Friday, February 1, 2013

A Big No

My doctor just called.  He said no to the femera.

Reasons why:

My AMH 1.5 years ago was .6

I develop ovarian cysts too easily from being stimulated by hormones.

It takes 180 days for Femera to make any bit of difference in ova quality.

I don't have enough time so no Femara for me.  I do ovulate every cycle but I have crappy eggs.  Still I tried to explain to the doctor that for me it is implantation issues.  I told him I realize that the mitochondria is probably bad and that might have something to do with the implantation along with the endometriosis.  Doctor did say that his team was really worried about me last year when they got inside me and found what they did find.  Oh well.  That was then, this is now.

We joked about twins on my side of the family but the doctor did state he would be happy if I just had one baby at a time considering the health risks.  I realize that I have a 50% chance of making it out alive to delivery.   I know that many of you probably didn't realize the risk I'm putting myself at.  But J and I realize it.  50% looks pretty good to me.

Maybe the SIS will reveal something this time?  Last time it showed I had another endometrioma.  Maybe I will get an all clear.

J and I are both disappointed.  He too wanted us to have a fully genetic child.

Tomorrow is 15 DPO.  I'm still only spotting off and on. I'll have been off progesterone for three days by then.  Doctor wanted to know why I took myself off of it.  I told him that I told the nurse because I had started to spot on 12 DPO.  He said take a HPT tomorrow because it is possible I might be pregnant, though slim by what he just said about all issues with me.

Found out today that a long time friend of mine, I called her, had a partial hysterectomy this week.  I've known her since we were both 18.   She has no children.  I can't help but think that I'm next.  Last year they wanted to take my ovaries out because I get cysts too often.

Sorry if this post seems gloomy.  I'm sick with a nasty sinus infection and was just told No for stims.  I'm afraid I'll be told no when it comes to the donor eggs.   And yet I'm also afraid they might just say yes and it will work too.  What would I do then?  I'm so used to failing with reproduction.


  1. You will always make the decision that is right for you! Hugs friend!!

  2. GAH that isn't news that you wanted to hear :( And giving up the dream of a genetic child between the two of you is a very difficult thing. It was always suggested to my husband and myself by doctor's that we "should just use donor sperm", like it was so easy to give up on the idea of having children that were from BOTH of us. It isn't an easy choice.

    Thank you for all of your support on my blog. I really appreciate it. I have everything crossed in the hope that you may be pregnant. (however unlikely that may be XXX).

  3. I was just reading through some of your old posts and so sorry you're having such a tough time. I know infertility is hard (I've been there myself) but just keep believing! That's how I got through. All the best.


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