Emotional Mess

Well I can't sleep.  Oh I tried last night to fall asleep.  I took my nice warm bath, read my book while soaking and took my melatonin.  Nothing!  Can't sleep.

I guess too much is going on right now in my life.  J came home cranky from work.   He was slamming doors on the SUV and banging stuff about in the garage.  We discussed why he was angry and he said he didn't seem like he was angry.  Okay.  Yup the pre-deployment monster is back.  J is still in there some place.

So things are a bit rough for us right now as a couple and as individuals.  Together we are dealing with the fact that he still doesn't know exactly when he is deploying just that it is soon.  He could leave next week with just four day's warning or less.  I've known soldiers that had to leave with just 24 hours notice.  Or quite possibly J might yet still be here  for another month.  Both of us are so sick of the unknown.  For me its the not knowing if this will be my last night holding him while we sleep.  Yes, I've taken to holding him while I try to sleep like a mother does a child.  He is my security blanket of sorts.  J is angry.  J is hostile.  J is in warrior mode.  No need to fear for me, he wouldn't dare hurt me.

I'm a bit of a mess with the hormones going through me right now.  Monday is my ultrasound to see just how many follicles I have and when we'll be doing the trigger shot.  Clomid is the devil.  But it does help me produce a lot of follicles.

Tonight I cried while watching Family Guy.  Since I couldn't sleep at 0200hrs and J was cranky we decided to watch a bit of Adult Swim.  Family Guy has never made me cry before.  I realize that it is a really off color show that should be taken with a grain teaspoon of salt at times, but tonight I found it quite offensive.  Oh sure some of it was a riot until this scene of which I'm about to share with you all:

It starts off with a teenage girl dropping a bag in the dumpster.  Inside is her newborn baby.  Insensitive and infuriating are the first two words that come to mind.  Yes teen pregnancy is a problem in this country and will continue to be as long as we have some dufus trying to ban contraceptives, abortions, and funding for women's health.  I cried, I tried to hold it back but the tears rolled down my cheeks.  I'm sure there are plenty out there that got a snort of laughter out of this skit but I was not one of them.

Oh I've probably made a few of my readers angry but hey, its my blog and its my place to vent.  Tonight, or rather this morning I need to vent my bile a bit.

Women should have the right to govern their own reproductive rights.  No church or state laws should dictate to me or any other female when it comes to our sexual preference, reproduction, or health of our bodies.

What My Gynecologist Didn't Know

Last month when I had my well woman appointment, at my local Army hospital, my husband and I discussed various things of importance to us with my male gynecologist.  I was surprised to learn that my gynecologist didn't know that the uterus elevates and contracts much as would the human male penis.

"The process of orgasm in females is basically similar to that in males.  It is a series of rhythmic muscular contractions of the orgasmic platform.  The contractions generally occur at about 0.8 second intervals; there may be three or four in a mild orgasm or as many as a dozen in a very intense, prolonged orgasm.  The uterus also contracts rhythmically, with the contractions moving in waves from the top of the uterus down toward the cervix.  Other muscles, such as those around the anus, may also contract rhythmically."  Janet Shibley Hyde PhD., Understanding Human Sexuality, 3rd edition p.204

How did he get through med school without learning something I learned in my freshman year of college?  I pulled the diagrams directly from one of my textbooks. 

I'm not a doctor by any means but I've taken a lot of science classes.  This concerns me greatly that my own gynecologist would be so ignorant. 

I'm also wondering if many of the male gynecologists decide that a woman should have a total hysterectomy without giving consideration to the role the uterus, cervix and ovaries play in a woman's sexual response.  I come from a family of women that have had to have hysterectomies or so they were told.  Now that I think back I wonder if some of their female reproductive parts were just yanked out to save time.  My mom didn't have cancer, she did have fibroids in her uterus.  She was told after they took her uterus that in a few years they'd have to take her ovaries because of a possible risk.  She didn't care she said since she was done with child bearing.

Well whether or not a female is done with child bearing is no good reason to take out the reproductive organs.  Would a male who is done with child bearing opt to have his reproductive parts removed?  Would a doctor even recommend the removal of the male reproductive parts if he had say a cyst on one of his testes?

I plan on keeping all my reproductive parts as long as they don't become cancer ridden or need to be removed to save my life.

I wonder, how many of you have had to have your reproductive organs removed and how has it changed your sexual response?