Odd Dreams

Early this morning I had the oddest dream.  I was holding a conversation with the baby within me.  I couldn't yet see my baby kind of like those dreams where you know you are talking to another person but their face is blurred out.

My baby told me it was a boy and his name.  His name began with an "M".  I can't remember his name.  Wish I could.  I haven't even considered boy names or even names that begin with an "M".  I've been good at picking out girl names for years but I've always left the names for boys up to my husband.  I suppose I'll soon hopefully have a dream where the baby tells me it is a girl and her name as well.  I mean fair is fair and one must mess with my unconscious mind!

In other news, the lab results for my TSH came in yesterday afternoon.  Finally it looks as though my thyroid is getting under control.  TSH was 2.2 and I'm to stay on the 75 mcg of synthroid.  No clue when the next  lab test for that will be.

In January I'll be doing my intake appointment with OB.  For now they are just doing the job of the RE office because of the issue I had with a doctor next door.

Oh and Chris at the RE office was wonderful on getting the TSH report right over to PNW yesterday.  However, Jennifer Frye never did get the ultrasound report sent to PNW yesterday after Dr. Curlin was done with it.

I had to call the RE office this morning and ask Jennifer Frye to send over the ultrasound report.  She was fine with doing that but there was no apology for her forgetting to do it yesterday.  This RE office at Madigan is horrible about sending lab requests to the lab, faxing results to another department let alone an outside clinic or working with their clients on a plan to get pregnant.  More often than not with my treatments I would get the "you know what to do" from them even when I was on bed rest or trying for timed intercourse.  If I knew what to do would I be asking for their help?  If I knew what to do I'd be walking around with a stethoscope and script pad dispensing advice and getting paid for it.  I went to the RE office with the hope that THEY knew what they were doing.

Oh don't mind me.  I'm a bit cranky today as my computer when turned on decided it wanted to do updates today and didn't want to be its normal work horse.  I ended up using my tablet for my Etsy shop, email and initially blogger too.  Not that the tablet isn't handy but I prefer using a full keyboard and not the single finger method when I have a lot of typing to do.  In order for me to use the keyboard that is near full sized with the tablet I have to remove its outer case (otter box) and connect it to a keyboard that then plugs into a wall outlet.  Major pain in the ass when I'm not in the mood to monkey with things.  I would use my husband's laptop if he didn't take it with him to work.  So this is me being a whiny bitch today.  Mostly likely due to a headache and the fact that my first meal of the day was lunch because I was doing laundry and fighting with technology.  Excuses, excuses.

New Clinic

Today was my first time going to an OB.  I have to say I was pleasantly surprised at how I was treated by the staff.  I already knew the receptionist as she used to work for the RE office and she was happy to see me.

My nurse was friendly and happy to see that I was type to joke around a bit.  My doctor was wonderful and looks an awful lot like Dr. Burney.  Dr. Curlin has stated that even in the OR he has been mistaken for Dr. Burney.  Great personality and from what I've googled about him not a bad doctor either.

Next appointment has been bumped up to December 20th as they didn't have any openings available on the 23rd in the OB clinic.  So I won't actually have a 9 week appointment but close enough I guess and I won't complain.  I'll be seeing a civilian doctor R. Holland that is on temporary contract to the Army hospital here.

Chris, the receptionist over at the RE office, is still going to help me out as much as possible.  Today as soon as my TSH lab results were in he faxed them out to PNW.  I should be hearing back from PNW later this afternoon.  I have no clue about the number on the results.  Earlier this summer my husband bought Chris three transformers for his desk space since someone had walked off with the one he had there.

In the exam room the nurse wheeled in a machine that I swear was the mutant baby of ED 209.  Instead of firing bullets it would of course use its wands to attack.  That machine was huge.

Even though the machine was huge the screen was turned away from me the whole time.  My husband got to see the action.  I guess I should have asked to see a bit.

One sac was found.  So no it is not twins.  I am a bit saddened that one didn't make it but twins would have been an awful burden on my body and PCSing next summer to the next duty station a month before my due date with twins would have been just plain hell with a cross country trek!

We heard the heart beat.  125 bpm.

The fetus is measuring 6 weeks 3 days to 6 weeks 6 days depending on the angle/view of the wand.  So basically right on track.

I have no clue as to which embryo took. I'm betting it was the one that looked like it had a smiling face in it in the transfer photo.  The only way I'll know if it was the donor egg with J's sperm or the donor embryo will be simple DNA testing later on.  I'm sure that will be an out-of-pocket expense too.  I'm not worried but knowing would help with future medical issues that might crop up over the years.

Transferred to OB Early

While this isn't a perfect solution it is a solution that hopefully will work.  Dr. Beasley called my home phone while I was out yesterday getting a tree to let me know that they are going to open an investigation up on Dr. Saunders.  In the meanwhile since she will be the only doctor in the clinic on Monday and my appointment is on Monday Dr. Beasley has moved me over to the OB clinic.

I will be seeing Dr. Curlin at 1030 hrs on Monday for an ultrasound.  He is actually Dr. Beasley's boss or so he said.  I still have a bit of anxiety in moving over to OB this soon as J and I were discussing actually picking an OB off post since the OB on post is crowded with patients that it is hard to get seen, especially if you have a possible high risk pregnancy.

I might not be considered high risk.
Why?  I'm not sure.  After looking over all the guidelines I thought for sure I'd fall into the high risk category under the weight (200 lbs or more) , age (over 35) , asthma, thyroid, and hypertension (long standing at 4+ years of being on meds) issues.  Seems that because they are so over crowded I'd be only considered high risk if I were also carrying twins, of which we don't know if I am or not as of yet for sure.

I am hoping that my pregnancy will get the much needed care it deserves as I'd hate to lose a pregnancy due to hypertension because they can't fit me into their busy schedules.  Yes that is a big scare to me.  I spoke with Maternal Fetal Medicine two years back and they said I had a 50-50 chance of surviving a pregnancy.  A risk I'm willing to take.  So to not be considered high risk just blows my mind.  I'd love to have an uncomplicated pregnancy where I only had to be seen maybe four times!

I am hoping that Dr. Curlin will be willing to send over the results from the ultrasound and TSH blood draw to PNW.  I do have a fax number to give him and have called over to PNW to let them know about the change of time and change of doctor.  They are glad that I'll be seen by a different doctor as they know I've had problems, so have they, with Dr. Saunders in the past.

TGIF

I'm so glad it is Friday.  I can't even write about how glad I am it is Friday.

I'm not looking forward to Monday's ultrasound and I should be.  I'm afraid to go and end up with Dr. Saunders again.  That is sad because I should be looking forward to seeing the ultrasounds of my baby.

I managed to lose a pound this week.  I vomited only once but have been very nauseated. I'm actively trying to keep my weight gain to a minimum because I am fat.  The less I gain the better for the pregnancy.

Today we doubled the PIO injection to 2cc/ml.   The injection was done at 0430 hrs as per usual.  I went back to bed at 0530 hrs and had the dickens of a time getting out of bed at 1000 hrs.  I got up tried to make the bed, felt dizzy and laid back down.  30 minutes later I got back up and felt an overwhelming wave of fatigue hit me.  I said to heck with this and got under the covers this time for a one hour nap.

I'm now behind on my water intake for the day because of my extra sleep time this morning.  I'll blame the boost in progesterone.

Did I mention how scared I am of going to the ultrasound and having Saunders?  I know I did.  To make things worse my husband might not be able to go with me.  He did make the appointment for us.  But now his job is taking priorities.  I had a tiff with him about it last night at dinner.  I threatened to leave him.  I'm so sick of this crap where they know he has scheduled appointments and the fact that we are having troubles with one doctors but the Army comes first and family last.  What really sucks is that I have to get lab work done at 0700 hrs and the appointment isn't until 1120 hrs.  No car either if he needs it.  Going to be fun if I have to walk to the blasted appointment in the cold because somehow they can't give him an  hour off to go with me to an appointment.  I'm reasonable.  I told him to drop me off at 0530 hrs at the hospital and I'll get the labs done.  I'll go to the pharmacy and get my meds.  Then he can come back at the appointment time.  He still doesn't think it will work.

Did I tell you I'm a big fat chicken with the thought of having to deal with Dr. Saunders?  Especially since I not only filed an ICE report on her but went to patient advocacy and filed a complaint there yesterday.  I found out that because Saunders is chief of the REI department the ICE report would go across her desk and most likely get ignored.  I mean would you censure yourself or throw out the report if you were in charge and it came across your desk?  Yeah, exactly.

Just waiting for Monday and her to let into me again.  Just what I needed an anxiety filled weekend with my high blood pressure.

Finally the Lab Results are in

E2 462
P4 15
HCG 23619


I'm to double the dose of the PIO to 2cc starting tomorrow.

Madigan only forwarded a copy of the report and not the photo of the ultrasound.  PNW can't tell without the ultrasound photo if it is possible to have twins.  However, we are hoping  that Monday's appointment will be able to show things a bit more clearly.

I'm really hoping that I don't end up with Dr. Saunders on Monday or on the 23rd which will be my last appointment with the Madigan RE clinic.  The Army needs less of doctors like Saunders and more of the type of doctor that Dr. Burney is and can be.  At least Dr. Burney, when in clinic, is caring and compassionate along with being knowledgeable.

Okay I need to get some small meal into my stomach to prevent nausea.

I AM NOT YOUR DUMPING GROUND

I cannot say it enough to all that will listen.  Find some place else to drop your load of woes.  Give it to God as I try to do daily.  Give it to your best friend, lover, parent or shrink but don't take it out on me.  I'm pregnant and I have hypertension.

Last week I had a bleeding scare.  Last week I called PNW to find out what should be done because they told me any bleeding was to be reported to them.  They contacted Madigan requesting an ultrasound that day.  It took a week to get me in.  That week was up today.  I was seen today.  However, I need to back track a bit.  Maureen at Madigan's REI clinic called me last week to schedule the ultrasound and said she was putting in a third beta for me as well.  Today the beta was not in the computer.  I'll get back to that in a bit.  I will be filing an ICE report ASAP but this CPU keeps saying the site has a possible virus on it.  I'll try to file the report from a different device by the end of the day.

Yesterday I had my appointment with Neurology at Madigan.  It seems as though they are curious why I hadn't been referred by my PCM to their clinic sooner and why it took the ENT clinic to do the referring.  I know I've mentioned just how competent my PCM is in the past on my blog.  The man refuses to refer
 me out like a insurance doctor refuses to see something obviously wrong with a patient like a broken bone sticking out of a leg!

Neurology determined that my carpal tunnel and tendinitis are becoming aggravated by my moderate spinal stenosis and they'd like to get a new set of EMG testing and MRI done on me to see just how worse it has gotten.  As for the dizzy spells, well it is recorded that I have mild Meniere's disease and migraine headaches.  I found out a new thing, I am one of those types of people that can get migraines without the headache too.  Just plain odd.

So I got home late in the afternoon yesterday after a 1.5 hour exam in Neurology to find that a former on line friend had gone rabid on me.  I was removed from her facebook group.  No loss as a few of the women didn't like my last post about how "WE" are not pregnant but I am in relation to my husband's use of the word over the holiday weekend.  They felt that he earned the right to say "we" even when I'm not present because he is my spouse and even more so because he is a soldier.  UM, no!  Sorry but he isn't a royal.

Anyway the rabid woman left me a message on facebook that I transferred on to the other administrator of the group.  I refused to reply to the message as I didn't want to cause more stress.

Today things just got worse in the dumping ground.  Seriously does no one care that I could have a stroke? Before the exam my bp was 139/70 and that is with me being on Labetalol 200 mg twice daily.  Dr. Saunders at Madigan RE clinic went down my throat and was looking straight at me accusing me of rapping on her back door office to gain access.  I did not.  I was at the lab the whole time.  If the RE office would stop shopping online for a few minutes and actually answer their phones especially when the Lab manager is calling them they wouldn't have my husband knock politely with one knuckle on their door.

So she chews me out.  Then she goes into how their office, I'm Tricare Prime, doesn't have to give me care since I'm using an infertility clinic outside of their network.  Um, hate to tell you doc but you do.  I have verbal agreement with Chow, Beasely, and Burney along with Jennifer that you will give me care and make available to me appointments during your clinic hours.

I told Saunders to stop.  She continued on.  I told her she was going to make me cry and to stop.  She didn't stop and I started to cry and then hyperventilate.  I asked her to leave the room.  She didn't.  My husband had to then ask her to leave.

When she came back in the room she started in on me AGAIN!  I told her to stop.  She said she was trying to apologize.  That wasn't an apology that was her blaming me yet again.  I told her that she scares me and every time, think back to 13 February where she hurt me during the SIS, she does an ultrasound she hurts me.  She has been told to not exam me again by her superiors.

Well enough of that.  You get the drift by now.  Crappy past few days.

*****WARNING*****
Ultrasound photos below

Good news is that I have at  least one baby in utero.  Saunders said there could very well be another one in there but she can't see it just yet.  I know they can develop at different rates considering the two embryos weren't genetically related to one another.

The sac with fetal pole was measuring 5 wk 5 days Yolk sac was .47 cm, CRL 0.24 cm.  Heart could be seen flickering away.  Dr. Saunders didn't see it when I saw it flickering.  She went back to it and saw it the second time around.  Yup J and I have some real hope.  I just need to keep the stress down and this pregnancy might just make it.

A Little Miffed on Syntax

I am an Army Wife.  I'm very proud of being an Army Wife.  But I don't need others telling me what I should and shouldn't be feeling.

Oh you know who you are.  And yes I'm going to step on some unnamed toes here.

You who aren't military spouses have a different sort of life from mine right down to your pregnancies.  You would probably love to use the now PC "we" when stating pregnancy.  I am not a royal and in no way will I use the third person when describing my pregnancy.  My husband is not pregnant.  I am pregnant.  Kudos to you for wanting to use the "we" with your pregnancy.

I won't state "we" and I do correct my husband when he tries to use it.  He can most definitely state that his wife is due to deliver in (insert month here) when he talking to others and I am not there.  He is more than welcome to in my presence to use the "we" are going to be parents.  But in no way is he carrying the child/ren within him.  No he shouldn't be getting special concessions for the pregnancy.  He is a soldier and his job is the Army with family second.

Case in point.  I was too tired to attend church this Sunday.  1100 hrs the phone rings.  I pick it up.  His soldier called to tell me she is looking for my husband.  I tell her he is at church and unavailable until 1130 hrs.  She gives me a message to pass on to him.  He had to report into work for a problem.  Would I have loved to have spent all of Sunday with my spouse?  Yes.  But that doesn't happen often.

I don't claim that "we" are in the Army!  I don't make claims to any of my husband's accolades.  He has earned what he has by doing his job and at times doing even more.

We will hopefully be parents next summer.  We are having a baby.  But in no way is he pregnant.  He doesn't get injected. He doesn't have to apply patches to his body.  He doesn't vomit from the hormones.  He doesn't have the cravings.

I do think he deserves some credit for donating his gametes, driving me to the appointments when he was able to make a few of them, and for listening to me talk about my fears.  But folks you do need to remember "we" is the third person and I'm not a royal.  When he and I are together and discussing the pregnancy with others "we" is just fine.