With Tears In My Eyes

I swear that my life will be better next year.

I'm going to get counseling.

I told J just this very thing tonight.

Mom had me in tears a few minutes ago.  She asked me to drop the charges against my brother.  Um, no.  I told her what will I teach my daughter?  I will teach her that it is okay to be hit, punched, strangled, used as a punching bag and bullied if I dropped the charges.  What kind of roll model would that make me?

So no I'm not dropping the charges.

My brother was arrested yesterday.  Court date is causing me issues with all of the appointments I have this month.  I have three with my oncologist, one with the pain management specialist, one with the pulmonary specialist for the sleep study consult and two appointments for my daughter on the calender too.  January is going to be a crazy month.

Fitting in a court date is going to be near impossible.  Will I do it?  I have no choice.  I thought I had a choice when the first phone message was left by the investigator.  She said it would be better if I was there but not necessary.  Second phone message said I had to be there and they would change the court date by asking for a continuance if necessary.

So I'll have to find someone to watch my cat.  J will have to ask for emergency leave.  E will have to be uprooted from her routine yet again.  This is going to suck.

My health is declining right now.  I've been off the potassium long enough that the leg cramps and chest pains have started up again.  The vaginal bleeding has stopped as of yesterday.  I'm not even sure why I was bleeding as I no longer have a uterus.  I guess that is a question I'll have to pose to my oncologist but that means calling him and I just got home yesterday and haven't had a chance to do much but get E some clothes and shop for groceries.

I just want it done with.

Questions on Hysterectomy

Hey All,
Just wanted to know if any of you ladies out there have ever experienced bleeding almost 6 months after your hysterectomy, those that have had one I mean.  I've been in a lot of pain of late.  Surgery is set for next month for the endometriosis.  Last night I started to bleed, just lightly, and well it is really odd because I don't have a uterus.  Yes, the bleeding was way up inside...I checked.  Hell after all those years of checking for my cervix position I do know how to still check for it since it is there.

Just let me know in the comments section if any of you have experienced any of this.

Little E Rolls Over

I'm so excited.  I long feared that my baby girl wouldn't roll over for some odd reason.  But I have nothing to fear now.

Yesterday Little E rolled over both ways.

This morning I put Little E down on her play mat on her back, as per usual, to go make her bottle.  I find it helps to wake her up in a good way in the mornings if she can play for a bit.  I got back into the room, I was only one doorway away, and I found her on her stomach.  Knowing that she'd roll back soon I grabbed my camera to get some footage.

With J away right now I knew he'd want to see her rolling over as soon as he can get an internet connection again.

I only have footage of her rolling from her stomach to her back but hey it is better than what my folks had of me!

Not the Toughest Job in the Army

A week ago at a play date at the youth services center on post one of the coordinators said to the military spouses present that we have the hardest job in the Army.  I object to that statement; here is why:

• I am not putting my life on the line.
• I am not working long hours every day for people that don't appreciate me.  If only two residents in my domicile appreciate me at the least it would be my daughter and my cat.
• Being a SAHM is not a job.  It is a life choice.
• No one is requiring that I do daily exercise in order to keep my job.  Again I don't have a job.
• I don't have to wear a uniform and make sure it is clean and neat.  If my daughter spits up on me no one will chew me a new one for not changing my clothes.
• I'm not being volun-told to do anything.  I do what I do out of the kindness of my heart.  If I don't do something I won't be written up.
• The stress I am under is self-imposed due to the decisions that I freely make.
• I don't have to carry a loaded pack on my back, a rifle, ammo and wear body armor to do my job.  I don't have a job.  And if I even considered for a moment Motherhood as a job I still wouldn't have to dress like my spouse does and carry roughly 100 pounds around all day in the hot sun.

So folks, Army Wives included too, stop saying that military spouses have the hardest job in whatever branch of service your spouse is serving.  No one forced you into your marriage.

Oh and I wasn't one of those women that married into the service and knew what I was getting into.  That is a bunch of crap in my opinion.  All marriages have their difficult moments.  It is how we choose to cope with the situations when they arise that makes all the difference.  I don't know how many times I've been told in response to my situations:  "I could never do that".  Well good because no one asked you to: 

1. Live in a hotel for 5 months without your spouse
2. Live alone at a new duty station for a year while your spouse is deployed
3. Live with a new born while your spouse is away training and you are far from a loved one.
4. Cope with the death of a parent while spouse is away training.
5. Sever all contact with a sibling because you pressed charges against them all while spouse is away for training.
6. In some cases for a few women; give birth to your first born, second or subsequent child while spouse is away for training.

All of the above are results of life choices folks.  It doesn't make me special or any other military spouse special.  We all make sacrifices in our daily lives whether we are married to a service member or civilian.

Capisce?

Holiday Decorating

This year I just don't have the space or time to do the normal decorating for Christmas.  Usually I have plenty of time to make yards of paper chains and and dozens of snowflakes.  But because I had to drive home twice with my Dad being so sick and then dying I didn't have the time I normally would have had.  Oh yes and I have a baby too.

But I did find a place for my four foot tree.  It isn't an ideal place but since half of the large dining room table isn't getting used and is shoved up against the wall I thought what the heck it will suit for a month.

So here is the bit of decorating I did.  No outside decorations.

Because of the tree's location and the fact I have a baby now, there are no breakable ornaments on the tree.  I went to a craft store and purchase fifty unbreakable ornaments.  Oh and another reason why I didn't do the paper chains is that the ceiling is just overloaded with texture.  It is so hard to get a staple through it that I was struggling to hang up what I did in the picture.

Five Months Old

Tomorrow Little E will be five months old.  I've no real time to post unless I do so with her on my lap.  What free time I have is usually spent doing house work.  Why so busy these days?  J is away for training.  Ugh!  Gone one week already and I'm wishing I had a maid so that I could get a meal in my stomach.  It is already past 1500 hrs and I've yet to eat.  Though the bathrooms are cleaned, the litter box is cleaned, E has eaten several times and had numerous diaper changes, I'm dressed and washed and her laundry is now in the dryer.  Food is just not a priority for me right now.

Her is a photo of my cute little one.