CD 12 4 DPO

So Nurse S called me yesterday with my 1DPO labs.

LH:    10.05
FSH:    4.63
P4:       0.23
E2:    316

Remember all of the numbers above are with a natural cycle.  No stims or support.

Nurse S asked if I was recruiting follicles.  I told her no I had just ovulated.  I was a bit concerned with the progesterone being so low.  Nurse S said the level was okay for having just ovulated.  She said the doctor didn't want me on progesterone support, at least now.  Finally they are realizing there might be an issue with the endometriosis and my progeterone levels.

I called back today, yesterday it was rather late when Nurse S called me.  I asked Nurse J if I could get a P4 for next week.  I actually had to argue with her a bit.  I hate when she plays know it all.  Finally her mind clicked on to what I was asking.  I was asking for the day 7-10 Progesterone test (P4) to ensure my levels were rising accordingly.

So Monday being day 7 you know I"ll have my arm out for a lab draw.  Nurse J said that she would be more than willing to put the request into the system now that she understands.

Thursday next week I'm going to start POAS.  If it shows even the faintest lines I'm going to call my doctor and tell them what is going on especially if the lab work shows low numbers.  I'm getting way too old to play these games with the medical staff.

Now about the ETSY shop, no sales yet but I'm still hoping that I'll get some soon.  I posted more baby stuff today.  Every day I'm working on creating more items for the shop.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/108851426/preemie-to-newborn-size-crochet-tickle  I think these turned out so cute!

CD 11

Well as some of you know I had hoped to go to San Juan for our  7th anniversary later this month.  I called to use my voucher that I had purchased on line and well no luck.  Seems as though some people have better planning skills than me.  That happens.  The soonest I can go on a vacation to this particular place in San Juan will be October.  Ugh!

So I guess I'll be taking a break to go up there probably in Winter which does not please me one bit as I can bet most everything fun to do on the island will be closed down.  Or it will be bitter cold up there.  Has anyone been to San Juan in Winter?

Now I need to work my vacation around the crown I'm having put in place on the 27th.  Last night I had a tooth build up done on a molar.  Not too bad since I didn't need a root canal.  We were really hoping I wouldn't need one.  Next appointment will be the temporary placement of a cap and two weeks later a permanent crown.

With that appointment so noted I now need to find another destination.  Maybe J and I will just go out for dinner on our anniversary.  We haven't done that in a while.  Besides if I know AF she'll be here to wreck any plans I'd like to have.  If she doesn't show up then I'll be celebrating something else most likely.

Today is day CD 11 or 3 DPO.  With another approximately 13 days to go in my two week wait.  Most likely the anniversary will be a wait and see what's going on with my reproductive organs weekend.

Yesterday I started working on the preemie to newborn booties for my shop.  I'll list more baby items tomorrow.  Today, since I alternate, is jewelry listings.  The foot base on the booties is 2.75 inches.   I swear these things are near impossible to take photos of without them looking lumpy.  I guess that is because the yarn is so soft it's not stiff enough to stand upright without a foot in them.  Alas my foot is way too big to model these.  For some reason the lighting was different enough in the same place I take the other photos to put a slight yellowish cast to the photo.  I'll have to fix that before I post them to the shop.

I'll make more booties today.  I have nothing better to do than wait around for return phone calls for the next two days from my doctors and lawyers.  6 years I've been dealing with these lawyers.  I'm about to give up.

January First

While I read this true story I felt conflicted.  I knew how it felt to be labeled.  I am not schizophrenic, however I do have borderline personality disorder.  Twelve years ago I was misdiagnosed as Bipolar NOS.  I have been put on various cocktails of drugs of which never seemed to work.  They have upped my dosages to the point that I would fall down while trying to walk.  I was even put on Geodon, an anti-psychotic, at one point because my ex husband convinced my psychiatrist that I was hearing things.  It took a divorce to show the doctors it wasn't me and I wasn't having mental issues other than the borderline personality disorder brought on by the years of abuse.

No, I wasn't hearing things.  I heard him talking in low volumes on his cell phone to his mistress, now his second wife.  The problem wasn't with me, the problem was with my first marriage.  There is only just so much mental and physical abuse a person can take before they snap.  I snapped in the wrong direction.  I felt worthless and wanted the world to stop so I tried to take my life.  See, wrong direction.

I can only describe the feeling like I was in a bird  eggshell.  I was closed in and trying to drown out the problems around me but my shell was still to fragile to protect me and I cracked.

Finally I found the right direction.  No medication could fix the issues for me.  Talk therapy helped immensely.  DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) group sessions helped me find the good in my life and the good in me.  I got out of the bad marriage.  The old me just wouldn't work in the new world that I had to create for myself.  I learned to cope with the environmental factors and radically accept that which I could not change.

Unfortunately for people like Jani with schizophrenia, January, talk therapy alone doesn't normally work like it did for people like me with lesser disorders.  Like many of my schizophrenic friends ( I met quite a few in the psych ward while I was being held), they need to find an equilibrium between the medications, their variation of reality, and the talk therapy of which for some can help immensely.

Though I do not have schizophrenia I do understand how it feels be held against one's will in a psych ward.  I also know how it feels to not want to leave the psych ward since it can be quite a safe environment where friendships that you wouldn't have on the outside are formed with people that do understand.

How far would you go to advocate for your child? In January First, father Michael Shofield and his family struggle to find the right treatment for his daughter Jani, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia at six years old. Join From Left to Write on September as we discuss the Shofield's memoir January First. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

CD 9 Good News

My date with Wanda went fairly well today.  We have a new RE in the clinic and I got to see her.  Both Drs B are out right now.  One went TDY for three months and the other is on vacation today.  Oh well I'll have to adjust.

I have to say though that this Major S is a bit condescending and to the wrong person.  I hate doctors that think they know it all when they don't.  She tried to tell me that if I went with PNW for my oocycte purchase (hey think about what I'm paying...its not really a donation since I'm not getting a dinner special with it) they would have to transfer the embryo and thaw it at SRM.  I'm like, "no they won't".  I'm paying out 18k for it to all be done, except for the monitoring, at PNW.  She was, "I'll have to check on that while you get dressed.".

Suffice it to say, I was right.  Thank you to Stephanie at sometimes its hard to get pregnant for informing me all about what I need to know in advance.  I had already discussed all of the ins and outs with Lt.Col. B before he went TDY.  Oh and I told Major S that bit but she is stubborn to say the least.

Now on to some bit of good news.
The 5 cm cyst on the right side is now 2.5 cm.  YAY!
My OPK yesterday showed a surge.  I used the information yesterday wisely and will again today.
The ultrasound showed that indeed I did ovulate on the left side.  A 30 mm cyst is what it probably was Major S said and it's collapsing in on itself now.  Okay so 30mm probably means the egg was over ripe but hey, I ovulated on my own and I still have a chance.

Now since its only CD 8 when I ovulated, we know I ovulate early, I have about a 16 wait in my two week wait.  I'm far from normal ladies.  My cycle is normally 25-27 days.  So 16 is about right.

I told J he has to be very nice to me until I either test positive on the hcg or see red again.  No stressing me out.

So I'm officially in my two week wait ladies.  Fingers crossed it worked.  My labs will be in tomorrow for the P4, E2, FSH, LH that Major S ordered.  She didn't put stat on them so it's just routine.

If J gets to re-enlist, we'll know more in October, I'll be put on hormones right off and be on the phone with the clinic in Seattle to get the donor egg going asap.

Side note:  I lost 1.8 pounds overnight.  Finally the bloat is coming off again.  Looks like the Endo Diet is truly helping to shrink the ovarian cysts.

 J created this last night for my ETSY shop.

I made this one and will list it tomorrow maybe.

And I made this one too.  So maybe I'll add more hats and booties tomorrow.

CD 8

The line is growing darker today.  Yay!  Unfortunately in the past two days I've gained 1.6 pounds.  Seems like I might have an issue with fluid retention which could mean the cyst is still there on the right side.  Well the pain is bilateral so I can only guess right now.  Tomorrow's appointment will hopefully yield a few answers.

I forgot to trim the strings back on these baby booties before I took photos of them.  I noted said trimming in the item description on my ETSY shop.  J loves these booties.  I'm waiting for him to ask me to make him a pair of crocheted slippers from the same yarn.

Today I listed just four pairs of baby booties.  Go have a look see.  I still have several more pairs in different colors to list.  I finished another hat last night and will create another today.  I'll probably list more baby items on Wednesday.  Tomorrow I'll list more of my jewelry.

J ticked me off this morning.  I had just weighed myself and found out that I had gained 0.8 pounds overnight.  I asked him to bring the two full laundry baskets to the laundry room so that I could do the wash.  (Yes, even with my severely sprained ankle I'm still trying to do things around the house.  And yes it hurts like heck.)  He dropped a pair of my panties on his way to the laundry room.  His comment was, "I thought the basket felt light.".  Oh my I saw red.  My comment to him was, "do you want me to slap your face for that insult?".  I of course did not do him any violence but I let him know that I wasn't going to take his insult.  He of course immediately back peddled and said he didn't mean to insult me.  Sure. Sure.  I know when he insults me.  I'd rather he just tell me that I'm getting fat than to insult me.  My pelvic region is sticking out, looking like I'm nearing my second trimester, from the bloat.  Like I said in the first paragraph I'll find out the probable cause of the weight gain tomorrow.

CD 7

Today I listed four jewelry items in my ETSY shop.  This is a photo of the chain maille bracelet that J made for the shop.  Its 8 inches in length.  I told him to be careful and consider making a few smaller ones too.  I have a small wrist, just under 6 inches around.

Its CD7.  The OPK line is starting to darken.  Will I have a chance with my shitty eggs this cycle?  Who knows.  But I'm going to give this cycle my best effort.  I'm still going to enjoy my life.

J and I are still hoping to move onto donor eggs soon but we, alas, have to wait on the Army.  So until we know how much money we have to use for donor eggs everything I sell in my ETSY shop, see the link at the side of my blog, will go to cover the infertility treatments or possible adoption fund that the medical insurance doesn't cover.  After paying out-of-pocket for numerous IUIs and two IVF we have to be careful with what money we have left in the savings.  If J does have to leave the Army we'll need that money to survive on until he can find steady work.  Time has run out on us trying to conceive without the aid of medical intervention.  Hopefully my shop will yield a few dollars to help pay for a bit of the process of getting a child.

We have not ruled out adoption.  Adoption is just going to take a lot longer and more money than going the donor egg route.  I hate to even think that the donor eggs will fail because then well, I'll just break down and cry and cry and cry.  Not like I haven't done enough crying already.

Why donor eggs?  Well as we all know men tend to bond more quickly with someone they have something in common with.  What is better than sharing DNA?  I will more than likely bond with the baby while it's in my womb.  I could care less about my own DNA except for the fact that it would have saved us a chunk of change that we could have put into the child's college/trade school fund.

So here I sit watching the line darken and having some hope for a possible easy future.  Ugh, there is no "easy" with endometriosis so I'm not sure why I even used that word.  But I think that most of you know what I mean.  If all goes well I'll be ovulating right around the time the RE checks me out which will be on Tuesday.  Fingers crossed, legs wide open, eyes covered by crossed fingers that I see some follicle and not MEGA huge cyst activity on the ultrasound machine on Tuesday.

ETSY Shop Open

My shop is now open and I've been busy adding items.  Only four today but I have plenty more to add.  Here is an example of one item I have for sale in my shop

3-6 months size hat hand crocheted by me.

Tomorrow I'll be uploading more items, probably some of the jewelry I've been busy making.  Currently I have about 8 pairs of baby booties so I'll get to listing those soon.

So yes, I did it!  I finally re-opened my shop!  YAY for me!

I'll be making more hats in various sizes and colors once I find a bit more time in my schedule. For now I'll list almost daily what I have in stock in the jewelry and crochet.  I do have a lot of jewelry I've been making.  When I first opened my shop in 2006 my main category was jewelry.  I work in hemp, wire, gems, and yes clay.  I sometimes make my own beads too.

I am hoping that with the making of baby items I'll build up some good Karma.  Most of you can understand how badly I want a child as many of you have also suffered along the same journey of infertility.

Okay well I need to get back to the salt mines, err...I mean work.  Have a good holiday weekend.