me stress and Eily stress. We all feel it in different ways. I wonder if his stress is the reason why Eily can't poop no matter how much prune juice and metamucil we give her. I wonder if his stress is the reason why my blood pressure is going back up. So I spoke to him calmly last night. It took a bit. He didn't want to even sit down with me and discuss his issue. He didn't want to talk about his attitude. Guys don't have problems. Guys don't have attitudes. Especially military ones. I got the whole, "I don't want to talk about it. End of story. I'm leaving the room now.". I was surprised I even got that much verbage. I made him talk. I have my ways. It is a calming voice. It is the voice of authority. It is the mommy voice. All rolled together it does work.
The mess of it is that I am dying. Not today. I'm alive today. We are all dying from the day we are born is what I tell most folks. Depressing? Yes I guess. But we have plenty of time in between the birth and death to make a difference in the lives of others usually. For some it might just be a breath of air or a smile and they slip away. For most of us we have more time. I'm spending that time making a difference in any way I can. Maybe I can only bake cookies for the soldiers at my husband's school for now. Maybe after I get a new liver I'll be feeling better I can do more again like I used to?
I know I make a difference in my daughter's life every day.
So to melt the rest all down to facts of what I still am waiting on
- Gastroenterologist to call
- Hepatologist to call
- One of the above to put me on the Liver Donor list my MELD score already makes it so I'll be on it
- Contrast CT of Left Side Abdominal Cavitiy to rule out Splenomegaly
- More Labs for my Liver
- Hopefully a Live A Positive Liver Donor Match