Just thought I'd write a bit about sex and the infertile from my own experience.
For the past five years sex has slowly lost its fun and its joy. Until last cycle I actually stopped looking forward to sex. Not like I was getting it all that often considering all the restrictions I was put on by the doctors. After most appointments I was told, well you know what you need to do by now. Yeah, have sex, do the IUI, then give it up until the beta is negative.
I'm now learning that it didn't have to be that negative of an experience. I could have at least stopped dreading having sex. I couldn't relax enough to enjoy sex. Orgasms were there almost every time before we started trying to make a baby. While trying to conceive orgasms became few and far between.
It wasn't that I lost my desire, but it was that I had greater desire for my spouse when I wasn't trying to conceive and he was off-limits. I think we all can understand how the forbidden fruit is often the sweetest.
I have found a way to bring a bit of fun back to that part of my relationship even without sex being the end goal. I have found a way to appreciate my spouse more and he appreciates me more too.
I'm not going to get all spiritual here but the book of Solomon is about sex between a husband and wife. It is about appreciating each other and enjoying one another fully.
If I flatter my spouse and stroke his ego he is more willing to court me and make love to me all day long. Not just the sex act but love making. Love making is the creating of the environment and the needs being met that which is more than just the joining of two bodies. It is the joining of two minds.
If this sounds like I went off on a tangent so be it. My spouse came home and interrupted my blog posting and thus my train of thought. But I put him before the finishing of this post because he is a priority in my life. He is the love that I cherish in my life.
"If I flatter my spouse and stroke his ego he is more willing to court me and make love to me all day long. Not just the sex act but love making. Love making is the creating of the environment and the needs being met that which is more than just the joining of two bodies. It is the joining of two minds."
ReplyDeleteYes, to all of this!! When your spouse feels like you prioritize them and their needs, they are more likely to make your needs a priority, too. And when both are committed to meeting the others' needs, everyone wins!!
So glad you're seeing improvement! Yay, you!!
It truly is a learning process and marriage does take a lot of work.
DeleteTHIS is exactly what I was going to say. That and women want to feel close to men and think that men just want sex. While that is true for some men, lots of men want to feel close to their women too! And for men,.. what can give them the feeling of being close to you than being inside of you? J/s there isnt really getting too much closer! :D
DeleteI would definitely like to get to that point soon. We have been in a dry spell since January do to pregnancy and miscarriage. I miss my husband and the closeness.
ReplyDeleteI never realized how much infertility would kill my sex life when J and I started down this path. I mean after all when you first start infertility treatments they want you to have sex!
DeleteIt is sad how all spontanaity goes out the window when TTC. It does become just sex with a goal instead of live making. After having a break last cycle we realized this a decided we would start taking more breaks so we don't loose that. Im glad to see we're not the only ones and hope the journey to motherhood can be more enjoyable for all couples struggling with IF.
ReplyDeleteWe used to take mini holidays too when we got the chance. With saving up for donor eggs, those had to stop. Hoping we can introduce them again when I am in the safety zone of pregnancy.
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