Sunday, May 26, 2013

Miscarriage of a Non-Pregnancy

I started bleeding on Friday.
By Saturday it was so heavy I thought I'd pass out.
Today it isn't much better.

Well timed for a four day weekend where I should be out celebrating.

Oh and let's add in some insult to how I'm feeling by some extra pain.  My left knee doesn't want to bend without giving me maximum pain.  I've been applying my NSAID gel (Votaren Gel) to the knee.

If some of you have noticed that I no longer have ads on my blog it is because Google decided to suspend then cancel my account.  All those wonderful spammers have ruined my earning potential.  Yes, I appealed the decision but to no avail.  I even added back on the captcha which annoys me to know end.

Right now I'm in a dark place with the pain.  The pain of miscarriage of a non-pregnancy, we all know there were embryos in there which means I was pregnant but tell that to my Army doctors will you!  The pain of the adenomyosis as the endometriosis in my body decides to bleed out right now too.  The pain of my arthritis in my knee.  But still I'm trying to live life and not stay in bed.  Today I'm forcing myself to do laundry which, unfortunately means kneeling in front of the dryer to remove clothing. It could be a lot worse I have to remind myself.


29 comments:

  1. Oh Rebecca. I am so sorry that you have to suffer like this. I hope that things get better for you asap. You are in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am really sorry to hear that your transfer was a bust. It is so hard t pick up and keep going. I don't understand why people have to go through this. Thinking of you today!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time right now. You are a strong woman and need time to heal. Thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have a plan and hopefully soon it will come to fruition.

      Delete
  4. I don't quite understand, how were you pregnant if the embryos didn't implant and begin to grow? (ie. Would a man be considered pregnant then if you placed an embryo in him?) Not trying to be hurtful in any way, honestly - I realize you are in a lot of pain. I'm very sorry that this didn't work. Just hoping to better understand how this process actually works. I do understand chemical pregnancies - is that what you had? (I've had one chemical about a year ago and had several positive home tests before getting my period, so that's what I and the doctor figured happened).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1) they did implant, then they died off
      2) my HPTs got progressively lighter instead of darker.
      3)One clinic considered it a pregnancy just chemical
      4)Army clinic considered it a blip on the radar.

      Yes, if a man had an artificial womb created for his body and was injected daily with hormones and had embryos put into that artificial womb, in theory he could carry a pregnancy and be considered pregnant.


      Delete
  5. You are really going through a lot right now. It can only get better with time. Im sending prayers and hugs your way!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks gal, hope you are feeling better soon.

      Delete
  6. I am so sorry you are going through this. Each of us grieves through each and every period. Every cycle was a chance for our babies and every arrival of AF cruelly mocks our dreams for this month. I hope that soon you have your take home babies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hoping that all of us get our BFPs soon.

      Delete
  7. I'm so sorry your FET didn't work. I hope all of your pains go away soon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Working on the mental pain as best as I can. I know I'll rebound to a more normal soon in both body and mind.

      Delete
  8. Why does AF have such crappy timing? I think she just likes torturing us, as if not being pregnant isn't enough! Hope your pain eases off soon!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am so sorry that you have to experience this. I wish I could just wish the pain away for you! I really hope things get easier for you as time progresses.

    -Jenn, from ICLW

    ReplyDelete
  10. :( Rebecca - I am so so sorry, believe me, I know the pain of a lost IVF cycle...granted, neither of mine even took, as I never even got 2 lines, ever...but it doesn't matter - I know the mental anguish and wouldn't wish it on anyone. :( I do hope you feel better soon...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Lilly for understanding.

      Delete
  11. I'm so sorry. I was really hoping this FET would work for you. HUGS!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A lot of my friends were hoping. We'll see what happens next.

      Delete
  12. I'm so sorry you've been in such pain! I've always kind of thought of failed IVF/FET cycles as kind of miscarriages since there were live humans in your uterus, and now there aren't anymore. I've never done IVF but from what I've read the grief is very real and that should be respected.

    Also sorry google removed your account. I hope you were at least able to get whatever money they owed you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for recognizing the loss. I called it a non-pregnancy because of the army docs.

      No, Google said they would refund the earned monies from my account to the advertisers. Wasn't my fault but I end up getting burned.

      Delete

If you decide to be a Troll I will refuse to pay your toll and your comment will not appear.