Miscarriage of a Non-Pregnancy

I started bleeding on Friday.
By Saturday it was so heavy I thought I'd pass out.
Today it isn't much better.

Well timed for a four day weekend where I should be out celebrating.

Oh and let's add in some insult to how I'm feeling by some extra pain.  My left knee doesn't want to bend without giving me maximum pain.  I've been applying my NSAID gel (Votaren Gel) to the knee.

If some of you have noticed that I no longer have ads on my blog it is because Google decided to suspend then cancel my account.  All those wonderful spammers have ruined my earning potential.  Yes, I appealed the decision but to no avail.  I even added back on the captcha which annoys me to know end.

Right now I'm in a dark place with the pain.  The pain of miscarriage of a non-pregnancy, we all know there were embryos in there which means I was pregnant but tell that to my Army doctors will you!  The pain of the adenomyosis as the endometriosis in my body decides to bleed out right now too.  The pain of my arthritis in my knee.  But still I'm trying to live life and not stay in bed.  Today I'm forcing myself to do laundry which, unfortunately means kneeling in front of the dryer to remove clothing. It could be a lot worse I have to remind myself.

Rain

It rained yesterday and it looks like according to the forecast its going to be raining all week and next weekend.

Oh joy!

Its not like I don't like rain.  I know our planet needs more of it right now with all the fires.  I just don't like the pain of the arthritis flare up from the rain.

Well I guess one good thing, since I'm on modified bed rest, I won't have to worry about not being able to water my plants.  Plus J gets a reprieve from having to do that one little chore.

J was a sweetie this weekend.  I sent him out the to commissary for 14 lean cuisine dinners.  I didn't want him to have to cook for me and since I'm not supposed to be on my feet for meal prep and cooking the tv dinners are just what I needed.  I've already lost .5 lbs since yesterday.  Meal portion control is another good thing about the tv dinners.

J was nice enough to do the laundry, mostly his, the cooking for himself and the vacuuming this weekend.  It was good for me to just sit as much as possible with my feet up.  I even read a book over the weekend.

We watched a couple of movies together and chatted.  I was just happy to have him around the house as a friend.  He is a bit worried about the size of the cysts and neither of us wants me to lose an ovary out of stupidity.  So I'm still taking it easy today even with him back to work.

As I watch the rain fall I am contented to know that I'm snug in my house soon to be with my feet up again and a book in hand.  Oh the life of Riley!  I'll be insane by the end of the week at this rate!!!

Oh and a side note.  I was watching Army Wives with J last night.  He enjoys watching it as he can pick it apart.  He was miffed when Roxy found out she was having twins.  I was too.

Just A Bundle Of Emotions

Its time to make cookies again.  Most of the ones that like to eat my weekly treats are back off of leave so I'll be baking sometime today to make sure they get their treats.  I know they'll be looking forward to it and it always makes me feel good to bring a bit of happiness to someone else.  They just love my cookies at the COF. 

My moods are a bit mixed up today.  I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.  Looks like I'm going to miss that coffee date with a few friends today due to the fact that I don't have transportation.  Won't be the first one I've missed since I'm without my own car.  So that bums me out a bit.

I have laundry still to do and I over slept.  Well I didn't really over sleep but the pain of my newest injury, I slightly sprained my ankle yesterday, yes the one I injured pretty darn bad a few years back.  Plus it seems that my ovulation is triggering a lot of pain on my left side again.  I'm guessing I'm growing another cyst as even a light pressing on my pelvis is causing me  a lot of pain.  Oh and trying to sleep on my back is also a treat since it feels like on the left side my back is being pushed inward with a metal pipe just where the ovary would sit.

Then just add in the wintery mix of weather we are having today.  So um, my arthritis is flaring up along with the fibromyalgia.  I'm just a really fun person to be around today.  I really could use a day with the girls to get away from home.

Tested again this A.M. to see if I'm still within the ovulation window.  Yup, but I can tell with the pain its going to make things uncomfortable if not down right interesting to create this baby we have hope for.  If it doesn't happen for us naturally this cycle there is always the IVF set for January.

I want a baby soon.  Its so depressing to see all my blogger friends getting their BFPs.  I want one too and not just on a stick.  I want it on a BETA!!!

So yeah I'm an emotional bit of fluff today.  Someone needs to come over and blow this mood away from me fast before I just decide to eat all the raw cookie dough before it gets to the oven.

Oh and this week its chocolate chip peanut butter swirl cookies I'll be making.