A Big No

My doctor just called.  He said no to the femera.

Reasons why:

My AMH 1.5 years ago was .6

I develop ovarian cysts too easily from being stimulated by hormones.

It takes 180 days for Femera to make any bit of difference in ova quality.

I don't have enough time so no Femara for me.  I do ovulate every cycle but I have crappy eggs.  Still I tried to explain to the doctor that for me it is implantation issues.  I told him I realize that the mitochondria is probably bad and that might have something to do with the implantation along with the endometriosis.  Doctor did say that his team was really worried about me last year when they got inside me and found what they did find.  Oh well.  That was then, this is now.

We joked about twins on my side of the family but the doctor did state he would be happy if I just had one baby at a time considering the health risks.  I realize that I have a 50% chance of making it out alive to delivery.   I know that many of you probably didn't realize the risk I'm putting myself at.  But J and I realize it.  50% looks pretty good to me.

Maybe the SIS will reveal something this time?  Last time it showed I had another endometrioma.  Maybe I will get an all clear.

J and I are both disappointed.  He too wanted us to have a fully genetic child.

Tomorrow is 15 DPO.  I'm still only spotting off and on. I'll have been off progesterone for three days by then.  Doctor wanted to know why I took myself off of it.  I told him that I told the nurse because I had started to spot on 12 DPO.  He said take a HPT tomorrow because it is possible I might be pregnant, though slim by what he just said about all issues with me.

Found out today that a long time friend of mine, I called her, had a partial hysterectomy this week.  I've known her since we were both 18.   She has no children.  I can't help but think that I'm next.  Last year they wanted to take my ovaries out because I get cysts too often.

Sorry if this post seems gloomy.  I'm sick with a nasty sinus infection and was just told No for stims.  I'm afraid I'll be told no when it comes to the donor eggs.   And yet I'm also afraid they might just say yes and it will work too.  What would I do then?  I'm so used to failing with reproduction.

Changes

Since CD 1 is right around the corner, my FRER was negative again this AM, I'm going to get a jump start on eating a bit healthier.  This morning for breakfast I'm having a smoothie and a nut bar. 

Wheat Grass Smoothie
1 scoop of wheat grass
1/4 cup of pineapple juice
1 pineapple ring
1/4 of frozen raspberries
1/4 cup of flaked coconut
1/2 cup more of less of water

Kind of looks like chocolate when mixed up and it didn't need a sweetener.

I did gain 3 pound from the Endometrin during my two  week  wait but have thus far lost one pound. 

I'll also be adding in DHEA 75 mg daily to my vitamins.  Most of the vitamins I was taking I've let run out.  I really got tired of being on so many of them.

Today the RE IVF/Donor egg coordinator nurse at my clinic called me.  She said that Lt.Col.B. will be calling me later today to discuss my wanting to use femera.    I'm guessing he is going to tell me no.  But I just found out that our move to Ft. Stewart has been delayed by two months.  So maybe with this new information he'll be more on my side since I have a bit of extra time and less rushing on the DE.  Oh I'm still going through with the donor eggs.  I have my appointment set for March 6th. 

Called my PCM this morning.  I have now for a week had green and bloody mucus discharge for a week.  Time to beg the PCM for help.  I just got done with a sinus infection treatment a few weeks ago.  I'm guessing it wasn't completely out of my system.  Not sure what they'll do for me now.  The neti pot isn't doing the job.

The Big Reveal

Its no joke.  I've been waiting a long time for another one, a year to be exact.  I really needed this too; especially today.

Let me start off by the visit to the RE today.  Lt.Col. B. has some mixed news for me today.  He is excited about J and I wanting to pursue donor eggs but understands that we will only do so if he is able to re-enlist.  If he can't re-enlist then there will be no children for us.  Sorry but we can't afford to fork over almost 20k and have no income.  We need to have our nest egg if he gets out.

So yes, I still have a cyst.  It did shrink a little.  I've been trying to follow a good diet and maybe its helping to reduce some of estrogen in my body because it shrank to 5 x 5 cm...maybe its not a cyst but a wooden building block?  I guess I'll forgo getting a puppy since the tennis ball is deflating.

The nice doctor is however worried.  I shouldn't have the cyst.  It seems that the next step in the process, if I don't respond to the chemical treatment, is going to be surgery to remove my ovaries.  Well and good if I weren't still wanting to have children!  Lt.Col. B did agree that we might still have a slim chance with the Femera but its doubtful considering how my ovaries are now performing.

Now I'm waiting to hear back from the RE office as to the blood results on the HCG beta and Estridol.  If the first is negative I'll be starting the Provera today.

Fun side note:  Provera has another brand name called AMEN.  I kid you not.  I think perhaps a female waiting and waiting, its CD 92 for me today, for her AF to start might have had a say in naming that particular brand name.

Without further to-do here is the big reveal.....

From Harry Potter...the Monster Book of Monsters cake!  Now I just need to decide where to put the candle.  Just one this year.  Its a special wish too.  Last year I picked out a design for a Tardis Cake this year I searched long and hard to decide what I wanted my cake to look like finally deciding on one I saw on a search engine query.  I love Harry Potter and I love Doctor Who.  Now time for cake.

Last year's cake.