My Eyes Decieve Me

As many of you already know I've been battling my weight for a long time.  Today I said to heck with it and decided to browse for new clothing at the Military Exchange.

The reason why I don't shop for clothing is because I never know when I'm going to get lucky enough to get pregnant.  Kate according to the supermarket check out rags, I don't read them but I saw a few with the headlines, is pregnant and 6 weeks at that.  A hard slap in the face to me as I'd be about the same right now if things had gone according to my plans.  Still if the rumor proves true I wish her well, lucky wench.

So with trying to put negative thoughts behind me I walked over to the clothing racks and searched for jeans.  I tried on 5 different pairs of jeans and 5 different brands.  I finally found one pair that fit like a dream.  No I declined to buy them as I'm afraid to gain an ounce.  In two days I've lost 1.2 pounds.  I had gained back 3 pounds this month so its about time some of it comes back off.  Funny how eating more is making it come off.  Figure that one out.

The pair of jeans I walked into the store with on my person are a size 14 and almost 10 years old.  Out of date and higher wasted with a patched hole in the left flank from an incident with a wire sticking out of the seat in my old clunker of a car I no longer own.  I have only one pair of jeans that fit me well now and the rest just hang on me which is fine because when I do get pregnant I'll have clothes for a while without having to buy any. 

I tried on Calvin Klein size 14's...way too big.  I tried on the store brand 14's again too big.  I finally ended up trying on the perfect jeans for my figure.  A pair of Levi's in size 12.  I can't believe I now fit into a size 12 when earlier this summer, August to be exact, I was a size 18.    For those of you in the UK an American 18 is your size 20. 

I'm still fat but one day I hope to be a size 8 again.  Maybe after I have my miracle baby. 

Oh and no I didn't buy the jeans because, like I said I'm still afraid I'll gain an ounce or worse they'll shrink in the wash.  Maybe in another two weeks, I'm in the 2 week wait right now, I'll buy them when I have a better idea of what my body is trying to do to me.

So I guess when I pass a mirror and see a bit fatty in it my eyes are playing tricks on me.  I'm not that fat anymore and have 35 pounds still to go.  Its a lot but it is doable.  Besides the look on my husband's face was precious today when I exited the dressing room for him to see me in them.  He loved how they hugged my bottom so nicely.  I forgot how shapely a bottom I have when I lose the back fat and abdomen fat.

Wishful Thinking

The diet is going as per usual.  I feel like I'm constantly hungry and am craving my carbs big time.  PMS doesn't help with the carb cravings.  PMS is the reason why I'm in so much pain.  I was whimpering last night from the pain.   I did try to soak in our tub but its just not deep enough to enjoy a good soak.  Some day in my dream home I'm going to have a slipper tub.

I'm in a lot of pain today.  Right now I so wish I were where this particular tub is just so I could soak in it right up to my shoulders.  The picture is of the slipper tub on the caboose in which J and I stayed in overnight last summer.  Loved the tub hated the bed.

Nice thoughts warm my head right now of a dream bathroom.  I think I'd like one of my own where no one else gets to use it but me.  I'd have my slipper tub with some shelving around it for candles, salts, lotions and special soaps.  A heated tile floor would be nice too.  I'd have to have a separate shower stall for the days that I'm in a big hurry but the tub would still be for the evening soaks.  I'd also have a towel warmer so I don't catch a chill when stepping out of the tub. 

Am I being too selfish?  Not really.  I'd make sure that there were two other bathrooms for the rest of the family and a hot tub so they could have their communal soak.  I might even join them from time to time with a glass of Riesling.  I would have the hot tub not too far away from the house as cold winter nights make taking a trek out to the hot tub little fun.  Maybe I'd situate it  inside a manicured garden.  Hidden just enough for those that prefer to hot tub nude.

On the subject of water I would also have a nice pool in my yard.  Maybe one that was a wave pool which isn't too large but is great for exercising.  I do love the water.  J doesn't really care for swimming but I do.

Now my brain is coming about to swim wear.  I need to find a new swimsuit.  I want to go back to the gym and swim several days a week.  I still have yet to replace my favorite swimsuit that gotten eaten at Skamania Lodge when they had way too much chlorine in their hot tub in the womens locker room.

I'll find a new swim suit eventually.  There are so many ugly ones at our Exchange that it just puts me off looking for more suits thinking that the rest out there this season are probably just as ugly.  Besides I want a swim suit not a bathing suit.  The big difference is in the straps for me.  I have too much cleavage to be sporting spaghetti straps on any swim suit when wanting to swim.  An adjustable cross back with wide straps is what I'm wanting.  Its not like I'm going to be sun bathing inside, nor do I care how attractive I look in a suit, its just for exercise not modeling.  But I just don't like the ugly styles that the economy is currently featuring.  I guess the hunt is on for my next purchase.  Hopefully I find the hiking canes and swim suit before summer is over.  That is wishful thinking in itself.