I guess too much is going on right now in my life. J came home cranky from work. He was slamming doors on the SUV and banging stuff about in the garage. We discussed why he was angry and he said he didn't seem like he was angry. Okay. Yup the pre-deployment monster is back. J is still in there some place.
So things are a bit rough for us right now as a couple and as individuals. Together we are dealing with the fact that he still doesn't know exactly when he is deploying just that it is soon. He could leave next week with just four day's warning or less. I've known soldiers that had to leave with just 24 hours notice. Or quite possibly J might yet still be here for another month. Both of us are so sick of the unknown. For me its the not knowing if this will be my last night holding him while we sleep. Yes, I've taken to holding him while I try to sleep like a mother does a child. He is my security blanket of sorts. J is angry. J is hostile. J is in warrior mode. No need to fear for me, he wouldn't dare hurt me.
I'm a bit of a mess with the hormones going through me right now. Monday is my ultrasound to see just how many follicles I have and when we'll be doing the trigger shot. Clomid is the devil. But it does help me produce a lot of follicles.
Tonight I cried while watching Family Guy. Since I couldn't sleep at 0200hrs and J was cranky we decided to watch a bit of Adult Swim. Family Guy has never made me cry before. I realize that it is a really off color show that should be taken with a
Oh I've probably made a few of my readers angry but hey, its my blog and its my place to vent. Tonight, or rather this morning I need to vent my bile a bit.
Women should have the right to govern their own reproductive rights. No church or state laws should dictate to me or any other female when it comes to our sexual preference, reproduction, or health of our bodies.