Diagnosis: Sick

Ah, well that makes sense.

Yes, my doctor finally agreed with me on something.  I do indeed have a sinus infection. 

Treatment:
Continue with Neti pot
Rest
Augmentin
Flonase

Knock on wood I won't get a yeast infection from the antibiotics.  I never have as of yet though, they have treated me for one suspecting I had it but the lab results proved it to negative.  My doctor told me that I'm lucky.

Funny I don't feel lucky.

Looks like I'll be sitting this cycle out.  Usually antibiotics mess up my cycles.
This is just like the Neti pot that I use.  It really does help me breathe easier.

Echoes

It is said that history repeats itself so that we learn from our past mistakes.

I've just taken my last dosage of Provera.  Hopefully I'll never need it again for this purpose.  I get nightmares.

Yesterday morning I awoke with convulsing sobs racking my body.  In my dream I was told to say good bye to my husband.  They had done everything they could but they didn't intubate him in time to save him.  He was brain dead.

This morning a phone ringer awoke me from another bad dream.  This time I was in the hospital and they said that my husband had a GSW (gun shot wound) and was in surgery.  Again they couldn't save him.

I don't recall ever having nightmares where my spouse couldn't be saved.  I don't recall ever having the nightmares two nights in a row.

The phone call was another echo from the past.  Just before J was to deploy this past spring the same number called.  I know who it was.  I know why they called.  I'm scared.

I called J immediately to tell him of who called.  I asked him to check his official email some time today just in case its what I think it might be.  I realize its rather late in the game but J's profile, from surgery, is about to expire and he'll be deployable again.

I did tell him about yesterday's dream and pushed it off as the hormones.  I did not tell him about today's nor will I for a while since I'm guessing it really is just my fears and the damn hormones.

If he is going to deploy I'm going to freeze his sperm.  I'm going to ask him to set up an appointment with me as soon as possible with the clinic in Seattle for the donor eggs.  You just never know.  I mean why wait.  Its something we had planned on doing together this new year coming up so if he is going to deploy why wait.  Do it now.

So this is where I stand today.  My asthma has been beating up my respiratory tract for the past several days, almost a week now.  Yesterday I had to use my emergency inhaler twice.  Today I took a benadryl and I might just start back on my nebulizer.  The green gunk from my nasal passages is getting too thick.  I'm trying to avoid antibiotics as they mess up the rest of my body.  The post nasal drip is making it so hard to breathe.  This wouldn't be the first time I've developed a sinus infection that turned to asthmatic bronchitis in summer.  Yes I know its heading there too.  Neti pot, pushing more fluids, benadryl, nebulizer...I've got it covered.  Its just going to take some time to clear up.  Just one more echo from my past.

***Update***
J just came home to get some documents.  He said they wouldn't be allowed to deploy him until his three months have passed from the date of surgery.  Well that is some good news.  He still has time here and will hopefully be safe.

Benadryl Crankies

I'm sick.  I'm not feeling at all well.

The benadryl isn't helping much and I can't get even close to a doctor appointment of a walk-in style until Tuesday.

The clinics are closed today on post and again on Monday.

Its as though my body hates me right now.

I'd like to rip someone's head off right now if they get in my way.  I'm not going to dance around the subject.

No one likes to be sick over the holidays.  No one likes having their head hurt and have a fever.  At least I'm not infectious to anyone but myself.  Its my chronic sinusitis that is acting up.  There are only just so many months, two for me, that I can put up with a sinus infection before I go see the doctor.  I don't like going to the doctors. Yesterday I was shamed into calling one the next working day, which was today.  Yeah like that helped my mood any.

Of course there is always urgi care but I'd rather not.  So its benadryl to help with the inflammation, my neti pot to remove as much red and green goo as possible and hopefully an understanding spouse.  Of course he isn't understanding though he should be.  SO I'M REALLY CRANKY!

Brain Eating Amoeba

Just in time for Christmas, something else to worry about as if the next cycle of IVF isn't enough already.  Now I have to worry about using my neti pot with my tap water.

A year ago I was instructed by my physician to purchase a neti pot and neti salt to help combat my chronic sinusitis.    After about four weeks of using the neti pot I felt relief.  Now if I go a day without using it my sinuses get all sorts of stuffy.  I have a neti pot addiction I think, if its possible.

In the news on-line has been the story of neti pots being linked to deaths.  Seems that there is the possibility of brain eating amoebas living in my tap water.  As if the threat of lead, mercury, arsenic, and cryptosporidium wasn't bad enough now I have to deal with something that wants to munch on my brain?

Because of the article, as of today, I'm using filtered water for my neti pot and I'm also boiling it to boot.  Now I just have to wait for the water to cool down enough to use it.  This is not very convenient to say the least.   I miss being able to turn on my tap water, to hot, any time of the day that I please to do my nasal wash.  Now I have to schedule this activity too.  This blows, not just the white, yellow or green stuff either. 

Much as I don't mind having a regimented life, after all I live with a soldier, I do like to live my life a bit on the impetuous side when the weekend rolls around.  I don't like having to plan just one more leash to hygiene.  I'd rather the leash just be dangling in the wind and I pick it up when I feel like; sort of like the dangling mitten from the string.

Never A Quick Fix

Have you ever noticed that there is never a quick fix for a problem when you need one?  Everything always takes a lot longer to get done then you'd like.

The economy is going to take a long time to recover.  I don't think that all these budget cuts that they are trying to impose are the correct ones.  I don't think that we do have a quick fix to our deficit.  I really wish that we could just close our doors to the world for one day and get a reset to zero.  I can dream right?

I wish there was a better solution to my sinus infection.  I'm on my second round of antibiotics.  The first antibiotic, Levaquin, started on the 17th and taken for five days failed.  Yesterday I was at the doctor's office, I actually got to see my doctor for the first time in a year, and after taking my vitals I was noted to have a fever.  My blood pressure was great at 124/70.  But the fever showed proof that I still had the infection.  I now have a script of Cefdinir 300mg twice a day for ten days.  Its a relative of Penicillin, of which I'm allergic to so I'm hoping that I won't have any of the dangerous side effects.  So far I'm in the clear.

My marriage is working well enough.  We discussed the wall.  The chaplain and my husband agreed that there is indeed a wall and that the wall has to stay there as long as he has a chance to deploy.  The wall might always be there.  We are now exploring ways in which he can feel comfortable enough to have a middle ground with me.  I have PTSD and my spouse is experiencing PTS without the D or so the Chaplain said.  It hasn't been diagnosed by any means but it is what most soldiers experience when they re-deploy to their stateside assignments.  The culture shock, responsibilities, and roles change when they aren't in a combat zone.  The families just have to accept and encourage.

So we have to work on his socializing.  He can't be pressured into doing too much socializing but he can't be allowed to just sit there and not interact when visiting his family.  I have to encourage him.  I know him best.  But if he says that he'd rather read, watch tv, or play with the computer I'll have to accept his choice.  However, when dinner is being served he has to come to the table and socialize.

I've never been deployed but I have PTSD and I can understand the not wanting to be around crowds.  I have to force myself to socialize.  Usually I find that I can enjoy myself.  My husband will learn to do the same.  Socializing with family, other than me, is entirely different than socializing with the soldiers.  The soldiers know what my husband is going through, most of his family can only guess.  Nothing against you folks, the family that might read this, but unless you are living in the household of a soldier that was deployed you'll not fully understand no matter how much you read on the subject, it has to be experienced.

Maybe if we get that promised two years at home we'll be able to fix most of the problems that arise in our relationship.   For now we deal with situations and feelings as they crop up.  The weeds get pulled and the flowers cultivated.  Unfortunately some weeds will come back, like the dandelion with its long root system you pull and you break it off only to have it sprout back up.  Some problems run deep and will have to be explored to find the source and work from there.

Its not going to be a quick fix.  I'd love a quick fix.