Second Beta

512

More than doubled.

First ultrasound is 9 December

Walking Deeper Into The Woods

This month is almost gone and I have much to be thankful for.  Yesterday I started by thanking God.  He deserves as much credit as any person that helped me on this journey and then some.  Second is my cat, Bugsy, who helped me get through the two week wait.

Well okay I guess my husband does deserve some credit to but he is so full of stress from his job right now that he isn't that supportive until yesterday.  Yesterday changed our lives.

Yesterday I had my first good thing happen during all the years that J and I have been trying to conceive with dual infertility.  I finally got a Beta above zero.  Now I just have to deal with all my other health issues including the wonky thyroid.

Beta was 224 and the TSH was 3.5.

I have to up my synthroid to 75 mcg.

Fingers crossed that tomorrow's second Beta will bring a number double to the first.

Oh and friends, I ask of you this, please promise me that you won't tell anyone in J's family about the pregnancy.  He wants to wait until he is ready to tell his parents; probably Christmas when I'm closer to the end of the first trimester.  So don't mention it on my fb page if you know me there either, please.

The longest I've ever been pregnant, that was way before I met J and back when I married the first time, was 10 weeks 6 days.  I know that I'll end up on bed rest eventually since I have high blood pressure that is difficult to control even with being on a high dose taken twice daily.  I'm going to have to be careful.  Maybe some of you will recall that I had a heart attack in March of 2009.  Yes, this is risky but it is what we want.

Finally some really good news from my blog to share with all of you on the first day of ICLW.

Big And Bigger

Well I don't have good news to report from my visit with the RE.  I am definitely not pregnant.  I am not in a new cycle either.  Actually Dr. C. has no real clue where I am in my cycle.  He said, "you are recruiting follicles and your E2 count was 145 Monday.  You have break through bleeding and your uterine lining is now only 7.1 when it was 9.1 just a few weeks ago."

The blood clot in my right ovary has grown.

The two follicles on my left ovary are now cysts.

I have corpus luteum cysts going on but he didn't state which side.  He did state that this is indicative that I ovulated and might have caught the egg. But it doesn't really mean squat to me at this point since he wants me off the endometrin as of now.  He says that the progesterone might be adding to the messed up cycle.

Dr. C. didn't tell me how many follicles I am recruiting nor the size of the follicles I have now or the size of the blood clot.  Maybe it just doesn't matter at this point?

He wants me off of the clomid for a cycle.  I should go on birth control but he said with the migraine headaches I get while on it that it wouldn't be worth the side effects.  So in two bleeds I'm to call the clinic and schedule blood work and a scan.  So about the end of May he figures.

This isn't the first time my cycles have gone haywire while on Clomid.  I was amazed that Dr. C. would even hint at menopause without digging through my chart.  Seriously I'm quite regular with 24-27 day cycles without the clomid.  The clomid is what messes up my cycles.

He said that I should try on my own, a full natural cycle this time, but only if the pain isn't too bad.  Good thing I have plenty of OPK's.  I have two hpt's on hand and that should be enough since its really the opks that will be needed most.

So within two weeks of going off of progesterone I've been known to have a bleed.  Back in the days of my really messed up cycles from the PCOS I used to use Provera to get my cycles to start after the negative Betas.

In two weeks if I don't start you know I'll be calling my clinic to find out what is up and try to get AF on board with our next trial run at pregnancy.

Oh and still no news from the gastroenterologist.

Doctor Call

I called and left a message with the RE office at 0930 hrs.  At 1011 hrs I received an urgent call back from the RE's office from nurse J.

I was told I have to get blood work.

I was told I have to schedule an ultrasound for tomorrow.

Lt.Col. B is worried about the blood clot in my right ovary.

I started spotting early Friday morning.  It stopped then started again on Saturday only to stop completely with no show on Sunday.  This morning there was the bright red blood.  It stopped again with just brown and heavy clotting.  I'm not sure if today is CD 1 now or what.  According to my cycle day it would only be CD 21 even for me this is awfully early for my period to be starting.

I had the blood work this morning.  Now I just sit here and wait for the BFN result.  They also did an E2 draw so I'll see where I stand on that as well as the beta result and ultrasound results tomorrow afternoon.

Oh I know I'm not pregnant.  Not one symptom pointing towards a pregnancy.  So if somehow it shows positive I'm going to be incredibly surprised.

Utterances From A Fatigued Mind

I'm tired.  J had CQ duty last night which means neither of us slept.  I stayed up late not wanting to go to bed and sleep alone.  Yes, I realize that I do sleep alone when he is deployed but the one night alone drives me to stay up.

My mind is mush.  If I comment on your blogs today and my spelling is awry or what I say doesn't make much sense its because I've had maybe three hours sleep.

Oh sure its easy for everyone to tell me to go take a nap, they don't live where I do.  Day break means this place comes alive.  There is no real sleep when PT begins each morning or should I say when revelry is sounded.   

I can't get 'em up, 
I can't get 'em up, 
I can't get 'em up this morning; 
I can't get 'em up, 
I can't get 'em up, 
I can't get 'em up at all, 

The corporal's worse than the privates,  
The sergeant's worse than the corporals,  
Lieutenant's worse than the sergeants,  
And the warrant's worst of all!

I can't get 'em up
I can't get 'em up
I can't get 'em up this morning;
I can't get 'em up
I can't get 'em up
I can't get 'em up at all! 

And tho' the sun starts peeping, 
And dawn has started creeping,  
Those lazy bums keep sleeping, 
They never hear my call!

You've got to get up
You've got to get up
You've got to get up this morning
You've got to get up
You've got to get up
Get up with the bugler's call

The major told the captain 
The captain told the sergeant  
The sergeant told the bugler 
The bugler told them all.

So yes this is what is going through my head today.  I had my beta today and will get the results later this afternoon.  I'm thinking bfn as any pregnancy test I've taken of late has been negative and I have no symptoms.  Still no AF and its CD30 which makes me about 5 days late.  Most likely I'm just nervous about the endoscopy tomorrow morning.

 

 

Waiting For The Call

Oh I had some fun this morning.  I get over to Madigan hospital lab and I pull a number.  Its 0630 hrs.  I'm there early.  I'm #2 in line.

0700 hrs they start calling my numbers.  I get to the counter and present my ID card and tell the clerk its for a Beta HCG.  She doesn't even pay attention to me.  She prints out the lab request and hands it to me.  Next person is called up.

I look at my lab request sheet.  Its for an E2 level!  WTF?

My number for the lab gets called and I tell the tech that I have the wrong lab request in hand.  We go back up to the front desk and tell them what is wrong.  The clerk is oblivious to me and looks to the computer, the HCG beta was NEVER put in.

That's right!  My REI forgot to put in the system the test.  Now folks this isn't the first time they have done this with labs.  They've also done it with my medicines too.  I'm not sure who is lazy over there or forgetful but they need to work on this part of their paperwork.  Its find and dandy to do the procedure to transfer the embryo but if you hand the patient a sheet saying when the lab is to be drawn but then forget to put it into the system what good is the paper to the patient?

So J and I walked over to my clinic.  The lights were on but the door was locked.  We waited and waited and waited.  It seemed like forever.  I wanted to get my blood drawn and get home.  I wanted to get some breakfast before the marriage counseling session later this morning.

I ask J to go check on the door again.  Its still locked and he said he would head around back to the back entrance.  That door was unanswered.  He said he could here them moving about in there.  The door was unlocked so he waltzed in and back to the doctor's office.  Nurse Nasty see's J and she gets pissy.  He cuts her off and tells her about the situation.  She says she'll fix it right away.

Back to the lab I go.  I go to the head of the line.  I've been waiting long enough and there is no one really before me anyway.  I get a new number and wait.

Finally I get called up again.  This time its in the system.  Yay!  But the E2 is still on the draw too.  Oh well who cares now how much they take its all just one vial.

I still haven't tested at home.  Why bother.  If the numbers aren't high enough we all know its a chemical.  If they are high enough I'll find out later today when they decide to call me.  I swear they only call in the afternoon when its bad news.  They don't like giving out bad news.  Maybe I should call them?

Still Not Testing

In keeping with my PUPO I'm not testing again today.  Nope I'm taking the rest of this off.  I still can't hold my pee for more than 2 hours and almost thought I'd wet myself today in church I had to pee so bad.

I'm not going to test at all.  I'm going to wait for the beta result.  I may go batty tomorrow waiting for the phone to ring with the results but either way I'll share the news with all of you.

Still no AF signs.  I still get slight headaches daily.  I'm still forgetful.  I still have a bit of constipation that is getting to be annoying.  I guess I'll have to eat even more fruit than I already do since if I ingest milk products and whole grains it goes the opposite way I don't want to get sick.  No its not just the lactose its the whey protein.  I've always had that allergy.

I actually felt like dressing up a bit more today for church and so J decided to put on dress pants and a nice shirt too.  No tie.  He hates wearing a tie unless its for his uniform.  I thought the cute Garfield tie would look nice today but no go there.  Oh he has plenty of ties from his days of office work as an engineer but now that he doesn't have to wear one often he prefers not to.  I suppose I could have pressured him to wear one but I'd rather not wear a tie either as I don't much like turtlenecks and anything strangulating my neck.

So here I sit.  No odd colorations are showing up on the Endometrin applicators so I guess that means no AF.  Yes, I'm really afraid that tomorrow I'll find out that I lost Hope.  I'd rather not think that, see the results or hear them and go on my blissfull way of ignorance.  But I have to face the facts when presented.

I do hope that I am still pregnant and that my beta is a good number tomorrow.  Its almost as if I'm gambling but in a way I am.  I'm fighting the odds associated with infertility.

Good luck to everyone that is trying to conceive this month.  I hope all of us get our dream's fulfilled.

Disappearing

I took this photo on one of my vacations with my husband.

I'm wondering if my dreams for a baby of my own genetics are disappearing like the sun on the horizon; just slowly sinking.

My symptoms like the lines on the HPT are disappearing too.

Has Hope decided to desert my womb?

My breasts aren't as sore.

I have some nausea and some other vague symptoms but it could very well be attributed to the Endometrin I take three times a day.

I'm scared.  This seems to be going the way of my last two pregnancies. 

I guess one disturbing symptom I have of which it could be a sign that my menses will soon start is that I'm getting some egg white cervical mucus when I wipe besides the Endometrin slime.  So quite possibly I'm having another estrogen surge.

My pelvis isn't sore or tight, just kind of full and firm I guess is the best description like how it is before my cycle ends and another starts.  Last bits of pain I had were yesterday.  No spotting for implantation.  Nothing of the sort.  I'm hungry and eating more but now my weight for the fourth day in a row has stayed the same.  No gain.  No loss.

First HPT this morning had an even lighter line, if that is possible, than yesterday.  Second test the line was non-existent.

If anyone has a clue as to what is going on, fill me in because my body is just messing with my mind now. Four more days until I have the Beta.

Transfer Day At Last

This is my Hope.  Whether it turns out to be a boy or girl until it gets to the sex determination state I'm referring to it as Hope.

Hope was almost ready to cleave again before we transferred it to my uterus.  Right now its 5 cells and two of them are huge so the embryologist was really happy and figured it would be at least 8 by the end of the day if not 9.  We had Assisted Hatching to help with the implantation.

I've already told J that I think Hope is a boy.  Why?  Well the other embryo we transferred in October, JR, was developing much quicker and girls develop quicker than boy.  Since this one is behind a bit I'm betting its a boy and just as stubborn as its father who was born 3 weeks late!

This transfer was more difficult than the one in October.  Dr. B did this one.  I've seen him off and on over the last 15 months and of late Dr. C. more so.  Dr.B and Dr.C. were both doing retrievals today and I was the only transfer.

After two speculums (the first one was too short and he couldn't find a good position), and the catheter bending when it shouldn't Hope was finally in place.

So if all goes well I should be getting a decent number on the Beta which will be the 6th of February.  I am going to take it easy for the next 48 hours and I will go lie down soon with the book I'm reading for the next review.  I love this new book but not as much as I love Hope.

Now I just need to find a frame for Hope's embaby photo.

May all of you trying for babies get pregnant soon and carry to full term. 

Nicki  I'm thinking of you and Kenna always.  You inspire me. 

Just A Bundle Of Emotions

Its time to make cookies again.  Most of the ones that like to eat my weekly treats are back off of leave so I'll be baking sometime today to make sure they get their treats.  I know they'll be looking forward to it and it always makes me feel good to bring a bit of happiness to someone else.  They just love my cookies at the COF. 

My moods are a bit mixed up today.  I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.  Looks like I'm going to miss that coffee date with a few friends today due to the fact that I don't have transportation.  Won't be the first one I've missed since I'm without my own car.  So that bums me out a bit.

I have laundry still to do and I over slept.  Well I didn't really over sleep but the pain of my newest injury, I slightly sprained my ankle yesterday, yes the one I injured pretty darn bad a few years back.  Plus it seems that my ovulation is triggering a lot of pain on my left side again.  I'm guessing I'm growing another cyst as even a light pressing on my pelvis is causing me  a lot of pain.  Oh and trying to sleep on my back is also a treat since it feels like on the left side my back is being pushed inward with a metal pipe just where the ovary would sit.

Then just add in the wintery mix of weather we are having today.  So um, my arthritis is flaring up along with the fibromyalgia.  I'm just a really fun person to be around today.  I really could use a day with the girls to get away from home.

Tested again this A.M. to see if I'm still within the ovulation window.  Yup, but I can tell with the pain its going to make things uncomfortable if not down right interesting to create this baby we have hope for.  If it doesn't happen for us naturally this cycle there is always the IVF set for January.

I want a baby soon.  Its so depressing to see all my blogger friends getting their BFPs.  I want one too and not just on a stick.  I want it on a BETA!!!

So yeah I'm an emotional bit of fluff today.  Someone needs to come over and blow this mood away from me fast before I just decide to eat all the raw cookie dough before it gets to the oven.

Oh and this week its chocolate chip peanut butter swirl cookies I'll be making.

Beta Today

I'm still on bed rest.  At 0200 hrs I started to bleed AGAIN!!!  Luckily it stopped within two hours of starting.  Now I'm just freaked out any time I get that bit of a creepy sensation, yes even with perspiration, in my panties.

I had my beta HCG drawn at 0700 hrs today and am waiting for the results.  I'm scared that JR decided it didn't want to stick around.

There are days, like today, that I dread.  I just don't handle this waiting game all that well.  I want answers now.  But yet, I'm afraid I'll get an answer that is going to be hard to deal with.

I'm cranky.  I'm tired.  I'm nauseated from worry.  Still I took my PIO shot this morning.  Even though I'm positive its going to be a negative beta or so low its inevitable to be a chemical pregnancy.  Yes, I'm turning into a pessimist.  Its become almost too much to hope for to get a positive result.  For now I live through my fellow bloggers,  I feel their pain and their joy.  I hope more of us get that BFP with a healthy baby.  I want it too.  For now I'll just sit here on bed rest with my phone handy.

Oh this bed rest is causing me some pain too.  My left hip and left ankle have now decided to no longer cooperate with the reclined position.  The left hip refuses to stay in its joint and the left ankle, well that is pain related to the torn deltoid ligament that never fully healed.  But the pain will be worth it if only I get a BFP later today.

If I don't I think I'm going to go for a really long walk and screw the pain factor.  I can't stay inside all day and dwell on things lost.

******UPDATE*****
0957 its a BFN.  Chemical pregnancy.  Yes, we lost this one.  I'm trying to get us into the next cycle which is in January.  I really don't want to wait until March but the doctor gets the final decision.  This will be the last try too.