Symptoms Still Here

I have much to be thankful for this year.  Many of you know I'm pregnant, I'm thankful for the chance to have a baby.  I'm thankful for my family and friends too.

But I'm having a bit of fibro fog so I'm not going to list out everything I'm thankful for and possibly forget someone causing insult.

Last night some of my pregnancy symptoms really hurt me.  But I'm just glad to know that the embryo/s are still in there.  I have an ultrasound set for Tuesday with a third beta.  Hoping all will be well.  I know it is really too soon to see much when it comes to the ultrasound. Just hoping for a sac or two to be in place.

The First Scare of the Pregnancy

Woke up to some bleeding this morning.  No not the expected brownish red but the scary bright red kind.  I've been getting sharp pains for the past week in my pelvis.

When I move it is like something inside my pelvis doesn't want to move with me.  When I stretch I get an immediate pain that makes me curl back up and whimper.

I called PNW and spoke to my nurse Nicole.  She sent a fax to Madigan clinic and wanted me to be seen today.  They then decided that Monday would most likely be better since at this point in the pregnancy seeing a gestational sac might be difficult.  However, Monday Madigan is all booked up so it will have to wait and hopefully I can get in to see them on Tuesday.

If the pain and bleeding get worse I'll go to the ER.  I'm allowed to take Tylenol for now and I'm on pelvic rest.  Not the in bed type pelvic rest but the no jumping around or sex pelvic rest.  I've been avoiding sex since the transfer to ensure I wouldn't have the bleeding that I'm now having.  Thankfully the bleeding has haulted for now.  We'll see what Tuesday brings.

I called the Madigan RE office and left a message that I'd like an appointment for Tuesday.  Hoping they'll call me back.  Wishing I had the magic phone number that PNW has to get in touch with Madigan so quickly.  You know, the number that always comes up as unlisted or just incoming call when your own doctor calls!

Cold Weather Pains

Today I'm typing with a wrist splint on.  I should being one on both wrists but that would mean me removing my watch and I'm lost without my watch.

A couple of weeks ago the weather took a turn for the cold and with that my arthritis, carpal tunnel, fibromyalgia and so on decided to pitch a fit.  Just in time for me to have a load of holiday chores fall into my lap.

I know I've been over doing it when it come to hand crafts.  I finished making three felted ornament, dozens of paper chains and still have many more to go, sewing rank onto my husband's hats, writing out Christmas cards, crocheting items for my Etsy shop, and of course cooking and baking.  It is the holidays.  Time to turn oneself into a tired mess of hormones when pregnancy is added into the factor.

As for the pregnancy:
I've gained 6 pounds since the transfer of the embryos on the 11th of November.  You heard me right 6 pounds.  No I'm not eating too much.  I'm just eating salty foods to stave off the nausea.  I need to find something else to quiet my stomach as the pepcid AC is not enough considering I used to take prilosec every day as ordered.

I've now out grown the replacement pajamas I bought earlier this month on sale.  When I bought them they fit just fine, shrank a bit in the wash like a lot of 100% cotton items sometimes do but now that my breasts are swollen and pelvic region is puffy the pajamas aren't comfortable unless I like wearing mid-drift tops of which it has become and skin tight bottoms.

I woke up with a headache.

I've had a few more dizzy spells.

2 December I have my initial consult appointment with the neurologist.  Hopefully the neurologist will be able to help me in some manner because I had the dizzy issue, headaches, and arm weakness before being pregnant.  I have moderate narrowing of the spinal canal in my neck since the auto accident I was in back in July of 2008.  I wasn't driving.

Some good news for shopping.  I'm almost finished shopping for my spouse.  Just ordered the last of his gifts off of Amazon from his wish list.  Now I'm down to just shopping for his card and stocking stuffers.  We keep the stocking stuffers to a $10 limit and usually from the dollar stores.  More fun.

While shopping at Amazon I remembered I had a $5 credit there.  So I needed a maternity dress for church that will go with my ever increasing bust line.  Found one for $7.52 on sale.  $2.52 for me to buy it and it will pair well with the sweaters I bought over the weekend.  Yay me the bargain hunter.  The dress will arrive in the next couple of weeks and I'm praying I'm still pregnant then so I can actually wear it.

I'm only 5 weeks and 2 days but the bloating is just crazy.  Must remember to push more water into my body.

God is Great

No I'm not going to proselytize.  I'm just feeling blessed by God right now that this pregnancy is still active within me.  Every morning I wake up to no bleeding I'm feeling further blessed with having a chance to bring forth life.  I realize that the pregnancy could go south at any time given my infertility history but I'll live for now and be happy with the joyous promise I've been given.

PNW estimated my due date as 30 July but that was because they forgot when my last period started.  They are off by three days.  While we all know that babies come into the world when they are ready I can't help but state that I'm actually due on my birthday next year.

I was born on my great grandmother's birthday.  How cool would it be if my baby were born on the same day?  If I turn out to be carrying twins it is really doubtful I'll make it to my birthday but hey I'll be happy to just have a healthy baby or two placed in my arms when the time comes.

I have to remind myself when doing housework or shopping to be more cautious now that I'm in a "delicate condition", "with squirrel", "bun in the oven" or what have you.  Friday when J and I went grocery shopping he caught me dragging the grocery cart to the side of the aisle to let an older man through with his handicapped cart.  He reminded me of two things:  I too am handicapped and I'm also now pregnant.  I'm so used to moving out of the way for older people out of respect whether or not I'm using my cane.

Yesterday J and drove down to the outlets in Centralia where I purchased for less than $40.00, two tops and two cardigans one size larger since my nicer blouses are getting too tight in the bust.  If all goes well, after Christmas I'll be having to purchase maternity clothes though I don't expect to get very big since my mom  and her mother never showed while pregnant with the exception of a larger bust and small stomach bump looking more like they ate a big meal.  I'll use up some survey points to get gift cards for the maternity clothes when I need them this way it won't hurt my budget.  I've been saving those points up for years just for this particular need.  22,795 points later I'm finally ready to use them up.  I'm being frugal.

Second Beta

512

More than doubled.

First ultrasound is 9 December

Walking Deeper Into The Woods

This month is almost gone and I have much to be thankful for.  Yesterday I started by thanking God.  He deserves as much credit as any person that helped me on this journey and then some.  Second is my cat, Bugsy, who helped me get through the two week wait.

Well okay I guess my husband does deserve some credit to but he is so full of stress from his job right now that he isn't that supportive until yesterday.  Yesterday changed our lives.

Yesterday I had my first good thing happen during all the years that J and I have been trying to conceive with dual infertility.  I finally got a Beta above zero.  Now I just have to deal with all my other health issues including the wonky thyroid.

Beta was 224 and the TSH was 3.5.

I have to up my synthroid to 75 mcg.

Fingers crossed that tomorrow's second Beta will bring a number double to the first.

Oh and friends, I ask of you this, please promise me that you won't tell anyone in J's family about the pregnancy.  He wants to wait until he is ready to tell his parents; probably Christmas when I'm closer to the end of the first trimester.  So don't mention it on my fb page if you know me there either, please.

The longest I've ever been pregnant, that was way before I met J and back when I married the first time, was 10 weeks 6 days.  I know that I'll end up on bed rest eventually since I have high blood pressure that is difficult to control even with being on a high dose taken twice daily.  I'm going to have to be careful.  Maybe some of you will recall that I had a heart attack in March of 2009.  Yes, this is risky but it is what we want.

Finally some really good news from my blog to share with all of you on the first day of ICLW.

Buddy

The night my cat, Bugsy, walked into my house is the night my marriage changed forever.  Over the summer months my husband and I had been feeding a pack of stray cats.  Not just one cat, the cat that adopted us, but at least five other cats came at various times to our front walkway to see what food was to be had at the dishes we provided each night.

Bugsy taught my husband a life lesson.  My husband learned that he now had to share me, share a bed with me and the cat, and share family time.  Before Bugsy arrived most nights my husband, who has since returning from Iraq been a restless sleeper, would decide to leave the bed and sleep in his recliner.  The night Bugsy chose us my husband learned that he would have to give of himself to a creature that really was a "scaredy" cat.

With the introduction of a furry family member my husband had to give up some of his own family time, time that he normally would spend in front of a computer, in order to make friends with a cat.  J has never had a cat for a pet and never wanted one either.  Maybe Bugsy knew this because for the three days J had left before he departed for his short deployment, he would snuggle up with J as often as possible.  My husband couldn't move without the cat trying to make a pillow of this new human.

After my husband returned from his deployment the relationship with the cat strengthened.  J had a hard time believing me,  that the cat missed him.  When J would call I'd put the phone on speaker for the cat.

With me being in the middle of another infertility treatment cycle and hopped up on female hormones Bugsy would wander around the house searching room-to-room for his testosterone buddy. J was far away not knowing how much his cat needed him.

J and I now have a hard time picturing our lives before Bugsy adopted us.  Bugsy knew we needed him and we still do.

This post was inspired by Buddy: How a Rooster Made Me a Man a memoir by Brian McGrogry. When Brian his bachelor life to move to suburbia and join his girlfriend with her two young daughters, he had no idea he needed to win over their rooster too. Join From Left to Write on November 21 as we discuss Buddy: How a Rooster Made Me a Man.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Weekend Update

So what do I do during my two week wait?  I strive to find new ways to occupy my mind so I don't worry about the Beta which is on Wednesday.

Saturday I stayed away from the internet except to check my fb on my tablet from the comfort of my recliner.  J and I walked around a car museum for the better part of the morning and afternoon.  Roughly 2000 cars to look at of which I couldn't make it through them all.  The cramping and fatigue became bad enough I had to seek out a bench to sit upon in the last warehouse.  No big deal as J continued to take photos and enjoyed himself while I rested up.

Sunday was Church and grocery shopping.  Well okay we did finish up our Christmas shopping for Bugsy but make sure you don't tell him.  I still have to get something for J and he for me.  I still need to get boxes to ship out the gifts to family as well as the promised photographs take of J while he was at WLC this past summer season.

By the end of the weekend my feet were sore and I was tired.  I ended up with some tan/brown spotting last night but it didn't concern me too much.  What concerned me was the viciousness of the cramping as if my period was due to start soon of which of course it is if this cycle is a bust.  I don't want to think about failure.

I don't want to think about being pregnant until I've passed both betas, the first ultrasound and maybe well really thanks Schrodinger I'm feeling like that cat in the box.

Here are a few photos of the car museum.

One Year Later

Many of you know that I have an Etsy shop.  Last year a package I sent out to a customer got lost in the mail.  The customer was nice enough to leave me a neutral review and not a negative one.

Today I received an email from the customer because the package finally arrived!!!

Take a look at the post mark dates on the package.

This will teach me to not ship anything from the hospital post office branch even if it is close enough for me to walk to.  Sloppy service to lose a package for almost an entire year.  Thankfully it arrived undamaged and the customer loved the baby booties.  Luckily she didn't purchase them for her daughters to wear but for their dolls.

3dp5dt

Yesterday throughout the day I had mild cramping.  Last night I had some watery pinkish/tan spotting.  Hoping this is a good sign as today is now 3 days past my 5 day transfer.

I was going to post a photo of the embryos but have decided not to do that.  I'm afraid of triggering other bloggers.  As it is I seem to have lost two followers in less than a month.

I'm keeping quiet about this to my immediate family.  Some of my cousins do know what is going on and I know they'll be kind enough to not tell the rest of the family until J and I are ready to do so ourselves.  We are hoping that our embryos will become babies and that we will finally have some good news to announce after all the years that we have been trying to expand our family.  The only success we've had in expanding our family is with the adoption of our cat Bugsy.

Bugsy seems to know that something is going on.  He follows me from room-to-room.  He waits patiently for me to finish my ablutions in the bathroom.  He curls up on my chest as often as possible.  The morning after the transfer he walked up to me and put his front paws on my ribs and sniffed at my pelvis.  He has never done that before and I found it rather odd as in "do I smell that bad in the morning cat?".

Yesterday I baked five dozen cookies for the soldiers at the COF where my spouse works. While baking the cookies my neighbor TM, who is a good friend and pregnant, came over to help put the puzzle together that I'm currently working on.  She happened to mention the microwave.  Because of that little discussion I looked up more on the microwave usage during pregnancy.  My microwave, thanks J for leaning on the door to chat to people, is leaking radiation.  I can easily pull a paper towel out of the door from three sides.

When J got home I showed him that bit with the microwave and told him not to use it when I'm in the room.  I told him to keep it unplugged when not in use too.  I have lost count of how many times I have asked him to not lean on the microwave door.  He now realizes the damage he has done to it when I wiggled the door up and down while it was in the closed position.

J will also, due to EMF waves, being doing all the vacuuming.  He is not to vacuum in the same room I am in either.  He is okay with these changes.  Amazing how guilty he feels for damaging the microwave and giving me morning PIO shots.  I'd rather he didn't feel so guilty but it is rather nice to have him more willing to help out around the house.

Last night our sleep did get interrupted by a call from one of his soldiers at 0034 hrs.  Oh the joys of being an NCO.

The Cartographer of No Man's Land

As many of you already know I am a military spouse.  It isn't a bad thing.  Though I am sure many wouldn't want to do what I do.  So what is it that I do?

I supported my spouse in his decisions to be in the Army.  This type of support is necessary if he wants to excel in his career path.  I'm sure many civilian wives do the very same thing.

When my husband has to go away for war I have to support him still even if I don't like the separations and what they can do to our relationship.  Actually I have to increase my support to him to ensure that our relationship survives.  Many a civilian wife has said to me that when their spouse goes away on a business trip they understand what I feel.  Well in some ways I guess they do, however I doubt that their spouse is possibly getting shot at, having to use outdoor plumbing to relieve himself, or dealing with sub par living conditions when they their spouses are in fact at some posh convention center or other nice accommodations while on that business trip.

I'm not being spiteful or angry when I mention what my spouse has to go through above.  I'm proud of his sacrifices.  He did in fact volunteer to join the Army.  No one told him he had to join.  He knew, and so did I, what it would mean and how it would change our lives forever when he signed up.  I married a civilian. But just as we all must grow into our life roles and accept changes I am no longer a wife to a civilian, I am an Army wife.

Supporting my spouse doesn't come automatically when he signs up.  There is no boot camp for spouses or survival training for deployments.  There have been times that I threatened to divorce him if he had to leave one more time in such a short period of time.  I'm allowed to whine, complain, and even at times cajole but it isn't for long that I can do this as it isn't going to help the situation that we have to face together.  Being the spouse of a solider means I need to put my big girl panties on and suck it up as much as possible.  His job is war.

When I state that my husband's job is war it isn't quite true.  Basic training teaches them the basics of war fighting.  The next school they go to is where they learn their military occupational specialty.  Funny enough my husband is a cartographer in the Army but he has a different longer title that most just gawk at when I tell them.  Cartographer fits well for what he does.  But he doesn't always get to do his job.  He is put where they need him.

This post was inspired by The Cartographer of No Man’s Land by P.S. Duffy. Angus enlists in the Nova Scotia WWI regiment and travels Europe to search for his missing in action best friend and brother-in-law. Along the way Angus discovers more than he ever wanted to know.Join From Left to Write on November 14 as we discuss The Cartographer of No Man’s Land.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Transfer Day is Finally Here

In just a few hours I'll be headed up to Seattle for the embryo transfer.  Hoping all goes well.

I will let all of you know more in a day or two.  Maybe I'll share the picture too.  Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers.

The Last Winter of Dani Lancing

As a child I was afraid of ghosts.  Ghosts were the ones that came out from the shadow and frightened you.  Ghosts were malicious phantasms that knocked things off shelves, made your homework disappear, and were nicknamed "not me" by most children when parents would ask who did the dirty deed.

As an adult I view ghosts differently.  Now they are the restless spirits of the dead that have refused to leave the Earth for the other realm.  Really not all that different from my view of them as a child as they still frighten me with their antics.  Or I could blame my brother and his knife slashing antics he developed from watching too many scary movies for the same effect of fearing shadows thinking it was just him out to get me or a ghost quite possibly; I'll let you choose.

During Samhain the veil between the worlds is at its thinnest as it is only one other time, that being Beltane.  Samhain is also known as Halloween.  Beltane is a lesser feast time also called May Day which is celebrated on May first.  Usually drunken debauchery went on during the celebrating of May Day and many a babe was born nine months later of which was blamed on the spirits.  Just which spirits though I'm thinking were most likely the ones that were imbibed not the kind of spirit that possesses.

On and around those two times of the year ghosts can be seen easier without dabbling with divination or working with a medium.  It is possible while looking into a  mirror you might see a phantom.  However, when you turn around to actually look at the view behind you there is nothing there.   Get your vision checked because if you are seeing black floaters in your sight line you might have a serious issue.

Most often the "cold spots" are felt in older homes.  These as lore would have it, represent the ghost being there but unable to be seen.  I have felt a few cold spots in my parents' house in upstate NY.  They loved to tell me it was haunted too.  As I got older I realized those cold spots were because the flooring was over a cold cement slab, we had poor heating with an old furnace and the windows weren't properly sealed.  Ghost de-bunked.  I'd suggest wearing thick woolen socks, flannel lined pants and finger-less mittens if you ever were to go into that house.  Most likely the new owners have realized the furnace is an issue and put in a new one by now.

This post was inspired by The Last Winter of Dani Lancing, a novel by P.D. Viner. Twenty years ago, college student Dani was murdered but her killer was never found.  Now a promising new lead may change everything. Join From Left to Write on November 7 as we discuss The Last Winter of Dani Lancing.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Cold

Ugh, just what I needed, a head cold.  Yesterday I broke down and took cold medicine.  Today I'm going to go without.  Nothing really works on a cold but rest and fluids.  Cold medicines just mask the symptoms and as soon as the medicine wears off the cold is right there again.

Today was the E2 blood draw and lining check.  When I got to the lab I grabbed a face mask and wore it until I left the hospital.  I swear I had a large radius of empty chairs around me at the lab.  No one but my husband would sit near me.  I should wear a mask more often!!!

I'll find out what the E2 levels are later today when I get the time and date for the transfer.  We will be hopefully transferring on Monday since J has the day off.  If not then Tuesday and he'll have to ask for the day off and hope that his chain of command is still good with giving him the time they promised him.

Lining is 13 mm.  Perfect according to Dr. Chow.  The mass is still in residence behind the left ovary.  Not shrinking, not growing.  Seems that this ultrasound has shown it to almost definitely be scar tissue from the surgery last year.  Great just what I needed a 4.7 cm mass of scar tissue.  The only fix is more surgery and of course then I risk getting even more scar tissue.  No thanks!

I'm actually looking forward to starting the PIO shots.  I told J that he has to do them each morning.  He grimaced at that but he has given them to me before.  He did the PIO shots with the firt IVF.  We did endometrin with the second IVF and I did the PIO shots myself with the first DE IVF.

Some times it really astounds me that I've now done four IVFs.  Crazy to think about.  Maybe I'm a bit of a masochist? Or maybe I really think I have a shot (get it) at making a baby each time?  I'm remaining hopeful as this cycle seems to be going differently than the last three and has the same protocol as the last one.  Maybe the synthroid is really helping?

Neurological Consult

Yesterday I went to the ENT at Madigan where I had my examination for my Meniere's Disease and thyroid cyst check up.  Yes, I have cysts on my thyroid.  I've had them for years.  Again they were felt easily upon examination but the doctors, both of them, decided to wait for two more years to do that particular ultrasound.  Budget cuts are killing my medical coverage.

Dr. Bevins decided that I needed to get an MRI and go to see the neurologist to address the dizzy spells and the weakness in my upper limbs (mind you I was told I needed to see neurology 5 years ago when I first arrived here but they denied me for the consult).  Tuesday I'll be calling Tricare to set up an appointment.  With any luck I'll get to be seen on the installation and not have to find a ride to a clinic off post.  We live behind the hospital here because we wanted to live near where I'd be getting my medical care.  Little did we know that five years after moving in to our home on post I'd be farmed out for most of my care.

Bloated

I'm guessing that either the Lupron or the Alora patches are making me even more susceptible to bloating that usual.  I got on the scale this morning and found that I had gained another 0.8 pounds.  I gained that much yesterday too.  This now puts me back two weeks on my weight loss.

Today I'm headed out to see the ENT doctor at Madigan about my Meniere's Disease.  Hoping he/she can give me something to deal with the ringing in my ears and dizzy spells.  That started before the recent addition of hormones.  Maybe I'll be allowed to go back on the maxide too with any luck.