Blowing Off Steam

Photo of J by me.  He is wearing his best sweatshirt....Tuxedo.  Haha!  Seriously its his hometown that is named Tuxedo and it is where the Tuxedo was invented.

J and I have completely different ways to unwind.  I like to read a good novel and take a hot bath he likes to go to the range and blow stuff up or away.  Occasionally I too like the sport but not when I'm sick.

Today we did what he wanted to do.  He offered to let me shoot and even brought my gun with him.  I just wasn't in the mood to shoot.  I did pick up brass for him and re-sticker the targets.  J likes to reload his own ammunition because he says its a lot cheaper.  Okay good hobby for him but I really don't like the idea of gun powder in the house all that much.  I'm accident prone and forgetful.  All I need to do is accidentally knock down the powder container, split it open and think okay I'll vacuum it up.  Not a good idea to vacuum up black powder folks.

I told J to smile, maybe I should have told him not to blink either?
Bad photo but still its a good smile.

Even though J loaded up the car with about half of his guns, he decided that the hand guns were good enough for shooting today.  Um, I already told him that given the fact its breezy and cold as hell outside neither of us would want to be out in it for more than 3 hours so yeah handguns only.  Never listens to me.  I guess its the only way he learns, by making mistakes and realizing that well if only he had listened to me.  I give up.

Oh and yes I know I sound cranky.  Probably the clomid.  Could also be the puking, damn stomach.  Or maybe its my cold as death fingers hurting so that typing isn't very tolerable, damn arthritis.

I'll find out in about 2.5 weeks, give or take a few days, the results of the biopsies of my stomach.  I have to say the waiting is probably going to be worse than the results.  I either have an ulcer started from H.plyori or cancer.  Those are the only two reasons they said they do the biopsy.  Both are treatable, one is curable and the other well I'm just not going there.  What this all means to me is just that I might have to cut even shorter my trying to conceive.  I can still hope that its nothing and that my stomach will go back to normal once it sheds its lining again. 

Life goes on.

Clomid Crankies

It never fails.  Every time I take clomid the symptoms are the same.  First the nausea hits me right after dinner.  Next is the headache.  Following shortly after a very short temper.

Last night when it started to hit again I asked my husband to sit down and just listen to me for a few minutes.  I knew I had to explain to him, its been almost a year since we last used clomid, what I'm experiencing.  Its in no way his fault.  I willingly took the medications each morning.  I know what I'm doing when I am on them but it doesn't mean I have to like the person it makes me change into.  I really swear that there are two of me right now.  There is the nice gentle me and the raging b*tch me that seems to take over in the evenings.  The nice me gets pushed to the back and bullied to stay silent while the mean me just vomits horribly abusive words.

Maybe I should be tranquilized for the duration of this cycle?

The only good thing coming out of this so far is the pain I'm feeling in both ovaries.  Oh yes I'm hopeful that I'm producing several follicles.  If I produce two on my own without drugs then I can hope for four, right?

Benadryl Crankies

I'm sick.  I'm not feeling at all well.

The benadryl isn't helping much and I can't get even close to a doctor appointment of a walk-in style until Tuesday.

The clinics are closed today on post and again on Monday.

Its as though my body hates me right now.

I'd like to rip someone's head off right now if they get in my way.  I'm not going to dance around the subject.

No one likes to be sick over the holidays.  No one likes having their head hurt and have a fever.  At least I'm not infectious to anyone but myself.  Its my chronic sinusitis that is acting up.  There are only just so many months, two for me, that I can put up with a sinus infection before I go see the doctor.  I don't like going to the doctors. Yesterday I was shamed into calling one the next working day, which was today.  Yeah like that helped my mood any.

Of course there is always urgi care but I'd rather not.  So its benadryl to help with the inflammation, my neti pot to remove as much red and green goo as possible and hopefully an understanding spouse.  Of course he isn't understanding though he should be.  SO I'M REALLY CRANKY!

Having A Cranky Laundry Day

Just when I thought I was safe from housework Monday appears out of no where.  This weekend was a blast, literally.  I went to the pistol range with my husband yesterday and to gun shops thereafter.  I really enjoyed myself. We ate out for lunch and dinner.  I felt wonderful. 

But then last night the hormones hit.  I was cranky.  I knew that today meant I'd have all those household chores to do yet again.  My back was hurting, my pelvis was sore, and the fibromyalgia was making the rest of my body ache too.  I couldn't get comfortable on my orthopedic foam mattress.

I got up from the bed and told my husband to go back to sleep.  I knew this wasn't going to be a good night's sleep.  My husband actually asked me what he did wrong.  I snapped at him that if he didn't know what he did wrong then he was an idiot.  I know I shouldn't have called him a name.  He knows that I often need to get up in the middle of the night and try to walk off the pain.  Its not always about him.  Asking what he did wrong, just ticked me off because he was making it about himself and not about the real issue my pain. 

Finally he got the message after I ignored him.  I went into the office and clicked on the computer.  I figured that just staring at facebook and not telling the world my problems would help.  It did.  Reading about how every one else's life is falling apart at times reminds me that my life really isn't all that bad.  Sorry folks but really it is true.  Someone else always has it worse than you do.  The world does not revolve around one particular person and their troubles.

I shut down the computer after an hour of internet reality and walked back to the bedroom.  I apologized for snapping at J and explained that how he was trying to be thoughtful just wasn't going to help.  When I tell him, "leave me alone"  I mean it.  I need time to collect my thoughts. Nothing against him but I need some selfish time too.  It was just better that I had left the room when I did before I would really say something I would regret and I explained that particular bit too.

All is well with our married life.  We are just like any normal couple out there.  We face our issues each day as they arise, we love, we argue, we solve our problems too.

Now if only I could wave my wand and get the laundry to clean itself I'd be a much happier person today.  Can you believe there are six loads that have to be done?  I know I did laundry on Friday so where did it all come from in just two days?